3 1/2 Year Old Will Not Poop on the Toilet

Try the king mini toilet that sings everytime he goes... and comes with a book... might also be afraid to fall into the toilet... so try the donut... only about $20 ea or so...

Also, try going together you on the big one and him on his mini toilet...even if he's just sitting there with pants up... just as long as he sits...

Yea a bit embarassing at first but once they get the hang of it, you'll get past the embarassing part. :-)

If you haven't already, buy him a nice big boy potty chair. Try giving him something like a toy or something nice or a candy and if you don't want to give him candy give him some gummy vitamens and say they are candy it works, trust me, or try to exchange something with him for going poop on the potty he will love it, only for the first week or two until he gets a hang of it.

Hi M.:
I totally concur with SH. Excellent response.

I have heard that kids try to take control of their body, girls control what they eat and boys control poop.
My son refused to poop out of a diaper, he went four days and developed a fever of 104 and was on the verge of being hospitalized. I put a diaper on him and within seconds he let go, fever broke and he was fine.
Your son will not fight you on this forever, and trust me, from someone who did it the wrong way, it is so much easier to clean poopy diapers or pull ups than it is to clean up poopy underwear. There is nothing worse than cleaning up poop dropped on the floor, smeared on his legs, and across the toilet seat, etc. because he had an accident. Let him do it the way he needs to, it's better, even if you have to spend a little more for the diapers. You'll both be happier for it!
God Luck.

Don't worry, he will not be going poop in his diaper forever. Pooping IN a toilet is OFTEN the "last" of the whole toilet training phases to be mastered. ALL my friends kids did that too, at that age, and my daughter too. Its common.

Just from personal experience.. you do NOT NOT NOT want to make pooping a battle... as you see, he is already withholding it... and getting constipated. IF he gets more seriously constipated due to the emotional stress of it and expectations upon him AND the biological PAIN it causes... you will have a more serious and BIGGER problem.
I know, because this happened to my daughter. We then had to take her to a Pediatric Gastroenterologist.... because she was SO constipated and then withholding her poop and the constipation became THE habit... and it turned into a vicious cycle.

PER the Pediatric Gastroenterologist...whose patients are MAINLY toddlers in toilet training, he said that you have to lay off of it. LET the child do it in their own time. The "constipation" in a toddler is completely avoidable.... if they don't get pressure to poop on a toilet. Constipation in a toddler then becomes an "emotional" derived PROBLEM and then a "medical" problem for which he then has to treat the child with various medical treatments. The Doctor said... that once the vicious cycle of constipation starts... it is hard to "stop" it... because it causes pain and emotional discomfort IN the child... and it can take LITERALLY MONTHS to UNDUE all of this.

For my daughter... it took about 4 months, just for her to "believe" that pooping will not hurt and that it will be okay and her poop won't be 'hard' anymore. She had become "afraid" to poop.
We did not "pressure" her to poop IN a toilet... BUT, just the thought of it caused her great anxiety. And this happens in many toddlers.

So, the gist of it is, per the Specialist we saw... is to hang loose about it... do NOT pressure the child to poop in a toilet. Otherwise, they will regress and the whole natural progression of it, will be under-mined, "psychologically" for the child.

MANY MANY toddlers, FINALLY go poop in a toilet one day. NOT on 'our' terms or when we think they should... it will happen when they are ready.

It was so sad to see my daughter go through this... and its hard to correct the problem, once constipation and "withholding" of their poop occurs... it becomes a bad habit that is put upon them... not that they "want' to do it on purpose. It is just a coping mechanism for them showing us that they are not ready yet, or maybe don't know how yet.
There is not rush to it all... per our Doctor, the Gastroenterologist.

You do NOT want the child, out of desperation, to start to withhold their poop... for days (as some toddlers will do)... it is VERY painful, the poop becomes rock hard and can't pass without tearing their anus, and it can rupture their innards as well as it builds up and bulges.. and cause other medical problems and complications.

Treats, bribes, incentives, charts will NOT be a magic solution to it... for many kids these don't work... because pooping is part an emotion basis and part physical...

