My Son's Behavior Is Getting Worse

I highly recommend "Boundaries with Kids" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

I'm not a person who gets into people problems and I don't have any kids, but I used to work a Daycare center. Maybe his a little jealous cause you have a baby and also he use to get all the attention. Give a little more of your time with him.

Friend,
D. White
____@____.com

I think some answers are in your posting. You've got two other kids, especially a baby that likely make high demands on your time, so your son may just not be getting the attention he would like. If at all possible, you need to make sure you have one on one time with him everyday. Another answer is in your posting with this statement: "His daddy is gone most of the time...". At this age, daddytime is really becoming extremely important (it's important earlier too, but something you can sometimes compensate when they're younger). You need to get your husband involved in the situation. He should at least come home for dinner at least one nite a week and have bedtime duty, including bathing, reading at bedtime, etc. He should also do things with just your older son on the weekends. In a few years, you'll need to have him take turns with your two boys (and daughter) - i.e., it's really important that each kid gets one on one time with each parent on a regular basis. Also, you don't mention if your son goes to a preschool or not - he could just be outright bored and that's why he acts up. As you've learned punishment isn't effective long term. And, note that I'm not making excuses for bad behavior - that's not acceptable. But, you need let him know ahead of time that there will be consequenes for bad behavior, such as no video or not playing a favorite game.

We have been going through the same thing with our 5 yo (almost 6). He is very defiant, and starts saying ugly things when we tell him to do something. In the fall we started a chart like they do at school (we do A,B,C & F). He gets moved down for every time he back talks, intentionally misbehaves, etc. He gets reward for when he gets several A/B's in a row and gets a toy or privledge taken away for F's. This worked pretty well, come to think of it I need to start it up again.

Another thing we did that was pretty severe was take all the toys (not books) out of his room. Since he has a 3 year old son also, we left toys in the playroom, but my 5 year old was not allowed toys in his room. He reacted pretty well to this. We made him work towards getting the toys back (7 A/B's) and he knew he could get them taken away again. This definitely got his attention and worked well at getting him back on track.

I really don't have the answers and I'm right there with you!! I get so frustrated, especially since my 3 year old tries to emulate him!! Good luck to you!!

Try the Love and Logic website/books.Try to engage him in "helping" if you can. Lots of times kids this age are just feeling they want to be able to control something, anything in their lives. Perhaps he can help you with the little ones?Often if they feel empowered they will shape up.
Good luck!

I agree with Mary B. It sounds like you have your hand's full with daddy gone most of the time. Maybe Eric acts out because daddy is gone so much. Have you tried letting him help out (big brother role) with Ryan? What about being mommy's little helper with his baby sister? Daddy should try and spend quality time with Eric when he is home. A little one-on-one. When the two younger ones are napping, perhaps mommy and Eric could do something together. Read a story, watch a favorite movie, etc. Maybe Eric could help you with dinner. Let him do tasks that are appropriate for his age-setting the table. Don't forget to hug him and tell him he is loved and appreciated. Let him know what a big help he is to you. I hope this helps.

M.

My church is hosting a parenting semeniar in a couple of weeks. I teach a parenting cleass and perhaps if we talk I might be able to make a few suggestions. Do you know your son's love language? is motivation? I have 4 children and it really helped me learn to discipline them when I figured that out and I could stop pulling out my hair. Not one way worked for all of them I had to figure out something different but still held them all to the Same standard. call me ###-###-####

Well my first son i did everything the books told me went to the dr. to ask what i was doing wrong and she told me time out and all that stuff and it didn't work so when he turnd five he was a differnt kid i dont know what happen he just changed so i thought when my second son was bad i would do all the samethings but they did not work so i thought well maybe he's not gitting what he wants from me so when he would do something wrong i would punish him and then turn around and tell hem i love you and every time he would do something he was not supost to do i would hug him and tell him i love you then he just stoped do all the bad things and when he was good for a littel bit and then i stoped hugging him and telling him i loved him he went back to being bad so all i am saying is it's worth a shot if it works great if not what did it hurt