How Many Kids Is "Too Many"? - Trenton,MI

Updated on September 02, 2011
C.F. asks from Trenton, MI
68 answers

Hi there- new here :)
I am currently pregnant with my sixth child (I have a 14, 12, 8, 6 & 3 year old) and am getting a lot of slack from my family for having yet another.

I'm a stay at home mom (love, love LOVE it) and a part time freelance photographer. My husband makes more than enough money to support us in a comfortable life style so I had always thought as long as you wanted and could care for (emotionally and financially) children that you should have as many as you want.

Truthfully, i've promised my husband this is the last one, I just love seeing the relationships between my kids and love having the baby of the family have an older sibling (teen) to look up to and enjoy.

So, honestly- what would your take be on the situation? 6 kids too many? Or have as many as you can handle?

I really love being a mom and love all my children and take the time to spend with each of them individually as well as together and my family is ruining my sixth baby excitement! :(

What can I do next?

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A.L.

answers from Wichita on

I say have as many as you can handle. Who cares what other say (referring to Twice Blessed). My mom is one of 11 and she loves it. I am 1 of 3 but my brother and sister are a lot older than me so it was not very fun growing up. Also think about it this way, there are people with A LOT more kids than 6 lol!

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

For me? TWO would be too many!! I have one 18 year old daughter and none of us have ever had the desire for another. I didn't even birth her, she is my adopted niece (not due to infertility). For me I have appreciated all I could provide and experience with one child. She loves being an only child as well. She has six half siblings out there and has no desire to track them down.

As long as families can afford them, care for them, have them involved in activities and not have the older ones as built in baby sitters I say go for it. Congrats!!

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G.B.

answers from Detroit on

When I was in my 4th pregnancy, it wasn't fashionable to have a large family. Zero population was the in thing. I had to hold my head up high and deal with everyone's comments. Sometimes I said was having the children my brothers couldn't have. One was mentally ill and one was gay. That stopped people in their tracks. I wouldn't give up any of mine for the world and, if I'd had easier births, I would've had more. You go, Girl!

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N.P.

answers from San Francisco on

I think you mean flack (dissension, opposition). If you got slack that means they're relaxed and groovy about the situation. Anyhow, in my humble opinion "too many kids" is the moment you have to start asking your older children to care for your younger ones, essentially turning them into little parents and taking away their own childhood.

As long as you can handle all the kids you have and don't start leaning on the children to care for their siblings, then it's all good.

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K.D.

answers from Detroit on

Whenever I ask everyone always assures me I'll know when I'm done. I just had my 5th and in the first few weeks my husband and I always say we are done. Then as the baby gets older and we get into a new routine we always agree we could do it again and probably will :)
Now my husband's family is a different matter. When we announced our 4th, my MIL looked at us with complete disapproval and said "How do you expect me to get presents for all your kids!" We told her we didn't expect anything if she didn't want to or couldn't afford it, but in my hormonal 12 weeks pregnant state, she completely took all the joy out of expecting my precious baby. The whole time everyone kept telling us we HAD to be done now. We were crazy to not put an end to this. And the worst one was when we were asked which one of us was going under the knife to get "fixed" so we wouldn't destroy our family... I was a mess until just before delivering when something clicked in me and told me that what anyone else thought wasn't important! If my kids (they keep asking when we get another baby!) husband and I are happy than that's all that matters!
Thankfully my family is supportive and my hubby's family seems to have resigned themselves to the fact that we are going to have a large family now and have been kind enough to keep their opinions to themselves with our latest .
So, I say, you can never have too many! LOL! You can decide you are done, but I can almost guarantee that even if you accidentally had another, you would probably still be happy because you sound like you were made for motherhood :)
Congratulations on your 6th! I wish you an uncomplicated delivery and a happy, healthy baby!
{{{Hugs}}}

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D.K.

answers from Sioux City on

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! I am doing the happy dance for you!! You have as many as you want. You are taking care of them and providing for them! What a blessing to have six beautiful children!! I have six also. Two of my children passed away. You would have thought after their deaths my in-laws would have kept quiet when we became pregnant, but they didn't. Well, my MIL didn't my FIL is pretty on board with what ever we want to do. He loves having the kids around. My children are my treasures.

