My Child Was Assaulted in School

A friend of mine that works with the NYCBOE mentioned that this is a serious allegation that should be brought to the attention of the Principal and the school district Superintendent; and that you should make a formal complaint in writing and fill out an incident report.

I would contact the school administrator and file a formal complaint against this child. Stress that this is not the first time this child has attacked another child in the school and he is a danger to others and that you expect something to be done. Good luck.

D.

Assault is correct. Press charges and get a restraining order. Then they have to take action. He won't be allowed near her.

By law the board of Education has to provide the proper education for every childs needs...and by law, provide a safe environment for it's students. So someone isn't spending enough time in doing their job in moving this violent child and getting him/her into an appropriate learning environment.

Until you and the other parents, especially those who have had their children attacked by this child do something about it, it will continue as is......and the situation will only get worse.

How is your child doing since her attack? Did you have her check out by her doctor? Has she been afraid to return to school or to her gym class??? I do hope she's Ok.

Report the attack to the board of education not only by calling, but also in writing and call a Lawyer. Also report the attack to the police. You want the attack on record with them...and see if you can press charges against the child which will get his/her parents involved...it time for them as well to take responsibility for their childs behaviors. Also contact the PTA if the school has one...spread the word among as many parents as you can, get as many involved as you can....get them to write letters, sign pititions, make phone calls to the board of education as well...Keep a log..take notes on everything, names, dates etc. on all of it. I would turn the board of education up side down until they remove this violent child from the school.

J.,
How is your daughter doing now? I can't offer advice, other than follow through on any and all paperwork that needs to be done to have this child remediated (sp) and hopefully removed from the environment. I would seriously consider suing the district, and whomever is higher up, because they are allowing this little boy to continue in an environment where he can cause serious damage and, if not caught in time, death, to another child! Do any and all paperwork you can to take care of this situation - you may save another parent's child's life, or even the child himself.

Good Luck,
M.

I would be just as upset but I think pressing charges is a little much. First I would see what the school was doing and then yes, go to the super about it. Can you imagine what these parents of this child must feel? Having a child with emotional or physical disabilities is hard. You have to advocate for your daughter, but I think our world is becoming less and less empathetic. The school doesnt release names of the children so we as parents can talk. I am sure these parents wish they could send out their extreme apologies. The school is not aloud to tell you this child past. As they shouldnt be aloud. Its not your kid. I am sorry that I am the only one who sees that if this child really has these issues, pressing charges is the wrong thing to do. Or should be the absolute last thing to do. When have we all lost our hearts and our abilities to feel? Your daughter has the right to her education w/o physical danger. But we dont have to go after this kid with a vengenace as some mothers here have suggested. Put yourself in this kid or his parents shoes too. This what makes us human....(if this kid didnt have problems, then it would be a different story)

I would go straight to the superintendent of the Cortland City schools (also notify the principal just as a matter of courtsey). Inform him that if nothing is done, then you will go to the police and press charges. I would also take pictures so there is proof that this actually did happen. Was this child suspended? If not, he should have been and the principal needs to. Going to the City PD will only reenforce that you mean business and get the issue taken care of.

PS. I live in Cortland too, although my kids are not in school yet!

I suppose I would try to find out what other children were assaulted by this child first and speak with them and take it from there. Also there is a school called St. Dominic's in Blauvelt, NY (rockland county) that is a school for emotionally disturbed children. My friend is a teacher there. Just to let you know that there is options for this kid. Also keep in mind that it may not be the school so much as the mother that is really trying to keep him in a normal school. And you would probably do the same if the situation was reversed. I hope your daughter is ok and good luck!

Press charges right now!! Dont bother with the school. This child needs help immediately and no one is stepping up. Go to the police and press charges before he seriously injures someone or himself. Social services will probably step in and make sure his home environment is safe and get him proper help. PS sounds to me like he is very angry and probably beaten at home.

Oh my god. this is like my biggest fear. My daughter is starting school this year and the worry that I have is tremendous. Reading your story I was almost in tears.
Your daughter is your responsiblity and its your job to protect her. For several hours a day we trust other people to protect them when they go to school. If they can't do that, you need to do whatever it takes to make sure your daughter is safe.Do not let the school just brush this off.
1 day in school suspension for choking and punching!?!?!?!?! Thats ridiculous!
I worked in daycare & school settings for a few years and have seen many parents in denial over their children with problems and difficulties.
This other child does not belong with other "normal" children. Sorry I dont want to sound mean. As soon as the school board and parents realize this the better.
Do what you have to do J.. Good luck to you.

hi,
i was a teacher before becoming a stay at home mom. it really sounds like this child, who beat up your daughter, is in the wrong environment. if this child has had many episodes like this, you can get this child moved to a more appropriate setting. you have to be very persistent. write a formal complaint to the principal, and superintendent of schools. you have to call every day, to follow up. if they know you aren't going to go away, they may do something about the situation. sorry to say, but in education, if you don't make a big fuss, nothing will get done.
good luck. i feel for your daughter, that must have been terrifying.

