Advice for Poopy Training!

K. I know this is very difficult to deal with. I am also a SAHM mom with two boys, 5 and 3. With our first son we tried everything we could think of and read about to poopy potty train him. Peeing was not an issue. If I could go back and change the way we dealt with our first son I would in a heart beat. He was so traumatized by us and everyone else making such an issue out of it- that he is still dealing with the repercussions of it all. He now is on Miralax everyday to help him go. With our second son we did not press the issue, we just told him what to do when he had to go, so he was armed with the knowledge, and then let him tell us when he was ready. It all clicked for him shortly after the age of three and he is still going strong.

This is just a process that takes a lot of love and patience and don't worry, he will get it eventually. Just remember, boys usually take a little longer in general to potty train than girls. Sometimes I feel like there is such an enormous pressure on us parents to have our children potty trained by a certain age- and in actuality all children will eventually get there. It's not like he will be walking down the aisle to get his diploma in diapers :)

Just hang in there!

Hi K.!

I am not sure if this will work for your son, but my 2 1/2 year old is responding well to a P E Z dispenser. He LOVES all things Batman and so I got a Batman PEZ dispenser (they are cheap and so is the candy!) He gets one for urinating and two for bowel movements. My daughter is now 5 but she trained herself fast and early. I went to the dollar store and wrapped all kinds of toys. I went as far as getting toy food from walmart and wrapping the individual sandwiches and apples. She got tattoos and nail polish. It isn't worth stressing about. They have to learn how to control their bodies and that is different for everyone. I know some pre-schools require the children to be potty trained, and for the most part yours is. My daughter is starting kindergarten this fall and they still want extra clothes for the kids at 5! I guess I'd suggest what I do with my son and he'll have to earn his undies. My son has to keep his diaper dry for a good portion of the day. I count him going on the potty three times and he gets the big boy undies. When/if he has an accident they are most obviously dirty and we begin again with the diaper. He gets angry, but it is working. I also only have one bathroom, but I have a potty chair on the main floor so he can use it if the bathroom up stairs is occupied, he's got a chance for his candy and underwear. I don't know of any good books for this. I count and say the alphabet with him to get him to sit longer. Maybe some thing like that would help? I had a timer that oinked like a pig after three minutes for my daughter. It didn't help her, but maybe your son would sit a little longer and wait for it?

I am currently reading a book called "Toilet Training The Brazelton Way" by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. So far this has been a very interesting book for toilet training and it covers everything from your basic urinating on the potty to troubles with training such as constipation or diarrhea or accidents or bedwetting. I've personally found this book to be right on in the way toilet training should be. It's up to the child, not the parent when it comes to toilet training and they will go when they are ready to go, not when "we" want them to. This book touches on how "we" as parents, teachers, caregivers, or even society expect children to be trained at a certain age and if they are not, then they are looked at differently. Children can pick up on this stress and tension from everyone, and this is a lot of times what delays them from accomplishing this huge feat. They are afraid of failure! And why should we push them so hard? They will not be going to college in diapers! They will learn to do this in their own time! I too was stressing out about my 2 1/2 year old son, who has up until VERY recently been afraid of the potty. So we'd put it away and every so often bring it back out. Now that I've been leaving this issue alone, (and since starting to read this book) he's acutally making some progress and "playing" with his potty and sitting on it (still with a diaper on) but much progress from a month or two ago. I would highly suggest this book. It's a very easy read and it's short enough that it doesn't seem impossible to read as a busy mom! Good luck!

