Should Sahm's "Get" a Scheduled Day Out?

Updated on May 19, 2011
3.B. asks from Tampa, FL
27 answers

I stay home w/ my 3 yr old and 8 month old. Everday. i take them EVERYWHERE I go. And while I LOVE it, I am in desperate need of decrompession time. Even if its just to grocery shop by myself. My husband seems to think i should wait until he's available in the evenings or one of our moms can keep them. I don't feel like this is fair. I want to find a sitter 2-4x a month, on MY schedule to get out of the house. To grocery shop, see a friend anything. I adore my kids, but I hit points where I just want to scream and be left alone, just a few hours a week! Is this so crazy?? Is it wrong to want a day by my needs? To not have to wait for DH or mom or mil to watch them on their time restrictions? I feel like since I've been staying home, all i am is mommy and wife and housekeeper. Does anyone else feel the same?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for the responses so far :0 To answer some's not financial, we CAN afford it, he'd just prefer not to. Both of our moms work, and as far as when he's home, weekdays by the time he gets here we have dinner its time for baths and bedtime and I am too tired to even think about leaving! And when the weekend gets here, he wants us all to be together which is great, so then I feel bad trying to break off alone.
I give alot of props to working moms too. i know how busy you guys must be as well. But sometimes, I'd take it so that at least when I was at work, I could pee alone LOL. Its more of the point that i always have 2 babies haning on me every second, and i can never get all I need to do, done w/out one of them in a meltdown for attention, diaper, drink, snack,playing etc etc.
I'm getting the sitter:)

Featured Answers



answers from Denver on

Hells no! Everyone - mom and dad - deserve time to themselves. Find a sitter and arrange it already!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

I think anyone who's a parent deserves a day off once in a while, period.

It doesn't really matter if you're a stay at home parent, or a working parent, we all need "me" time, regardless. I'm a SAHM, I used to have a job outside of the home, so I know how hard both are.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

You are not crazy, if you can afford it by all means GO FOR IT! You will be a better mommy and wife :)

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Seattle on

When my son was 9mo old I threw a holy fit. It all boils down to one sentance:

"It's not fair that you get a 2 day weekend and I get a 0 day weekend."

After that (for the next several years) we EACH got 1 day off a week from our jobs.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on


4 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

YES............................ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do it or go nuts...Save yourself from the insantiy :)

I agree your DH is not your DAD or your Boss. What you are asking is reasonable. After all people get breaks from their jobs outside the home...and you should from time to time as well.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Biloxi on

Um, if you worked in an office, you would work less hours per day, and get weekends, holiday, and vacation days off.

Of course, you deserve a day off.

Everyone needs "me" time.

God Bless

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

You go girl! I've been a SAHM since my oldest was born. I get a sitter once a week for a few hours. During that time I clean, go shopping, get a massage, or whatever I feel like doing. When I get home I feel like a new woman! My husband has been deployed for the last 5 months, if I didn't get a sitter, I would have lost my mind by now. We have no family nearby, so a sitter is my only option!

Do it!!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on


My day is Friday night....hubby takes care of the kids - dinner and all...if I CHOOSE to stay home - then i am invisible. I am NOT to be bothered UNLESS I start the conversation.

EVERY parent deserves down/me time.


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

Ummmm YEAH! When you are jealous your husband has a commute, you might be a SAHM. When you think back fondly at closing the bathroom door to PEE, you might be a SAHM. Wow. I think I just found a new line of comedy. I'll write that book when my kids are older and I have that time to myself. :)

GET OUT! Find someone you trust and use them when you need them. I do schedule a night out on Friday nights to cause mayheim (ok....scrapbook....really the same thing).

It will give you something to look forward to and you will be a MUCH better mom and wife.


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Yes, definitely you need a break. If you're losing it, you know you're in need of one;-) Everybody needs some time to reconnect with themselves. And being a full-time mom is hard. Often all communication is with little, tiny, adorable people...while it's wonderful, it's also wonderful to have adult conversations and get to take a breather.

