Potty Training Help - Denver, CO

My oldest son was older than than three when he trained. I would wait a little and let the battle go for a while. It sounds like you have a power struggle going on, right now. It's okay for them to be a little older to train. Good luck!!!

It is SO frustrating when they don't want to use the toilet! But I still contend that it's better to wait until they want to do it. Both of my boys were closer to 4 than 3 when that happened. Good luck!

Wait until they are ready! It will be worth it - less headaches for you - I promise! If they are freaking out about it - don't force it! Seeing other kids of the same age or younger may not work either. It did for my oldest, but not my youngest. My youngest refused until he was four and one week after he was four he said it was time and sure enough it was! The day he decided, he was 100% trained! I was frustrated that it took 1 year longer than I wanted it to, but for some reason, he needed to be four! Hang in there, they WILL do it when they are ready!

I agree that children get potty trained best when they are ready. My daughter was over 3 when she was trained. I had tried doing it earlier, as my oldest daughter was trained when she was 18 months, however that didn't work. She did it when she was ready. Also, from the 'a little about me' it says you are newly divorced, so you may want to keep in mind (as you probably already have) that your children are in an unsure time in their lives and this may be one way they react. Be patient and loving, as I am sure you are being. The best thing they need is your love and assurance that you are there for them. I always tell friends who are discouraged over potty training that kids will be potty trained when they are ready and by the time they are in kindergarten, so don't sweat it. :)

I have a 5 year old and a 4 year old (boys) as well as a baby. I tried to "force" my 1st one at 3 and it almost ruined our relationship- I almost got to where I thought I "hated" him! I stopped immediately and our relationship is ok now. I got him focused on it again when he was 4 and he was ready. My second son is just now potty-training and he's 4. He's doing pretty well. After talking with a lady at my church with 5 kids, her best advise was to wait until their 4 (unless of course they want to before that!). So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. :)

Hi J.,
I have been working with toddler's for over twenty years now and I can tell you a thing or two about this first hand, I have been right behind many little tykes when they succeeded, and the first one would be: Do not force them, let it be their decision. Forcing them just makes the process alot longer. You take them to the store to pick out their own new underwear and then it only takes a couple of times having an accident before they get the hang of it. But their is 7 signs they need to meet before you even start. When they have an accident do not scold or show disappointment, just say uh oh, it was just an accident, you can try again next time. When they do succeed and get it in the potty, internalize their success for them. I know that you want to jump up and down and hoop and holler but contain it, they have little control over alot of things in their life, this needs to be their accomplishment and idea, so to internalize it, when they do it, you say to them (calmy) wow! how does that make you feel? You put your Poop and Pee in the potty, that is yours isn't it? Another thing I do is I have them sit on the potty backwards so that they feel more secure sitting and they see the BM and urine leave their body which is another internal cue for them. The reason why it is called Potty Training is because the parent is trained to ask if they have to go incesently, and that is a drain on their little self esteem, I know that none of us would want to be asked over and over again or lead in there every hour or so, it's humiliating for them, think about it from their perspective, so if you are reminding him/her or taking them in all the time you are training yourself and humiliating them. We do not give these intelligent little people the credit they deserve, their biggest wish it to please you as a parent so why wouldn't they do it on their own when they are ready, instead of being made to. I do not know if you are familiar with Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, but he has a book called,"Toilet training the Brazelton way" and in his book he has the seven signs to watch for readiness in your child that I mentioned and his philosophy is the one I adopted and I can promise you that it has worked for my children and for countless children in my care for years.
Best of luck in whatever you decide.
These are the beautiful years. (Poop and all)
J. P.

do a google search for "elmo's potty time". It talks about what you should do when you get the feeling that you need to go potty.

I'm potty training my boy right now. I'd suggest telling your son, "right now we're just practicing, but when you turn 4 you'll be big enough to go in the potty every time. You won't need baby diapers like your sister."

Then give him the option of running around naked - and going in the potty or wearing a diaper each time he goes/you change a diaper. It's just practice....and he gets to choose which he wants to do.