All the best... don't worry,
Susan

My suggestion is to just let him poop in the pull up until he is ready to go in the toilet. My niece developed a fear of pooping on the toilet when she was potty training. She thought it would hurt. She has had MAJOR problems ever since with constipation because she will hold it for days and days until it just starts leaking out in small amounts so she always smells like she pooped her pants. She is 12 years old now and STILL has to go to specialists because she stretched out her bowels so much (from holding it) that she doesn't feel the normal urge to use the bathroom and it still just leaks out without her realizing it. THOSE ISSUES ARE NOT WORTH THE BATTLE!! So, be patient with him and just keep telling yourself how lucky you are that he asks for a pull up instead of you having to wash his dirty underwear every day. Good luck!

My son was EXACTLY the same at age 3 and this is the advice I was given and IT WORKED!!

Step 1- let him poop in pull-up BUT he must be in the bathroom, not hiding somewhere... so train him to be inside the bathroom.

Step 2 - let him poop in pull-up BUT he must be sitting on the toilet. Yes sitting on the toilet wearing a pull-up. I would then take the pull-up, dump the poop into the toilet, change him and clean him up right there in the bathroom. This was the routine for about 3 weeks.

Step 3 - make a hole in the pull up so the next time he poops sitting on the toilet, it falls right in. YEAH you're too big for a pull-up anymore your poop just blew a hole in the toilet!!

We didnt even make it to step 3,, by the end of the 3wks in Step 2 he just up and said he's a big boy and didn't need a pull-up anymore!

Best wishes =)

I was in the same situation. My dtr was potty trained by 2 1/2 yrs old but would not have a bowel movement in the toilet or potty chair. We tried everything from stickers & a chart, to candy bribes, to letting her pick out a toy at the store, bringing it home, and not being able to open it until she had pooped in the toilet or potty. We bought books and saw a video about pooping. We even tried the "you can only go on toilet if you wear the pull up" and only pooping in the bathroom (w/a pull-up). Nothing worked- we even tried to force her to sit on the toilet and that did not work either. She too was starting to hold it and we did not want that either. A pre-school teacher told me that she was old enough to understand and that it was a "control" issue and to stop making it such an issue. She recommended that we tell her that she can make the decision to use the toilet or go in her pull ups. But that if she did go in the pull ups then she would have to clean herself. That it was up to her and we would only clean her if she used the toilet. So out of deseperation I tried something like that. I firmly told my dtr that we needed to give the pull ups to a little girl at church who was too little to use the toilet and really needed pull- ups (I thought this would appeal to her more since she is very kind and liked to help people).I told her (my dtr) that she was a big girl and she could use the toilet. I said it's up to you- you decide if you want to put on your pull up yourself or if you want to be a nice girl and donate it to the little girl at church who needs it more than you. Think about and then you let me know. I left her in the bathroom to think about it and walked out. About 10 mins later she came out and told me- "here Mom (handing me the pull up)I'll go on the toilet. We can give them (the pull ups) to the little girl at the church". She then went on the toilet and there was no turning back. The next day we got all the pull ups and put them in a bag and dropped then off at the church. And that was the end of that-seems simple but it worked. Good luck- I know how frustrating it can be.

M., don't worry about it. He'll do it when he's ready. My son turned 4 in April and still poops in a pull up. I have offered him everything, every reward you can think of. He wanted a huge lollipop so I bought it and stuck it to the bathroom wall. Every time he went pee pee, he saw it there and as badly as he wanted it he still didn't poop. He would run his fingers over it and say... "I am going to poop in the potty, maybe next time." Every time I tried to be a little more strict with the pull up issue and tell him we are no longer going to use pull ups for poop...he holds it. It always becomes a major disaster!!! I told my pediatrician about it and he told me not to worry. He'll poop when he's ready. Because he's gotten constipated several times after holding it and it was painful coming out, he now has a fear. My doctor suggested me giving him Miralax to help soften the stool and make it easier for him to go.

The interesting thing is my mother watched him one day... she was "mean" grandma that day and refused to give him a pull up. ;) She forced him to go on the potty and after about an hour of refusal he FINALLY DID. However, he has not done it since. I know he's capable but for some reason, he just won't do it with me. I have decided I am not going to force it. When he's ready... he'll poop in the potty!!