As for the overpopulation thing, I really wish people would do their research. The world is not over populated. I get so tired of all the scare tactics.

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

How many do the Duggars have? That's too many.

6 moms found this helpful

T.C.

answers from Dallas on

I think you should have as many as you want and can afford. I'm on baby #5 and totally understand what you're saying. Family can be annoying when they stick their nose in too much. You do what's right for you...and everyone else should do the same for themselves;-) Plus, it's a bonus that you are able to stay home because with that many kids, you need to focus more of your time on them! So, if anyone gives you a hard time and wonders how the kids can possibly get enough attention...you're there all day giving it to them:-) And...I don't believe you're over populating the world AT ALL.

ADDED: I should mention that I come from a family of nine kids, and I LOVE it.

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

My answer....have as many as you can afford....and love.

Dont let anyone tell you different.

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B.K.

answers from Chicago on

The cool thing about freedom and choice is that we can do whatever the heck we want with our families. As long as you can support everybody, I think the answer is up to you and who really gives a rat's behind what anybody thinks!? It's funny, but it seems to me that everybody I know who is "pro-choice" is very much against women choosing to have lots of children. Ironic.

I also would be willing to debate the idea that the world is overpopulated (last time I checked, Martin Luther King Jr., was not a scientist). But in the end, even if some of us disagree on this, we should agree that a person's family size is their choice and nobody else's.

Don't let anybody ruin the excitement of a new life in your midst!

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

Children are a blessing! I hate it when people make comments. I'm a stay at home mom, happily married for 20 years (TODAY!), and I have 5 awesome kids (17, 16, 10, 8, 16 months) that are a huge blessing to everyone around them. So when people make comments and try to ruin my day, I just ignore them! My 16-year old daughter just says "They're just jealous!!" LOL I'm happy and blessed and so is my family. I figure that if anything, we're at least stimulating the economy! Everyone should be happy about that, not to mention that our family is a great asset to our community. I think people don't think. When I was pregnant with my 5th, the Duggars and Octomom were in the news a lot so I was off the hook! =o) LOL Congratulations!!!

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C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I think Nicole P is right on with her answer. My dad was the middle of 7, and to this day his mother thinks her kids loved being in a huge family. They didn't. She relied on the older girls to help raise the younger kids, and the boys were expected to start paying exorbitant rent as soon as they were old enough to legally work (16 years old). My dad recalls vividly that his dad turned a closet in the garage into a bedroom that 2 of the boys had to share. The closet did not have air conditioning or heating, which was a problem when it froze in the winter and was over 100 all summer. To this day, not one of the 7 gets along with any of the others. It's sad.

BUT, if you're able to raise your kids in an attentive manner so they can be kids and enjoy the same activities as their friends, you can afford to send them to college, etc, then that's a different story. It sounds to me like you're one of the rare parents who can handle having so many children, and since you can easily afford it, then the number of children is really up to you. I do think that at some point, you need to think about the earth's over-population, and maybe consider adoption if you decide to have another after this one. ;) Great moms are hard to come by, and a lot of children need families. Just a thought!

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

6 kids would probably be too many for most people, but if it works for you and your family, good for you! I only have an issue if people are relying on government assistance to get by yet are having 1 child after another - that's just irresponsible. Or they keep have more children at the expense of others already born - look at Octomom. But if you, your husband and the other kids are happy and financially you can swing it, who cares what the rest of the your family think?

For me, my one kid is more than enough! But that's me, and that's us...and there's probably plenty of other people that think something is wrong with us for only having one!

My MIL ended up having 5 kids but she was a horrible mother. Of course I am glad she had my husband, but she was probably the kind of person that shouldn't have had any kids at all.

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L.L.

answers from Rochester on

There is no set number, and it isn't even about whether or not you can "afford" them. God will always help you raise your children, and even if you're poor, it doesn't mean your children will grow up wrong. However, great for you that you can afford it.

