3 1/2 Year Old Will Not Have BM in Toilet

Is he not going on the toilet because you think he's constipated or because he just doesn't want to??
In my situtation, I had a 3 year old boy who was peeing on the toilet no problem, but pooped in his pants everytime he could! After a while I just couldn't take it anymore and nothing I did worked. So, I took him to WalMart and I let him pick out any toy he wanted...He picked out a bike. When we got home my husband assembled it while my son was watching and getting very excited to play with it. We put it up on the kitchen table and said he couldn't play with it until he pooped on the potty. The very next time he had to go, he went on the potty and got to play with his toy. The next time he had to go he pooped in his pants again so we took it away. When he went on the potty again he got it back. NOw, he poops on the potty everytime...never a problem again. I'm not big on using bribes to get my kid to do something, but sometimes it just works.

I would suggest making the toilet as comfortable to use as possible. They make adapters for the adult potty so children fit sitting on them. Splurge on a cushy one with a character he likes perhaps. There is even this great one that attaches to the toilet, it's got the adult rim and a smaller child rim that is in the lid. We've got it in one of our bathrooms and have bought ones for the other bathrooms that I need to install. Have a step stool at the front of the potty to rest his feet on. My oldest was always more willing to use the potty if it was completely comfortable for him. We skipped the whole portible potty thing. My youngest is still working on it but he likes it better when he can get comfortable. It's hard to poop if you're concerned with falling in or can't sit comfortable to get it out LOL
I thought my oldest was going to be in pullups forever, he did finally get there. My youngest is still working on it. I gave up letting him wear underwear and just stay in pull-ups all the time. He's 4 1/2. My oldest wasn't totally accident free until he was past 5 I think. I remember thinking he was going to be in pullups come kindergarten.
Good luck :)

Hi J.. My first son had the very same issue! By three years old he was completely "pee trained". Wore underpants, never had an accident. But he would refuse to poo in the potty. I was still putting a pull-up on him at night so if he needed to go during the day he would either beg for a pull-up or hold it all the way until night time. I tried EVERYTHING -- bribery, peer pressure, refusing to give him the diaper, etc. My pediatrician said to just relax and let him continue to use the diaper until he decided he was ready to use the toilet. He warned me that if I continued to make it a big deal, it would become a power struggle. And if he was holding it in when he needed to go that health issues would definitely arise. He assured me that there were no kids going off to college in diapers. As his fourth birthday was approaching in a few months, I was getting more and more worried that he just might be the first kid going off to college in a pull-up! Then out of the clear blue one day he just sat on the toilet and went. And he has been doing it ever since. He uses the toilet at pre-school and public restrooms and has no issues. I know you will receive lots of advice (as I did) to try all kinds of bribery, punishment, and intervention tactics, but I thought I would share with you that I tried following the advice of my pediatrician and just relax over it and eventually it worked itself out. Good luck!!

Hi J.!

Just went through potty training with my 3 yr old son so this is FRESH on my mind. :) I have a 15 yr old son as well so it was literally like going through it fresh again as it was 12 yrs earlier that I had done this and couldn't remember what exactly I had done before.
So with my 3 yr old, he had been wearing BIG BOY pants (underwear) and having accidents every so often but NEVER had a BM on the toilet. We went to Lakeshore Learning and went to their charts section. I picked out one that had frogs and dragonflies and then went to the sticker section and found tiny frog stickers. At home I wrote "MATTHEW'S POTTY CHART!" on top and hung it at his level on a mirrored door in his bedroom and kept the stickers in a drawer. We had a talk and we looked at the chart on his wall. I let him know that EVERY time he goes potty in the toilet, he gets a STICKER! Make a BIG deal in this conversation. AND when he goes POO POO he gets 2 STICKERS!!! Wow! Isn't this GREAT? Let's go potty now! If he says no, just state that it's time to try. Never say Do you have to go potty?, Do you want to go potty?. State...It's TIME to go POTTY! It's not a question, it's a fact. Reward with a sticker each time he goes. Ask, Did you go Poo Poo? His answer will be no. Let him know that you have a FUN present for him that he will LOVE when he goes poo poo. Don't ever show him early but do remind him that you would LOVE to give him that present when he goes poo poo. I kept it hidden in my closet. Keep up the sticker rewards and soon enough he really will want to go poo poo to get that present. Let him hear you bragging and making a big deal to grandma, a friend etc. when it does happen and let him know how proud you are. He will be SO happy to be a BIG BOY like all the rest. If you don't already have a step stool for the bathroom, get one so that he can get on and off of the potty by himself and be independent. It's SO what they are wanting to be at this age. They really CAN get on and off even though it doesn't seem so. They figure their own system out VERY quickly. Have a routine...Potty time, Wash Hands, Underwear on (BIG BOY pants!), He gets to put the Sticker on Chart, etc.. When I started the Potty Chart I thought that it would be an incentive to my son. We would count each sticker and I would say hooray look at how many times you went potty in the toilet! You really are a BIG BOY now! Well, what I didn't realize would happen was that each time I counted with him how many times he had gone it hit me...WOW! Look at how many diapers we didn't use! I just saved a TON of money! Haaha! It really became an incentive to me as well and kept me trying harder. Let's face it, it's easier to change a diaper than to work on potty training and go through all of the steps of it BUT it really pays off in the end. Now that he is potty trained. He goes before we leave the house and we find a toilet if we are still out in an hour or two. You will know how long in between you own son will need but we go potty before he needs to ask to go usually and knock on wood, he hasn't had an accident in a month and a half.
GOOD LUCK to you BOTH!
~R.