Wow, I feel terrible for both you and your daughter. My daughter is a bit younger then yours. While we have not experienced anything as bad as this, there have been some issues on the playground at recess. It amazes me how the lunch aides who supposedly supervise the kids, just ignore everything. Our principal NEVER bothers to go into the playground to observe even after complaints from several parents, in different grades.
Definitely put everything in writing. Letters always help. Definitely make it an issue with the superintendent and the school board, even the state. File a police report if you have to. I know with our playground issues I told the principal very sweetly that I didn't feel the lunch aides were "assisting" the children. I began showing up at recess (I hated doing this) to "observe". The first time I did this-- I witnessed another girl push my daughter in the chest, pretty hard, while the lunch aide spaced out 6 feet away. I told the principal- it was taken care of pretty quickly. No one could deny it since I saw it with my own eyes. I also said that if it continued I would just show up at recess everyday (maybe with a video camera!). Things have been much better since.
Good luck.

I have to agree with the other mothers. This is assult. Contact the superintendent. Let them know that unless something is done for the safety of your child and all the children in this school you will be calling the police and filing an assult case against this child. This is not a safe environment for any child, and I thought since Columbine they took things like this more seriously. This is unexceptable and I wouldn't settle for anything less. However, do not contact the other mothers of kids that this child has assulted. Chances are they will not stand behind you on this. Don't worry about them, just take care of your daughter.

Hi J.,
How is your daughter handling the situation? My daughter felt left out at school and didn't want to return.
Each states special ed. laws are slightly different. A child needs to be ed. in the least restrictive environment and there are privacy laws. However, if a child can not physically control themselves how can they be permitted to remain within a school. It sounds like the school district doesn't want to pay for out of district costs. A parent can fight removal but the school can bring them to court.
I would document everything starting with the Dr's examination. Communicate with the school only in writing. Seek legal advice including speaking to the police.
It seems the safety and well being of the children are at risk b/c of one child and the school is not able to control the situation.
Good luck with your fight. I hope you daughter is OK.
S.

If the school and his parents will not do anything then you MUST! Believe me, it will only get worse! Call the police and press charges! Things will happen then! I guarantee it! I went thru this several years ago with my daughter. She was being bullied by a boy in her class and no one would do anything about it. When she came home with bruises and a bite mark from this boy I decided I was going to have to take drastic steps. I called the police, pressed charges and suddenly the school took a stand. The boy was sent to another school and got counseling. He lived in our neighborhood so we did see him once in a while so I do know it really helped him a lot. And my daughter and all the other kids in the school were much safer!

talk to the super of the school system. threaten with a law suit, and see what happens.
would also talk with the child study team about the child.

Contact the police, and the school board. That's all I can think of. Good luck!! None of the children should have to deal with that. That boy belongs in a home for disturbed children.

I feel for you and would absolutely advocate getting this child HELP! I see where you know that this is not an isolated incident so you need to bring it out into the open and see what happens. Unfortunately not all parents are willing to accept that their child may need help and this will force the issue.

I own a gymnastics school where we do camp over the summer. Two years ago we had three children from the same family. The first day the boy was very very mean and physical to his sisters-we spoke to his mother about it. The second day he attacked his sisters physically and we had to have him go home early. Again we talked to his mother. She turned around to him and he said "the monkeybugs told me to do it". To which she responded "you need to remove yourself and take a break when that happens". The third day he headbutted another little girl with NO provocation and started screaming that he hated girls. We removed him immediately and had him picked up early. We told the mom that he could not return. The mother asked us to please reconsider if she talked to him. I let her know that was not even an option for us as camp is supposed to be fun and we are responsible for all the childrens fun and safety.

We ask on our forms if there are any physical, mental or emotional conditions which we need to be aware of (for the childs and staff's safety as well as teaching technique for the staff) and there was nothing indicating a problem. I hope and pray that they have gotten this child help that he obviously needed, but again, not everyone is willing to admit there is a problem. It is a shame as these problems will only get worse as they get older.

Fight for your daughters safety while at school as her well being and her education are on the line here!!!

I am so proud of you for standing up for your child! You would be amazed at how many parents don't! I can't give you any new advice to what you are already doing, but really wanted to let you know just how awsome you are for standing up for your child and not tolerating what happened!

Our schools just down here across the border from you implimented the "no Bully" program as of January 1st, PA is soo behind the times sometimes. But I have always told my kids that NO ONE has the right to bully you and if it should happen tell the teacher and make sure you come home and tell me. If this ever happens to my child you can bet ur boots that that principal would not like me anymore.

Good luck to you and keep fighting!

