Potty Training 3 Year Old Son.

Updated on July 07, 2008
A.J. asks from Alexandria, VA
12 answers

My son turned 3 in March and I'm still not seeing the signs that he's ready to potty train. He wants to wear a pull-up, but to him it's really just a big-boy diaper. He doesn't tell me before that he has to use the potty. He doesn't care that his diaper is wet or dirty - in fact, most times, he denies that it's dirty even when I tell him that I know it is.

I admit, I haven't actually taken a weekend and and attacked the issue head on. A lot of it is me, I know. One main issue is that he always has poop in his diaper - every single time I change his diaper, he has some amount of it in there. I have to give him fast baths or else it will end up in the tub too. He's had bowel issues since about 12 months. From 12 months to about 2 1/2, he was constipated all the time. He'd only go about once every 10 days. He'd walk around clearly uncomfortable and then he'd struggle to get the poop out - about the size of a tennis ball! Then nothing for 10 days. Now it's something every hour. I don't know that he even knows that something is coming out. How can I deal with potty training when I have this to work around?

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So What Happened?

UPDATE FROM 6/2009 (yes, 11 months later!). It's been a challenging year with this. It was/is encopresis and my son, for whatever reason, just wouldn't GO. I never really saw him fighting to hold it, but maybe it was so far gone that it was just second nature. After trying somewhat unsuccessfully to modify diet, fluids and really focus on nightly potty sits (sometimes fighting over it for 1/2 hour or more), I found a program called "Soiling Solutions" in April of this year. The program uses up to 4 short potty sits/day within an hour period. It also calls for strategically timed use of suppositories and enemas to help the child to expel a minimum amount each day. The program has helped the psychological side of the problem as well as the physical. I was able to immediately transition him to underwear during the day and then shortly after, at night as well. No messes, no leaks!

UPDATE FROM 7/2008
The doctors response based on conversations only was:
"What you're describing sound like encopresis. A condition where there is a large fecal mass in the colon and only a little comes out with each movement (like the tip of an iceberg). Meanwhile the colon is distended and allows liquid stool to seep around the mass and leak out. The person with encopresis has limited feedback sensation of stool, and the distended colon does not work well to evacuate the fecal mass. I would like to see him and get an Xray to look for large fecal mass. If so we will need to evacuate the colon and get it back to its normal size and function using a combination of enemas and laxatives. It can be a long process. Fluid intake and dietary issues are also important."

We have and appointment and xray Thursday.

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Q.R.

answers from Cumberland on

Ok...I'm not a doctor but....My son had this same problem. It came from constipation. He was 8 years old and he leaked all the time. One day he changed into his swimming trunks and was walking to the pool and I told him he needed to change his shorts. He cried why these are clean and then looked down and was so embarassed. He really had no idea it was happening. He had to take Miralax once a day and it really worked. The problem is it takes weeks maybe even months to get the muscles down there retrained to work again.

I would talk to a doctor. How can you possibly potty train him if he doesn't have control? You really can't. He'll just end up super frustrated and so will you.

See a doctor :-) Good luck.

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P.A.

answers from Richmond on

A., your son needs to be seen by a doctor. There is the possibility that passing such large stools, and going for so long between times, has done some nerve damage and he may, indeed, not be aware that his bowels are moving. It is definitely not normal for there to be poop in his diaper every single time!

My oldest daughter suffered with constipation from birth until she was 9 years old. We went thru all of the standard remedies at that time from suppositories to enemas to keep it from building up for 10 days at a time. When she did go, it hurt because it was so large, so she would try desperately not to go.

Increase fiber intake and add prune juice to his diet. He may like eating a few of the pitted prunes for a snack. Keep track of how many days he goes without his bowels moving and if it reaches the 3 day point, help him go.

I'll keep you both in my prayers!

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C.D.

answers from Norfolk on

Talk to your pediatrician; one of my kids had the same problem and my MD did an ultrasound; he was totally blocked up and there was softer stool oozing around the blockage. He had to be on laxative therapy (milk of magnesia) for 3 months to clean him out and restore muscle tone and retrain his lower bowel. It took 3 days for the MOM to work and the first bm was painful, but I did a lot of talking about how he'd feel so much better, we just had to let the poop medicine work...good luck

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

A., the shift from constant constipation to hourly pooping is a red flag signaling a trip to the pediatrician now. Lots of kids have constipation, sometimes chronic for a long time, but the fact he has shifted from that to the complete opposite is troubling to me, and the doctor should be asking lots of questions about diet, etc. He may even have food allergies that are causing this constant pooping, which shouldn't be happening. Sounds like what adults call "loose bowels." Write down everything he eats and drinks and see your doctor now. That's the essential first step to potty training -- he cannot be successful at potty training until this physical issue is dealt with. Frankly if your pediatrican blows this off I'd seek another opinion with a different doctor. Good luck.

