Question About Sleep for 10 Week Old

Please stop suffering over such crazy issues!! Listen to your heart!! I have three really great kids and I am a Certified Parent Coach and I want you to understand that what your heart tells you to do with your child will probably be right! I let my kids in my bed as often as they wanted. We had two toddler beds squished up next to our Queensized bed for years! My youngest slept right beside me until he was two (or more) and I nursed him until he was three. All of my three are happy, secure, affectionate, and independant. Always ask yourself "why" when you think you're supposed to do something that feels so difficult. - by the way - we always put our kids down after they fell asleep in my arms!! I treasured each of their babyhoods!! THEY GROW UP SO FAST. LOVE THIS TIME WITH THEM AND JUST SAY YES!
TAKE CARE. J.
p.s. INDEPENDANCE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING WHEN IT IS EMBRACED RATHER THAN FORCED ON A CHILD.

N.,

First off, congratulations on the birth of your new baby! Whether or not he is too young for his sleeping area to change, when it is obviously upsetting him is a tough one to answer. Some babies would be fine with it where some would not. As for how long to let him cry? That depends on who you talk to, you asked for advice, you'll get many different opinions here, but I say you don't let them cry it out, I'd say never but especially at this age, he is so young and this time, although hard for you to see right now, is so very short. I have two kids, ages 5 and almost 3. They both slept with us until recently. It just worked for us, I nursed both so getting up at night wasn't an issue, they slept great, we slept great - it worked for us. I now have two very good sleepers that never fight bedtime. Going to bed has always been very positive. My almost 3yo still sleeps with us at times but that is mostly because my husband travels a lot and we just fall asleep together but he is just as happy sleeping in his bed in his room. Co-sleeping isn't for everyone, I just wanted to let you know it worked for my husband and I and our kids weren't ruined because of it (-:. If moving your baby from your bed is a must right now, then try getting him to sleep by rocking, walking around in a sling/carrier, etc.. then put him down where you want him - easier said then done but it is usually easier at this young age to do so. My first slept in a bouncy seat or her car seat, a lot! Until I figured out how to nurse her in bed. So again, you do what works for you but there are many things you can do without having him cry himself to sleep.
Take care!
M.

What a beautiful time this is with a 10-week old angel! First, remember that your baby goes from one stage to another, each stage lasting a different amount of time. But it's over sooner than you think. Trust me. There are many different ways of parenting and as many opinions as there are people. You must decide in your own heart what is right for you and your baby. My son still sleeps with us, and he's 19 months. We just had a check-up with the pediatrician, and I asked our doctor his opinion on this issue of our son still sleeping with us. His response was that it is not a problem unless we're worried that he's still going to want to sleep with us once he's in college. This world is scary for our children, especially while they're still infants. Our love is the one thing that they have to reassure them of their safety. Your son still doesn't even know that he is his own person, separate from you. Whatever you decide, just do it with love, and everything will be just fine. You are so lucky to have him! Enjoy.

Hi, I have 3 kids, last one 5 weeks old. All 3 have different sleep needs. They all co-slept, but I can definetely say some babies need it while others are perfectly fine with the transition. I think you should follow your heart and intuition. If he seems like he needs you there do it, try again in a couple weeks. My baby now sleeps in the co-sleeper for naps and w/me at night, so I don't think it's confusing but she definetely sleeps better at night or w/me. It sounds like your doing great, just keep doing what you feel and know is right for you and your family. For help w/the naps try using a white noise machine, I do and it really helps to tune out the noises of my other kids so the bby just sleeps longer and better. Best wishes.

I have a eleven month old who would cry until he threw-up mulitple times when he wasn't in our bed to sleep. Recently I have begun to move him to his playpen to sleep in. The only trick is that I rock him until he falls asleep and then I put him in his playpen. Naps are working out great so far, although night time will take more effort. I don't believe in letting kids just cry it out - it seems cruel to me, so this has worked so far. I too am a first time mom.

I would do one or the other-either let him sleep with you all the time or start right away and have him in the co-sleeper next to you. Having both is a little confusing for a little guy especially if sleeping with you is all he's known. If you are going to have him sleep in the co sleeper, give him a few days to a week and let him get used to sleeping by himself in the co sleeper. (he won't like it at first and of course cry but don't give in, let him cry and just rub his back for a few minutes to help settle him down and let him know you are there but don't pick him up! picking him up will only encourage the behavior, and from what has happened to a few friends of mine it's an aweful habbit to break so the earlier you stop the easier it is on you and him for future sleeping)

There is a wonderful book called "the secrets of the baby whisperer". It's a great book with some really great ideas for helping little ones sleep better. I am a mother of 20 month old twins and it helped me during those first few stressful months as a new mom. Good luck, and just remember you know what is best for your baby-just do what feels right to you.