If I had hard poop I wouldnt want to poop myself and Im an adult. LOL Talk to his pediatrican about the hard poop because he really should not have hard poop with lots of water and fruits and veggies.

See if you can use the Baby Bjorn toilet seat insert, because I find that my son is very comfortable pooping on the toilet with it...something to do with how its designed and how easy it makes for him to poop.

Son is 2 and poops and pees in the potty 98% of the time, and wakes up in the morning in dry underwear.

Also let him poop in a potty seat because its easier to poop when your feet are on the floor than when your legs are dangling. We also used the Baby Bjorn potty with the removable bowl when babe was having issues with pooping in the toilet due to the dangling legs issue.

Now he prefers to poop in the toilet because thats what everyone else does is poop in the toilet and flush.

His motivation for wanting to poop in the toilet was he was pretty upset when he pooped on himself and poop fell out his pants onto the floor. He would pick up the poop and put it in the toilet...which he wanted to do to be helpful...but he later decided it was less of a hassel to poop in the toilet than to pick poop off the floor and drop it into the toilet and then run back to get more poop and then run to the toilet back and forth picking up poop.

I have a almost 3 1/2 year old with the same issue and I am pulling my hair out on how to fix it. I will keep an eye on this post. Good luck I am looking for all info I can get.

This is very common in boys. Although I have not experienced it because I have two girls, I have several girlfriends who did. Both said to just be patient and not force it. Eventually, he'll go in the toilet on his own one day.

Last year (when my DS was 3 1/2) I was at my wits end, he had only one other time made a poop on the potty and it was for his teacher at school, but never for me.
We made the jump to underware during the day even form BM's, but when he made a poop, he had to clean it out of his pants (and put it in the toilet) it made him more aware of his body and made him more responsible for it as well. It must have worked because within a month he FINALLY made a poop in the potty for me, and hasn't pooped his pants since!

I was having a lot of problems with my 5 year-old having accidents in her underwear and at the same time had an 18 month-old enter my childcare with severe constipation so in a short amount of time I learned a lot about constipation and the ramifications it has. In the case of my daughter, I went to my Pediatrician. His theory was that my daughter had a bought of constipation and became afraid to go, so she started holding the poop in. Because of this she was leaking and not making it to the restroom on time. He had me give her Miralax every day and take her to the restroom after meals and every two-three hours. Her problems resolved themselves pretty quickly, within two weeks. Moving on, the 18 month-old also has a history of constipation. He saw a pediatric gastroentologist (sp?) anyhoo, a poop doctor. That doc. diagnosed my little guy with a fear of pooping, he was holding it in so long it stretched his bowels to the point that it will take months of Miralax for the bowels to go back to normal. So what I'm saying is, go see your doctor. In the meantime, don't make him wait for a diaper to go #2. If you need to put him back in pull-ups so he can go when he feels the need, then do that. I would try to fight the constipation naturally first by increasing his fiber, a daily bowl of Cheerios keeps me regular, but your doctor may put him on Miralax.
~N.