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S.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Speak to you child's doctor. There could be some GI issues or sphincter control issue. Check it out then ask the doctor how to proceed for training that would be best for your son. Good luck.

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D.F.

answers from Norfolk on

A.,

For his bowel issues, I would definitely get him to his pediatrician. Regarding potty training, everyone has their own ideas and advice and I will pass on to you the best advice that anyone (and I received a lot) gave me- your son just isn't ready. I know that everyone has their own (very strong) opinions about when boys should be trained, etc., but I will tell you from my experience, it took until my boy was ready for it to click. We had the same issues with wearing a pull up, we tried rewards, sticker charts, talked about his friends who pottied on the toilet, read books, put his stuffed animals on the toilet, and while he was interested, he didn't want to actually do it. Then I talked with a friend who gave me this advice, my husband and I let it it go and literally--voila! We would still very casually, without any emphasis ask him if he wanted to sit on the toilet and one day he said yes, he had to go pee. BTW, my son was 3 and a half when this happened. I'm sure there will be some disgusted gasps from others reading this, whatever. But is was success from that day forward. He was ready.

Good luck to you!

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A.R.

answers from Norfolk on

Here is something that me and all my friends used. 2 of them told me to try it and I ahve passed it on. It has not failed yet. You just have to take the diapers away cold turkey. DO not buy any more. He will not like the feeling of going to the bathroom on hisself. Carry extra cloths with you. Pull ups do not work. Its just a less effective diaper that costs alot. You can try this or not but it worked after I tried everything. When we were in public she wet herself once and had to have wet pants until we left the store. She did not like that at all.

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H.S.

answers from Washington DC on

A.,
I would personally contact your pediatrician to ask for advice regarding this topic. Since he appears to have bowel issues this could lengthen the time to get him potty trained. I'd work on this NOW especially with another child due in February which will limit your time to REALLY focus on potty training. I'd set that as a goal for yourself to have him potty trained by the time the new baby arrives. But definately contact your M.D. about the frequent bowel movements. It could be his diet that is causing frequent poopies? If his vocabulary is enough to communicate bathroom time, take him in with you or have your husband take him in with him. Teach him when it's time. Taking him every two hours is a start, whether he mentions he has to go or not. Whistling is a good trick to get them to urinate. But it may take a bit longer for the poopie in the potty to happen. But you really should start buckling down now and getting this started. I wouldn't waste any more money on pull ups if he isn't truly ready. I'd reward him when he does go to the potty with a treat or something special (Nothing too wild/expensive, etc) just a little "something" from the kitchen or special T.V. time for him. Get creative but most definately get crackin' on it ASAP!
Take care and be gentle and patient. This can be quite frustrating at times but you'll make it happen! :o)
H.

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A.H.

answers from Washington DC on

My son is over 3 and we are still working on potty training. We have tried to do a schedule. First when waking sit your child on the potty. Don't say anything just do it and maybe it won't have to to be a big deal. Then again after breakfast, etc., We have also tried to let our son go without anything on his bottom when we are hanging around the house so he will be more inclined to use the potty. They work but we just have to be more disciplined to keep up the routine.

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L.M.

answers from Washington DC on

A.,
This can be a trying time, and easy to take it personally.
You are doing your best. As a self employed mom myself, I know some of the issues you face.
I never had any bowel issues with my son.
Saying that, summer time is the best time to potty train.
Many people play with their children outside for part of the day with bottoms off. That way, it's easier to handle. Wash ups are easier as well. Prob. makes sense to do this on a weekend if that is when you both are home away from work.
See if this makes sense. I'd also suggest seeking help from a developmental pediatrician.
Good luck,
L.

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A.T.

answers from Norfolk on

My friends son had this problem and sought medical help. Her son is 11 and wasn't feeling the "need" to poop. It is a serious issue that you need to discuss with your dr.

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