Good luck!

PS - If it makes you feel any better, I have a friend who's son is 3 1/2 and took a few steps backwards and is no longer going pee in the potty.

I've heard of this... Here's a suggestion. Take him to Target or Walmart or ToysRUs specifically to the department that has the toilet 'booster seats'. Let him choose. By giving him the 'power' to pick his very special pooping chair, which fits on the toilet just for poopin' he'll be vested in the choice and, perhaps, be motivated to use it. Talk it up before you go. Be enthusiastic. Maybe he's pushing the boundaries with control and choice. Providing him with some pre-engineered 'choices' can help train him for this, and later opportunities for good-choice-making-exercises. Set him up to win! And, ultimately, you win too.

By the way, ITS NOT ABOUT REWARDS! Especially with boys, its about turning on the 'competition' switch in them. I have accomplished more with my THREE boys with the words, "Ready, set, go!" than anything else.

Also, when it comes to getting them to eat their veggies, pick up toys or pooping in the potty, its about EMPOWERING THEM. Create two or three choices for something and then let THEM choose. They feel so great about themselves when they get to make the choice. Your job is then to APPROVE their good choice. The best 'reward' for that? APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE! NO KIDDING. You'll never run out of it and you always have it readily available. And, it doesn't cost a dime. Just wait until you have an 'ah-ha' moment when it starts working for you!

All along the way, you have opportunities to help your kids build the good decision making skills that will give them the tools to make good choices when it REALLY counts, like high school. Ask me how I know that! Also, when you empower, you build self-esteem. You can't start early enough. Resist criticizing their choice, just reward their "good judgement". You'll build their good-decision-making-muscle with every little task you set up like this, including the pooping predicament.

My daughter was the same way, and she was prone to constipation, so I had to be careful, or she would constipate herself by withholding, like your son is doing. I just let her work it out herself. She really did want to poop on the potty, but she had some kind of mental block about it. I sent her to preschool before she was pooing in the potty and she would hold it until she got home (she went to preschool 4 hours per day). Eventually, she just did it (after a full YEAR of being "pee-pee trained"). One day, she pooped on the potty and she called for me and told me she did it. She has been successfully pooping ever since. It is good that he asks you for a pull-up, at least he is not pooping in his undies! Give him time, and let him work it out. You can talk about it with him, but don't push it, he needs to feel that he can do it and get over his mental block.

I just went through the samething with my 3.5 yr old. I actually told him no more pullups and bought him underware and if he pooped in his underware he has to wash them out by hand himself he had 2 accidents and that was the end of that. Now he is potty trained!!

Hi M.,

My son was like this as well, but he wouldn't ask for a pull up. He would just rest his arms across the toilet and poop right in his pants.

What I came to about that is that his body is something he could control and he wanted to poop where and when he wanted to poop but be directed. My son ended up being very strong willed. Looking back I don't know if this was a sign, but it might have been.

One thing I would have done is just forget about it and let him poop in the way he wished to as it would only get worse and he would demonstrate his desire to do things in his own way which only grew the strong willed nature. I ended up having to trust that he knew his body and how it worked. He outgrew it when he was ready do. I just wished I relaxed more rather then resisting it which made it stick around longer.

good luck,

M.

We told our daughter by age 3 she couldn't go in a diaper anymore. We kept reminding her for a few months. We knew she could go on the toilet because she did a few times after she turned 2. Anyway, we didn't back down. When she turned three, we said no more diaper. She tried to go on the toilet for three days, but didn't. I called the doctor and they said use glycerin suppositories, so we did. Best thing I ever did. (If your child lets you put one up there!) Anyway, we put one in, 5 min. later she had to go poop bad, went on the toilet, and the rest is history!

Give him some time. My daughter is 5 and finally got it. Sometimes the sensation scares the kids. If you make it a game and not so much that you have to do this he will want to try it on his own. Good luck

I JUST went through this w/my 3 1/2 year old son, we tried EVERYTHING.............finally we found a toy that he REALLY wanted, REALLY REALLY bad, in this case it was a Power Wheeels, so we told him fine we will get it for you if you poop in the toilet......he was resistant, but kept asking for the truck, one day he just went he was so excited and we told him he had to keep going for a while before we'd bu him the truck, he did and now he has his power wheels!!

