Please Tell Me I'm Not Alone....

Ok...I'm 38 and have 2 kids and I was in your shoes at one time too when I was 26 yrs old and I only had one child at the time, but was feeling just like you are now...You are defiantly not alone.
Do you like to work out at the gym? That was my saving grace, was go to the YMCA and work out and they watch your children for a good hour and half or less if you want and then you can go and workout or sit on a bike and ride and read a book or swim, all kinds of different things you can do at the YMCA or take a class or whatever. Your children will love it (mine did and still do). The teachers there are good with your kids and the kids actually have fun. At least then you have some YOU time and your kids have some social hour with other kids. I always did that and still do 3 to 4 days a week.
Hope this helps, because I do feel for you and totally understand your issue.
God Bless,
K. Trotter, (Tulsa, OK)

No you are not alone. I was a SAHM for almost 6 years. Twins-Daniel and Tiana-16, Gage-6, Rae-5, and Horatio-3. When we moved to OK from another state, I was going to get a job as soon as we got the Twins in school at that time they were 8. Shortly after getting here, I found out we were pregnant. So no job for me. Then Rae showed up 14 months later and Horatio 2 years later. I love all my kids with all my heart and they are a blessing each and everyday. It wasn't until H was 2 that I almost couldn't handle it anymore. I have depression. So for me to stay home day after day and feel like it keeps repeating is so very true. I found my outlet in going to work part time out of the house at a video store. I thought I was going to go insane from staring at the same 4 walls all day long. I went to the doctor who put me on so many different pills for depression I thought I was a pharmacy. I found that "my day off" is when it work outside the house for a few hours a week, where I can be a person instead of a referee or cook or janitor or "finder of lost things" or all the other titles Mom gets when she becomes a mom. It really helped me stay keep my sanity. I still have days when I want to just scream "is there anyone else who feel like I do???" Yeah I think we all go thru something very similar as a SAHM.

You're absolutely not alone. It's normal to have these feelings. I know I have in the past. That's when I made it a priority to spend time by myself FOR myself. I truly feel it makes me a better mom. Your husband works hard, true, but he gets to leave work. Your job is 24/7 and you LIVE there. Have a heart-to-heart with your husband and tell him you need some time alone. Even a trip alone to the grocery store can feel gloriously indulgent when you've been with small children all day long. I don't know if your children are in preschool or not. It's important enough to hire a babysitter during the day, or have a family member stay with the kids so you CAN get out and have a breather...go to Starbucks, get that mani/pedi. You have no idea how much it will improve your mental state and how refreshed you'll return home. Make this a priority. Having children as young as yours is monotonous and trying. Their mommy is worth taking care of.

You can not kept giving to other without giving to yourself and have anything left to give. So you will be doing the best thing for your family if you will found someway to give love to yourself. It might began with a walk or a bubble bath while your hubby watches the kids. If you are worry about putting to much on your hubby right when he gets him, maybe you could give him a few minutes to a hour to unwind before you leave him with the kids. Remenber they are his kids too, and you will be doing both him and the kids a favor because this time together will allow them to grow they own friendship.

I have been feeling like this quite a bit lately too. I think the cold weather doesn't help because I'm not getting out for a good walk everyday. My hubby is more than willing to help but for me I have to humble myself to ask for help and say what it is I really need. I'm not great at asking for help although I'm getting better.

I live in BA too so if you want to try and get together or maybe even swap an hour or two of babysitting let me know. It would be worth a shot and just might turn out to be tons of fun. LOL. You are doing a great job as a mom and you can only give so much of yourself without taking a little time to refresh, otherwise you don't have anything left to give. "A happy mommy is a better mommy" has become my motto. =) Good luck.

Hey, you are not alone. There is nothing more important than what you are doing. NO ONE can do whatyou are doing as well as you are doing it. OK that said. You need to take some time for you. YOU are working 24 hours a day 7 days a week and you need to have some time for you. If you worked a 9-5 job you would go get ahaircut or coffee or shop or something alone. You need to allow your husband to have the joy of caring for your kids without you being there. These are his kids too. Doe she realize how demanding your job is? Go get your nails done. That takes one hour, maybe. The next time go for an hour and a half. Schedule something with someone that way you can not back out. I wouldn't go out every weekend. BUt certainly ever other weekend. Talk with him and negotiate something. Plan the meals and leave the house clean for him. Don't expect it to be clean or for him to do things like you do them. He is a different person and has a different parenting style. I used to go shopping with my mother for half a day once or twice a year. I would be gone all day. He survived well. Sometimes I would have dinner ready and meet him at the door, holding the littlest one and say "I have to get out, everyone is fed and dinner is on the table". I'll be back at dark. I had three under six at that time. Our kids are now 9-18 years old and there are the four of them. I still feel like I need time away but it is easier now. I flet like I was drowning too. I live in Sapulpa with four kids and home school two and two go to school. Remember time goes faster than you can imagine. I never thought our oldest would ever be 18 and he is and willgraduate this year. Aghhh where did time go. I do not regret being home with him at all. The only thing I regret is not playing with them more. Time is all I have to give that makes the most impact on their lives.

