My Son Will Not Sleep in His Own Bed.

Assuming this is a normal healthy kid with a bad habit, I'd get a book (or two or three) from the library and start working on breaking the bad habit. EVERYONE will be better off. Good luck. I think you're in for a not-so-fun retraining. Just stick with whatever method you choose and don't give in EVER -- consistency is key!

Hi D.,
I really enjoy what Susanna said earlier. And the KURA bed works like a charm. Routines are important, too... you can explain the routine, and... honey, it's time for you to sleep in your big boy bed now,.. you are older now and the new routines are for big boys!!! (and take long naps w/him when you can! or snuggle in the bed w/him for 15-20 minutes like i have always done - regardless what anyone said i should or should not do. i budgeted the time to have with him.)
here is an extraction of another response I made about instilling routines and a sense of security. God bless:

* find a special drink, chamomile tea, water w/infused lemon, etc that he really enjoys. and make it a special treat at the same time in the morning or evening every day.
* bedtime routine is the catalyst: at 9 months, have your routine. bath, dress, books, nightlights, soft music, gentle bible reading, rocking, songs... the same order at the same time for month after month
* and as he is falling asleep (or even after he is asleep) say these magical words, in a soft monotone voice - emitting your love for him:

"My son, I love you so much. Daddy and I have waited for you all of our lives, and now you are here. Thank you for picking us. You are a Child of God. You are Nurtured. You are Loved. You are Respected. You are Adored. You are Supported. You are Secure. I am always here for you. And you know instinctely the difference between right and wrong. And you can see right through people because God has given you the Wisdom to see bad people from good people. And I Trust You. God fills you with His White Light and Love. And you radiate your Love and your Light in a 6 feet radius. And wherever you go, whatever you do, you emit His Love and Light. And you are Secure. I will Always Love You, my beautiful child. You are Funny, Cute, Smart, Handsome, Wise, Joyful, Creative, Loving, Compassionate, Sincere, and I thank you for being You. God sends his Angels and they Wrap their A. wings around you and hold you... through the night... so....... tight........ God bless you my Love. And Good night." let soft music continue to play and lie with him for a few more minutes... this encouragement is SOOOOO nice... they absorb it in. sometimes you will see a great big sigh after you have been in the bed w/him for 5-6 minutes. I love that nice sigh.

The KURA bed lets you put a real twin mattress on it. :)

Oh, and making his room comforting is ideal. No bright reds... replace w/dark blue, soft yellows and white. put some moons and stars up... touches of green.. like the IKEA green/blue/white round rug. If i could decorate his room w/green on lower walls, sky blue on upper walls, and clouds painted on the ceiling, trees on walls, I would... nice soft themes..

Oh, and your lower back bothers you?? Tell yourself "I AM SUPPORTED" and trust that you can support yourself just fine and that you are "enough"... loved enough, financially abundant enough, secure enough and give enough time, money, love, energy and more...

Why did you folks waited so long before deciding your boy should sleep by himself? What started this issue anyway?

hi D.,my name is M.,i have been married for 18 years as of april 20,we have 3 boys who are now 18,17,12.my husband and i made this same mistake with our first.believe me when i say we learned our mistake fast so the other two didnt get a chance.their is a show called nanny911.i still learn alot from this program.the show comes on reg.she teaches ways to help parents with what ever troubles were having and gives us great ideas.i will find out day and times and try to post them.good luck and god bless

There is nothing wrong with your son sleeping in your bed. I agree with Susanna. But, you need to do what works for your family. If it's a middle of the night thing, you can offer the floor and a palette for him. Tell him that he is welcome to sleep on the floor in your room so he will feel safe. It will get better. My second child did this and we were always there for him. He actually stopped getting up in the middle of the night coming to our room when we had our 4th child. But, he does have nightmare issues, but his older brother is in the room with him and helps him out with that issue. Sounds like you guys are there for him, so he can feel safe.

Don't pay any attention to the people who are making these judgements about you. Some people feel better by making others feel bad. Allowing your child to share sleep with you for so long is a wonderful gift. "Bad habit"! Feh.

Look for advice from sources that won't disparage your lifestyle. (Mothering magazine forums, kellymom.com, attachment parenting websites, etc.)

I would approach this gently, and lovingly, allowing some leeway when he feels he needs it. You've done this for a long time so you should be able to handle it a bit longer if it takes a while for him to transition.
(Like, if he wakes up in the middle of the night and gets scared and wants to come back to you, let him. Have faith that eventually, he'll stay in his own bed. If you push too hard, it becomes the "forbidden fruit" and things tend to backfire.) Once he has his own bed and he's beginning to sleep there at least part of the night, try setting up a bed next yours (so that if he *does* want to come back to sleep with you, he can sleep in *that* bed instead of yours.) That requires extra space, but hopefully it won't be for too long.

I've read that a cool new bed (especially a bunk bed) with sheets that he gets to choose himself is a good motivator. We got an inexpensive twin size loft bed from IKEA that even has a tent of stars! (It's called the KURA, and it's like a bunk bed, but you don't have to put a matress on the bottom - you can make it a cool little fort, hideaway, or cozy reading nook.)

Have the wind-down time and storytime in his room with him. If you snuggle with him once the lights are off, gradually scale backt he time.

You should be able to get some tips from some of the (many) books out there about the family bed. I've heard that "Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed" has a good chapter on the moving out process.
Here are other ones that may help:
http://www.naturalchild.com/booklist/sleeping/

Good luck and please don't let ANYONE disparage your choices for your family, especially since all the research about the short-term and long-term effects of bed-sharing show that it's greatly beneficial.

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html#li...

Hi. My guess would be that your son has night terrors. My daughter went through the same thing at pretty much the same age. You might want to google it to learn more about it. Believe it or not...he will grow out of it.
My daughter did this for about 6 months straight and "ghosts" were the common problem for her. She would swear that she could see and hear them. I gave in too and put her mattress in my bedroom floor b/c I too have to get up for work everyday and she was having to get up for preschool. It was not worth both of us being exhausted and the best thing I could do was to be there for her during this phase.
Be strong. This will pass. When you have time try staying the night in his room so that they habit of being in your room forever is not created. I hope this helps but I went straight to the pediatrician after a week of neither of us sleeping. I was ready to pull my hair out and night terrors were the first thing that came out of the doctors mouth. You should look it up. It makes total sense. I think you will be surprised at how common it really is and that this is the most common age for it.

let me know when you find the solution for this one--my son is almost 4 now and sleeps with us! he has a great bed and i bought him some nice bedding hoping he might would be interested, but no luck.

I have 3 kids and my 2 daughters (4 &3) always started in their beds but would come get in my bed around 3 am. So I started a reward system. I made a chart with 16 boxes (random number). I also told them that when they got a stickers in every box that they would recieve a particular item that they wanted. (3 year old wanted Tinker Bell doll)I even printed out a picture of their reward and put it beside their chart on the wall.

So after reminding them at night at bedtime that they had to stay in their bed to get a sticker we put them to bed. When they would get up and come to my room I would remind them that they needed to go to back to bed or they would not get a sticker. The 3 year old went back to bed but the 4 year old kept coming. Finally I said fine Shelby you want to sleep with Mommy & Daddy you can but their will not be a sticker in the morning. The next morning her sister got a sticker and she did not. I have not had any more trouble.