Larger Family vs Smaller Family

Not at all!
I would LOVE to have 5 kids! I just don't want to BIRTH 5 kids! :) I hate being pregnant so we're done after 2.
Big families make for a lot of fun and chaos. And into adult years, speaking as an only child, I WISH I had that.

So I say, don't worry about finances. Everyone works it out.

I just had my 3rd baby and everyone told me I was crazy for having another! I'm not rich by any means, and we do have our occasional struggles. So, when people tell me "you can't afford another baby", my response it...I may not have the money in hand right now, but with your children, you make it work! I personally get super annoyed with people telling me how THEY feel about ME having another child. It is a decision between you and your husband ONLY! If you 2 want a large family, and can "make" it work, then go for it!

I have only one child. He is three. I believe that he also is learning how to share and help others. He is a gentle soul who loves babies as well. He interacts with many children outside of our home and we are modeling those behaviors ourselves in our home.

I have also heard a lot of criticism about families with only one child. Such as, they are spoiled and obnoxious. Please keep in mind that some couples are only able to have one child. It's not always a choice. We just lost our twins at 23 weeks and wish and pray that we can have another child, but what will happen will happen.

I agree that there is no "wrong". Having more or having less isn't better than the other just different. It's your family. It sounds like you are doing great and have a lot of love to share. If you have a happy family then you are doing everything right.

Peace.

I have 5 children, and I just never understand when people say they will only have 1 for "financial reasons" - just my opinion. I think you should have the number of children based on what you have in your heart -- for some that means having 1, for some that is 8 (and I know people with 7 or 8!!). That being said, I would never have a child if I was worried I could not put food on the table. But I can have 5 children, provide them a home, food, activities (within a budget) and lots of love - and I wanted to have "lots" of kids, which for me, turned out to be 5. I come from a family of 5 children, we had NO money (but enough for food, necessities, etc.) and I loved it - would not have wanted to grow up any other way. When I was a teenager, I felt sorry for my friends who only had one sibling :)

People that make up reasons like the environment for why they arent having more children are just too afraid to say "I dont want more children" because they think people will judge them. Most excuses are all because of "what others might think if I actually told the truth"... It's way easier to just say "I dont want more kids, period".
I think the complaints about people receiving government assistance are legitimate to a point. Some families make welfare a lifestyle and their only job is to continue to complete the massive amounts of paperwork involved and giving reasons for why they cant work.... that becomes their "job". And that is what makes taxpayers mad. Here in Ca, you can now only receive welfare for two children, so this has stopped people from having more kids in order to have more income, they should have put that in place years ago. Govt assistance is for a temporary set back in order to keep your kids fed and roofs over their heads while seeking employment or recovering from a medical problem, and for the totally disabled that cannot work, and for the retired that worked their entire life.
If having more children means you need to rely on the govt to help parent them by feeding them and clothing them.... then one should not have more children.

People often have opinions on things they have not experienced. Some people think it's irresponsible to become a mom at younger than 25. Some people - maybe even the same ones - think it's irresponsible to have children if you are older than 35 (I had my 1st at 39). Whatever...someone will have an opinion.

Some people think any misbehavior is a sign of bad parenting. An awful lot of those people have no children - or one child with a really level temperament (for which they give themselves full credit).

I do wish more people who wanted large families would consider adoption, but as I am married to an adoptee and one of my 3 boys was adopted, I can sure understand why people don't do it. It's a hard process and the parenting can be very different.

I don't know how many children I'd have if I had started younger or whether I'd have adopted any of them. And so while I may WISH for something, I don't have an opinion about anyone ELSE doing or not doing it.

Mega-familes make me uncomfortable (regardless of whether the kids are bio or adopted), but any system that seeks to control how many children a woman has (whether that is zero, 1, or 20) automatically becomes oppressive, so gee, I guess a handful of people with 20+ kids is a small deal in light of that.

So - what I am trying to get at is that a LOT of people seem to think everyone should do as they do. A lot of people seem to think that every child is the same as their child as well and what worked for them will work for everyone.

I don't know why so many people are like this. But if 5 kids works for you, who cares about those other people? In my experience, people who enjoy the outdoors in tougher climates (WI!) tend to be very environmentally conscious. You are probably doing things to help the environment that many of the 2-kid familes are not.

As for not being on assistance - the whole "woman who had another kid just to get the welfare money" meme is pure propaganda. I am not saying these mothers do not exist, but they are much less common than the loving mothers who are on assistance because they need some help. And needing help doesn't mean one is irresponsible. I would hope, in the current economy, more and more people would start to understand that needing help could just mean someone was unlucky.

Anyway, MY opinion is that if you are happy and you are able to give your kids love (and food and shelter), the rest is gravy. And some people without potatoes seem really focused on the gravy.

Those people that say it isn't environmentally friendly... are they recycling, or using solar panels on their homes, do they use organic cotton and conserve energy and drive energy efficient vehicles or ride their bikes to work?

I believe families should have as many children as they are able to mentally, financially and physically.

Some woman may only have the mental capacity to be able to handle one child, some have the nature and energy to handle more.