For me, I have trust issues, so I don't leave my kids with anyone but my hubby or sister or my mom. I feel most relaxed knowing they are with them if I am not. I don't ever take a whole day. I find just a few hours max is all I need, and often shorter than that is good. And I do it pretty rarely, but you base it off of your current needs. You might find that you'll be okay going in the evenings when hubby watches the kids. But you might find that's not meeting your needs. I think you need to play it by ear and follow what your sanity is telling you that you need. No one really knows what is right for you except for you. But you definitely sound like you need a break! Hubby's don't always understand the lack of sanity thing. They don't realize that sometimes you need it and you need it NOW and that you can't wait for the evening.

I hear you, and I can definitely relate. Go get yourself a break:-)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Lancaster on

You aren't crazy. We all feel, at times, like we're going to go postal if we don't get a day out.

That said, personally, I always just waited for hubby to be home in the evenings and then went shopping. Right now I have an 18 month old Velcro Baby who won't let me out of her sight without having a panic attack. Even just showering is difficult.

My younger sister has been known to come visit for two or three weeks at a time, and she'll stay with all six kiddos so I can go do something; anything. That's always nice.

If what you feel you need is a couple times a month to go to something, let your hubby know that that's what you need to stay happy and healthy. After all "happy wife, happy life"!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Madison on

You should schedule a sitter! When my kids were not school age I had someone come once a week for 3-4 hours. I could go and do whatever I wanted and came back refreshed and ready for the kids again. Tell your husband it will make you a better mom and wife if you have a daytime break each week. :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

When I was a SAHM I couldn't afford to pay someone to watch the kids while I took a break, and nobody ever offered, so I never got a break.

Honestly though, if you can afford it, you shouldn't feel guilty leaving them with someone for a day a couple times a month so you can decompress. I really wished that I had been able to because it just all becomes overwhelming sometimes.

Even people with jobs get to take personal days now and then. Why shouldn't Moms?

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Colorado Springs on

You are definitely in a high-intensity season of life! I remember the days of littles and trying to get things like grocery shopping done. Going to the store alone was a luxury! I guess I would try to understand why your husband doesn't want you to get a sitter. Is it financial? fear of someone you don't know very well watching your children? something else? Do your moms work, making their schedule more difficult to match up with your desires? Have you lovingly expressed how you feel to your husband? Remember that he can't read your mind. :) I know you are thankful and so glad that you get to stay home with your kids. But, I also totally understand what you are saying. When communicating with your husband, I want to encourage you to thank him for providing so well that you can stay home, but that you need some time during the day on occasion to have a little break. Most people in most jobs do get some time off (breaks, lunch, etc). Moms don't for the most part. And, as an encouragement to you, I will say that it does get easier. As your little grow, they will become much more helpful. They won't need you as much for every little thing. They still need you, but not in the same intense way.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

No you are NOT crazy! Your husband doesnt get it because he isnt home all day, everyday doing what you do.

You need some alone time, just being you, and doing what you want to do when you want to do it.
Its only fair! Why shouldnt you??

I always tell my hubby if he wants a sane mommy and wife then he better let me out!!! Haha, it always does the trick. I dont get out much either, am just like you. I totally understand where you are coming from.

I would get the babysitter and go out! Grab a friend and go get pedicures now that summer is coming! Do something you have been wanting for awhile, and recharge your batteries.

Have fun!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Your idea of getting a sitter is normal and necessary. Get on that pronto, mama! Why?

-You need time for yourself. Yes, I get it, you chose to be a SAHM. But in doing so you didn't choose to abandon your identity as a woman or a friend. It is important to nurture those sides as well.
-In taking time for yourself, I believe you become a better mommy. You get a mental/emotional break from it being KIDS KIDS KIDS all the time! Instead of your nerves becoming frayed yet not having anything to look forward to other than shoving the kids off on dad the minute he walks in the door from work, you get decompression time. You sound like a good mom - you'll become an even better mom!
-And finally, your children will learn to cope and be resilient with different caregivers other than just grandmas. Sure, they might resist it at first but there's nothing wrong with them learning that they will be fine and survive when other people are taking care of them and mommy's away.

Your husband says you should wait because he has no clue what it is like to play mom and homemaker Give him an extended weekend where he is in charge of everything - kids AND housework - and he'll change his tune pretty quickly. Besides, I would think he would want a happier, more refreshed wife!

So should schedule time for yourself to get an escape. (by the way...I work outside the home, so my 'job' is my break lol j/k. I don't know how you do it all day - it's hard work!)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Tampa on

I would feel the same too... EVERYONE, especially Moms - need some time away and alone doing what they choose to do. Yeah sure - date nights are great, but you need some alone time too... without husband.