You can do this. K.

Oh yes, felt that way and you deserve time alone and must have! Or you will go crazy...drop them off at Polliwog or playtime plus and have some fun for a day. I felt guilty the first time but no longer. You need to have time to yourself and a bread if he won't give it to you take it.

You are soooo not alone!!! I have been a sahm for I guess 2-3 years now and feel that way constantly. Wonder if this is all there is. I love my daughter to death and feel this way even more so now, because we are 3.5 months pregnant and I wonder if it is just a never ending cycle. I was debating on going back to work when my daughter starts school in August, but then I figure I have been out of work so long, who would even want me, or would I have anything to offer them. I have tried to explain this to my hubby and I get nowhere. He says wake up at 630 and shower before our daughter gets up and it would help. I wonder, is that possible while pregnant and how would that prevent me from cleaning one room while she tears up another. I feel I am constantly behind and overwhelmed. I am so glad that I am not the only one that feels this way. I wonder if being a mom is all that I am supposed to do or if there is more than this. It is wonderful, but I enjoy working and dont think I was this stressed out when I worked full time while my hubby worked from home when our daughter was a new baby. I could go on forever. Nice to have someone to sympathize with. Email me if you want to discuss this more. ____@____.com

M., perhaps you have tried Mothers Day Out at a local church. I would like to recommend you try the Broken Arrow Church of Christ to check out their program. Perhaps this would give you an outlet for several hours at a time. Also, it may come in handy for special time with your husband since he is a fireman and has irregular hours. I recommend you find time each day to be in prayer and even find a prayer partner to pray prayers of praise from the Psalms, and also to find time to be in Bible Study. I will lift you in prayer as well as all Mothers. It is important that you feel and inner peace so that your children can also feel that inner peace.
Prayerfully,

E. Miller

Sounds like you could use some 'me' time. A year ago my kids were the ages of yours now, and now I have a baby also. Here are some of the ways I get some 'me' time. 'Me' time is important because it helps you recharge and stay refreshed and be the best mom you can be.
*the kids nap time is my time, I may do a few household things, but otherwise that is when I get on the internet, read a book, maybe take a nap, read my bible, pray, etc.
*some moms reminded me of how important it is to read my bible and pray regularly. Do it every day if possible, or at least 3 times a week. It doesn't need to be for an hour at a time, 10-20 minutes or half an hour will really help you out! Take time for the Lord and he will give you the strength and wisdom you need to make it through your day.
*I let the kids watch 30 min of TV in the morning, that is my time to get things done and not be disturbed.
*go out on a date with your husband, very refreshing
*go out for an evening with some friends and leave your husband home with the kids
*during the day when you need a break, drop the kids off at Playtime +, there is one located at Elm & 101st, behind Arby's & Sonics. Playtime + is a drop in playcenter/daycare.
*Sign the kids up for 1 day a week with an Early Learning Program (Arrow Heights Baptist Church has one) or Mom's Day Out (Grace church has one, as do many others in the area, the Baptist church on Elm & the BA has one) Then you can have part of a day off
*Trade babysitting with a friend, you watch her kids one day and she can watch yours another, I find adding someone else's kid to our house results in my kids playing more and contently
*Take the kids to the mall to play at the play area by JCPenny's
*have a play date - at your house or the other mom's house, then the kids can play and the mom's can talk
*call a friend or relative during the day and talk to them, you'll feel much better when you get off the phone
*After dinner tell your husband you really need a 30 minute break, have him watch the kids and go to your room shut the door and take the break you need
*when I really need a break during the day I'll tell the kids that mommy needs a break or a time-out. I have them play in their rooms and I go to mine for about 20 minutes.

I'd also recommend taking a daily multivitamin, a Vit B complex supplement and an Omega 3 supplement daily and make sure you are getting enough calcium, lack of calcium can result in my having a much harder time staying calm. Talk to your Dr about what vitamins would help.

Hope there are some ideas here that help!

