My 9 Month Old Won't Sleep in His Crib

Your son might be responding to the change in his routine of putting him in daycare, but it could be any milestone or teeth or ears, too. I would definitely recommend the Weissbluth book mentioned below regarding sleep in general. You could put a pack n play in your room or move your son's crib into your room as a transition, if you want to help your son feel your nearness without having him in your bed. When you are all together, make your family time worth every minute - leave the dishes, dinner, laundry, phone calls, errands all behind and just play together. This will probably help your son relax about the new routine and new people in his life.

My husband was also against the cry it out method, until we read about it together and then became absolutely desperate for sleep, when our son was 9-12 months old. The longer you wait to deal with a sleeping problem (even if you think it's temporary), the harder it will be for everyone to fix. When we tried EVERYthing else and had no luck getting our son to sleep, we AND our son had to endure more crying because we had waited so long to try "cry it out". It was the only thing that worked, it was the right thing, and then when we did it with our daughter (much earlier, around 6-7 months for bedtime), we hardly had any crying at all (less than 10 minutes, 2 nights). I'm saying this so if you think you're going to be headed for "crying it out", you should seriously consider doing it sooner rather than waiting.

Crying it out does not damage children. It is a very difficult decision for a parent to make, and it's not easy to do either. Those of us who make this choice do not do so lightly, we do not love our children less, and our children are not less attached to us. I let my own children lead me as a mom in many ways - my son was screaming at me to let him cry himself to sleep and leave him well enough alone. Once I got his message, he started sleeping 12 hour stretches and he became a much happier and healthier child. I hope something I've said is helpful to you. Good luck!!

Is his bed in your room? If not, try to bring it close to you! He wants to be close, maybe to put a playpan near your bed and make it his bed - I had the same situation, so my daughter was going to sleep while holding my finger, that was enough for her. Good luck!

Hi N.. It definitely could be that he's wanting to be closer to you as he's just begun daycare. Do you *not* want him in your bed because there's a problem? Is there any way you can get one of those co-sleepers where the baby has a small bed attached to the edge of your bed (www.armsreach.com)?

If he sleeps peacefully there (thus you and your dh get to sleep peacefully), and you don't mind, I'd say keep him with you. I'm with your dh on crying it out. It causes the stress hormone cortisol to be produced in high amounts causing a way more fussy, less independant and insecure child. I just completed a workshop on this very subject. The studies were astounding. What babies need most are their parents. This time won't last long at all. Treasure it with your precious baby and give him all the closeness with you he needs because he needs it more than you think.

EDITED TO ADD: N., Hannah wrote me saying that the co-sleeper isn't good for an older infant and above. She used it and said it's too shallow for a 9 month old so chuck that advice. I apologize. I should have mentioned that I've co-slept with all 3 of my girls till about 16 months (when we stopped breastfeeding) and since I'm still going strong with my 18 month old, she's still sleeping with us. We never used anything like a co-sleeper so I've only heard about such things.

I hope I've helped some.
P., Author, Birth Doula, Christian Unschooling mom of 3 little ladies

This is so normal! It's separation anxiety, coupled with starting daycare. It's tough, but you may have to do a little cry it out against your husband's wishes. It's soooo hard at first, I know! But if you want him out of your bed, it may be the only thing that will work. It shouldn't take long, if you're consistent. Then you'll have a happy sleeper again!

You can do cry it out in different ways, as well. You can go in and soothe him after 5 minutes, then after 10, then after 15. That may be easier for your husband (and you!) to take. Some babies can't be picked up, or they start from square one. Others, like mine, will not be soothed with a back rub and words. They HAVE to be picked up. Only you know what works for your baby! (My baby could not handle the 5,10,15 method. He had to just cry on his own, and then would fall asleep in less than 15 minutes. After a few nights, he was good to go! And he's such a happy baby. No abandonment issues over this. Quite the opposite- he and I are super attached, and he's always laughing and smiling because he's so well rested!)

Check out "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Weissbluth. I think it's the best book out there for helping children sleep well, soothe themselves, and truly be at their best! And a well rested mommy and daddy are crucial for a happy family! :)