I know many families with 6 or more children. One of my best friends is the oldest of six children...her mom is still raising teenagers. She's homeschooled all of them, K-12, and they've all gone on to be successful (or are working towards it.) My pastor and his wife have 8 children, and she's also homeschooled every one of them.

I would LOVE to have lots of children, but we literally can't afford it as in we can only have one in diapers at a time because we couldn't afford double diapers. If I had twins, we'd be in some trouble. So in another 3 or 4 years I'd like to have just one more (making a total of 3) but by then I'll be mid thirties and will probably have to be done because they've all been c-sections.

However, my doctor informed me that one of the Kennedy's wives had something like 9 c-sections.

My own mother ruined my "happy pregnancy" up until the 7th month or so, because she was so pissed off I was even having a second child that I "can't afford." Although she's right, I can't afford it...it's more about life, love, family, happiness...than money.

Sounds like you're a great mother and have a great family. Enjoy your pregnancy and new baby!!! :) Don't pin yourself down to saying this is your last, either...it doesn't sound like this is your last. :)

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N.W.

answers from Eugene on

I'm one of 6. Loved it... most of the time ;o) We always had playmates. Now that we are adults, it's great. Big family gatherings, lots of cousins, if anything happened to one of us, there are 5 others who would be willing raise our kids. I can't imagine life without my siblings.

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H.K.

answers from Gainesville on

my husband makes less than 20,000 a year.....we have 3 kids and are making it. I promise if i had a house and the money to afford more, i love kids. My husband dont want anymore though. I say 6 kids are not too many. I came from a family of 6 kids and we had a blast together. We all still live in the same little town we grew up in and all but 2 are married and most of of have 3 kids or more. We are a strong family and are here for one another. I love big families, my brother in law is from a family of 12 kids.
So to answer your question.....I vote that YOU should have as many as you can handle!

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C.K.

answers from Chicago on

I come from a large family of nine. I love every one of my siblings!! Couldn't do without them - each has their attributes in the family and we go to the one we know can "advise" us. As long as you can support them financially and emotionally who is to say how many is too many. I wish we started our family earlier, but there is no right time - whether you start young or old - it is what suits your family.
Best wishes to your family - a large family is fun as is an only child. It is what you make of it!

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E.B.

answers from Seattle on

I used to think big families were just nuts!

But then I started watching what was then 17 kids and counting.....And fell in LOVE.

The Duggars have proven to be masters at what they do. They take the chaos that comes with 19 kids and just go with it.

So I strongly agree. If you are able to provide without assistance for your brute....the more the merrier.

This is some momma dreams..and want for employment....It is a full time managers, drivers..chef and Dr job. I feel like all my knowledge could lead me to several good professions and I owe it to my Mom medal.

So rock on mama! The more the merrier:)

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K.L.

answers from Savannah on

It sounds as though you can take care of all your kids and thats all that matters

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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

My belief is that you have enough when the Lord stops sending them to you. :) We also have 6 children, and we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE our family dynamics. I cannot for one second imagine our lives without any one of them. They are all so precious and special. Don't let others ruin your excitement about your newest baby. There will always be people in the world trying to steal your joy. Don't let them. Enjoy the anticipation and excitement. I'm so happy for you!! Our 6th is such a delight! She is an amazing gift to us! We'd love more, but it looks like we might not get another. She's 5 now. But, we enjoy the ones we do have!

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L.S.

answers from Omaha on

Families are all sizes. If you're able to safely deliver and easily take care of them, as you say, then the number of children you have is up to you and your husband. I could see their concern if you were not able to provide for these children with quality time or money, but that's not the case, so they should not have an opinion. I wish you luck on your sixth child. It sounds like you're very happy and have a very close family - that's what's important! God will bless you as He sees fit, and you seem to agree :) Best wishes!

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M.W.

answers from Detroit on

That is a personal decision between you and your husband that needs no outside opinion. As long as you are not asking anyone to finance your needs or spend lots of time babysitting, they need to keep their opinions to themselves.

Best wishes!

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J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

For me, two is too many. LOL I only have one child and she makes bids to stay on only child everyday. As long as you can care for an support them have as many kids as you want. Ignore people and get on with your life. :)

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A.E.

answers from Detroit on

I say if you an support the kids financially and emotionally then go for it. How many kids you have is between you and your husband not your family.
Good Luck!

