Lonely and Broke

Updated on March 04, 2011
J.C. asks from Murfreesboro, TN
28 answers

I decided to stay at home with my baby and quit working right before she was born. My husband works and takes night classes so it's just me and my 9 month old all day and night. I have lost touch with my old college friends and l live out in the country away from town. Gas is so high that I can't afford to go out unless it's shopping for food. I can't afford daycare or mommy and baby classes so how do I make friends. I'm becoming depressed because I've been so isolated for some time. My parents live 2 hours away and his family works all the time. I try to take my mind off it but I just feel this over hanging gloom no matter what I'm doing busy or not. I also worry that my baby might be feeling it too considering I'm all she has. I try to entertain her as much as I can. and make her laugh. What can I do? Any ideas?

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for the good advice. I'm looking for a weekend job close to home. I also found a playground a few miles from my home by accident the other day. I think that was God right there. I hope we can meet other moms and some kids through the playground and they won't think I'm weird for bringing my 10 month old who can't even walk yet to hang out there. :)

Featured Answers



answers from Chattanooga on

To be honest I know how you feel. I'm a stay at home mom of 4 who goes to college part time. The only person I really spend time with is my hubby..Good luck on finding some friends i wish i knew how to make them myself

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

If there's a park close enough to walk to... You might just meet someone there in a similar situation.

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Pittsburgh on

Hon, let me tell you something I wish someone had told me. Being home with a baby (even a 9 mo) is the loneliest and most isolated time of your life. You're not the first mom to feel like that and certainly won't be the last. I was 39 when I had my (first and only) baby, and I cried like a baby standing at the door when my mom pulled away after being here for about 4-5 days.
I used to RUN just to say "hi" to the mailman! I was sure my brain was turning into mush--slowly but surely.
The best advice I can give you is that a happy mom=a happy child. I know the weather has been harsh, but when the sun is shining, get that baby in the stroller and take a walk! Enjoy the air. Life IS going on out there.
If you are close to your family, plan an overnight trip...when your hubby has a class anyway, so he won't miss you two that much extra. Or have your mom come for a visit.
Being home alone all day every day is sometimes agony, but make sure you're on a productive schedule..plop you baby near by while you fold laundry, clean a room, etc. If your environment is "organized" you will feel better. Ever tried www.flylady.net?
O. thing is certainly true--if anything is going to happen, YOU have to make it happen: pack the diaper bag, feed the baby, then GO...somewhere....anywhere. Go to your local library for lap sit story time (free!) or just to hang out & let your little O. check out the kid area.
Can you go for a cup of coffee and a pastry occasionally? Seriously, sometimes just getting out is what the doctor ordered!
Work a few fun things into the mundane everyday stuff. It can be done.
And it gets better, I promise.
Enjoy that little girl!

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It seems to me you would be better off finding a job. A lot of us moms do work and our babies/children are thriving. It was hard for me to go back to work at first, but I also appreciated the adult company and the income for my family. My baby actually loved being at daycare with the other children, she's very social.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Nashville on

Anytime u want ccompany I will drive to your house and we can visit I will bring u starbucks I know how u feel being isolated my girls are at school all day and I have no family or friends here closest family is 5 hrs away so anytime girl let me know it would be nice to conversate with another adult

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

go to church take free dance classes this is what i did when i was a single mom with no child support and couldnt afford anything else. :) go to the park meet other moms etc.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I recommend library storytimes and joining a mom's group. At both you can get some adult conversation and playgroups for your baby.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

the website meetup has a bunch of playgroups on it, thats what i did, and met a bunch of moms with kids the same age that lived close by...i think around 9 months is when i felt that way too

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

I suggest going back to work! If you're not enjoying your time at home, then what is the point? It doesn't do you or your child any favors to be at home with lonely and depressed mom. Give it a try! You can always quit if you decide you liked being at home more!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

What about animals? If you are really far out in the country, maybe get some chickens. Chicken coops are cheap enough to build and you can eat the eggs. I know people who loved their pet chickens and would never have eaten them. Ducks are a blast to raise too. Spring time is coming and all you need is a plastic pool and some duck feed. Then release them to a pond somewhere. Your toddler will love them, they can be great companions too (though quite messy). If I could i'd have chickens in a heart beat. they are fun to watch.
I found that a once a week bible study group that provided free child watch was a real life saver for me. It was better than play dates because I connected with moms on a deeper level. Play ground mom friendships I have found to be shallow and unsatisfying. My sister is also broke and cannot afford baby sitters. She has local friends that swap babysitting days. She watches their kid for one whole day and they watch hers for one whole day. This is so they can do some part time work. Do you go spend extended time with your parents? when I only had one baby, I loved to go spend two weeks with my folks.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Having a baby is hard, and its REALLY hard when you don't have enough support. Its also really isolating, even under good circumstances.

