Out of Your Comfort Zone

Updated on July 26, 2011
A.B. asks from Pittsburgh, PA
11 answers

Today I finally sat down to watch the movie "Precious". I was fully aware that it would not be easy to watch and that it would have some disturbing content, but I almost felt led to sit through it.

I'm glad I did. As a teacher and a mother, it gave me a degree of empathy that I haven't been in touch with in a long time. In addition, it gave me a hefty dose of perspective about my own life.

Many times, I will avoid watching certain movies or putting myself in certain situations because I "already know what's out there" and don't necessarily want to have it in my face because I know it'll upset me. Other times, I think it's almost good to see things "in the raw" to really understand the world we live in, have empathy for others, gain perspective and be motivated to think beyond ourselves and "be the change".

How do you feel about exposing yourself - or your kids - to the hard stuff in life? I don't mean overly sensationalized, dramatized things - or things that could open the doors for them to be pulled into danger - but age-appropriate conversation starters about the way others live, having compassion for all, and why people do certain things in certain situations.

Or do you prefer to play it safe, knowing that when they reach adulthood they will see enough "doom and gloom" and it's not necessary when they're young?

What are advantages and/or disadvantages to either decision?

Thoughts?

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Featured Answers

A.G.

answers from Houston on

Im very honest with my daughter about things, my mom was with me and i consider her to have been the best mom ever. When my mother was young her penecostal parents lied to her about basically everything about life. She came into her own in very sad, shocking ways and she refused to do that to me. When i had had questions i received age appropriate answers, and serious topics were given special attention so that they could be fully understood.

She died when i was 8 and the lessons that i learned past that time were never as direct and they were never as appreciated. I always knew that i would try my best to be as honest as possible as my mom was with me to my children.

As a result my daughter knows she can ask me anything, and even though my daughter is 8 now and im in strange territory (mother/daughter familiarity with my upbringing, speaking) I hope that i will be able to contiue to do so, and that she knows that she will always get honesty from me.

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G.T.

answers from Redding on

I was pretty honest with my kids from the get go, always explaining to them why people looked or acted different than we did. Teaching children empathy for others, animals and nature is something I didnt think was something you could do too soon. As they emotionally mature they are able to process and re-process their thoughts on those certain things that you expose them to.

4 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Dallas on

I am regularly exposed to the harsh realities of life through the school where I teach. Over 50% of the students are on free/reduced lunch, and last year I personally had 15 students who were homeless, two were living in their cars. Since I teach English, and most of my students are comfortable with me, they often write about horrifying things that have happened to them or that they are currently experiencing. The pregnancy rate is so high at our campus that we have a full-time pregnancy/parenting counselor on staff.

I come home and discuss (compassionately and anonymously) the situations of my students with my family. It's a way of educating my children (my 7 year old gets edited versions) about life, and it's a way of teaching them to be compassionate, giving (we often donate money and other materials to students and to charities in the area), and thankful for the lives we lead. I love teaching where I do. The students are amazing. It's just so sad what some of them are having to deal with at such a young age.

4 moms found this helpful
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P.M.

answers from Portland on

I seldom hesitate to expose myself to difficult truths, or opposing points of view. It's actually part of a wonderful communication process I've practiced for years (Non-Violent Communication), and I credit that for prompting a great deal of growing and deepening.

It's a little harder to know how much to expose our children to. I think those answers depend largely on the age and maturity of a child. But to pretend that death, suffering, poverty and injustice doesn't exist in an effort to protect their innocence is really not fair to them, either. I recall receiving some huge shocks to my world view as I grew older and began to recognize that the world was not the simple, idealized place my mother wanted to believe it was.

Terrible things happen to worthy, deserving human beings all the time. Kids will have to come to terms with that truth as they grow up, and may learn it through painful, first-person experience. But we can help them face reality if we also teach them that we are something much better than strong, independent, and separate people – we are also tender and vulnerable, and can be here to help and serve each other. The happiest societies on earth live that way, depending on each other for encouragement and help through struggle and crisis.

