Potty Training - Forest Hills, NY

Very frustrating right. I had the same problem with my 3 year old(will be 4 in march also). She did the same thing until I took her to a store and let her pick out her own potty and we kept it in the downstairs playroom. I let her hang out with no or just undies on and she on her own wanted to go on "her" potty. It took 2 days and she was trained. She doesn't even wear pullups to bed anymore!

Hi J., hope i can help...my son being 3 and a half I had the same issues. I stopped asking him if he had to go and just took him. That helped him learn how to control how to go, which I think helped him realized when he had to go. The other thing is finding someone 4 her to look up to as a friend, around the same age but potty trained, soon she will follow the example if she sees her friend, going. I hope this helps, I actually got him potty trained before preschool. Also try and make it fun, if she likes going it will be easier to get her to go. My son it was the bubbles he made in the toliet. Hope it helps.

God bless you...I have been working with children with disabilities for about 12 years and toilet training is one of the most difficult things to teach, but here goes my 2 cents

There are a lot of great books on toilet training out there, and most of them are variations of "Toilet Training in Less than a Day" by Foxx and Azrin. (Even Dr Phil used their methods) It was written in the 70's, so it seems a bit harsh in 2008, but at the time, it was revolutionary. Basically, it's about teaching the child to recognize their own cues (that"gotta go feeling" in other words) and it seems like you're already doing most of that...

The couple of pieces you may be missing are Dry Pants Inspections and a routine for changing. Dry Pants Inspections, I find, make a big difference. Every 15 minutes (then you can make it longer as she does better), ask if she's dry. When she reports she is, praise like crazy..try and make this the focus of your excitement about her toilet training...still praise for going on toilet, but beef it up for staying dry.

Also, when changing her, keep it as quiet and businesslike as possible. Have her do most of the work, including cleaning up (you can use safe cleaners and paper towels). Keep the conversation to a minimum and keep your tone of voice neutral. This shouldn't set the occasional for discussion.

I have never found any success toilet training a kid in pull-ups. Toilet training is a drag when you have to stop fun things and go to the bathroom...most kids will pee in the pull-up given the choice..they feel too much like diapers and, let's face it, kids know what diapers are for!

Most important, stick to it...trust yourself, trust her, and trust that you are doing the right thing...Toilet training sucks for everyone involved but you'll get through it! Deep breaths, glass of wine when she goes to bed, etc!

Hope that helps! Good luck

A.

yes, with my second daughter 3 yr 8 mth was her mark. she pooped on the potty before that, but kept peeing in her pants until 3.8 yrs. it was a control issue, and then finally she did it. lots of convincing. check with dr. to see if kidney is functioning properly if you'd like.
good luck, i feel your frustration.

Hi there! Just thought I'd let you know what I did...on Dr. Phil's recommendation we purchased a doll that goes potty and has her own potty to use and had both my daughters play with this dolly "teaching" her how to use the potty. This naturaly leads to them using the potty too. We used a reward system (mini marshmellows) for successful trips to the potty. This eventually goes away on it's own too. She will get it...just keep at it. My oldest daughter was potty trained in 1 day with only 3 accidents ever:) My youngest took about 2 weeks over all, with a few more accidents. LOL. They are all unique and special children and will get it in their own time:)Good luck!

Hi J.,
I wouldn't ask her if she needs or wants to use the toilet, I would simply take her about every hour and a half, having her sit for a few minutes each time. Don't offer a choice, it's not optional. If the accidents/mess are a problem, I'd suggest using the heavy duty cloth training pants with waterproof outer layer. They may not contain a full, heavy pee but they offer some protection. Good luck!

First of all J., I feel for you! I really, really do. My Daughter, now 4 1/2, was God bless her, 3 yrs and 11 months old before she was potty trained. Her cousin, who is 6 weeks younger, had been potty-trained since she was barely 3.

I found the thing that worked for us was doing away with the "diapers" (pull-ups), they were good for fast, mobile changes but not making her part of the potty-training process. We bought 3 packages of cotton underwear(thick and thin ones) some with her favorite cartoons on them and some rubber pants(the kind you use with cotton diapers). Also have a bucket and good detergent on hand for accidents.

The second part was me and my husband relaxing enough to say you have had an accident, let's go clean it up. We would not admonish her for going in her pants. Sometimes she would withhold her poop and pee to the point it would make her vomit. We knew at that point that maybe we were applying too much pressure. So we would make her part of the cleanup. Go to her room, get new pants, new underwear and go to the bathroom to change. She would strip off her soiled clothes and put them in the tub to wash. She would help us clean her legs and bottom and then put on her new pants.