When my dtr was punched and threatened at school, the police were called and were involved since it is a crime. The parents and the police had to meet with the principal. This was on top of the child being suspended, and repeated offenses have lead to being schooled in the alternative program instead of being with the rest of the school. Good luck, our kids deserve to be safe at school.

I am shocked by your story. My daughter's school has a no- bullying policy and a situation like this would never be tolerated. You live rather close to me so I am surprised at just 20 minutes away your school wouldn't have the same resources for this kind of thing. I would assume it's a policy state-wide or at least regionally.
You have every right to confront the parent and make this child formally apologize even if it's not sincere. He has to know there are consequenecs for his behavior.
I realize he has emotional issues but he still needs to know that in public settings and society as a whole, this kind of behavior will not be tolerated.
I do not believe Cortland school district cannot find a learning program suitable for him. They have to have intervention programs for bullies.
You have every right to make as much of a stink as you want and it's important your child see you put up a fight. You want her to know it's never acceptable to treat someone like that and more importantly for her, that it's never okay for someone to treat her like that.

He may have to stay in the same school but he may need an(I'm not sure of the term) adult to chaperone him throughout the day. They have such people for children with disabilites so I would assume they have it for this kind of a problem(this is just as important). Also, your school should have a counseler this child has to see on a daily basis.
It sounds to me they don't see the severity of the issue or his parents are demanding he not be removed and have rejected help for him.
I am mad for you! I would be outraged if this happen to my child or if my child did something like this.
I don't think you should ostricize the child in any way but he needs to be punished(with love). Especially since this is not the first time he has done this.
Good luck and keep us updated with how his school handles this.

Dear J.,

I'm so sorry -- that sounds absolutely terrible! I want to second Renee's suggestion of consulting with a lawyer. If you haven't pressed charges with the police yet, talk to a lawyer first. He/she should be able to lay out your options, and advise you on what charges to press. If you go to the school (and the police, honestly) armed with this legal language, threatening a lawsuit for criminal negligence (I'm guessing here -- I'm not an atty. myself), they will take you MUCH more seriously.

And, as I'm sure you know -- you sound like a wonderful mom -- be sure to spend extra time with your daughter and help her understand that this wasn't her fault, that this boy had problems so big even the whole school couldn't fix them. Depending on her reaction, you might look into counseling for her -- which the school should pay for.

My very best wishes for you and your family,

Mira

Hi J.,

I am a mental health professional in NJ. I think you should go to the school board with your issue. I also think that you should seek trauma counseling for your daughter to help her recover from such a terrible thing. There are great counselors that can help by coming into the classroom to help even the kids that witnessed such a thing. Your school principal should have done this already. School is to be a safe place and your daughter may not feel safe there even if the boy is placed elsewhere.

You can also call your local Community Mental Health Center and ask for a crisis worker, explain what has happened and ask what can be done to have the child placed in a more appropriate setting. They might take the lead.

Good Luck
T.

Hi J.,
What a horrible experience. I hope your daughter is doing well. I am not sure about NY state law. Have you had a meeting with the principal and insisted that your daughter not be in class with the other child at any time? This is not an unreasonable request if you fear for her safety. Each child has a right to be safe at school. I don't understand why the school is "unable" to get him removed. I know in CT that if a child is removed, the school district must pay for the other facility. Is is possible the school system doesn't want to pay to relocate him? I'd be surprised if he has had repeated incidents with no consequences. I'd say, start with a principal meeting. If you don't get anywhere, request a meeting and inform the school that you'll be bringing a lawyer. I can't imagine it would get to the point where you'd need a lawyer, but your daughter's safety must come first. Good luck and let us know what happens.

You are absolutely right to be concerned. My advice would be to be the "squeaky wheel" and keep addressing this with higher members of the school. I would contact the superintendent of school and let him/her know that this is going on and that it is simply unacceptable. Further more, if you are not satisfied with that, I would contact the board of education. Clearly the other child needs to be removed from a traditional school setting and placed in an environment with a specialized care system for children with emotional issues. I hope you are able to resolve this quickly--best of luck to you!

What has the school done to assist your daughter in coping with this? It doesn't matter what the other child's issues may be; it's all about the school's ability to keep your daughter safe and out of harm's way. I would contact the school about the long term solution to this situation and if you don't like the answers you are recieving I'd stop at the police station and file a report.

Yes the other child is entitled to recieve an education but not at the expense of the safety and well being of those around him.

Hi J.
So sorry for your trouble at school. You are not the first and you won't be the last. You see this is the problem with the public school system. These kids are able to be there because the equal opportunity schooling exists.
Get a lawyer, tell your tale. See what they are willing to do. You may have to talk to more than one because you have to know who is who with the system.
Go to the police, file charges.
You have a right to expect that your child is safe.
Does she want to go back to school?
I feel horrible for her. I can only imagine what you are going through.
Please write me --
This is why homeschooling has taken off so well in this environment.
K. SAHM married 38 years --- adult children 37,33, and twins 18.