Daughter Has Been Bitten Twice by the Same Child

A.-
I don't know what I would do. I would probably talk to my DD and ask her what is happen. At 3 y/o she should be able to let you know. Also tell her to just try to stay away from that other kiddo for a while. Believe my son is always getting pick on and I just tell him you are a big boy and you have choice- don't go back to play with the kiddos that are mean to you, giving you a hard time and hit you. My son is speech delayed but I never used that as an excuse for what my son did/does. Just b/c they have speech problem doesn't give them right to be hurtful to other children. My son did bite once and I put a stop to it the day I found out. I told him animals bite other animals. We don't bite other it hurts. We only use our mouths to eat food, give kiss and to talk. We got a book about not biting and although he wasn't talking at the time we talk about it all day. By the way he didn't bite another child he bite my brother his uncle so hard that my brother had a huge cut. At first we thought it was all fun but then my brother no more and he went off.
You could mention the rule the other daycare had but don't expect them to follow that rule. They don't have to. Do they have their own rules? Also if you really want to make a diffences buy a book about no biting for the kid and buy a video to share with the daycare about no biting. That's what I would do. Also I would write a note to the parent and express your concern if the daycare would allow it. Maybe set up a play date or just McD's to see how the other kid reactions to one on one time...
Good Luck
L.

A.,
I know this is a tough situation as I have been in it before. On one hand you want to protect your child and make sure she is protected when you're not there. On the other hand, you do sympathize with the other child. I'm sure the mom of the biter feels as badly as you do and is at her wits end as to how to get him/her to stop biting! I would address the issue with the daycare and have them be extra attentive to help ensure that this doesn't happen to your daughter again. They need to be more attentive to what triggers the biting and how to help keep the child from feeling like biting. If the child is biting when frustrated, they need to notice the child before it gets to that point and help redirect him. Biting is a stage some go through, but that does not mean that we can allow it or dismiss it. Perhaps you could suggest that mom and teachers work together to teach child another "sign" that he/she is frustrated? Maybe the child could carry a "biting" toy that he/she is allowed to use instead of another kid (like a teething ring or something). FYI - my son was a biter and I felt horrible when I'd hear of him biting other kids. He was also quite a smartie, so when he got all this attention (albiet negative attention) from biting, it only reinforced the behavior. I hate to admit this also, but the only thing that stopped him was when he bit his cousin right in front of me - I told him "No, biting hurts" and bit him back. I hate to admit it too because that's what my mom had been telling me to do for weeks and I only did it because I was frustrated and going insane to find a way to get him to stop. Biting seemed so barbaric and old school - but it did work.

Ok I want to give advice from a daycare's prospective. My mom owns a daycare so we have been through this.
First I am hoping that the worker's at the daycare did not tell you who bit...that should not occur. A daycare worker/owner can not give out information (including biting) of another child. They should just tell you what happened..."she took a toy from another child and that child bit her"
At this age, there are many children who do not know how to vocalize their needs, wants, frustrations, etc especially a child with a speech delay. You should talk to the owner/director about what steps they are taking to stop the behavior (ie better supervision, the biting rag/toy idea, etc) They should have a plan of action. I know it is hard as a parent to hear that your child was bitten. We work with the biting child and his/her parent to figure out how to stop the biting. We have had to end daycare services for 2 children for biting/aggression but it is not on a 3 strikes and your out system. We terminated care when we decided that our efforts were not working.
Again talk to the daycare and try to work with them. I also agree with teaching your child to avoid these situations but do not try to make her think that the child biting is a bad person.

Can I ask which daycare this is? I'm currently in the process of looking for some. Thanks.

My situation is a little different. I babysit a little boy who is a biter and my toddler has been bitten several times. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it. Since I only have one daycare child I am able to keep pretty on top of it, but it still happens. If I had multiple children I wouldn't be able to prevent it very well.

If there were other children in my care and he was biting them, he'd have to leave. Every child has a right to be safe at daycare.

It sounds like your daycare center may not be taking this very seriously and they need to.

Hi A.,
My son was on the receiving end of a biter and I know exactly what you are going through. I asked him who bit him and he told me. (I didn't have to ask the teacher.) Then I sent a note to school in his lunchbox saying that he had bite marks on his leg and I needed to know what I could do to prevent him from receiving the bite marks. When they showed up again, I talked to the teacher and told my son just to stay away from that kid. (Which he didn't want to do because they were buddies.) When it happened again, I offered to contact the parent of the child directly. I just kept putting pressure on them. I love his school (he was around 2 years old when this was happening) and I love his teacher, but I didn't like that boy biting him. It was a frustration thing on that kid's part. Encourage your daughter to stay away and keep putting pressure on the school. From what I understand the school can get in big trouble and should have the right to ask the biter to leave. Look into the rules. The packet they sent hope with my son said the school had the right to refuse to let a child return if they couldn't behave (or something like that).

Good luck and make sure to let us know how it turns out,
L.