Tell your husband to start giving $60 a week in a jar for you to use towards babysitting - to use when you feel you need it.



answers from Dallas on

If you can afford it, go for it!
I work full time, and then pick my kids up from daycare and then have to take them everywhere with me. I have two children under the age of 3, and it is SOOO hard to take them to do errands and impossible to do anything that takes any concentration or time. For me, we cant afford it, and also, since I work, I dont want to be away from them any more than I am now.

But for you - go for it. Just be prepared to schedule in a couple of weekend days a month where your husband gets to have his own time.



answers from Boston on

If you can afford, it then definitely, maybe 2 hours twice a week? Do it girl. It will be good for the kids to attach to someone else too. My mil has my kids Fridays and I am very lucky.



answers from Honolulu on

That is the reason PDO's exist. (Parents day out) See if you can find a PDO near you. That way kids can do the lets play with others thing and you get them out of your hair! They have background checks for the workers so you know it is safe, and they have to follow all the number laws (like 1 worker per 2 kids under 1, 1 worker per 3 kids under 2... ect)



answers from Joplin on

I wish I 15 years of being a mom I cannot say that it has happened very often. I will say you should look into MOPS....Mothers of Preschoolers, it is a lot of fun. Usually meets once a month. I always enjoyed it.
If it is within your budget and you can find someone you trust go for it. You could always arrange with a friend to swap some days too.



answers from Chicago on

Put your foot down and do what YOU need. My husband is just like that, can afford things ... but rather not... Wants to be together on weekends because he cannot handle the kids alone (but would not admit it), wants to rest and nap on the weekends, etc.
Money is for making your life better. It is not him who needs time alone, right? If it was him, I am sure he would find the resources....
My husband was questioning the nanny until I very firmly pointed out that it would be way more expensive to get a divorce lawyer, and then a full time nanny (good luck finding one to work the crazy hours) and housekeeper because I would only agree to visitations he can have custody so he can figure out how to work his precious job and take car of kids and pay me alimony until I would take my sweet time finding a job, while taking kids on a weekend... maybe. I guess he did that math. Last time I checked, he still works crazy hours but I have my help. Bottom line, if your husband cannot give you the help YOU NEED - he needs to pay for it.



answers from Kansas City on

I agree with looking for a Parents Day Out. For the little one it might be expensive, but if you wait until the fall it might be less if he's over a year. My 3 y/o LOVES her PDO. I don't think your crazy, at all. But, I do usually wait to have my me time until husband is home. I don't know many people who are home during the day to care for my kids/babysit, I usually wait, but it'd be great to have a day to myself.



answers from New York on

Does your husband ever get to take a lunch break at work with a friend? Run an errand at lunch etc? If he does, then I think 1x a week or 2x a month is fair for several hours unless it's a huge financial strain. If he's good about letting you go on weekends or evenings though, remember that he's then not getting much of a break himself from work and kids so just make sure it's balanced.



answers from Oklahoma City on

Call some methodist churches in your area and find if any have a Mothers-Day-Out program. They are the only ones I have ever seen, other churches may do them to, I just don't know. They are usually open several days a week for a set number of hours. We have 2 in my town. One is open M-
W-F from 10am -3pm. They are closed on days that school is out, open during Summer same as Summer school. The other one is open 9-Noon on T-Th. The same staff work both and the same Director too. The one that is all day lets the kids nap and eat a packed from home lunch. The shorter one offers a snack only and the kids go home before lunch and nap times.

Kids can be enrolled for one day or every day. The parents choose.

I used them for things like OB/GYN appts. Out to eat with friends, shopping, taking a nap, taking a long bubble bath, etc...there is no reason to NOT have a scheduled day for your self. Your husband is being selfish. If he had to stay home every day he would use some program like this to get a break for himself.



answers from Anchorage on

I sometimes feel the same, but since child care and home care is my contribution to the family I could never justify the expense of having someone come in every week to give me a break. I take my breaks when hubby gets home, and once a year he takes time off so I can leave for a few days and get some real time away to my self. But anytime I feel I want or need it I can take the weekend, part or all of it, to be alone, get my hair done, whatever. My hubby understands how hard it is taking care of kids all day, and how thankless it can be.

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