Some may want to put their child in an ivy league school and send them on exotic vacations and drive luxury cars and have grand Christmases filled with the latest movies and electronics, but to me, love in the home is more important than that. We don't; mind garage sale Christmas presents or goodwill clothes or old cars and old phones.

So, if you are destitute, can't feed or clothe your children and provide necessities or are maxed out on the love you can give and any additional children would end up being neglected, then certainly... don't have any kids! But if not, have them responsibly.

We have 5 kids and I homeschool them. We have one income and curriculum costs money. We aren't well off but we have what we need. My sister in law has one child and would make fun of us for having more because we'll have kids in our house long after hers graduates from HS. To each his own. There's no right or wrong. My kids learn things by having so many siblings and know how to take care of little ones, how to share, how to help each other etc. There are many pros to having a large family. Being rich isn't one of them...LOL

I only have 1 daughter, with one on the way, but I've always had a great respect for moms of large families. I was irritated by the same post yesterday. I'm really disturbed by the anti-child mentality that I feel permeates our society and this was one glaring example. I don't know how many we will have, I'm afraid I might not have the patience for more than 2 - BUT I believe big families are a blessing and hope that I have it in me to have more.

On the welfare thing. I think there are much bigger things to be upset about in regards to where my taxes go. I would rather support a single mom and her six kids for their whole lives than two endless wars.

If you are not on public assistance for your family and expecting the state to support them, then you should not feel guilty at all about having as large a family as you want! I think people in general get upset when people on assistance have larger and larger families and cannot support themselves and/or their children. If you are supporting your family and if you are taking your kids hiking and camping and reading with them, then we need more kids out there like that! Too many parents are having kids and letting them sit in front of the TV and computer all day long! Good luck!

I read that post yesterday and some of the moms P-ed me off! It was really hard for me not to say anything. They were saying things such as we don't think about the environment, don't think of our kids future, we have more kids than 2 for selfish reasons, families they know with more than 2 kids have kids that don't turn out good, the siblings don't get along, they don't want their kids to share a room, her kids like their rooms, etc. It has never even crossed my mind to judge a person by how many kids they have.

My parents have five kids (blended family also). There were times when money was really tight growing up but we appreciated what we had. We didn't have everything we wanted handed to us and didn't expect it either. Right now we have three kids and one on the way. I love having a big family. There is enough love to go around for each and every one of my kids unlike what one mom implied. It's not always easy but parenting isn't supposed to be easy. The love my kids have for each other is amazing to see.

As far as Gov assistance, I don't think it's wrong to get assistance in a time of need but I do not agree when people live off of it and raise their kids to live off of the Gov too.

Sometimes the kids themselves (if you cant afford college) might be the ones that wished they werent from a large family if it isnt cost effective.... not meaning that they dont love their siblings but might just feel slighted because the college funding isnt there for them.
If you are good parents and love kids and dont treat them like they have ruined your life like lots of parents do when the going gets rough---then having a large family is pretty awesome. The more the merrier as long as you can handle it.
We have lots of moms on here that cant even handle the stress of one child and are pregnant...... It is so not the childrens fault that they were born, and it just saddens me to read those particular posts. If you arent ready to raise a human than dont get pregnant!... and if you get pregnant on accident CHANGE your life and get with the parenting program and dont allow your child to suffer from it.

I went from one kid for 17 yrs to 5 in 2 yrs. 2 were steps and then the baby a year later and then my so found his oldest so I have had 4 kids in the last 3 yrs added to the family and only one of them came out of me. culture shock yes would I do it again yes. I like the bigger family.

Only your and your husband's opinion is what matters! There are a lot of nay sayers out there who slam those of us with larger families, but if you can support these children financially and within a nurturing, loving, supportive family environment and it is what YOU all want, then by all means - love & cherish them and don't worry about your decision.
We have 3 bio children and are foster parents in the process of adopting 2 of our foster children which means 5 total. Every child deserves a stable, loving home! We can financially do this and have a lot to offer, so I don't care to hear others so called thoughts on the environment etc.. there are 2 opposing arguments about environment anyway. Some say - overpopulation is destroying all resources while others point to underpopulation (i.e. - China, etc...) that this is what is actually destroying resources. Quite frankly I don't think anyone knows for sure which is more destructive - things do die off and get damaged with non use or grow too rapidly (deer population is an example) so...underpopulation has it's validity and we all know that overuse of anything causes stresses and damage too.
As long as the children will be loved and have their physical, emotional and mental needs met consistently and you enjoy each other as a large family, you will be adding positively to society by turning out high functioning children who grow into high functioning adults and they will give back to society. Good luck and Congratulations on your upcoming addition!
**Just saw the 2nd part of your question and that is a loaded one. I do NOT think that people who consistently have money issues should bring more and more children into "their lives" since children deserve stability - which includes financial stability. Children deserve to definitely have every BASIC need met, always! They should never have to worry about their next meal. And they also deserve some of the fun things - sports, toys, extra's - no they don't have to be the most expensive nor do they need a million extra's. They do need some - it is called being well balanced. I do question parent(s) who continue to have child after child when they can not even support themselves or existing kiddos without the help of public assistance. That is a disservice to the kids who are there now and to the one on the way. It is also a disservice to adults/families who have always made sure they can support their own families - why should I support someone else's too (my tax dollars)? Children are innocent victims of this and it is not fair or right because they are not brought into a "stable" family for the right reasons. If it is a short term, out of their control issue that caused this temporary need for assistance, well many people need some help at some point, but too many people say that and then end up using it as a life long "excuse". Be sure you can support what you create - children deserve stability.