My son did the exact same thing! i was worried at first, but decided not to push him. I asked him when he was going to go in the potty and he always said "when I'm four" - well...his fourth birthday came & went and he still brought me a diaper to poop. I just ignored it completely - stopped stressing and one day he just went - all by himself - and has gone ever since - with NO ISSUES. I say - let it go. Usually potty issues are control issues and the more you push - the worse they get. It is VERY common - when I was going through it - I found more & more moms that went through the same thing - all came around eventually - I say - don't worry & he'll do it.

Hi J.,
I recently posted a similar concern with my daughter also 3 1/2 years old. I am happy to report that she was fully potty trained in 2 weeks after taking drastic measures. #1 I had her clean out her dirty panties by herself in the shower, I rinsed her off with simi cold water in the shower and I had her run around the house without panties on when I knew she had to go #2. It worked! My daughter is also on Miralax and has been for the past 4 months in order to keep her regular.

It is very important that you're son has regular bowel movements every day before you push the potty training. I recommend taking him to the doctor and getting him checked out. Some people have digestive problems when eating/drinking dairy products and also too much wheat/gluton can cause constipation.
Good Luck, E.

One of my kids had this problem. My suggestion to you, is to let him have the pull up. Little boys are known for getting constipated and it can cause all kinds of problems. The books that I read said the problem works it self out, because as they get older the other kids, his friends, will ask him why he still uses a pull up and the idea is that he will be embarrassed and start using the potty. He's still young, I think this is really a common little boy thing.

Hi -- my son was the same. Until he went to a pre-school that did not allow pull-ups, he refused to go in the toilet. Even then at home, he did not want to go. He has had trouble with constipation, though, for a least a year. He is on a regime of miralax (not that your son needs that, just mentioning it). Maybe check with your dr to see what they recommend for constipation. Is he straining? Does it hurt him?

What is the reward you have? Is it something he really, really wants? We used bribes for pooping. We let him pick them out. Often, it was chocolate, but we occasionally would go through Big Lots or the dollar store and let him pick some things out that we would keep in a "poop box".

But, also let him go at his own pace. He'll get there!

Hi J., I have ready may requests on this subject, and there is something that you all have in common, my child won't, will not, refusses, thoses should never be allowed. by allowing that you all are giving your children power they were never meant to have, I'm going to assumes in most of these cases there are no conseqyiences for this behavior. Potty training like anything else takes reward and discipline, with out it, things just don't move like their supposed to. all 3 of my kids were pooping in the toilet before the age of 2, you need to be the parent, you need to be firm, and you should never allow, the wont's, the will nots, or the refusses with your children, J.

Hi J., I feel for you. We went through something very similar with our son (our first). He had been urine trained for a long time. However he WOULD not have a bm in the toilet. We had a reward system going. I even tried cutting out a diaper so he could have one on- but go in the toilet. It sounds silly now, but I was desperate. After my daughter was born, I was going nuts changing a new born and a big boy. I took him to a child psychologist, because I felt he was afraid. There was one incident in a public restroom where he had soiled himself on the play ground in his underwear. I was not angry with him- but it took a long time to get him clean. The loud flushing of that big toilet bothered him.

Well this particular psychologist was useless- he didn't remember things I told him from one time to the next,etc. We only went 2-3 times. Meanwhile my son got to where he wasn't having a bm at all- and kept waking up at night because of the pressure. After a couple of days I went semi-hysterically to the pediatrician by myself. She squeezed me in for a conference. She put him on the maximum laxative his body could have for his age, because she said she didn't want him getting impacted. It took 3 days. My son was at my mother in law's house. She could tell he was getting ready to void. She put him on the toilet- he had a bm and said "It didn't hurt." That was it. He went to the restroom 100% after that.

He had never said he was scared. I don't think your boy is as scared- but he might be somewhat for some reason. I would keep doing what you are doing. I don't think his diet is a factor, because it sounds pretty balanced to me. Try to stay calm. Sorry all I can say is "I've been there. We survived it."

Do you have him on the kid potty on the floor? Have you tried the things you put on the big potty? Maybe give that a try so he's not all doubled over. That's the only thing I can think of. Good luck.

I too am having the same issue with my 4 1/2 yr old daughter. She has been pee trained since 2 1/2, but will only poop in a pull up. She tells me she has to stand up to poop! I have tried bribes, stickers, rewards, but she is stubborn. She is embarrassed and will hold it in until she can use a pull up at home. I will continue to check the responses to see if someone has some new ideas. I am trying to get let it go, but it's difficult!