The third part of her training was to pinpoint which activities made her "forget" her potty. My daughter was allowed 30 minutes of "computer game" time a night and it seemed everytime she played on the computer she would have accidents. She loved the computer so if she had an accident then the next day she would not get that privilege. We took away the privilege each time she had an accident in her pants. After about 2 weeks of this she had enough and decided that she liked her "privilege" and started requesting to use the potty.

We struggled with the potty but in the end she is now 8 months accident free and it feels like forever ago. I probably have a couple of posts on her about the same subject! :) Please let us know how it goes and we really do feel for you!
S.

My daughter (2 1/2) is also very likely to say she doesn't need to go even if she does. I believe it's just a natural assertion of their independence. Now after my daughter goes the first time in the morning, I set the timer for 25 minutes. When the timer goes off, I simply remove her bottoms (wearing a skirt works pretty well for this.) Her potty chair is in a central location (the living room) for now, and when she needs to go she'll go right to the chair so long as she's not wearing panties. She will tell me when she goes and I cheer like crazy. Now, when she's wearing her pull ups, she does not take herself to the potty and she appears to almost resent being asked. But letting her go "free" on a timed schedule is working out as a really positive first step for my daughter.

I'm in the same boat with my son. My daughter trained very suddenly at 3, practically on her own, so I was a little surprised with my son who is now going on 4 (in April) and still asks for diapers. LoL

Now when we are home I don't put anything on him at all. No pants even. So when he has to go potty it's easy for him, nothing to pull off. I am a stay at home mom so that's easy for me to do, with you working you may not be able to do this.

I know eventually he'll use the potty everytime. After all I've never seen a normal 18 year old who still asks for a diaper to be put on him. LoL I just try not to stress about it too much.

Hi J., I feel your pain! Both my boys showed no interest in the potty at all until they were 3 1/2. When they started asking questions about it, I got a potty seat and set it out in the family room. If they sat on the potty, I would let them watch a special show. If they did anything in the potty, obviously we made a huge fuss. We tried to stick with exclusively positive reinforcement and messages, and I did not force them to sit on the potty if they didn't ask. It sounds to me like the potty has turned into a bit of a battle of the wills in your house, and I agree with the other ladies who advised you to take a step back and maybe take a break for awhile. Assuming no medical issue (which I agree should be checked out), I'd try to get back to a place where the potty is available but not required for your daughter. Let her feel like she has some control over when to try it. I'd still ask her every half hour or so if she wants to sit on the potty and watch a special show, but if she says no then I would smile and say "Ok honey, you just let me know when you want to try!" I found that putting on a special show allowed my boys to become distracted, focusing on the show, and that helped them relax and have some success on the potty. Good luck!

Hi J.,
Hang in there! I know it seems like it will never happen, but just be consistant, calm and one day it will all just click for your daughter. I have twin girls that I didn't potty train until they were 3. I did learn to stop asking if they had to go (because they always said no and had an accident two minutes later!) and just made times that they had to sit on the potty. We also (still) have little potties in the living room that they use when they have to go. They prefer these to the "big" potty most times. It will get better. I also believe that if you are serious about potty training, just leave her in underwear. Switching back and forth from diapers or pull-ups is confusing. My two always knew they didn't have to be as careful when they were in pull-ups. And if your daughter is now recognizing when she has an accident, she is getting it! Good luck!

Dear J.,

Don't give up!!!! I would get rid of the pull-ups and get cloth training underwear. They are thicker so when there are accidents it is not quite as messy. I know target sells them. In order to potty train you cannot go back and forth it confusing. I know it is messy and frustrating but you have gone this far so I would stick to it. Once she realizes you are not going to give in she will give in and go on the potty. When she has an accident try not to say anything just change her and let her go play. When she uses the potty give her a big HURRAY!! She knows what is expected of her she just doesn't want to do it but she will. As long as she has the concept that's half the battle. Do you notice if she is busy playing with something in particular that she does not want to stop. That is very common with kids they just don't want to take the time to go. Maybe leave a basket of books in the bathroom and sit and read to her while she sits that worked for me. They don't realize how long they are sitting there and eventually they will go. Keep up the good work I am sure she will catch on soon!!! Good luck

Even at 3, you can't just ask them if they have to go, you have to say, ok, time to go on the potty. since she is always saying no, you can't rely on her answer. Just make her go every hour or so and make it a regular part of her routine. It sounds like you are switching tactics so quickly that she is confused. You have to pick one way and stick to it. If you switch her back and forth from pullups to underwear, she will not be successful. You have to get rid of the pullups and just be prepared for accidents. Don't make a big deal of it or scold her when she has an accident. Just bring her into the bathroom and have her sit. If she poops, bring the underwear into the bathroom and dump the poop into the toilet and explain that poop belongs in the potty, not in her pants. Watch her facial expressions and body language. These can be clues as to when she has to go. Have her go right before and right after naps, bedtime and meals. Let her run around in just a shirt and her panties or even bottomless. Give specific instructions to your babysitter to follow so that everything is consistent. And don't expect miracles in a few days or even a week. It can be a long process, especially since she is so old. It's harder to break the habit if you start after 3. Good luck, be consistent and she will figure it out.

