My 13 Year Old Daughter

I'd see what she would like to do in the way of volunteer work ( or work ) that would make her feel like she is useful or contributing something. Or learning a skill that could give her an edge in the job market or environment of the future. (Foreign language? Self defence class?)
In our past history,before extended compulsory schooling and child labor laws, kids had an important economic role within the family (often working on the family farm, or apprenticed somewhere to learn some skill). They knew they were doing something useful for someone.
We have failed, as a society, for whatever reason, to give our kids a similar feeling of belonging and importance. They go to school for a far off goal of graduating...onto...what? Peers can be brutal. The info-tainment on TV is a recipe for depression. It is no wonder many feel lost and fall into self-hating.

That is a tough age. Does she go into specifics as to why she feels that way. When things are challanging with peers it helps to let her know that there is nothing wrong with her. Just by being there for her to talk and letting her know that everyone goes through these feelings might help. Books on this age group will help her realize that she is not alone. Lots of love and lots of family time can help.

This is what I fear already and my duaghter is only 3! I would try to get more info from her to see if there is a particular person, class, event, or circumstance that brings this mind set to the surface. If it is something specific or particular it would give you some ground to work on. I remember when I was that age and felt like everything was tragic I would vent to my mom and sister. They would re-assure me that things were not as bleak as I wanted them to be and would get me to laugh about the drama I was assigning to things.
If she is not in extracuriculars you try getting her involved in something that makes her feel good, resourceful, useful, and takes her mind off of feeling horrible. Charity work can be very eye opening as well. Best of luck and I will probably be looking up my own advice in 10 years!

have her start doing volunteer work.

I remember that phase well...it was a very traumatic time in my life. I now have a 13 yr old daughter, and I agree that service helps. I have also found that taking the time to give her sincere compliments every day helps.

Think about times when you are given compliments and how it makes you feel. Now think of her in all her insecurities and challenges with peer pressure, etc. A sincere compliment can make her day and give her the confidence she needs to get through each day. I know it can be hard sometimes to find things to be positive about, but our daughters need to know how much we appreciate them, how we value their contribution in the family, and that we can see their potential to go far in life. If we show them our confidence in them, we can help them to find the inner strength they need to face the world.

My daughter goes through that on and off... has been for 3-4 years.

Could it be that someone or something is bothering her?

I believe my daughter is slowly coming out of it...... Do you think she might want to have a friend outside her school world? My daughter loves meeting other girls and that would give them both someone to talk to that understands "the whole world hate me" feelings.... sometimes helps knowing that you are not alone.

I know this may sound crazy, but if she has the opportunity to get "outside of herself" by serving other people often that can balance out some these types of feelings. I worked for a long time with 12 and 13 year old girls. These feelings are often quite typical (I would give a group of girls a "quiz" about their thoughts about each other and every girl thought she was the outcast and that everyone else was cool, etc. We would read the answers outload (without names) and the girls would be shocked to find out how "normal" their feelings were and that other people thought they were cool and other people felt left out.

We found that helping them find opportunities to serve and having responsibilities to work (chores, etc) helped them feel better about themselves as well as realize they are not the only one with problems.

Good luck!