Mom Wants Her Bed Back

I have/had the same problem with my two youngest 5 and almost 4. It's hard but the minute I hear them come in or get up I force myself to get up and bring them back to their bed. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's a struggle, but I find after a couple of nights their sleep pattern changes and they don't come in.

i have been there. It is tough but as long as you know your daughter is safe from harm, you have to be firm and let her cry in her bed for a while. if she keeps getting in your bed, you can , very calmly , place her back in her bed. it can be a long , strenuous, frustrating night but if you stay strong and don't cave, she will give in. I went through the same with my daughter and until i did this, everynight was a living nightmare..It took 2 nights of putting her back in her bed, but since then she has only come in our room if she has a nightmare or is awakened by thunder, and i still bring her back to her bed without a fuss from her.

Hi E.,
I have the same problem, but the best advice I can give is that you have to be firm and stick to your guns. I don't know what your work schedule is like being a nurse, but try to plan a couple of days in a row where you are off of work. If you are able to, take off a day or two so you have 3-4 days to work with. As soon as she comes in, put her back in her room and shut the door. Just keep on getting up with her and keep on it all night and for the next few days. It will be really tiring, but you just have to keep to it. At this age, naps will start to fade off so take them if you can get them. At night, offer her a favorite book, stuffed animal or a night light.
About being worried, its your and your husbands decision and YOUR's alone. If you decide to keep her in your bed and can deal with it, she'll grow out of it eventually. Having her in your bed is a saftey mechinism that she might be scared because of a bad dream or just wants to be close to you two. There is nothing wrong with it and might make you closer. My daughter is 4 and hasn't napped every day of everyweek for about a year. She's perfectly healthy, she gets naps when she needs them.
Good luck whatever you decide to do!

Try putting a dog bed or a small mattress on your floor. Tell her if she wants to be close, that is her option. And the Ferber method is really tough on you, but it does work.

Look for Dr Richard Ferber's book "Solve your child's sleep problems." I'm finding it very useful w/ helping my 3mo learn to fall asleep w/o being carried around for 1/2 hr (a bad habit we got into during colicky days). He covers kids of all ages. I got it from the library. It's not everyone's cup of tea. You have to be very strong willed. If it's not something you think you can follow through on, try a different method. babycenter.com has some good suggestions (look in the preschooler section for older kids). Good luck!

I went through the same thing with my daughter. I had to come to the place where I realized my health (sleep deprivation can cause many problems with your health; emotionally and physically)was as important to her as it was to me. You can't expect your child to be mature enough to realize this on her own and sacrifice her own wishes for your greater good. She's not mature enough for that, yet. It is your responsibility to monitor your home and make the tough decisions. I, finally, told my daughter that she was not allowed to sleep with me anymore and I forced myself to enforce that in the middle of the night even though I was so tired. I talked with my husband about how I needed his support in this. A few times in the night he got up and put her in her bed and told her she had to stay there. You have to be as firm as it takes for a while but it pays off with better sleep for everyone, eventually.

Two words that I love: "baby gate". :)

For the taller kids just move it up a few inches or put a lock on her door, or yours. I find having the boundaries helps to remind them that even parents need time alone.

She will probably react badly at first, stomp, scream, what have you. After a few days she'll get the hint, though, just stick to your guns and don't give!

Best of luck,
S.

I have a two year old son at home that constantly wanted to sleep with us and what we did was to allow him to create his own space in his room. We let him put his bed where he wanted (he chose to have the mattress right on the floor so he's closer to the ground) and we let him pick out the bedding and toys that he wanted around his bed. He's so proud of his new room that he has slept in there every night since (about two months now). I have actually even offered a couple of times to let him take a nap in our bed and he insisted on being in his own bed!!

Let her know that things need to change, and explain why at four years old, you know they wan't to listen! :) Tell her that you are going to read her a book and then sing a song or say a prayer your choice. Give her a drink of water. Tell her that she has three passes a mom, dad, and her name? pass. She can use these passes at night but she may by no means come to your bed. Then stick to it. When she comes to your bed take her back to her own and remind her of these passes after these passes are up let her know that she must sleep in her own bed and she has no passes left. Stick to this for a month and then see the difference! It will work if you stick to it and do not give in. I have a four year girl and a four month old. This is what we did and it worked well. So try it.