Stop asking her if she has to go, just tell her its time to sit on the potty. Set a timer for 30 minutes at first, make sure the care giver does the same. After a week or so lengthen the time to an hour. Most kids are pretty regular in how often they go and especially when they poop. When she has an accident don't fuss about it...UNLESS she refused to sit on the potty when you told her. But you shouldn't let her refuse in the beginning. Always praise her successes. The full bladder signal is very often hard for kids to figure out. And holding IT is also hard. Just keep being consistent and calm, she will learn.
Oh BTW I am 67 years old and I read another post about running the water to urge her to go. I remember my mother doing that to me as a kid before we went in the car and to this day when I hear a faucet running I have the urge to go. lol

No advice, just interested in the responses! I'm going through the same thing with my 3 1/2 year old son (will be 4 in April). It's a control issue with him, and I can't figure out how to break through? DH has spent the last two days, and if we catch his cues, he will go on the potty, but if we don't, he goes in his underwear or pullup (when we NEED to get out of the house...). Thanks!

I found it very frustrating potty training both my girls so I do know what you are going through! The only advice I can give you is that I did not find that going to the potty by the clock or constant reminders worked. They both only stopped having accidents when I chilled out and stopped going on about it all the time! Both of them were able to go for much longer than I thought possible without going to the potty so when I realised this and stopped trying to make them pee when they didn't need to, the whole thing went much better.
I think accidents are inevitable to begin with, but if you allow them to learn when they need to go then they can take control of the timing which means they are not constantly being taken to the potty when they don't need to. It is all about them learning the signs themselves. My second child in particular is hugely stubborn so when I was trying to make her pee when she didn't want to we had a real stand-off about it, but when I let her control timing and stopped mentioning it so much she got the hang of it quickly and is now quite independent about it all. As your child is the same age she should be able to get to the point of managing most of it herself pretty soon. Good luck!

My daughter was 3 when I finally trained her. You just have to be consistant, set the timer for every 15 minutes and then have things at the potty that she likes, like books or a small toy computer, something that will keep her focused so she forgets about doing her business. You can also give her drinks on the potty and maybe run the sink water while she is in there. Does she mind being in a dirty pull up? Maybe take her to buy fun, pretty underpants that she wants and tell her that if she gets them dirty, she can't wear them? I really think the stickers don't work after awhile, I know people also offer treats, like candy or something if they go on the potty. My daughter loved alot of praise, just hugging, high fives, oh look what a big girl you are!! It takes time and she will have accidents, so keep it up and don't stop trying:)

Good Luck.

B.

J.,

*Warning* Opinion ahead:

Most kids usually potty train between 2 and 3. Some kids don't potty train until what some people term as 'late'. They usually go on their own terms, with lots of encouragement from adults.

Your daughter may be like my friend's daughter: "Late'. Please don't do what they did: making a point of their daughter going to the laundromat and washing her sleeping bag while camping, and making it a huge issue with her.

Fuss- and fret-free will give her the confidence to make her own observations, and gentle reminders, rather than asking her if she 'has to go', might land you where you want her to be a lot sooner.

You might want to give her a break, and just let her wear diapers for a few weeks (they're less expensive than pull-ups). Then you might want to sit her on the potty until she goes sometime after that.

Another idea would be: Have her checked out by her pediatrician. If she can't feel the pressure when she has to go, there might be some medical reason for it.

Move gently, and I think she'll respond positively. Help her think about what she needs to for this, and I think she'll find it.

That being said, you could try my Aunti's mother-in-law's tactic: If you go on the potty, you can have _______. Not my recommendation, but it worked for her with my cousin!

Good luck,
M.

when my son turned 3 he went for his yearly check-up and the doctor asked if he was potty trained. i said no, he did not want to sit on the potty. the doctor asked him if he was a big boy or a baby and who wears diapers and who doesn't? i thought it was a little harsh, but it worked to my advantage. i used the "but the doctor said you were a big boy and you have to pee on the potty".. have you tried letting her pick out her own underwear or for my son, we had a "Potty Party". we went out for pizza and then to the toy store to pick out a few toys. i also would point out when we were at a park or whatever, that the bigger boys did not wear diapers that they wore underwear. i also read somewhere that you should make the child help clean themselves up after an accident. she is old enough to do that. if she knows she has to clean it up herself, she might be more inclined not too. good luck. it is a bumpy road isn't it!