Could you have post partum depression? Check with a doctor.

Make sure you are getting exercise every day. Put that baby in the stroller and go for a long walk.

Talk to your husband and let him know what you are feeling. There should be some way to get you some time with other people.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

J. are you at all in walking distance of a library, or if you have to drive, do grocery shopping same day as library. The library usually has a reading time even for the babies and you can meet moms that way. How far away are your next door neigbors, anyone interesting? Invite them over for a cup of coffee. I understand hubs is working and going to school, great for him, but he gets human contact. Can you guys work it out that he makes some time for you and also can watch your baby for 2 hrs a week so you can go out? I know it's tough with distance and tight finances, but you have to be creative. I would also suggest you try to reconnect with old school friends and invite them for a visit. Winter is almost over and just the warm weather should lift a little of the gloom. I also suggest you pick up a "daily" those local flyers you'd get at a supermarket and see if there are cheap if not free, Mommy and me type events. Hang in there.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

When you do go out shopping for food, make a day of it. Before going to the grocery store, stop at the park and/or library. Do some window shopping.

Can you go and spend a few days with your family?

Maybe it's time to go back to work.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Tulsa on

This is exactly the position I was in when my baby was born. Except my interfering inlaws lived down the road so every time I drove an hour to see my friends, they were counting the gas$$$ out loud. The good news is the misery forced us to make changes that would have taken years to make otherwise. I convinced hubby to move to a suburb since he was working and taking classes and I was the one all alone.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

For one thing baby doesn't know. Her world is you and she likes that. I had the same issue as you when my 1st was born. We were very poor, hubby was gone 12 hours a day, and going for a walk was out as we hard hookers on the corners and random shootings. I was trapped on the 8th floor of a very safe apartment complex. Looking back I had postpartum depression but I didn't know at the time. I found dancing helped.Pandora has 40 hours a month of free music. Babies are lovely dancing partners. Also some churches have Bible studies with free childcare. I have found that to be helpful. We swap child care all the time. Some moms groups have scholarships. Just call and ask. They M. say no but there are many groups out there.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Nashville on

Can you invite friends to your house? do your friends have children that you can have over for playdates? Can you get a p/t job at a preschool or daycare where you child can attend while you make a 'little' bit of money and get out of the house to meet people. When I first stayed at home I had my friends over to our house for lunch or I would meet friends every other week for lunch. I also started watching a friend's baby in my home to make a bit of extra money. Now I work at my daughter's preschool for extra money and to get out. A lot of times friends will bring lunch when they visit.
Losing touch with friends can easily be solved by contacting them and inviting them over. Once in awhile you ask your husband to watch the baby while you go out to dinner with the girls.
Gas is high but it wouldn't cost more than a few dollars to head into town once a week. There are playgroups that are free, you join a group of other moms and they meet once a week and do different things with the kids. That is a really good way to make friends. Plus your child gets to play with other children. I have met most of my friends at my daughter's preschool but many of my friends have met their best friends through play groups. You can google playgroups or mommy groups on Murfreesboro. If I can help, let me know, I live in M'boro.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Appleton on

You need to get out of the house. I live in the frozen North, Wisconsin, and I know just how nutty you can get staying in all the time. There must be some free stuff you can do, look into community and library events. I also recommend you find a part time job. You may be able to find another Mom who will watch your child 1-2 days a week. Most retailers only offer part-time jobs now, they don't pay much but you can get an incredible employee discount. If you go to work for a major department store, Penney's, Kohl's, Macy's you can get 20% discount on most purchases including clearance items. At Penney's employees get 'Associate's Day' 3-4 times a year when they get a 35% discount for that day. I used to buy all my b-day, Christmas, new baby gifts etc on clearance and was lucky enough to be able to keep an eye on stuff I liked and get insanely wonderful discounts. $80 outfits for under $5, baby and kids clothes for $1. This is wonderful for 2 reasons your family will need new things and you get out and can make friends. You may feel like you are working only to pay a sitter and buy cute stuff for the baby, hubby and yourself but honestly it makes a difference.
It doesn't matter what degree you have working in retail takes smarts and patience. One of the downside effects of working in retail is the idiot customer who yells at you because that Tee shirt didn't come in red or your store doesn't carry everything pictured in the weekly flyer. It does happen. I often wanted to say 'do I look like the person who makes that decision', but you have to smile and say let me see what I can do for you. Honestly I loved working in retail, but as a single Mom I just couldn't earn enough to live on.



answers from Norfolk on

I have been in your shoes. I know it is hard. Whatever day food shopping is on would be my biggest day.

