Was Your Child Bitten?

I would be understanding. My two year old has bitten and been bitten.

See, the thing is, children of this age can't (or can't properly) communicate with words. So if they feel threatened they will use actions - biting, hitting, etc. It's the way humans work. Once my daughter could communicate better, the biting stopped.

Now, I wouldn't expect the daycare to do nothing. They should absolutely respond and let the biter know it's not okay. I think each child and situation is different and should be addressed based on that. Some say to give the child who was bitten comfort first to let the biter know the action did not bring attention. But the child might not have been biting for attention. Definitely let the biter know to communicate with words and not aggression.

Also, the daycare MUST be consistent in it's reaction to biting. I witnessed my daughter get bitten and they did NOTHING to the child who bit her. Once my daughter was comforted, she went back to her classmates and the biter proceeded to hit my daughter repeatedly on the head. And my daughter hadn't done anything to this child. But one time when I walked in after my daughter had bitten another child they were treating my daughter like she was the devil, giving her evil looks and all (the teachers were!). I believe discipline must be fair and consistent so the child can understand the consequences of their actions.

well IMO kids will be kids and it is a learning experience, no kid is perfect and most of them bite for some reason whether it be to express anger or express something they dont otherwise know how to express. Ido think the school needs to address the situation and find another way for the biter to work out the issue.

As long as the day care is taking steps to control the behavior of the problem child I would be understanding. Just be glad you child is not the biter, most kids do go through this phase at some point.

Oh yes.. She was bitten in daycare and also at home by a neighbor child.. Each time It was upsetting, but do not worry your own child will eventually do something as crazy and you will be on the other side.. It is not malicious as much as frustration.. It can happen so fast you can miss it in a blink..

I remember picking up our daughter from preschool and finding out our little precious had attacked another child knocking him to the floor under the lunch table and wailing on him!

I was shocked.... She has always been a laid back child who spoke early so always used her words to get what she wanted or negotiate..

Apparently this little boy got on her last nerve by trying to take something from her plate. Even though she told him to stop, he still took the item.. Our daughter had enough and took him down.. Hee, hee..

His parents were not pleased. Our daughter apologized and gave him a hug and promised not to hit him again "if he would keep his hands off "her "lunch"..

Wow, as a mother of a biter, now 20 years old, I would say to lean more to understanding.

Our son, bless his heart, had chronic ear infections. Yes we did get treatment, and yes he had 3, yes that is THREE sets of tubes by the time he was 2 years old! What we finally figured out is that his fluid was so thick he was clogging the tubes and the doc could not 'see' it was clogged unless he did a tympanogram in the office. He was biting because 1) his ears hurt and it relieved pressure and 2) because it was infringing on his ability to learn proper verbal cues to let others know he was hurt or frustrated.

Thank God he was at a facility that understood and worked with us. I'd hate to think what would have happened to him otherwise. And yes he is a strapping 20 year old that is truly very kind, sensitive and would NEVER knowingly hurt another!

My daughter was bitten badly when she was one. If I had not been there when it happened I would have been irate at her care provider for letting it happen, because it looked horrible and required medical attention. My daughter was bit on her face around her eye socket causing lacerations to her eyelid, her cheek and horrible bruising and swelling. She had to be on antibiotics and see an eye specialist. When it happened I was watching the children and so close I could have touched both children without moving my feet. I could NOT have prevented it from happening it was so quick by the time I relized what was happening it was already over. I continued ot let my child play with this child, however I stayed close and intervened anytime there seemed to be frustration and helped her to resolve.

My nephew (almost 3) is a "serial" biter. He is in daycare and the daycare provider is working with him. They are reading a book at daycare and at home "Teeth are not for biting." It has really helped as it has a refrain throughout the book. Teeth are not for biting. Ouch! Biting Hurts! The proveider also sticks close to my nephew and has said that biting is a phase that passes so long as it is addressed. My sister sticks close to my nephew at home as well to be ready to help him find other ways of solving problems should he go to bite.

As the mother of 5 children I know that kids hurt each other and it is never fun to have your child on the receiving end but it does happen. I would even venture to say that a child who has never been hurt by other chidlren is a child with no friends. The best parents and teachers can do is be vigilant and teach our children tactics to not hurt others and to avoid being hurt by others.

My son was a biter. And bit several kids he was around on a regular basis. After learning to watch him all the time, I found that loud noises, most often another child screaming in his ear, triggered the biting. Of course, this was when he was 3 and not as verbal. I am not really sure how a 3 year tells his friends to stop screaming.