Lay off for a while. Keep him in pullups for another month till he is less resistent to the idea. It's hard to train him also, I think, when his little sibling is only 4 months old. You might think that 3.5 is really old for wearing a pull up, well, you will be surprised. My ped said her son wasn't fully trained till he was 4. Good luck

Is your son in preschool? my son was almost totally potty trained but would still poop in a pull up and would not tell me when he had to go..and would take his pants off completely and leave them off after he went..
well he was in the teacher's office w/ his father and i and the new teacher..it was our orientation and he played while we all spoke and we talked about potty training in front of him and what he still needs to do etc..well he must have been listening b/c he immediately stopped having accidents..started telling us when he has to do and after only 1 day at school he pulls his pants back up.
No more pull ups ..stop ..you're going to have to buckle down now and deal w/ some accidents..have your son see everyone in your family use the toilet...

and talk to him about it ..just tell him why etc..they understand..also there are potty training dvds and books u can probably rent a dvd from netflix
but my friend told me to knock off the pull ups and i did and after about 2 weeks and my son hearing us talk about it ..that was the end of the pull ups.

The only thing i can think of is figure out something he really loves and tell him he will get it as a reward when he goes in the toilet. I know this is a stretch, but does he have a fear of sitting on the big toilet and maybe falling in, i'm not sure at that age. But if you could get him to tell you why he doesn't want to go in it. It would help a lot, i have a plastic step stool in the bathroom so when the grandkids were little they could get on it and sit down plus there feet were on it. So it was comfortable for them and i'm sure made them more secure. Hope you get some good advice.

Yeah, my son used to ask for a diaper. He told me he was afraid it would splash in the toilet, and that apparently really grossed him out. See if he will tell you why. It is important for him not to hold it, as that can lead to constipation, as some of the other replies have said. I like the one that talked about empowering, too. You could try letting all the water out of the toilet, (turn the water off at the valve behind the toilet, and then flush what is in the bowl. I have to do that when I am trying to get a poop specimen for the Dr., it is really difficult. If it is the water that is bothering him, that might work. 3 1/2 is big for a potty seat, but if you can find one that fits him, like someone said, let him pick it out and use it and dump it himself. Just emphasize he will feel so much more clean and comfortable, when he uses the toilet and can keep himself clean and dry all the time. My son is disabled, so it took us until he was 5 to poop train, even though he was pee trained at 2 1/2 . When we decided we couldn't take it any more, we just put every one on "poop alert", and every time anyone saw him "assume the position" we would rush him to the potty and make him do it there. While sitting there we actually read relaxation exercises, (like the meditation you do with the Bradley method of labor and delivery - "relax as if your life depended on it" "visualize a door, ooopening slowly, wide, wide open." He eventually got it and never regressed. I still can't get a poop specimen from him, though. After all those years of "you must poop ONLY in the potty", he just can't bring himself to poop in that hat (poop specimen collection container that fits under the toilet seat.) However, for your son it might work the other way around. If he is afraid of the toilet, me might do it with that in there. See if you could get one from a pharmacy or lab. It is important not to let yourself get all stressed about it, just be sympathetic and try to help him through it. I wouldn't clean him up, either, he is big enough to dump the poop into the toilet and clean himself up with a wet wipe. Just help him to wash his hands really thoroughly after, and make sure he gets clean in the bath at night. If you whisk him off and clean him up like he was a baby there is no motivation for him to stay clean. But even with this, you have to be calm and matter of fact, not punitive. Is he very small in size? That may be contributing to his fear and a potty seat may work. Good luck!

Have you tried bribery? If he sit on the toilet with a snack or even candy he might relax. Sounds gross but whatever works. He's a lot older and feels strange about it now because he been conditioned to a diaper. I've heard some people cut holes in the pull up and put them on the toilet. Maybe after this boy start younger with the next one.I trained both my girls by 2...... when they get stubborn and start to form habits.