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S.F.

answers from Reno on

When you must rely on others financially to raise your children (parents, extended family, government), then you've had too many children.

It sounds like you and your husband are fine. Enjoy your many blessings!

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

in my opinion, as long as you can pay for all of them, have as many as you want.

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J.C.

answers from Nashville on

Saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers- Mother Teresa.
CHildren are a blessing from God. Every time I look at my 1 yr old daughter's face I'm reminded that there is a God and how joyful he is!
I'm pregnant with my second who is a boy and we are struggling and our families don't seem excited or happy about us having any more. In fact my mom told me she was praying it was a boy so we would stop after this one once I broke the news of the baby's sex. I was hurt that she responded to such exciting news like that. I rather be poor and live in a 2 room shack with lots of happy kids then live with my mother ever again where our house was a 2 story one but dark and void of love and happiness. It depends on your priorities in life. What is most important to you. The opinion of others, more money, or the priceless blessings from God. By the way, I told my mom where she could stick it.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

It depends on the person. We are having an only. For me, two would be too many. The thought of having two sends me in a panic...so we're happy with one. You seem to handle your children well, and enjoy being a mother to many. If you love them, take care of them, don't need the older ones to help raise the younger ones, (I don't mean pitch in, I mean actually help raise), then who cares what others think? Have your kids and enjoy your life!

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J.W.

answers from Chicago on

How fortunate that you have five healthy, typically-developing children, and the income to support them all. If you're already pregnant with number six, then it's too late to worry about whether six kids is too many. The deed is done.

To answer your question: one biological child per parent in the household is enough. It's great that YOU can handle a large family, but you fail to consider its impact upon your community, the environment, and society at large. Zero population growth is the most responsible way to go.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

5 , 5 is too many
I grew up as the first of 5 and I hated it.

ETA: sorry if my answer sound harsh.
But growing up the oldest of 5 was not a happy time.
The other 4 were spaced so far from me the youngest was 15 yrs younger than I was

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B.C.

answers from Joplin on

If you can afford them I say why not? My own kids are spaced far apart and yet all three of my children are still close. I have a 15 yr old, a 10 yr old and a 4 yr old...even though our youngest has been quite an experience ( he is Special Needs) I will say that it is seems a shame to me that my youngest will never get to be a big brother, because he would be an AWESOME big brother. But my financial situation and my personal life do not warrant having another child ( to do so would be VERY irresponsible on my part) but sounds as if in your situation as if no reason why not!
Congratualtions on baby number 6!!!!

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L.A.

answers from Dallas on

Of course it's your family and your body. I come from a family of 8 kids and so I definitely understand the joys of a big romping bunch. We chose to limit our family to two children for many, many reasons but a big one was the impact of overpopulation.

No one has the right to say you're having too many children, but I do feel like humans need to consider how many of us are on the planet and just be aware of the impact we have. Just a thought.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm another mom for whom two would have been too many! My personality, finances, and life goals and situation would have made more children not a good plan for me. My daughter (9) does have a big stepbrother (29) and sister (26), so she's not technically an "only". She has two nieces and a nephew to play with.

Even as a child in about 3rd grade, I decided I would only have children that I could personally (not with a husband) support. I'm not sure where this lack of trust came from, as my parents were mostly happily married for 40 years until my mother's death, but I've always had a need to be independent, financially and otherwise.

My mother raised four of us, and spent considerable time raising several of my cousins and my nieces and nephews. I could not be the mother she was. Good for you if you can provide financially and especially emotionally for six children. I could not.

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I.A.

answers from Spokane on

Of course their is no set number. God blessed you with all these children so enjoy your life and the remained of your pregnancy and don't pay attention to what is said. I have 3 that were all planned and all 3 have hearing loss which we knew was a 50% chance the 2nd and 3rd time around and people sure judged us and gave their 2 cents. But we chose to be a family and God has blessed us tremendously and I wouldn't change it for the world. I do think that when olders kids begin to raise their younger siblings that's when it might be enough. It's not fair to them. Sure they need to help out and learn responsibility but I actually mean raising and taking care of them. I hope all goes well with your 6th. More power to you!!! God Bless!