My son (now almost 18 mos.)never had a co-sleeper or slept with us at that age, but I couldn't handle making him cry-it-out either. We rocked him to sleep/let him fall asleep in our arms before putting him down until he was ~9mos. Then transitioned to laying him down before he wasn't quite asleep & then just patted/rubbed his back 'til he fell asleep. When he started pulling up and walking-as soon as we put him down he wanted to stand right back up-so we put a couple toys (i.e. Fisher Price crib aquarium) in with him and he began to play himself to sleep.
Does a pacifier help him sleep? My little guy still has a pacifier at bedtime, but we are beginning to wean from that as of this month (he gets it for 15-20 minutes before going down, but not when we actually put him in his crib).

Hi. I would ask how are you but I think I already know:) My daughter Charlie is almost 3 1/2 now and still sleeps with us. We tried the transition thing too. Lets just say she won! I don't mind having her in our bed it was fine until we decided to have another child now we are forced to move her into her room. Its not easy for any of us but our new addition will be here in about 4 months. I think no matter when you decide to move him out it will be difficult. I'm sure now it seems harder on him but let me tell you in the long run it will be way harder on you. You will miss him and have to retrain yourself to sleep without him. I think if a family bed is good for your family like it was for ours then there is no problem with it. However there does come a time when they need there own bed and it has to be one or the other. Bedtime and naptime need to be in the same place because it can be confusing. I hope this helps you. No matter what things do get easier:)

Dear N.,

I am a mom of 2 older boys (ages 8 and 11). Who told you that it was time to transition your 10 week old? My boys still like to sleep with me. Life is a so short. Do what works for your child(ren)and your family. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about what is right and wrong.

All the best!

M.

Try to remember how very little he still is, I think we in western cultures expect way to much independence out of totally depedent creatures. If your heart tells you to hold him, hold him. I let my son nap in his crib and sleep with us at night - nighttimes took a toll on me, but now at 3 years old he sleeps in his own bed in his own room. I am so glad I never let him cry it out - it hurts your heart for a reason, you are his protector and the person who shows him what the world is about. Parenting is not supposed to be easy or convenient, but it is fulfilling - especially when you have a good loving relationship with your kids.

I still have my little one in bed with me and she's 2 1/2. My eldest. Who is now 8 went off to her own room/bed when she was about 4. We still have an "open bed" policy. It's such a tiny amount of time that we get to sleep in a bed with them. I fought it the first time around at about a year and we all were unhappy for about a month and a half. I finally talked to a friend who asked me why i was choosing to separate from my little one and I realized it was because of what was expected but tnot because it's what I thought was best for our family. I've been very happy ever since. I encourage you to listen to your instincts and verbalize your needs. The answer that's right for you and your family will find you.

Hi, my name is G.. I have a 3 1/2 yr old and an almost 5month old. I learned so much for the 2nd time around let me tell you. I was so strict w/ my daughter about not sleeping with us, sleeping in her own bed/bassinet as a baby on up etc...
When I had my son, I let him sleep on me, in our bed. Now we're often on the run. He sleeps in his carseat, swing, bassinet, crib etc... I don't worry about it and he sleeps. He goes back to sleep after eating at night, even when he appears VERY awake. I feed, change, swaddle and put him in his crib now. If he's a little fussy, I give him a toy. At the age of your baby (10wk), he was still sleeping with us a lot. Again, I stressed out with my first, I never slept, she never slept. It was HORRIBLE. I say less is more. Let him sleep with you. If you don't stress, go with the flow and remember HE JUST CAME OUT OF YOUR TUMMY of course he wants to stay close and nuzzle and hear your heart beat etc... Let him. They grow up tooooo fast, enjoy that little one every second. Hope this helps. Again, mine is sleeping in his crib right now at 2:15 in the afternoon for his nap, no problem. See ya, Gret
PS I'd love to hear back how it goes.

Read this book by Tracy Hogg - "Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems"... she has alot to say on this subject. I am a first time mom of a 3 month old and have found her advice to be very insightful and so far has works for us.
Here is a website that lets you read some of the book - http://www.enotalone.com/article/5464.html -there are 3 long pages they give you for free, then I guess you'll know if you want to buy the book or not. Good luck.

