Making My 4 Year Old Sleep in His Bed, ALL NIGHT?

HI A. - We had similar issues with my now 20 year old! The key is to get him to fall asleep on his own - without anyone in the bed with him. We read a book my a Dr Ferber. I think there was some controversey years after we read the book. The key is to put him to bed in his bed - tell him it is bed time and that he cannot leave the room. Leave the door open. If he comes out - take him back in - do not pick him up. Tell him if he leaves again you will close the door. If you end up closing the door - just close for a few SECONDS - not long - open it back up and tell him that as long as he stays in the room - the door will stay open. We had to do this about 3 or 4 times for about 3 nights and she finally got the message. SInce she was able to fall asleep on her own - when she woke up at night, she was able to use the same skills to go back asleep. I know this is tough - you should try this method and be firm. Good luck!

I experienced the same thing with both my boys who are now 4 & 6. With the older one we did the same as another mother and would just tell him that he needed to stay in his own bed at night. I know it sounds simple but it worked. After a several nights he would start climbing in bed with us again and I would have to remind him again that he needed to stay in his own bed all night. After awhile he just quit coming. As for falling asleep, you will need to teach him to fall asleep on his own. The Baby Whisperer has a great technique that we used and were successful with. It is about weening them out of having you sleep with them. You sleep in the floor next to them but when it's lights out you don't let them talk to you. You just do it for shorter and shorter periods as they get used to it. You really should read how she explains because I know i'm not doing it justice.
Good luck!

Hi. My son is only three, so hopefully what I suggest might help. My son wanted to sleep in my bed,'cause we shared the room. I let him, but seen it was starting to be a habit. My husband is due to come home from Iraq and I didn't want my son staying w/us. so what I've done is buy special nightlights(maybe a happy face or one that changes color at night)he can only have it when he sleeps in his own bed. also, try buying something he would enjoy sleeping with. as far as him getting up and going into your bed, your just gonna have to keep getting up and put him in bed and let him cry it out. it will be so tiring for you both but it will work. I hope things get better...good luck.

Can't wait to see advice on this one....you're not alone. I don't know what to do either and my 4 year old has taught my 22 month old to do the same thing. The younger one wakes the older one up before coming in our bed TOGETHER.

A.,

I have a 7 and a 5 year old myself and have had the same problems with both of them. We started setting up a sleeping bag on the floor beside our bed for our sons, to come and sleep in. We let them pick out a large sized stuffed animal to sleep in their beds with. We even taped ourselves sleeping for the sound effects for our boys. It has been a difficult thing but little by little we are making more and more progress every day.
They now sleep together in one room in a full sized bed, all night long. They have each other to cuddle with rather than us.
Just remember that they are only young for such a short time and soon your child will want little to do with you, is it so bad that he wants to be close to you to feel safe....
I often miss the days when my boys would come to cuddle with us in the wee hours of the morning.
Call me crazy....

Good luck to you,
M. D.

Sweetie, I know this is difficult for you,but the best way to break this habit is to let him cry it out for a few nights,tell him you refuse to allow this behavior any longer and that big boys dont usually sleep with their parents.That would be the direct approach,however,he could be having night terrors or something of that nature,my daughter had them,but that was the only time she ever slept in the bed with us.She grew out of them finally but it is hard until they do.Usually they are too scared to discuss it at the moment so you should probably just sit down with him the next day and ask him why he likes to sleep with you,if he says nightmares,ask him to explain them to you.You can get creative in explaining why they wont hurt him and so on.If all he says is that he just wants to,explain to him that he is getting too old to sleep in the bed with you,and at that time,make up a "mommy and daddy's bed" schedule.Make certain days of the week days that he can sleep with you.Tell him that he is going to have to eventually not sleep with you anymore,so you are going to start to get him out of the habit.Allow your schedule to stay the same for a month,then change it by reducing one day a week each month.If he comes to your bed on a night that is not on the schedule,refuse to allow him to sleep there.Take him to his schedule before you put him back to bed and remind him of the days that he is allowed to,then put him back in his own bed.You may meet some resistance in the beginning,but if you stick to your guns and absolutely not allow him to sleep in your bed on the nights that are not his,he will get the picture.Hope this helped!

We went through the same thing. It is nice to snuggle with them while they are so small. But what happens when you want to snuggle with your hubby? Or just stretch out and have some room for yourself? You have to be stern about it for a while, but they will eventually get the point. Try making a chart, and every night they sleep in their bed give them a sticker for the chart. After 2 weeks or so get them a reward. Or try to make their room fun with cool bed sheets or a night light. I would not coddle him when he is being 'hysterical' as you said. Let him scream and cry, but he should be doing that in his room. You just got to ignore it. Best wishes!!!

I have a couple of suggestions. one use a gate, if he can't get out he cant come to your room. We have one on our 3 yr olds door and had one on my now 6 yr olds door until she learned to stay in her bed. Gate keeps um out of trouble and lets you sleep alone. my second suggestion is use a chart , make a chart that has the days of the week and everytime he stays in his bed all night give him a sticker on his chart, make sure you let him put it on there, they LOVE to see the progress they are making, it worked with my daughter. And remind him everynight at bed time that if he stays in his bed he gets a sticker, and do one for going to sleep like a big boy and one for staying in bed.