On the weekend I bet your hubby and family are so tired the last thing they want to do is get in the car and drive and go out.

I would suggest making a list of great and good things about being as far out as you are.

Before going to the store, treat yourself to some fun things, even if you just end up wandering around the mall window shopping.

Don't be afraid to talk to others or start up a play group, put of little signs in a coffee shop or library or book store (you could ask if you could lead or start up a story time)

Do you have a botanical garden near you? - you could ask if you could help plant seeds and get some plants in the ground

Even though you don't have a child in school you can still go and ask them if they could use some help

Is there a church near you - how about singing in the choir?

Most important tell your husband how you feel so he can help give you ideas and confidence , who knows he might know a guy whose wife is in the same boat and then you two can become friends.


answers from Bloomington on

I felt the same way with our first. My situation then sounds identical to yours, except that my husband was home at night. Now that I have 2, I am much more outgoing and try to connect with others more.

I take my boys to free programs at the library. I take them to the park. Do you go to church? Does it have a women's group? Can you take her to your parent's for a few days here and there? Sometimes, I go to my parents just for a change of scenery. My Mom will usually watch them if I want to run to dinner with a friend.



answers from Nashville on

try to find a two day aweek job and spend the money you will make for day care.it will give you a much needed mental break and help her to learn to play with others. you baby needs a mommy that isn't so mentally stessed. it isn't written in stone that you have to be your childs one and only care taker. good luck, R.


answers from Detroit on

You said you live in a country type setting and getting out to the city is a challenge. What are your hobbies? Maybe find something you can do while at home. Challenge yourself to do a new hobby once a month. Can you go to garage sales?

I would say keep in contact via face book but I dont like FB so I am not going to say that..LOL.
cooking new dishes
starting a blog
writing a book



answers from Sacramento on

Look on Craigslist to see if there are any playgroups in your area. If not, start one of your own (super easy, just post a free ad and see if there's interest). Plan to meet up when you're already planning on being out to get groceries later in the day. Start off in a public place like an indoor playground in the winter months and then move out to a park when you can. This can be done for free.

Best of luck to you!


answers from Washington DC on

staying home with your baby is AWESOME so long as you are happy and fulfilled by doing so. it is no detriment to you that's it's lonely and hard. i suggest either getting a part-time job or making sure that you schedule lots of fun things on your shopping days. look for playgroups or start one.
good for you for being smart enough to be aware that your depression could affect your baby. that's not a guilt-inducer, it's a motivator!
find a way to inject some fun into your life, hon. being a SAHM can be joyful or it can be isolating. if it doesn't work for you, please don't feel badly.
try part-time. it's a compromise that has worked for many of us.



answers from San Francisco on

I am glad to hear that someone else feels the same way! I love being home with my 4 month old son, but it can be really lonely. Especially during nap times. I am the second of all my friends to have a kid (the first lives in Washington) so everyone else is always at work. One thing that helps is that my friend from WA and I have Skype dates! Its nice to see her and her baby face to face and hang out on Skype because it kinda feels like we are together again. I also use Skype with my relatives from Canada.

In the Bay Area we have a thing called stroller hikes which are pretty cool. There is a website (www.strollerhikes.com) where they organize groups of moms for walks around the area, perhaps you can find one, or start one for you and other moms in your area!

I agree that meetup.com or Craigslist might be a great way to find groups of moms or even start one of your own!

Even though gas is expensive consider getting out of the house as necessary for your mental health. Sitting at home and getting stir crazy isn't good for anyone, maybe budget in one outing a week so you can get out and be around people.



answers from Clarksville on

Hi J. - I have been an at home mom for 16 years and have 6 children. They are now older but I would be glad to talk with you about how I got through those baby years : ) I totally understand your depression and always battled it myself at this time of year - wishing I could go back to work during January & February and then in the summer time being so thankful that I could be at home with the kids. Are you on facebook? Look me up and we'll be friends : ) S. Kirkendall Bartlett



answers from Louisville on

two things the internet is a great way to make friends for sahms and it is great that you decided to stay home however, my experience is this with my second i decided to quit my job of seven yrs and stay home with my kids while my hubby worked mostly second shift and i love it however it did take me several months to adjust to my new role. i stayed home til my second child was 15mths and just recently went back to work some of it being for money but mostly because this job was a great opportunity i couldnt pass on and i feel so much better now that i am back to contributing to our home outside of the four walls and i feel it makes me a more pleasant mom. you just may need outside interaction and work does that for me. goodluck.



answers from Chicago on

Playgroups. Try meet-up.com. Library's have free story time.

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