Hi,
I know this can be frustrating. My first son started peeing in the potty at 18 months. But it took a long, long time for the poop. I thought he was ready and he was not. I think he was 4 years old before he regularly pooped in the potty. I have many regrets with how I handled it. Forget the book I read...it did more harm than good. From my experience, if I had it to do over again, I would back off. What worked finally for my son was going naked. My husband did not like the idea of poop on the floor, but I explained that poop was falling out of his training underwear anyway. (he had solid poops tho).
I used to get mad at my son because he could sense enough about his body to shut himself in his room to go poop every day at the same time, but not go to the potty. One day he said, "I have to poop!" and he ran to the bathroom. When I got there to help, he had already gone in his pants. I placed my hand on his chest and felt that his heart was beating fast, and he looked scared. He knew he had disappointed me. I felt bad. I said, "you know, I am really proud of you." He seemed surprised. "You ARE?"
"Yes, because you knew you had to poop and you came to the bathroom. You were just late, that's all. Let's get you cleaned up."
I had been so mad at him for so long, expecting him to do something and he was so afraid of me...when I realized that he was not doing it on purpose, I felt so humbled and bad. This was the beginning of poop healing.

The good news is, that's over. He's 7. My second son, I did nothing, except suggest sometimes before bed or going somewhere, that he go potty. He had fully trained himself before age 3, even at night. So, it just takes time.

My son had some poopy issues as well. It worked for him to put him on the potty after each meal (since this is when your bowels are stimulated to move) for 5 minutes. We had to do this for a week. We read about this idea in an article posted on the pediatrician's wall, so we told him that the doctor said this is what he needed to do to stay healthy. He now only takes a minute to go.

I have the exact same issue right now - my son is 3 1/2 and won't poop on the potty. We make him sit down everytime he pees in hopes that it will also help. One reason you saw the increase in urination accidents is that he felt like he had to have a bowl movement but ended up peeing instead. This is very common and not necessarily a step back in potty training.

When we ask our son where you go poop he knows it should be on the potty and he never has a pee accident. So, at least for our son, it seems like a decision and we have yet to figure out what he is afraid of - he has done it a few times and we have all cheered and celebrated so I know he is capable. We have tried all forms of postive reinforcement and quite frankly even some on the negative side to see if that would motivate him but nothing has been the silver bullet for us.

With the underpants - it does get hard - I have gone to rinsing them out and then soaking them in a bleach detergent mix before washing them. I have a set of rubber gloves in each bathroom to help with the mess! While it fads some of the coloring on his favorite characters it saves on the trips to Target!

My son is in daycare and they are even baffled by him and they have trained many a child.

I know I am not offering much help but at least you know your child isn't alone. When I get a little discouraged my husband tells me - he isn't going to graduate from high school with a pull-up on - he will figure it out in this own time. Unfortunately when you have a preschool that is looking for him to be trained it makes it a little more time critcial.

When my son was almost 3 years old, he was good at going pee pee on the potty but not poopy. He would hold it in if he did not have a diaper on. So for a couple of weeks when he would have an urge to go poopy, we would go into the bathroom and I would put a diaper on him and put him on the potty, and he would do it. Having the diaper on made him feel secure, yet at the same time he was getting accustomed to sitting on the potty. He then started to get on the potty without the diaper. All kids are different, but this may work for some.

My son was the same way. Only he would hold it until bed time because we were still putting a pull up on to stop night time accidents. 2 Minutes after he went to bed he'd come tell us he needed to be changed. What finally worked for me was to play hard with him when I knew he was holding it. I would bring the potty chair into the living room, put on some fun music, jump around, hold things up to see how high he could jump to reach them. All the jumping around he did made it hard to hold it in. I watched for the look on his face when I knew he could not hold it anymore, quick pulled down his pants, and said you can do it, quick sit down! It took about a week of this for him to finally realize that it did not hurt to go poop. He had been holding it so much that it was hard and big and painful. Becoming more regular made it easier, and he has been great day and night for 2 years now. He turned 4 in March. Our daughter on the other hand will not even let us take her diaper off without freaking out. She's 3 and knows what to do, wants to read the potty books all the time, but will not try unless I fool her by having her sit while I paint her fingernails. That's the only thing she will sit there for so I think I need to buy cheaper polish that comes off everyday:) Good luck finding what works for you son. They are all different.