Newborn Crying and Nobody's Helping!!

I think you just have to be honest with them and gently suggest to them that newborns need to be cuddled and fed all the time! I know it sounds crazy to people who are new to motherhood (it was to me) to be up all night, but that's how we know life is with a newborn in the beginning. I hope they start to cuddle her more! Just be the helpful sister-in-law! Good luck!

My heart breaks! Tell them, in no uncertain terms, that they are neglecting their baby, causing great harm, and putting the child's life at risk. Let them know that you are more than willing and ready to call the authorities.
Who cares if they get mad, that they feel offended or intruded upon. The child's life is much more important.
Step in, now. Tomorrow could be too late.

i'm feeling for you just reading your post.. i've been where you are.
it's hard because, i know for me, i worried the response i would get is 'what business is it of yours?'..
but there are ways of bringing up the topics delicately.
just by brining it up in conversation. not by saying 'we need to talk ' or ' i just don't feel this is right'..
but more like you are feeling for them that the baby won't go to sleep.. and bring up ways your PEDICATRICIAN has suggested to you. suggestions seem to hold more weight when it comes from a dr. or mention to them to ask their dr for suggestions.
or ask what books they are reading and how much wonderful sources you got from a certain book.. and just come at it from a sympathetic and empathetic position.
infants NEED someone there most all the time till they are 6-9 months old to establish that trust bond with an adult. at this point of an infants life they are establishing bonds and need to know someone will be there when they cry. not till about a year should they be allowed to try to learn to cry or fidget themselves to sleep. that comes much later!
i wish you luck. i feel for you and can imagine how your heart is hurting for this baby. and wonder if there IS that bond being made.

there are always two sides to a story.. and maybe by talking to them/her about any support you can give,, maybe the parents are viewing it differently from their side. ya never know.. but i'm type that would have to 'stick my nose in' and open up the communications about it.

I read a book after I had my daughter about the importance of bonding with your child and letting him or her know that she is loved. The statistics are staggering in the numbers of children who go without love and touch the first 18 months of life, they later are unable to feel emotion and there is a connect to crimintal activity. This is that poor girls whole future on the line. . . My thoughts and prayers are with you.

This is a touchy subject because when it comes to parenting everyone is different. However, my husband and I could not let our children cry without trying to figure out why they were crying. All babies need physical touch to know that everything is okay, to feel closeness. She needs to know that her parents are there to soothe her every whim until she is able to communiacte with them. Surely they must know that her crying is her way of communicating with them. At some point she will need to learn how to soothe herself BUT since she is 5 wks old, she hasn't learned how to do so yet. The only advise I can offer is to comfort her whenever you get the chance. Maybe when you spend time with her, make sure her parents see how you are treating her, like a baby, the way she needs to be treated. Hopefully, they will see how content she is and that all she really needs is their love, and attention. She needs to feel wanted and needed. And the only way for a 5 wk old to feel any of this is to be held, comforted, soothed and understood even if we as parents don't understand one single word. How else will they bond and build trust with their daughter without communictating with her. She needs to know that if she needs them, they will be there no matter what the time. It's her time schedule and it maybe off track with theirs but she can't compromise yet. At 5 wks old, she needs to feel their love her and each other. I'm sorry if my repetition is annoying.

the only thing i can think of is to try and explain to them what your concerns are and why. if that does not work try to explain to them the legal remefacations to the actions you are concerned about. find out if they know what to do . see if they are willng to take a few parenting classes or if they will hier a nanny to help untill they get the hang of things on thier own.

that is horrible and you need to tell them that. most hospitals also offer parenting classes, and if they have never realy been interested in kids before, maybe the class is just what they need to understand the growth and development of a infant and child. let them know that at this age, an infant mush be changed and most definately fed nearly every 2 hours in order for it to begin growth and development. When in the mother they get all their nurishment from the mother, and when out they have to send signals "crying" that their little bodies need something. so when she is crying....they do need to get up and do something, cause it is like you said, the baby is not 2. It is all part of parenting wich you know, when you have them you can't be lazy about their care.
I hope things work out.

I don't feel like I have any real advice for you, but I just want to tell youthat I am sickened as well. You are not alone in feeling badly about this. It seems like they need to do some good reading and maybe get some good support. You know what? To heck with not intruding, tell them what you think and let them take it or leave it! This is your niece!

How can they do that to her? I would seriously be tempted to call Child Services. Obviously you don't want to do that but this sounds like neglect to me.
I guess the only other thing that I can think of is buying them some books about attachment parenting.

You could anonymously send them this discussion thread too.

This is such a touchy subject. You really have to be careful with how and what you say. I think that you should offer some suggestions other than the crying and see how they deal with that. I mean do you really know that they did nothing? Maybe they are finding it hard to parent...So be there for them and let them ask questions to you. DO you think that they were as suprised as your faimily when they were pregnent? Maybe they are shocked and not really happy about the baby. You need to help them to find an attachment to the baby.
If it gets out of hand then you need to take more action and deal with the situation. Good luck I really hope that they figure out this baby before things get out of hand.