Hi N.,
Congratulations on your new baby boy! I've never responded to anything like this but for some reason I feel compelled to. Going through a similar thing my heart goes out to you. We did the co-sleeper too, which is great. As for your question, I don't think he is too young to have this change - babies are so adaptable. Most changes take roughly 3 days and then that becomes the norm. Whatever routines you develop are what the baby knows and expects. You know you're going to have to move him out of the bed eventually and whenever you decide to do it it will be hard at first. But once you make the decision you have to stick with it (and I know how hard it is to hear him cry - it is truly heartbreaking!) becuase if you go back and forth that's when it becomes confusing for him. With my son (now 8 months), I used to wait about 10 minutes initially and then go in and put my hand on his chest and 'shoosh' him to try and calm him down and let him know I was there. I would leave as soon as he would calm down and then wait about 15 minutes the next time and just keep pushing the time out and after a few days I didn't have to go in at all. It does seem easier to let him fall asleep in your arms, but like you said, it's a habit you'll have to break eventually. If you have his crib already set up I would maybe try his naps in the crib and co-sleeper at night. This might help him get used to the crib assuming he'll be going into it in the future. People have so many different opinions about this, so I guess you'll have to do what is right for you. Good luck and happy sleeping for all of you!

In case you were worried about it, it is very, very good and normal for a baby to sleep with their mother. There is no need for you to rush him out of the bed. If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. Babies are meant to be close to us when they are little. You are NOT creating a bad habit by filling his needs. A baby's need to be with their mother is valid and important. You are teaching your baby that they are safe in this world. There will be plenty of time later for tranistioning him to the next stage. Babies are adaptable and if you or your partner decide you need to make a change, you can do this gently and slowly. There are some great nighttime parenting books - one by the Sears - Nighttime Parenting. Also, Good Nights, by Dr. Jay Gordon.
Best wishes! Enjoy this precious time with your baby. There are many ways to parent, and the most important thing is that you follow your heart. Read for ideas, but listen to your instinct. Our culture is very obsessed with independence in infants. In my opinion, and experience, healthy dependence in the early years leads to healthy independence.
Love,M.

Hi N.,

Congratulations on your 2-month old baby boy!

I have a 4-month old girl. I haven't had the same issue you have, but here are my two cents in case it's helpful... I've read that before 4 months babies are too young to self-soothe so it's too early to put them on a sleep schedule or train them to sleep in a different way. I've also been reading a lot about just doing whatever works in the first few months and not to worry about creating bad habits because babies change so quickly that if you work on getting one thing to work, it will just change again soon anyway. I'd just do whatever is less traumatic for everyone (you and your baby) at this stage, then gradually try different things, and if they don't work then stick with what's working. Also, they get so big so quickly that I've enjoyed holding and having my baby close as much as possible because I realize pretty soon she'll be wriggling out of my arms to run off and play! These are precious moments to savor. Enjoy!

The sooner you make this change, the better for everyone. You will be a better mom because you are sleeping better and your husband will enjoy having his wife to himself. Your baby might not be super happy for a couple of days, but I would suggest having him sleep in the co-sleeper full time. I think it's too confusing for him to have you part of the time and it makes him dependent on you to sleep. One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is the ability to "self sooth". If he has to have you or your husband everytime he needs to go to sleep, time away from you will be a misery for him. Just be sure that whatever you choose is consistent. Good luck!

N.,

It really depends how comfortable you feel with the change. From experience, making this change early will help your baby sleep on his own. Believe me, I know exactly what you mean when you say it is heartbreaking. It always hurts to see your baby cry.

The last thing you want to do is confuse your baby. Set up a consistent schedule for him for naps, and at night. No doubt it will be hard at first, but when your baby has a consistent sleeping pattern, you will be a very rested and happy mom.

I wish you the best. Always listen to your instincts. Think of what is best for the baby.

Take care.

You might have an easier time with the naps if he falls asleep where he usually does, then you gently put him where you really want him to sleep. He will get use to the smells and the feel while he's asleep, instead of being in a place he's not use to falling asleep in. Or, you can go cold turkey and just let him cry it out for a few days. I moved my son into his crib after he was already asleep, and he never even noticed the transition and he actually prefers his crib over the bed now.

Hi N.,
You can purchase the motion bar that moves the co-sleeper or you can buy the teddy bear that makes the same sound as your heart beat (usually for colic babies) but it might comfort him. You can get these items at Babies R Us. Good luck and be consistent with whatever plan you choose - G.