In my opinion, you can not make a child go on the potty unless they are ready and they want to. Pressure will only make it take much longer and it also takes away their feeling of success. I know it is hard when your child hits 3, because society thinks they should be trained. Boys take longer than girls usually because the simply develop more slowly in this area. I would back of for a month or 2. Keep the potty available but don't mention it. Trust me, I speak from experience. One day he will just start doing it. Another thing you can try is, after you have backed off for a while, is a naked weekend. Put away all diapers and undies so he can't sneak them on and let him run around in the buff. Only put something on him at night. My son loved this and was trained in 5 days. I had many issues with my daughter because I would constantly pressure her and she wasn't trained until she was 4 and it was only because I backed off, then did the naked weekend thing that I was able to finally get her completely trained. HTH Good luck!

this may be sort of a pain with your older son, but have them wear big tees and go commado. teach then then to put wet undies in the washing machine (or basket in laundry room) and put a box orderwear or undies in the bathrooms. Make them self sufficient.

Try buying a potty book and inserting your child's name in it. My son liked that as well as a few M&M's as a reward. He went pee in the potty just fine, but had problems being comfortable with pooping in the potty for quite some time. Get your child interested in potty training by having them flush the toilet and explaining what happens when you do that and why. The more fun you make it the easier they catch on.

Did you know that the average age for boys to be potty trained is 3 1/2? That means that about half of the boys in our country are not trained until after that! So don't stress or freak out -- it makes it all harder. (And having a sister that close in age probably affects the whole issue, throwing off the age curve)
My son didn't train until he was a few months past four. Then it was done and over in a week, with very few accidents at all after that. Totally his idea, I had given up and just let him be a baby a bit longer. He is now 7, and the only time I even think about his potty training now is when someone asks.
In all honesty, your children have their whole lives ahead to be big kids and grownups. Let the be babies a bit longer if that is what they need.

Hi J. -

I was in the same boat as you. I was trying to get my 3 year old son interested in the potty. I tried bribes, big boy underwear, everything I could think of. He was also a preemie (5 weeks early) and he was about 3 months shy of his 4th birthday and one day he just got it. I swear it was like the light turned on and he thought "I can do this". It took 3-4 more months after that before he would poop on the potty. I know it's hard but you really just have to let him do it at his own pace. We all know boys take longer to mature than girls ;) Also depending on how premature your kids were you need to think that maybe they'll have some delays even now. Also I was told by my doctor that until about 3 or so the nerves that let them control their functions aren't "mature" and so they aren't physically able to control it until a certain age. One piece of advice I got from another mom was to set an egg timer for every 45 min. to an hour. That way they know that every time it goes off we go in and sit on the potty. It makes it not your fault and eliminates some whining. I know this probably isn't what you hoped to hear, but just hang in there. They'll get it. Good luck.

just a couple ideas from a mom whose headstrong son wasn't completely potty trained until 4: one thing that i noticed changed his mind some was when one of his potty trained friends came over to play. he wanted to be like her. also i discovered that both my boys had seen the harry potter scene with the snake in the bathroom and that was making them scared to use the toilet. it took a few days for them to tell me about it, but once i knew what the fear was and explained that it wasn't real, they were ok with trying the toilet again. with my oldest, it was a slow process and he just finally decided one day that he wanted to do it. with my youngest, the competition with his brother worked for motivation.

It sounds like they are just not ready. If they are freaking out and scared, it is making it worse. I'm sure that one is scaring the other. Since you are recently divorced, it might be part of the change. I would hold off for a month or so, and then try with your son first. Put away the diapers, I think it sends a mixed message. They have gone only in their diapers and now you want them to stop. I would wait, take him shopping for some new underwear. Let him pick out what he wants and stay close to the toilet for a couple of days. Just so he gets the idea and he has access to the toilet when he needs it. Can make it difficult when you are in the middle of the store. Just easier for both of you! Don't even let him see the diapers during the day. Put him in one to sleep and take it off as soon as he wakes up.

When your daughter sees that he is not afraid, she will probably join in and want her own big girl panties.

You might check out Potty Train Your Child In a Day by Terry Crain. It was geared towards kids the age of yours. It has a lot of good hints and helps. I didn't read much, but what I did read was good. Our son isn't old enough for the ideas in the book. GL!

let them watch you and your husband go potty