S.-
It would be hard for me since I am a non-confrontational person, but you need to come out and confront them. Do it in a loving way so they know you are doing it in their best interest. Give them a copy of "The Baby Book" by William Sears. Let them know that neglecting their baby affects everything from IQ to emotional health to growth! And doing that is neglecting especially at 5 weeks when they still need to be fed at night! Please do something for that baby this is something that can affect her for the rest of her life!
Brekka

You can leave them a book on the early stages of infants. Make sure it explains about how important it is for baby to bond with parents. Also if their baby is unhappy at that age its needs are not being met. Either the baby is hungry, wet, sick or just needs to be held.You may also want to include a book about reactive attachment disorder. This is when a person never had that bond with a parent when they were an infant. It really can damage a person socially. I would try to approach this from a caring and supportive sis. Let them know how you feel and offer to help by giving them the information. Also Rescue Remedy can be used to help calm. You can find it in any health food store. People and pets can use it. You can put drops in the mouth. There is also gripe water that is good for colic/upset tummy.

Hope this helps. :-(

D.

www.alwaysfollowyourdream.com

Unfortunately, you won't be able to help in any way. This is their child and you can't tell them how to be parents. The best you can do is remind them that babies that young can't be spoiled. They shouldn't let the little one cry herself out. Ask your relative if she's read what to expect the first year. That's the best book out there. Other than that I don't know how you can help. It's their child. They won't appreciate any interference. Good Luck!!!!

I'd be careful w/how you approach this. Their parenting style may be totally different from yours. For instance, they may firmly believe in the cry it out method or self soothe.

To me 10-2 does seem like a long time. But are they telling you it's 10-2 or are you there at night and now for sure. Sometimes the actual facts can shift a bit in translation. I am not saying someone is lying, but if the parents said she was crying from 10-2, did they say constantly or would she cry, then doze then cry, etc. Or was it that they didn't get good sleep until 2.

You might glean more insight into their parenting styles, by asking them "how to" questions, like you asking for their opinion. Say you were reading a magazine article that talked about this and you were wondering how many people did this or that. Or you wondered how they dealt with something compared to you own.

If mom is not PPD, then maybe their not hearing her at night. Or maybe baby has her days and nights turned around and wants to be up...and while that's a hard thing to deal with it can be a hard thing to change if you're say working during the day and not with her to help adjust naps, etc.

Since you're the IL then maybe the first step would come easier through your husband. Maybe have a dad's go to the guy's club and he can bring up some of the information and see what kind of response, maybe new dad needs someone to vent too.

that probably doesn't help too much, but I think sometimes it's too easy for us to jump to a wrong conclusion due to lack of information. Some of that is due to all the CSI shows that give us false hope on solving "problems" quickly. We watch these type shows and don't realize how many different answers there could be or how long it does take. Good luck

Hi S.:
That is a really tough situation to deal with and I feel for you. What is really bad is that people dont usually appreciate being told how to raise their children but 4 hours is far too long for a 5 week old to cry with out anyone coming to the rescue. I really think that your in-laws need to take a parenting class, I really think they should have given the baby up for adoption but it's too late for that now. It is dangerous for a baby to cry for that period of time and she could have gotten herself so worked up that she could have gone into cardiac arrest or worse, death. This is really difficult to say but if nothing changes then I really think you need to take further legal action, like contact social services. Pretty sure you don't want to cause that kind of conflict in your family but at the same time there is a childs life at risk. I wish you luck in this difficult situation.

S.

Have you ever thought about saying let me take her for a while and getting her out of that house and then when you do get her home to your house, call and file a report on them that they are abusive parents that don't really want to be parents. But do let the atthorities know that you have the child with you.

A. T.

I think the most important thing to tell them is that a baby that age still needs to be fed every 1 1/2 to 3 hours, and that she is likely crying because she is hungry or wet!! Make them concerned about her health and physical development! I'm assuming that they go to a pediatrician? Maybe give them a book on infant care- there are a lot of good ones out there. I'm not sure how you tell them or deal with them without upsetting them- I'm sure it's extra tough since they are family. All that really matters nis the healthy growth and development of their child. I'd say do whatever it takes, even if it is severe or tough. The safety of the baby is the most important thing.

Well have you actually looked at and watched her, the mother I mean? I mean you said this woman never really took an interest in kids and didn't appear to want kids. Maybe she didn't, and doesn't, and or has PPD or something of this nature. She isn't gonna feel an attachment to this child and make the effort. I mean if you are having mental problems and no one is willing to help and you never wanted this child could you seriously say you would be very keen on taking care of it. Waking up in the middle of the night to it screaming at you. I mean if you are having trouble everything looks different.