To make the story even better, one boy he bit, later hit my son in the head with a rock. The mother was horrified, but I believe she then learned that we cannot control the actions of our children all the time. This mother had placed all the blame of my son biting on me!

I agree it is a phase, however as a preschool owner I can say make sure the director and teacher are shadowing the biter. Children bite out of frustration and usually lack of speech. At three years old it is less common because usually verbal skills are in place, and a three year old knows right from wrong. If the center is under staffed, and lacks supervised play (free play) this will continue to happen. I have been fortunate to only have one serial biter at my center. I personally shadowed him for a few days. Each time I saw him go to bite a child I intervened. Most times it will happen when a toy is taken away, or they just want a child out of their way. I would suggest that you address this with the director and see how she is handling this, as far as what she is doing to help redirect the biter and help him or her use other ways of getting out their frustration. I have to say again that at 3 it really shouldn't be happening, unless there are other anger issues going on. I think you should be understand to a degree, but if it has happened more then once by the same biter you need to address it. The biter could be targeting your child which is never a good thing. Good luck!!

kids generally bite because they are frustrated and can't verbalize it. i disagree with the moms who say it demonstrates that the daycare isn't paying attention. if you've ever tried to watch a pack of littles, you would know that no teacher or facility can have eyes on all kids at once, and a bite happens fast. there are preventive and disciplinary measures that can and should be taken, but biters are not 'bad' kids nor are their caretakers necessarily lax.
that being said, it stinks when your kid is the victim, and fury is often our first response. i've had kids on both ends so i'm familiar both with the anger, and the embarrassed horror. it is important to have your and your child's anger acknowledged, and to have a plan presented to you by the daycare center and the parents of the biter. but be aware that no plan is foolproof.
khairete
S.

My son was bitten when he was 16 months old by 1 boy at daycare. He was at an in home daycare and the biter was the provider's 2.5 yr old son. I know that biting happens so the first couple times I was pretty understanding because the provider let me know what she was doing to discipline her son. After a couple more bites I did get upset because I didn't want to see my son hurt. I spoke with my provider and had to let her know that I would have to change care if it happened again. She was very vigilant about shadowing the boys and the next time her son made a move to bite, she bit him enough to show him how it felt. He never bit my son again. I was glad not to have to switch care because I knew my son was very loved there. Now 2 years later, the boys are best friends and enjoy sleep overs on occasion.

So in answer to your question, I would be understading the first or second time as long as they were taking action to prevent future biting. If the behavior continued, I would expect the school to remove the child from care or I would remove my child if they didn't take action.

If this happened once, I would be very understanding and no big deal. I have no idea what will MY children do to others (cutting hairs, kissing, kicking, paint in blue...) in the future and the sweetest children can turn wild in a bad day.

If it's repetitive, or if the biter is known to be a serial biter, I would talk to the care providers and demand them to take action (talk to the parents, protect kids from the biter or constantly watch him...) But, It's as hard - if not worse - to be the parent of the biter (struggling to have him stop the behavior, guilty and ashamed) as it is to be the parents of the victim. And, the daycare providers have their hands full with many children to control at all times.

I have a son that was bitten at his preschool.......about 5yrs ago.........now, I loved his preschool, but they can only "shadow" so much to try to prevent biting .............the biter was 4-5yrs old............long past the 2-3 yr old biting stage........which was why it was so shocking.

My reaction was not at all how I would've predicted :o)

My initial reaction was a combination of emotions & thoughts............"did it break the skin?", "does the biter have a disease?", "is he usually a biter?", "do his parents know he bites?", "didn't you (the preschool) know he bites?", "was he punished?"..........those questions, may seem like good questions........... but they WERE THOUGHTS! I never reacted "outloud"..............

My initial emotions were furious! So furious that I couldn't speak outloud......I "played it off" all calm to my son, who was scared of that other other boy............and the bite mark was still visible after 1 hr!!!!!!

We iced it when we got home :O) I was my son's "cure all" when he was younger. I had trouble with him wanting to go back to his "fun school" because of the incident.......but the lesson in all of it was CHOICES!

He can CHOOSE who to play with......and CHOOSE to not play with someone because they are not nice to him..........

