New to the Stay at Home Mom Thing, and Feeling at Odds

Lots of parents that I know can't wait for their child to start school or have a desire to work part-time to "get away" from it. I can say I am the opposite. I love being home with my kids. I babysit now to make extra money, but I still get to spend all day with my children. It isn't for everyone...that I know. Before I started babysitting I felt like we were so chaotic...we really had no schedule so we just did whatever. We might go to the park, Target, the library...there was no routine which had its ups and downs (great to have the freedom, but NOTHING ever got done around the house and I constantly felt like we wasted the day away.) I found a few things helped me out:
* Try to be a little scheduled...every Monday take a Library class, clean the 1st floor of your house before you head out, do your grocery shopping,etc.
* Try the website www.meetup.com. I joined this almost 2 years ago and have met some wonderful moms. It's a site that connects you with different interest groups. I joined one for moms and used to attend playdates, trips to the zoo, etc with different moms before I started sitting. We formed a weekly playgroup...Nice to have something for both you and your child to look forward too.
You'll adjust...it just takes some time. If you're unhappy you could always consider working part-time when your husband is home, although I know you said he has tough hours. Try to find some time during the day for you too...Let her watch Sesame Street while you read, watch a Soap while she naps...or take a nap too! Good luck...I'm sure it will all work out and you'll feel right at home very soon.

Being a stay at home mom (and WIFE!) is the hardest job that I can think of. When you work outside the home, you have a schedule. At home, you're on-duty 24/7. That's what I have a hard time dealing with. So when my husband gets home from work, I go out by myself. Sometimes it's short trips to the corner store for a gallon of milk; sometimes it's 2 hours of running errands. I probably do that 3 or 4 times a week.

I also try to find new things for the kids to do during the day to keep them occupied. Play-doh, coloring, dancing to the radio, etc. If they keep the same routine all day, every day, they get bored which means TROUBLE!

Finally, I put all 4 kids down for naps at the same time after lunch. Even if the oldest doesn't sleep, she knows it's quiet time. Translation -- I get time to do some work, but I also take some time for ME. Whether it's just checking e-mail, taking a shower, calling a friend or watching a TV show that doesn't have goofy cartoon characters. I do something that makes me happy so I'm in a better place to deal with all of the kids.

I hope that gives you an idea or two. Hang in there. This job ain't easy, but it's definitely rewarding!! They grow up so fast, and some day I believe I'll look back on this time as some of the best moments of my life. I hope you think so too!!

Being a SAHM can be, for the most part, a thankless job. It took me over a year to adjust to my new role as a mom. I agree with the advice Tracy O. wrote to you.
Create a schedule for yourself. Not by the minute or even hour, but plan activities during your week. It gives you something to look forward to.
I also found a wonderful group of local moms online at Meetup.com. I've made some, what I hope will be, lifelong friends, and my 25 mo. old son has the greatest friends too! Now my 6 mo. old daughter has automatically inherited a great group of friends too.
So my advice is...leave the housework unfinished and get out of the house!
Good luck. Don't forget to make time for just yourself too!

It can be isolating and depressing at times to be a SAHM. It's also extremely rewarding and fun at times. You take the good and bad. Try as much as you can to do things for yourself in your downtime or when your husband is home. If you can, join a gym that has a daycare. Xsport is a great one. To keep my sanity, I plan my week so that we have an activity every day. Sometimes that's just groceries and shoe shopping but it helps me to feel organized at the beginning of my week. We go out to lunch a lot and also go to the museums and indoor play places. In the summer it's much easier. I've also had heath issues so it makes it hard to plan playdates. I'm never sure if I'll feel up to a group. Other mom's always understand last minute plan changes though. Good luck with the adjustment. I've been doing this for 3 1/2 years and my kids are both really happy kids. I question how effective I am sometimes but they are happy no matter what we do (except stay home!!).

A., It is really hard to stay at home. Even though you know in your heart you are doing great things it sometimes hard to see it.

One of the things some moms do is try to learn something new with their child. I have some clients who use this time to try to learn a new language. Your children are under 10 (the best time to learn a language) so if you always wanted to learn one what better way to spend time together. I own a foreign language school but sell items for families to use at home too. If you have any interest let me know. Good luck and once the weather gets better there is so much to do!

Dear A.,

I have been a mom that works out of the home. I do daycare. I understand how you feel. So I went out and found things that made me happy, but also helped others out. I want to start habitat for humanity, they need all the help they can and you don't have to designate a certain amount of time. I have helped people in need. The biggest is helping get clothes together for some moms that can't afford them and are to imbaressed to go to the shelters for help. I have found that for me it works better when I am helping others. I also feel like I am me and getting something out of helping others. Good luck.
B.

Dear A.,
After my 3.5 year old was born, I stopped working full time because we just couldn't afford childcare. My entire paycheck would've been gone and it made more sense for me to just be home with the new baby. Prior to that, I had always worked extremely hard, ever since part time jobs in high school and during college and grad school. I went from being a full time college professor to being a stay-at-home mom basically only working one or two evenings a week for about two years. I was miserable! It was extremely isolating for me. None of my friends at the time had kids. I felt very alone and bored and exhausted! Being home with the baby (he wasn't the easiest baby!) was much harder than going to work! I can't say that I ever really adjusted to being home. But it did get easier. Especially when our son was a year old and that first summer came around. We were outside at the park or on walks all the time with the stroller, and I started to interact with the other moms in the neighborhood. That made a huge difference. Just give it some time and try to get involved as much as you can in your new role. You'll be fantastic! Just hang in there. It sounds like you've been through a lot and just need to settle in.

I'll send an additional message but to help, I know these groups helped me TREMENDOUSLY...

pacesmoms.com
momsclub.org *** excellent group *** visit to find a local chapter
MOPS - through local churches