My 17 Month Old Is a Biter

In addition to what has already been mentioned I would like to give some input. I had a son who literally his first language was biting (my son happened to be developmentally delayed) and speech came very difficult for him. Have you had the opportunity to evaluate his ability to communicate outside of biting? My son did not like people invading "his space" and when they did, he bit and they ran away - very effective to a toddler's mind, not effective otherwise.

We were able to recognize his need for speech therapy and I took some classes to help me to learn how to support his need. One of the best things I learned how to limit my speech to his level. When he was saying one word answers, I would use two word sentences. When he got to two word sentences, I moved up to three. I did not worry about please and thank you (those came after he was able to communicate). I would also watch a situation to see when the frustration started and I would jump in to help. If another child took his toy, I would swoop in and talk for him (mine) and have the other child give it back to him. I would often grab his hand and shake it like a lot of people do in that situation. After a week or so, he was able to start mimicking what I did to other children and we built on that.

Another thought about the lemon juice. Some kids like lemon juice. Other kids may not like it, but accept it as the next step in their routine after they bite someone. Just because you or the pre-school thinks of something that is punative, does not mean that your child will act to avoid it. You may find that it increases behavior as well as possibly undermining respect/trust with your child. These are some of the results I had with my daughter with autism( not that I am saying your son has autism, but simply as an example that not all children think along the same lines as adults for whatever reason).

Instead of lemon juice, try vinegar. It worked for my son. Only 3 times and he was done biting! Good luck Mama!

As a former toddler teacher, trainer of child care providers, college instructor (in Early Childhood Education), and a parent, I implore you to reconsider using lemon juice as a biting deterrent and allowing your child care provider to so as well. Research and experience have taught me that this kind of punitive reaction will NOT help the child who bites. In fact, knowing something punitive is coming when they bite adds to their anxiety and can actually lead to causing more of the behavior you are trying to prevent.

Biting in toddlers is a way for them to meet a need. As adults, we need to observe the child and figure out what that need is so we can teach the child pro-social ways to get their needs met. Discipline is about teaching children - guiding their behavior. To truly do this we need to know why the behavior occurs to address it appropriately. My first thought with the lemon juice method was that it sounds like what I do when my cat does something she isn't supposed to do - I spray her with water. It makes her stop the behavior and the lemon juice may make your child stop biting. However, I am not trying to teach my cat to grow up to be a well-adjusted human being. To teach kids the right thing to do, we need to know why they bite and address the issues specifically.

You said he bites when frustrated - this is VERY common for kids his age. The important thing is to catch him at the beginning of his frustration and model appropriate reactions (tell her to stop hitting you, taking your toy, etc.). It may help to teach your child to walk away when they feel very angry and come back to the situation when they are calmer. In my last classroom for kids between 16 months and 2 yrs. we had a safe face where kids could go to collect themselves. At first, teachers encouraged them to use the space when they seemed to need it and eventually, they learned when they needed to be away from the group to calm down.

You also said he seems to bite for no reason. Trust me, there is a reason. Sometimes it's REALLY hard to find the reason - but there is a reason. The first thing to do may be to start a Biting Log that keeps track of when the child bit and what was going on in the room before the biting happened. Is the child getting hungry, tired, etc.? The book, "Prime Times for Infants and Toddlers" by Greenman and Stonehouse has a sample biting log and great information for child care programs on working through this stage.

Another thing to consider, I had a couple of kids who found it helpful to have a wet paper towel or wash cloth that they kept with them and when they felt the need to bite for whatever reason, they bit the cloth. Some kids are just very oral and have a need to bite. Having the cloth kept them from biting other kids and helped us in our search in the "why" of their need to bite. Neither child carried the cloth around for more than a few weeks. It was kind of a "biting transitional aide."

I'm going to copy a couple of web sites with more information that are geared toward the child care environment and I encourage you to share them with your son's program. I highly recommend the technique of having the child who bit (or hit or whatever) help the child that they hurt. It is a wonderful way to teach empathy.

It may help to have a professional child psychologist observe your son in his child care setting. I had parents do this once for a child that we really couldn't figure out what was setting him off and it was so helpful. Come to find out, the child was trying to make friends and was biting out of frustration from not being able to do that. I would not have figured that out at that stage in my career without outside help.

I know that it's a horrible feeling when your child is hurting others and that you want to do everything you can to stop the behavior. I've worked with a lot of families in your shoes and have never known anyone to not be upset when their child bites. I know it's hard for the child care program too. The teachers are responsible for keeping children safe and guiding their behavior - when these situations occur it's stressful. By working together, you will help your child and help each other. With loving guidance, you will get to the bottom of the cause of the behavior and it will stop. Good luck to all of you.

Sites:
http://www.childcarelounge.com/Parents/biting.htm
This one has some typos, but the info is sound.

Unfortunately, I cannot access the other sites at the moment. I recommend the Prime Times book mentioned above and the book "No Biting! Policy and Practice for Child Care Programs" as resources for your son's child care setting. Both should be available via amazon.com

Hi Laurie,
First, let me offer my support, my son started out to be a biter, and it really stressed me out because I didn't want him to turn into one of those kids who's kicked out of kindergarten for biting (!!!)

He was barely a toddler, and lemon juice would have *never* worked, because he loved the stuff (He got the lemons out of our glasses whenever we'd go to dinner and never once made a face at the taste).

There were a couple issues I found: the biggest one was my hubby would *laugh* when he was bitten - this was huge because it encouraged the bad behavior. Second, my son's pretty sensory "needy," and at that age, when kids want oral stimulation more than anything anyway, he wanted to bite to get input. The third thing was his temper: not bad, but very short when he was tired, frustrated, hungry, etc.

Here's how we stopped it: Dad quit letting him bite (and quit laughing about it); We let him chew on all his toys (he liked biting the faces: weird); and we had to draw the line at stopping ALL biting of people (yes, he's old enough to know the difference between people and toys).

Any time he'd bite, he'd get a FIRM palm pinch (hurts, but does no damage), and a very firm (but not angry) "NO BITE." (In your best "Mom Voice") Yup, at first he cried like crazy. But the biting became lighter and lighter until we never had to do it again.

For you: you'd have to be comfortable letting the daycare do the same thing to make sure he gets the message: that's up to you.

Simple, easy, and my son *never* bites any more. (whew!)

Good luck!
T

I just want to echo Christi's comments. Punishment for something like this - especially in such a small child is not a good idea.

I know how you feel. My oldest liked to bite too. However, we monitored her closely and diverted her to a different activity when she seemed frustrated enough to bite, prefaced by the instruction, "No biting."

My suggestion re: the daycare is that it's easier for them to just punish your little one than to give him the attention he needs to do something other than bite - either an activity or a chewy toy.

This kind of problem needs attentive, positive care to resolve and it probably won't be overnight. Be patient & work WITH your son to help him learn the RIGHT behavior rather than just punishing him for the wrong.

Good luck!