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E.C.

answers from Detroit on

Lucky, Lucky women. Sit back and enjoy! Please do not listen to family if you can afford your children and have the patience I say go for it. I do agree with the others on leaving your older kids parenting the younger children daily, some responsibility is good for them just as long as they still get to be kids.

My MIL was so vocal about our being done after 2 kids, my husband had second thoughts about having any more and almost ruined our marriage. I am thankful everyday for my two kids but I miss the ones that I felt we could have taken care of and loved. Family thinks they have our best interest at heart but they do not live in our shoes and should not push their limitations on us. Please do not let anyone ruin this wonderful time in your life. Close your ears and hearts to those who say 6 is too many, it is too late for that, number six is on their way!

E.S.

answers from Dayton on

Awww. Get that excitement back!!!

Have as many as you can handle! :)

Congrats!

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E.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think you should have as many as you want, can responsibly care for, and can emotionally handle. For you, that's 6 (or more?); for some, that's 1. For me, that number is 4.....but hubs is done at 3, so *we're* done (sigh).

I LOVE seeing big, happy families. I think they're full of love and, as long as the parents are the ones parenting (*ahem* the duggards *ahem*) then I say GO FOR IT!!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

As long as you can handle the stress, the cost and have a happy, loving family, don't mind the others.... their just jealous.

Me personally, knew that I couldn't handle more than 2 and stopped there.

Good luck.
M.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Ditto Nicole P.

A Mom, also has to 'know'... when it is the idea of being pregnant that is wanting her to keep having more kids, or if she really wants more kids which is a decision that is logically and emotionally, sound.... or you are just in love with the idea of it.

There can be no end to it.

If you and hubby and the kids are for it, and you can keep going and are healthy... well that is a personal decision.

For me, my 2 are enough.
I could have more, but I know... 2 is enough for me. Even if my kids are growing up and are both in school, now.
This is a 'milestone' for me too... seeing them grow up. It is a Rite of Passage for any Mom.
And a developmental milestone, even for Moms.

You are excited. Your Husband seems fine with it? Big families can be very special and sound.. and since you sound like a very on hands, and aware Mom.
I don't know how you do it... with 5 kids!
Wow.

M.M.

answers from Houston on

For some, 1 child, heck even a pet dog or plant is too many. For others, they can thrive with 13. It is up to what the individual family can emotionally and financially handle, while still having a loving, nurturing and healthy home.

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

I don't think there is any "magic number". If you are properly keeping them fed and clothed, in good health and everyone is happy and well adjusted I see no problems with how many there are.
I know people that shouldn't have the one they have and I know families that are huge and are perfect that way.
I have 3 kids. While I don't feel like a fourth would be the breaking point I also don't think it would be a perfect thing either if that makes since. But I felt that way for a good while after having 2 and my third snuck in on us and now it feels like it was the way we were always supposed to be.
What other people think isn't important, it's not their family, it's yours.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

As many as you can handle and afford - enjoy your large family and congrats on your pregnancy!

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

wow I would say 3 becuase I only have 2 hands.

L.M.

answers from New York on

Congrats to you!!! A baby is a wonderful thing and if you can provide comfortably for all your kids, GREAT!!!! I personally am done, with 3. I have 2 girls and a boy. Our family is complete. I am one of 3, my hubby just has one sister. IF we had a ton of money I would have a fourth and that would be it. I have always said 3 or 4 kids would be good for me. Personally, I don't feel I could give 6 kids all the attention each kid needs...it is hard with 3. However, your kids are older than mine so I can see where it is easier. Mine are 4 months, 4 yrs and 5 yrs old. Big difference!!! As long as you are great parents and are raising those kids to become ASSETS to our society, bring em on! One could be too many if the parent is a disaster.

V.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

10 of your own is too many... And then after that you have to start adopting and/or fostering. Those kids need loving homes too and to have 10 of your own and to not share your love with other kids who need it too... That's selfish.