In the end.......this was a good lesson on choices :O)

~N. :O)

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I have had that happen. It just is what it is. Kids that age bite. There is no action to take as long as the daycare is being consistent with discipline.

i think the daycare is supposed to have 3 cases happen before the biter is discharged. human bite is more dangerous than a dog bite, is what i remember. no my children have not been bitten but there was a bitter at their preschool, who was asked to leave after a few incidents.
i think i would freak out the first time it happened. not because there is a biter in the class but because that would tell me not much supervision is going on at that environment.
i think, if this has happened to your child, you go address the issue with the owner/director and tell him/her something needs to be done for this to stop, otherwise you will pull out your child from the center.
truth be told, i think i would pull my child right away. it's just too dangerous to have the child stay in fear without protection.
the only thing i have dealt with was a child calling kids 'stupid.'they were 3 years old, and the victim varied. meaning he called all kids stupid. my daughters got called that name too, and when i heard about it, and couldn't get the story out of them, i thought a teacher had called them that. i was furious, and brought it up right away. i was told that there is a child doing the name-calling and that the child has been kicked out of the center.

I've been through biting incidents with both of my kids and now I really have a "whatever" attitude about it. It happens. Honestly, my seven-year-old was just bitten yesterday by a kindergartner at his camp and it didn't phase me a bit. The camp counselor was more worried about things than I was.

The parents freaking out are likely first-time parents who don't realize this is an extremely common phase. If it wasn't your child doing the biting, trust me, there would be another biter in the class. It has nothing to do with the parenting. Young kids just bite. Telling kids not to bite doesn't do it. It's luck of the draw whether you have a biter or not, so don't beat yourself up over it all.

Hopefully the preschool isn't freaking out. There's so little tolerance for anything these days. You might start researching other preschools now just in case your child is kicked out due to the other parents.

Good luck!

Once, or even twice I would understand. Kids are kids.
But if the same child kept biting my son or others- I would ask for something to be done.

Well it really depends on the biter, is this the first bite or is it repettitive behavior? I say first time, well it's gonna happen, second time parents need to have a conference with the other parent and daycare provier, third child may need to be removed from dayare (the biter) or if that isn't possable try moving your child to a different class.

My daughter bit other kids 2 times, both times she was 3 years old. She was very verbal very early so her biting had nothing to do with an inability to communicate. The first time she and a friend were wrestling and she just bit him. I was mortified and we left the playdate immediately and discussed why this was inappropriate behavior and what she could do if she didn't like the wrestling. The other Mom and I also took some responsibility because we were in another room and did not see that the wrestling had gotten out of hand. The second time (months later) she was playing dinosaur with a friend while waiting for her gymnastics class to start. I immediately took her home (which she was really upset about because she loves gymnastics) and I had her help me write a letter to the little boy she bit apologizing for what she did. We also talked about how upset it made ME feel that she bit another child and about not losing control of herself. The parents of both kids were very understanding and it has not happened again, I think because I made such a big deal out of it. I don't believe that biting a child back does anything except teach them that adults bite too.

If you are sure your child is being bitten by another child and not himself I would def expect some sort of action. I say this because my mother (who runs a daycare) had a 2 yr old that would bite herself, but it wasnt really biting it was like she would feel her teeth on her arm and then look at the impression and you would have to distract her, long story short the parents thought my mom was biting her. lol i think its funny sorry, but even her sister had noticed it. anyway i would pull them out or ask that the other child be pulled out for a few days

When my oldest was in daycare (3 yrs old), there was a kid that was a serial biter. He bit everyone - multiple times a day! He wasn't very verbal and that's why he would bite.

I finally sat down with the teachers and manager because my kid was starting to bite other kids. They said the same thing as Suz, "We can't watch all the kids all of the time." I said, "Yes, but you can watch 1 kid all the time. You know that Max usually bites kids in the kitchen area - don't let him go there unsupervised. Keep him by you."

Well, wouldn't you know it, the biting incidents almost stopped when they kept a closer eye on him.

Good luck.

What type of action are you expecting the daycare to take? I'm sure they are doing all they can to try to prevent the biting. Some kids just go through that stage. They see that biting gets a pretty big reaction so they continue to do it. It takes a while to work through a problem like that. And it's hard to keep an eye on one child in the mist of a crowd. The child seems to sense the minute you are distracted and pick that moment to bite. I would tell my child to play away from the biter when possible, and would ask the teachers to make sure they don't sit next to each other. If that doesn't work and the biting gets out of control then you might consider moving her to a different class if possible.

I would be understanding unless it happened multiple times. To me it's a given that kids bite, especially at this age when they are still learning to verbalize their emotions. If there is a serial biter in the class, I would expect the daycare provider to work with that child and his/her parents to teach him/her not to bite, and to watch that child more closely to prevent biting incidents in the meantime.