I agree with Stephanie, listen to your heart because we all have different experiences and personalities. If you are transfering him into his co-sleeper right now, he will adjust much easier than when he is more aware at six months of age and even more so when he is 1 year. My daughter slept with us for the first 2 years of her life but with my second it is just too hard and I am not getting sleep so we transitioned him into his own crib still in our room close to our bed. He is now 6 months and only wakes up once for a nightly feeding then sleeps the rest of the way. As much as I loved co sleeping I had no energy or sanity during the day for both of my kids. It just worked better for me. I guess what I am trying to say is if co sleeping is working for you AND your husband than don't change a thing. If it isn't you are not damaging your newborn by putting him into a co sleeper. I think the younger the better as he is not as aware and will adjust easier to a routine you establish now. I also agree with Stephanie that 10 weeks is an adorable age, whatever you do just enjoy him:)

First, figure out why you want him to transition into his bed. Is it because you want him to, you need him to, or you are not really sure?
I think if you are asking the question, maybe neither of you are ready. Go with your instinct.
All 5 of our kids ager 8 to 3 months slept with us. I have never felt sleep deprived. If they wake to nurse, I let them nurse. They NEVER fully wake and I ALWAYS fall back to sleep within 2 minutes.

I think he's too young to let him cry it out myself, but everyone's child's different... From what I've read, at least for the first few months, you should respond to him when he's really crying (not necessarily fussing), so he knows you're there for him and will take care of him - to establish a trust. I did this with my first, and she's wonderful!

I totally understand that you're afraid that you're creating a bad habit, but you can help him grow out of it when he's older - it's a little more difficult, but at least he'll have a better understanding. My daughter slept with us for the first year, and she never liked to nap in her crib (but she naps in her bed now at 2-1/2).

Also, every baby's different - my daughter would only fall asleep in my arms - if I put her down in her crib or co-sleeper or anything else awake, she screamed. Frequently, she'd wake up and scream as soon as I put her down. My son, who's 11 weeks now, will go to sleep on his own no problem - and it's really not anything that I'm doing different - he's just more laid-back. Your son, it would seem, is more like my daughter :o)

In the end, I'd say go with your instinct - if you think it's too much for him, then give it more time!

Check out book titled "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" author is Marc Weissbluth (sp?) I used this with both my children and I have two friends who have also found it very helpful.

Congratulations on the birth of your little one. I hope it was a expanding experiance for you. From my experiance, you cannot hold your baby to much, or create other bad habits that extend from meeting his needs and helping him feel secure in a huge new world. Give him all the love and touch you can. He so needs it. The co-sleeper can be great, maybe he's not ready for it yet. 10 weeks is still pretty young. The gift you give him now will carry over his whole life long. There is a great book called "the continuum concept" by Jean Liedloff. It talks about so much. It can make you a little sad, but it's good to be informed and have the wisdom to make you own choices for you and your baby. Always do what you feel deep down is right and good luck....p.s. I have 3 little ones with my 4th on the way...i know its hard, don't forget, you have the most important job in the world....

My daughter is about to turn 4 months old. I said to myself that I was going to have her sleep next to me in her co-sleeper, well that only lasted for 4 weeks when she finally made it to my bed. My daughter sleeps so much better with me. It is just nature. For me, it just feels right. Have you read Dr. Sears Baby Book? After all, your baby has just spent the last 9 months with you. I think a lot of people make you feel guilty or look down on it so my advice is if you want your baby in bed with you, go for it. Don't feel guilty. Other than that I don't have any experience on transitioning.

Hi,

Like you, we didn't want our baby sleeping in the bed with us as pretty much everything I've read and based on friends' experiences, I think this can lead to sleep issues later on. That's just my opinion though and people have very strong opinions on this. Just do what is right for you, not anyone else. We transitioned our daughter out of the bed and into a bassinette at 6 weeks. It was rough, and took about a week, but everything is great now. We hired a sleep consultant to come in and do it (I'm a big wimp when it comes to my baby and she'd still be in bed with me if it were up to me). Here are the things we did to soothe her: very tight swaddle (she still loves that at 5 1/2 months), pacifier, gentle rocking, shh-ing, and sometimes patting her tummy. Obviously when it got really bad we'd pick her up. I personally don't believe in the crying method- at least until they are older (like 6 months in my opinion) but if that works for you and the baby, that is totally fine. We're all going to do this differently as did our parents! My mom let us all cry and honestly my sister's and I are just as confident and successful etc., as anyone else. I didn't actually know my mother had done that until I was 30 years old.

Anyway, good luck.

Whatever you need to do, do it NOW!!!!! If you want a family bed, then no sweat, keep on keeping on. But if you really want the boy to be comfortable in his own room in his own bed or whatever, get him started falling asleep in it. AND I DO MEAN FALLING ALSEEP, not just sleeping there after he falls asleep. It only gets harder, believe me. Just jump to the final outcome (i.e. crib in his room - or whatever) and use a monitor and go to him when needed for feedings. It will hurt now, but it will hurt more later.