I know this is hard to understand if you wanted your children and escaped PPD but it does happen.

I wanted my daughter but was unlucky that I formed post partum psychosis. I didn't actually get the desire or need to form a bond with my daughter till she was 1.5 years old. Luckily her father was amazing and took great care of her till I felt better.

I have severe doubts this woman is so selfish that she just ignores her newborn all night. I'm sure there is alot more going on that you can't see and don't know about.

Hi S.,

I believe explaining to these new parents that a 5 week old is still used to being in the womb and having the feeling of being "held" all the time. The baby is crying because she needs to be swaddled (babies don't have much room in the womb and they feel comforted to have their new-found mobility limited at times)and she needs to hear her mothers heartbeat or the sound of her fathers voice. Perhaps if you present this to them from the baby's perspective they might have a better understanding. Or perhaps directing them to talk to the pediatrician about all the crying so the doctor can tell them they're not holding her enough.

Everyone knows that the first few months is very h*** o* parents, and baby, adjusting to the need for comfort and providing that comfort. Of course, it may be that you'll just have to buck up the courage and tell them to stop being selfish, suck up the loss of sleep and pick the baby up. You may not make friends with them for that but at least the baby won't be crying all the time.

First go to their book shelves; I bet you will find Dr. Spock's books all lined up in pretty little rows. Then tell them to read erikson for a better view on how to raise a baby. Tell tehm that you had such success by holdign your infant while he/she cried; by playing hit him/her... be a guide without being a nagger. Chances are, they will flock to your 'advice" if you give it in a way that flatters them.
A.
mother and wife

I am responding here because I see that no one else has said this yet:
A 5 week old baby is still needing to be fed every couple of hours! If this baby isn't getting fed from 10-2, there is a serious problem, and this baby is starving! Babies at this age cry for a reason! Not just to be held and loved, as of course they do need, but they need to be FED! And often, like every 2 hours at 5 weeks old! This is a SERIOUS problem if she isn't picking up the crying baby at 5 weeks old. Much too young to cry anything out- self-soothing techniques need to be learned, but not until they are old enough to go without eating that long- a few more months at least!
I certainly hope that she is at least trying to do what she can in this time period, as who could, short of illness of their own, sleep through their baby crying at 5 weeks old for 4 hours?? I couldn't do it for 1 hour~!
Please keep us updated as to what is going on here.

I am sorry but these two need some parenting classes. My guess is that you need to print all of theses responses out and then as nice as possible, give them the copies. Perhaps in their little world, they think this is how it's done but they need to be told and they need to learn that you DO NOT allow a baby of this age to cry for four hours, not even for 1/2 hour! What if the baby had thrown up and choked on it's own vomit? You cannot expect a baby, a new born to "ENTERTAIN" herself? I mean, what the heck do they expect her to do, count the tiles in the ceiling? Please, so that we can ALL sleep tonight knowing this baby is being cared for by someone who has a clue, give these responses to them, they HAVE TO BE TOLD. If they do nothing about it then, I advise you to turn them in. I mean, they are not abusing the baby but they are certainly neglecting him/her and that is WRONG. I will not be able to sleep tonight knowing this little girl is home crying her little voice hoarse and nobody is holding her and loving her. She should be held so that she knows that she is loved and that she is okay. Please, please, please, stop this today and get involved. Sometimes we are just as guilty if we don't get involved in something we know is going on and it's wrong! Please keep up posted, I am so upset!!!

Get them some reading material stat! They know not what they do. Unfortuantely, they may take your advice less than kindly. Worse still, they are likely to ignore you if they have gotten into this sort of routine. Make sure they know that it is normal for babies to cry and even more normal for them to respond/comfort the child. Maybe they got some poor advice somewhere down the line or haven't really put the effort into asking about infant development. Some books/pamphlets/videos on the subject may enlighten them.

Is the baby putting on weight? Because if she is crying throughout the night she is (very likely ) hungry. The pediatrician will point this out to them too. Best of luck. Sounds like a very tough situation-- especially for your precious niece!

Maybe you could print an article or page from a self help book for her about this concern and just come about it as hey, I remember those sleepless nights too and maybe this will help. Or just tell her what really helped you without pointing fingers at her. I can understand how that would break your heart.

Tell them to pick up the baby and not to let her cry for so long. Let them know how detremental to a baby it is to cry and have no one respond to her needs. Not only will she continue to cry all the time they are rejecting one of the largest forms of bonding a baby uses. Babies only use crying to manipulate AFTER 9 months old, now they are only doing her harm (at least this is what my doctor says)

Maybe they think that is a good way for the baby to streanthing her lungs because that has been said i think you should sit them dowm and nicely say to them thats not wat you do because she could e hungry or wet so jus be nice and give them sum advice about wat they should do