I'm not sure what you mean by "understand"?? If my child got bitten, I would be very mad !! If the care provider didn't take action, I would be LIVID. There is no excuse for biting, but if an innocent child makes a mistake and bites one time, the bad behaviour could be corrected easily at that moment. If a child punched mine in the nose and it bled, I'de want it dealt with too. Human bites have bacteria and can get infected really fast. Plus, they HURT. Plus, they are an insult similar to a slap in the face. Do we allow that?

Hi Mama-
My mama bear instinct is to have a chat with the parent of the biter and let them know that you will have to notify the school (if they don't know already). But sometimes that behavior is a bit too rash and "in your face" for public problem solving. That being said, the other issue is that both the parent and school may not be aware, and so gentleness on your part is greatly needed.
So after having a deep breather moment, I would make an appointment with the teacher. The school should be notified especially since it is happening at the preschool. If they refuse to take any type of action, then contact the parents. It may also be a disciplinary thing they have to work out with the parents and it can take some time.
Take a deep breath, talk to the teacher, and talk with understanding to the parents. Children biting one another should not be tolerated and for behaviors sake should be taken care of as soon as possible. This child may have a history of strong willed behavior and the parents are probably just now discovering biting- like a child with hitting, this is one more thing that needs to be dealt with. If you let it go, you are not doing the child any favors. But you have to be delicate (yet firm) with the parents and teachers, allowing them to see that biting is not an acceptable behavior.
I hope this helps.
-E. M
Hi Mama- seeing now that it is your child, it is just one more behavior that you are going to have to put the kabosh on. I know it's hard because I was a biter. My dad actually bit my arm (not hard enough to damage, but hard enough to leave some teeth marks). I was terrified that he was going to do to me what I did to him. As an adult I do not tolerate those things I believe because of the damage I caused. It is a guilt thing for me, and a no tolerance with my nephews. Work on, and for the sake of the other parents, ask them for help so they feel that they are being proactive in helping you help your child, along with the teacher. If everyone is in on the effort, your baby will learn. I know it's tough- my sister has a hitter who can draw blood with his nails. He's also given me a pretty decent head knocking and semi black eye. Clearly this was dealt with and he is still learning the downside after a few months, but everyone- day care lady, family, and his mom and dad are on board to stop him at every slap. I know it's hard, but I encourage you to get the entire "village" involved to help correct the biting.
Good luck!

Having your child being bitten is emotional for the parent, but this is NORMAL behavior. That doesn't mean that the child is not disciplined for the behavior. Biting is unacceptable! The child needs to learn how to deal with negative emotions in an acceptable way. I am not sure what all these angry parents want the school to do except work with the child and parent to help the chilg learn not to bite. The other parents need to be reasonable. This is normal expression of frustration in a 3year old who needs to learn. Many of us have done things more than once before we learned our lesson.

Jrst, I really looked at this question and debated about adding my 2 cents, but for what it is worth here it is.
I have had this experiance. Once my child did bite someone he was 21/2, and the other parents when told about it were understandably angry and never let the two play again together. Mine did get a spanking because I felt he had been taught better and knew that was not acceptable as well as his favorite toys were taken away -- I can say he didn't do it again as the price was to high.
I used to have a Day Care . I am very careful about the children not hurting one another. If I had a child that is bitten I make sure that BOTH PARENTS recieve a letter with as much information as possible so if they needed it for a doctors report they could. I have know of one parent that actually sued a family of a child that was seriously hurting children and they won the case!(not from my care but of another in our area).
I have always put the child that would bite often in a seperate area until the parnets could come and pick them up. It is apart of our contract. Other children should not be endangered by one child's actions.
I can tell you that one mother who had been through Several Day Care situations becasue of her child- finally learned becasueof other parents advice to punish the child by washing his mouth out with soap each time( (which they hate) and to bite him back. Better the parent than another child to get even. The child did learn and stopped but not before his reputation preceeded him. Unfortuneetly his parnets also gained the reputation of not responding to the safety of other children and not punishing thier child for his actions.
I wish you and your child well and hope that he doesn't hurt someone to the point of another parent taking legal action becasue of his having done it so often.

My child was bitten once at Day Care and I was absolutely livid. I taught him at an early age, NO BITING!! I knew this child had already bitten another child a few weeks earlier and the Day Care actually called the parents in and they ended up removing the child themselves. My son had a huge bruise on his arm. This is a no tolerance for me, I am sorry parents of biters but this is a health issue to me.