You know the answer. It's not easy, but you've already made the first step. Go Mom!! I'm pulling for you! Dad, too! It'll only last a few nights and it will suprise you that it won't take as long as you think. Just remember- you are setting the scene for many years to come in your household. Have faith in your instincts- they're right!

My husband or I still lie down with our 9-year-old, and sometimes she still crawls into bed with us in the middle of the night. We don't mind! We have adult time in the late evening and are half asleep in the middle of the night when she comes in. I had LOTS of nightmares/sleep problems as a child that carried over into young adulthood because my parents wouldn't let me sleep with them anymore when I got too "old" (about 2, I think). A four-year-old is still SOOO little! Don't worry about it - he will grow out of it eventually. My 16-year-old hasn't done it in years! And right now, you are helping your son see night as safe and comfortable, not cold and scary. Why the heck do we think it's ok for two adults to sleep with each other for company, but it's not ok for a little child? Families share sleep in many cultures around the world, and most of these cultures have far less psychological problems than we do!

I was going to give you a combination of Julie S. and Heather H. I think you're firt task is to teach him to fall alseep on his own. If he doesn't know how to do that, then there's no way he'll be able to sooth himself to sleep when he wakes up in the night. We used something like Ferber's method when the kids were much younger. Even though your son is set in his ways, you have the advantage of being able to reason with him to some degree, and using rewards. The key is just not to give in once you start the process or all he'll learn is that he just needs to up his game or drag it out a bit longer. Hopefully he'll learn quickly and then you'll all get a good night's sleep. I read reponses from people saying it's okay for the kids to be in bed with you, etc... and I just can't bring myself there (of COURSE if they have a nightmare, illness, etc... we are there for them)... I really think good sleep habits are something that you have to teach... and are SO important. It's crucial for having a good next day... for ALL of you!

Does he have an older child he looks up to? When my son was doing the same thing, I got his cousin,(who is 2 years older) whom he adores, to present him with a special teddy bear (that I had bought of course), and his cousin told him how great it is to be able to sleep in his own bed and that the bear would be his protector. I had exhausted myself trying to figure out a way, and this simple thing worked. Good Luck. by the way, I had to kiss the bear goodnight every night too. :)

The best way to fix it is to go cold turkey, be strong, and don't give in, no matter how exhausting it is. In about a week or two, your son will learn to comfort himself when he wakes and get himself to sleep. You may want to buy him a special blanket or stuffed animal that he can use to comfort himself. Start on the weekend so you can afford to lose sleep, prepare yourself for some rough, sleepless nights, take turns getting up with your spouse, and stick to your guns. You will get through this.

I would start by explaining to him that he's a big boy now, and big boys sleep all by themselves through the night. (It wouldn't hurt to also explain to him that he's keeping you awake so he learns that his actions have an affect on others.) In order to pursuede him to sleep alone all night, you may want to offer him a reward that he'll receive in the morning for sleeping in his bed all night. It could be a toy, or letting him help fix pancakes in the morning, or anything that will work for your child. Give him a flashlight to take to bed. Batteries are cheap compared to losing sleep. He can play with it until he falls asleep, and will have it available if he wakes up in the middle of the night. He may even enjoy looking at his books by himself with his flashlight before bed, which should make him sleepy, and will help wean him from falling asleep with you in his bed. Give him a designated spot to find his flashlight in the middle of the night, that way you can slip in to turn it off before going to bed.

Another suggestion, and I don't believe this is the solution for everyone, but I've heard of people giving their children a little Benadryl before bed to help them get back into a normal sleeping pattern. It's something you could try for the first two or three nights, until you feel he's getting on track.

I hope this helps. Good luck and hang in there!

My almost three year old was refusing to go to sleep in her big girl bed. My husband moved her bed to our bedroom. We gave her "Backyardigan" sheets for Christmas and had her "help" us make up the bed. We told her she'd get a prize if she slept in her bed all night, and when she did we gave her a Backyardigan ty baby.

Finally what cemented all these changes was when I got sick. My husband and I told her that Daddy needed to hold Mommy, cause Mommy was sick. (I had bronchitis that was turning into pneumonia...it was very bad.) She was understanding and caring and helped out by staying in her bed.

She's still sleeping in our room but in her own bed and has been for a month now.

Lately, I've been going to her room to read and she stays in my room, in her bed talking and singing to herself until she finally falls asleep an hour later.

In six months or so, we'll probably move her big girl bed into her room.

Good Luck!!

A., It looks like you are not alone. I have 4 year old twin girls who we have had the same issues with. One of the things that has been really helpful is that at bed time we talk about "where are you going to sleep tonight?" and the ladies will say in their room and we talk about staying there until the birds sing and the sun is up. A lot of times when they come in they have had to go to the potty and so on and that is when we don't seem to have success yet. BUT we just started tying the girls' allowance to staying in bed - they get a quarter bonus when they do. They seem to remember that at night. I know it is a bit of a bribe, but in combination with talking about staying in bed all night - we have had 5 nights of sleep in a row!