3 moms found this helpful
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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I have never heard of the movie you are talking about. However, with our teen sons, we do watch some documentaries that bring to them the real life events that are hard. We have watched The Singing Revolution, and I remind them that the Estonians only got their freedom in our oldest's lifetime. It wasn't that long ago that the USSR had that iron curtain slammed shut over a lot of the world. We have watched several WWII documentaries so that they understand what happened, and in their grandparents' lifetime. I want them to know what to watch for in the government, to know that power corrupts, to know to stand up early before it is too late to stop the evil. We want our men to be leaders, brave, courageous, principled, and well-educated on these things. We want them to have a clue about life and government, about peace and fighting for what is right. Our daughters are still young, so we don't expose them to much yet. All in good time. We want them to be wives who will be strong in character and not fearful about a husband slaying the dragons. We want them to be able to slay the ones that come after her if needed. But, as little girls, we don't take them to the dragons just yet. Daddy protects them still. :)

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M.M.

answers from Tampa on

I am really big about exposing yourself to many different levels of understanding, awareness, empathy and compassion.

Has anyone seen the movies "Earthlings", "The Cove" or other major documentaries that show us the cruelty we allow to continue because most people would rather shut their eyes and pretend it doesn't happen?

I know about human suffering... I've been a feminist since 1995 - when I was 15 years old. I have known and tried to educate others on FGM, acid attacks, honor killings, the Americans in the Appalachians without running water or eletricity... but most people don't care because it's not part of their comfy little bubble.

I openly discuss these things with my almost 6 y/o too... I don't dumb down or sugar coat the atrocities mankind forces on others. By discussing these things with my children and others, I feel I have helped improve the conditions of life and death of others - nationally as well as globally.

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L.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I am careful what I watch or expose myself to, because it will effect me to the extend that I cannot focus on my day or function well as a mom. I will really become tormented by it. I wasn't always that way, but after going through divorce I became very sensitive to others' suffering. I just can't take it, so I don't read what I don't need to know. I know that if I need to deal with something, God will give me the grace and strength I need.
As far as exposing my kids, they are well aware of the wrongs in our world. I don't expose them to gory details, but at 11, 13 and 16 they learn a great deal. We discuss in general terms current events and yes, terrible things, if they come up. I try not to dwell on it all, but I know my kids need to understand what kind of world they live in. And I'd rather they got my perspective and input as they seek to interpret it.

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T.C.

answers from Dallas on

I have never heard of that movie, so I'm not sure what it's about, but when things come up with my kids, we talk about it. We are somewhat forced to due to our situation with our oldest daughter. She was born with a disease that causes bone marrow failure (aplastic anemia), leukemia (AmL) and different types of cancer. We've watched her develop into severe bone marrow failure as the years have passed. Her little siblings have watched it too. We have to have the hard conversations sometimes to explain things - age appropriately with them. Often I have to go by myself afterwards and cry because it's so hard to have to talk about those things.

As for other types of things, we talk about them as they come up. I believe in being open and honest and answering questions age appropriately. I think it's important to try to see what exactly they child is asking and not giving more info than they want to know, but definitely I'm big in explaining things now. I think it's healthiest.

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D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi, Amy:

About children: Disciplining them, keeping them safe from seeing violence and violation, and empathizing with them on their hurts and frustrations are enough for them.

They see enough in their daily experiences at home, school, and church.

Eventually they will experience classmates, family members, and friends going through violence and violation that may lead to death. That is enough for them while they are in your care.

For you, Do what resonates with you.
Thanks for asking.
All the Best
D.

1 mom found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Good for you! I have been wanting to see that movie, but have been holding myself back. Why? I don't know, I guess I may be afraid to cry right now, for whatever reason :(
I do challenge myself with what my sister calls "depressing" books. I like to look at and think about hard things, most of the time.

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J.J.

answers from Allentown on

I tend to seek out those challenges/situations/movies/ anything that makes me realize more truth about the world/people and actions. I am constantly striving to better myself, and part of that is knowing and understanding truth of the world around me, even what I can't see or be involved in. So my kids ages 3 and 6 are exposed somewhat to things. We read books and talk about things. I discuss issues with them, more so with my 6 year old. I don't want to shield them from the world. I think the more educated anyone is, the more prepared they are to meet the world and to be in the world.

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