But, personally, 5 is my limit. I want 3... But I also want at least one of each gender... So if I get two girls and one boy or two boys and one girl, I'll stop at 3... Otherwise I'm going to keep going until I get one of each or I have 5 children. Lol

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B.B.

answers from Atlanta on

You shouldn't worry yourself with what others think. And to heck with them for giving you their unwanted opinion. As long as you and your husband can physically and financially care for 19, that's your business. Love your babies. :)

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R.S.

answers from San Antonio on

If we could afford them, my husband and I would probably have two more...so four kids for us instead of only two. But well we have all we can afford and be responsible to care for...

If you can afford them, want them, love them and can physically take care of them...have as many as you want!

I am excited that you have six children...I think it is awesome that larger families are coming back.

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K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

If not for medical issues, I would say have as many as you can afford and support in all ways. I am sad sometimes I only have one. But with our circumstances, the bickering would be overwhelming.

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T.L.

answers from Detroit on

It depends on the person and their finances. If you genuinely love kids, want them, have the energy to care for them, and have the money to support them, then go for it. Personally, I have 3, but one is 16 and moved in with her dad, so I have 2 at home. I love my kids very much, but sometimes they drive me nuts and I need my "me only" time. I'm definitely done having my own kids because of my personality, plus my hubby and I are getting too old. I do however, look forward to the day when my daughter has a baby, so that I can babysit my grandkid--then return him/her at the end of the day!

E.A.

answers from El Paso on

I only have one and that's plenty for me. But great for you for having as many you want and as many you can care for emotionally physically and financially :) it shouldnt matter what anyone else thinks YOU and your husband are the ones raising them not everyone eelse who gives your grief about" too many"
I loved being pregnant but I couldn't handle an infant again. It is emotionally draining for me
CONGRATS on your new addition to your already lovely family
Enjoy it!

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L.M.

answers from Norfolk on

I had one son, and my husband and I agreed that we wanted him to have a sibling.... well, we got the bonus set. Twin girls! When they were born healthy, I got my tubes tied. It still makes me sad. I loved, loved, LOVED being pregnant. Even when my twin pregnancy got physically taxing, I was fueled by the kicks and squirms that only I could feel attesting to the miracle within me. My son is special needs and I am in my mid-30s.... as much as I love being pregnant, I wouldn't feel right about adding more kids to my household. That is a decision my husband and I came to. (With the amendment that years down the road, if we are in a financial and emotional position to do so, we will adopt.) So, to answer your question... for me, four would be too many, right now. Things change and when it comes to others offering unsolicited input on highly personal decisions, I like to fire back with something like, "And what is your favorite sexual position? While we're discussing personal stuff." That will often, if not shut them up, at least convey the point that they are out of line.

Good luck to you.

P.L.

answers from Chicago on

ALL I'm saying is good for you....I wish I'd have the patience..I have three.
Just looked through a Better Homes And Gardens magazine and the one designer women had 7,they all looked very happy together.
As long as it is ok for you and your husband, I don't understand why the extended family has an issue with it, screw them :)

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A.G.

answers from Albuquerque on

It all depends on the family! My sister has 2 kids and for her that is enough. I have 2 kids and we want more! I would love to have 4 kids. As long as you love them all and give them all equal attention have as many kiddos as you want!

M.F.

answers from Portland on

I am sorry the family is ruining your excitement, that sucks :(

To answer you question honestly, I think 6 is too many, FOR ME.
That is why I only have 1.
I am happy with my one perfect child.
I do not feel the need or desire for anymore.
Every time my daughter has asked about having a baby brother or sister, I have said
"No, I am not having any more kids, sorry."
She asks
"Why not?"
I tell her
"Because God and me and your daddy got it SO perfect by getting you, that we don't want to risk having another and that one not being as wonderful as you are. Plus right now we can give you anything you need or want, if we had another baby you would get less attention and less time and less stuff from us."