My husband's parents had 2 children, and they were able to support him financially through college. (They fully paid his tuition and all his bills- he was unable to work because he was here with a student visa.) That meant a lot for him, and gave him a head start in his adult life. My parents had 4 kids, and we had to make our own way through college. It was hard work, and I have a lot of school loans. Regardless of your income, there is no denying that you can afford to do more for your kids if you have 1 or 2 vs 4 or 5. Whether or not that's a good argument for fewer children- I"m not sure; after all, I learned to work hard for what I want...

In my opinion children are a gift from God, so the more you have the more blessed you are.

I have two (born pretty early in my adult life) and one of my greatest regrets is not having more when I was younger. I found out at age 37 that my fertility was basically gone. Apparently fertility starts to decline much earlier than we women are lead to believe by the media, modern society, etc.

I don't judge people who have "only children" either - life is what you make of it including if you are only blessed with one. You are still blessed.

Good luck and God bless your family.

I understand overpopulating the world may be an issue, but in my opinion, I would not change the number of children I am having because of it. My brother and sister in law only have two for this reason - those two will replace them when they pass, thus not overpopulating. I LOVE large families and being from a small family (2 children growing up then a surprise sister when I was 14) but I considered 2 a small (probably normal) family. My husband has 7 sisters and 1 brother and I LOVE how our family gatherings are. They are loud, crazy, noisy, etc but there is always someone to talk to, sit by, laugh with, etc.

I don't belive ANYONE should have kids if they don't have the money, but then again people always say they will have kids WHEN they have enough money. But in some cases, that time never comes. Kids will always want more but they do not always NEED more. I love that you are teaching your kids to learn to enjoy life without spending a lot of money. I want to do this with my children too! I do not think it's fair to the children when women have several kids and are on assistance. If you do not need financial assistance, then I agree with another poster and have as many kids as you want!

I think most people say things because they either 1. Believe that more than 2 children is bad for the earth or 2. Cannot imagine finances for that large of a family (especially if they are living paycheck to paycheck with 1-2 kids or 3. Cannot imagine the responsiblity, work, lack of free time, etc that comes with a larger family.

But I've also heard from many people that after you have 2 or 3, adding another child is not that much more work. Because there are more kids to play together, you may actually be able to spend more time with the new baby because the others can entertain each other. Not that I believe in children raising their siblings, but I know that when we have a third, our first two will be older and can play together instead of when I had my 2nd, our first was sometimes still vying for our attention.

No matter what is 'environmentally' or 'socially' acceptable - I still want to have 3 (maybe 4) kids. Does that mean that we will have to cut some things out like extravagant vacations and not buying all name brand stuff? Yep, but we don't do those things anyways even with just two kids, so it's not a big deal!!

I think about my future and my children's future. I want to see lots of spouses and grandchildren in my future and when my husband and I pass, I want our children to have more than one sibling to go to if they miss us, to stay close to and talk about our family traditions and to have more than one person in their life that is blood related and can relate to!

So with a larger family comes comments - often negative...but then again large families could certainly say mean things about people who choose to only have 1 child. I would not let things bother you. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

I LOVE large families. I also love small families.

Ditto Mommymommymommy

If you want a large family then go for it. Somehow things always work out. It's your life and your family :)

I have 2 kids, and can't imagine handling more myself, but kudos to you for sharing your love with 5. I marvel at, and love to see large families - I'm sure it's not always easy or "convenient" to have a large family, but the lessons your kids will learn and the support that will always surround them is priceless. Enjoy! :)

First of all - the size of your family is YOUR business. Assuming you're able to support your family and are not on public funds it's entirely your business. As for money being tight - again - that's your business. One of the nicest families I know, with the best all around kids who are all just great kids have six children and can barely rub two nickels together. They all wear hand-me-downs, they help eachother, they rarely go on a "plane vacation" - always a min-van vacation (actually a regular van...haha).

Last time I checked money isn't what family is about. My mom ended up raising 5 of us on her own when my dad left for a much younger woman. We had very little material goods - in fact when my mom needed spinal surgery we did go on public assistance for about a year. But we all worked, we all did well in school, we all went to college and are now contributing members of society. We NEVER went on vacation - who could afford that? We bought our own clothing with money from babysitting and working at the 5 & 10, etc. BUT we have alot of love. We still do. Now between the ages of 43 - 58 we all take care of eachother, share lots of love, successes and sad times. there are marriages, grandkids and lots of support for eachother and my mother is blessed by so many kids, grandkids and now great grands who love her.

As for environmentally friendly - it's far more environementally sound for 7 people to live in one house than 2 or 3... Do not let people make you crazy. Enjoy your family!