Mother's Day Out will save you!!!!!!!! I started my kids at 12M and really looked forward to my Tues/Thurs from 9:20am-2:20pm. They loved going and I loved taking them. You also get to buy lunch boxes and a few school supplies so that was fun as well. Go visit some to see which ones you feel comfortable with. I paid 110.00 per month per child. I recommend Highland Park Christian Church because the teachers are wonderful and it is very clean.

I went to work 3 hours a night for the same reason although my children are older.Would you consider a nanny for four hours a week? Call seekingsitters and get some time to be you. The children will benifit more than you could imagine.

C. H

M., nearly all Moms feel, or have felt this way. You have to get someone to watch them so you can go out for a little while and get a coffe or go to the bookstore, etc. Your husband should do this. Don't feel guilty. Plus, if he does it, he'll begin to understand how difficult this stage is for new Moms.

Ask a friend to come over and watch them for a couple of hours. Trade off!

M

Although it's thoughtful of you that you want to give your husband a break when he's home, you need a break too and he is also a parent. Even though he has worked all day, as soon as my husband gets home from work, he takes our baby while I cook dinner, and then he basically takes care of her for the rest of the night while I get chores done or go to bed early since I have to get up very early (she's only 8 weeks old and isn't sleeping through the night yet). Plus that is his time to spend with her since he doesn't get to see her all day. Then on weekends, we will usually split it evenly. He will take care of her while I exercise, go for a walk, or go shopping (even though it is for stuff we need like diapers, it is still nice to get out of the house and of course I look for stuff for myself too)! Then I will take care of her while he works on home improvement projects or whatever he needs to do. Also usually one of our parents comes over for a few hours on Saturday or Sunday so we can both get things done we need or want to do. And I am about to sign up for an art class or something to keep myself stimulated outside of baby world once a week, since it is such a big change going from my old job to my new one as a SAHM. I look at it like this: we both have full time jobs, his at work and mine at home with the baby. So we try to split up the remainder of the "time off" evenly so we both get a break...although the "breaks" are sometimes filled with doing chores, but at least it is a break from our very fussy baby with acid reflux. So, rememember, even though your husband works hard at his job, being a stay at home mom is work too, and you also need a day off so you don't go insane!! Good luck!

Oh, honey you are not alone! That is a very common feeling of stay at home moms. I stayed home for the first 6 years and eventually went to work. It is absolutely imperative that you take some time for yourself. Although the feeling of guilt for leaving your family and husband are real, you will realize how "refreshed and energized" you feel after some quality "you" time is spent. You also should try to use your family network and friends as a resource to help out when you are overstressed and feeling isolated.
Hang in there, it gets better I promise!!!!1

M.,

You are definitely not alone. I feel the exact same way. As a matter of fact I was asking one of my friends the same thing last week wondering if I am a bad mom. I am a SAHM of 2 1/2 year old twin girls. I also do medical billing from home. We moved to Tulsa 2 years ago so my husband can go to school. Now we live 13 hours from our family so it is very hard for me. My husband is gone from 7:00am to 11:00pm because he is at school & work so I have all of the household responsibilities. I feel the same way as you on the weekends. I still do everything because I feel like he needs a break. You are right, we need a break also. I go to Mops too so atleast I have that time to spend with other mothers. We just have to remember to cherish these early years while we are home with them. They grow up so fast & we are doing the best thing for them by staying home instead of putting them in daycare for someone else to raise them. Hang in there!

A.

I totally understand what you are saying!!!! You are not alone in this...Take time for yourself...I know that it is hard...Your husband works all day, but you need a break...You both decided to have kids, not just you...He needs to help where he can, and he can watch the kids for an hour so you can go out and refresh yourself..It'll be good for you, but also for your kids...But don't feel guilty about taking time away from the kids....You need to to be able to be a better mommy....I am so glad that you are in MOPS and in church...That was the first thing that I was gonna tell you to do, but you already are doing that...you will make it through this time...Your kids are at a place that they do need mom alot, but they would also benefit from some "daddy" time...I'll tell you one thing I do...I always know that once a month I'll get a chance to get away...that's when I do my major grocery shopping....If I take my kids and husband, who knows what will be in my cart...and I'm so distracted because they are talking to me...So I normally go by myself....I always try to take a book, and eat somewhere they don't like, and I just spend the time reading and enjoying quiet time to myself...I think we sahm all feel this way at one time or another..It's hard job, but God has said in His word that we as women are to stay home and tend to the children and the home, and He will bless us for those. I know it is a 7 day, 24 hour a day job...But remember that God blessed you with those children because He trusted you with them..And try to remember to enjoy the time, because it is really short...My girls are 3,4, and 9...Boy has that time flown..

B.