I too am a first time mom, and yes, this is a big problem. Dont make the mistake I did. From birth he slept in our bed, and still does on occasion. He now has his own room, which we are in the process of transitioning him in to. He is very clingy, and apprehensive. There are times where he really seems enthusiastic about sleeping in there by himself, other times not so much.

But the main problem we are having now, is not at home, but in school. ANd I think a lot of that has to do with not putting him in his own bed a lot sooner than now. He is six years old.

So in my honest opinion, let your little one cry it out...you will be happier for it and they will be more well adjusted if you do transition them out of your bed early on, and not wait till later like we did.

Hi N.! Just let me say I was in the same position as you with my first baby. But,... she didn't transition out of the bed until she was much older. It's easier when they are younger it seems, as it has been with my second. It all depends on what you feel is right for you. I have found everything is easier the second time around. You realize that your baby isn't in pain just because he or she is crying, which is helpful. With my second though, the only way she will sleep in her co-sleeper all through the night is when she is swaddled really well. All of the blankets I have tried she can wiggle out of so a friend of mine recommended "The Miracle Blanket" and it has been a miracle. During the day she can sleep from 2-4 hours and at night she sleeps about 7 hours. I can't believe it. She has been sleeping like that since about 7 weeks or so, she is 16 weeks now. It's amazing!! The only reason I decided to try and have her sleep in the co-sleeper is because I have an older daughter that needs my attention, so I need to get sleep at night so that I have energy for her during the day. If you want to try it out, go to Miracleblanket.com. She does have to be ready for sleep though before I swaddle her or else she will cry. Occasionally she will need to be swaddled, rocked a little and then placed into her bed but we still get the same sleeping results. Don't worry about what everyone says you should do "NOW!!" Seriously, whatever you feel is right, or wrong for your baby and your situation is usually what is best for you. Every now and then, my tiny one still sleeps with me too and I think I miss it more than she does! :) Best of luck to you!!

Dear N.,
I hope I don't come off as harsh, but I was cautioned by my parents and my doctors to never sleep with my baby in my bed. It is much safer for them to be in a bassinet or crib. You could have it right beside your bed, and reach our for comfort when it's needed, or pick him up when necessary. There is such a danger of suffocation in your bed.
I would swaddle my boy in a soft blanket, and put him on his side and rub his back as he went to sleep. Sometimes I would talk or sing softly. I think that consistentcy is important for a baby and toddler. My son is now 11 years old, and I miss the early years. I hope this helps, and good luck to you all.
B.

Dear N.,

As a homeopath, one of the key truths I have learned is that every child is an individual with a personality of his own--from the very first day of birth. Some children really do have greater needs to be close to family members, while others are independent from the start. And customs differ throughout the world, too. Years ago, I was living in Europe and was close to a family who let their babies sleep in the parents' bed until they were well over a year old. I would say take your cues from your baby's comfort level...it will avoid unnecessary trauma and separation anxiety that could affect his healthy personality development later on. His needs may change a little further down the road!

Best,
S. I., L.Ac.
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N.,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting your baby fall asleep in your arms. He is 10 weeks old, and not only is it comforting for him, it should also be a bonding experience for you as well. If you are uncomfortable letting him sleep in the co-sleeper, let him sleep with you. I have 3 boys, and they all slept with me when they were babies and all 3 sleep just fine in their own beds now. They are 18, 11 and 2 1/2.
Enjoy your son as much as possible, even if that means holding him while he sleeps. You will look back later and wish you could hold him again.

Good luck to you, Im sure you will do just fine.

Here's my advice.
Something is only deemed a bad habit if it's not working for you. If you don't mind your baby falling asleep in your arms, then that's what you like to do with your child.

As far as tranferring to his own sleeping area, what is your motivation? If you're unsure of it, then baby is picking up on the vibe. If you're feeling uncomfortable and perhaps anxious during this time, baby might not be feeling secure with the change.
Are you nursing still? Then having baby close by is a good idea, and if you're comfortable rocking baby to sleep and then putting in the co-sleeper it may just be a transition you both need to work through. But if you *like* your baby being with you at night and your baby likes beign with you...then don't worry about bad habits. It's a bad habit only if *you* don't like it.

Good Luck. Maybe give it a rest, refocus on your plan and start over again. But when you start, you need to be consistent and get over the hump, babies always get through and learn the new stuff!