That pretty much makes her happy and she goes on and on about being the most perfect kid ever and says she has "proof" :)

****I think if you and your husband and your kids are happy, that is all that matters. The opinions of your family and anyone else do not matter in my opinion :) ******

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J.D.

answers from Dallas on

I had 4 in 3 yrs10 months they are 49 -48-47-45 and are all best mates and I have 3great sons and 1 daughter :( :( mc jc x x x

Updated

I had 4 in 3 yrs10 months they are 49 -48-47-45 and are all best mates and I have 3great sons and 1 daughter :( :( mc jc x x x

Updated

I had 4 in 3 yrs10 months they are 49 -48-47-45 and are all best mates and I have 3great sons and 1 daughter :( :( mc jc x x x

H.G.

answers from Dallas on

I say if you can handle it mentally and financially go for it. I personally hate be being pregnant and I suffered twice and ill never do it again! God bless you for doing it 6 times! Who cares what anyone says its yalls choice! I have two and they are nearly 11 yrs apart and its perfect for us. Best of luck mama!

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C.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I really believe that answer is different for every family. Some are done after one, some have 2 or 3, others have 6 or more. I think that as long as you can take care of them financially (and can handle it emotionally), you are perfectly fine in having a large family. Have as many children as you can handle, and feel sorry for the people who see children as a burden rather as a blessing. Congratulations!!

K.J.

answers from Chicago on

Congrats! You know, some parents can barely handle 1 kid, others thrive with big families. I am of the opinion that as long as finances are intact and both parents are willing and able to provide the time, attention and love to all of their kids, bring on the babies!

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K.T.

answers from Washington DC on

Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone I know that has 6 children, minus an acquaintance who I did some volunteer work with. When I hear of a family having six children, my jaw drops and I think "how in the WORLD do they do it?!!" (more emotionally than financially. Then, I wonder how the kids act, then I wonder if they're on welfare.) If you have all those ducks in a row (you are sane, YOU are raising the kids (not their siblings), the children are well-behaved, you're not accepting welfare, and kids are cared for - eat well, have decent clothing) I say more power to you!!! Is it the Duggars who were on TV and have like 19 kids? That's a well-maintained family whose kids (seemingly) behave. The one issue I have there is that it seems to be more of the kids raising the kids. But hey, it works for them!
Now, the other side of the coin is "Kate" plus 8. That woman is out of her MIND! Given, she didn't think in a million years that she was going to wind up having 6 kids at one time. If she was going to have another kid, THAT would be an example of someone who needed a stern talking to! (I think she likely knows that too.)

So, my guess is that PERHAPS your relatives don't think you have one of these:
-an adequate lifestyle (maybe YOU think your husband's salary provides, but THEY see dirty clothing, not enough food, a home that is too small) ;
-well behaved children;
-enough of you to go around (are YOU raising the kids, or are the kids raising the kids)?

Consider inviting your family over for dinner. After dinner, ask the kids to go outside so ya'll can have some adult conversation. Simply ASK your family WHY they think 6 is too many. You might want to prepare yourself for some cold-hard facts though. Tell them ahead of time that you want the truth, and their opinions won't be held against them. But also tell them that they're bringing you down. If you want them to hear your side of the situation, you need to be willing to hear them out too. You might also want to establish ahead of time that if/when the discussion becomes heated or uncomfortable, any person has the "right" to remove themselves from the conversation (you included) without any hard feelings.

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K.C.

answers from Detroit on

I didn't read all the post so sorry if I am repeating.

I think as long as you and your husband can take care of and support the children...go for it. However, I would really take into consideration how my husband feels since it sounds like he is the main provider (not the extended family especially if you don't rely on them for help). You wouldn't want to cause unecessary stress or resentment with your husband.

Even though he has a great job now, this world seems very unstable so just put a plan into place in the event you find you all may not be in such a comfortable place in the future.

Oh, and just make sure you don't put a lot of the parental responsibilities on the older children. I know some families like this and it caused a lot of resentment with the older kids.

Best Wishes to your family and Congrats on your pregnancy!

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S.!.

answers from Los Angeles on

Completely agree with Andrea E.

We had our 3rd last year and we are still getting grief over it. We would love to have more, but we get so tired of hearing about "your family is good enough" "5 is a nice number for a family". Blah.. It has got to my husband he now thinks we are done. Sad :( But probably for the best.

Good luck!

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D.

answers from Houston on

Children are always a blessing whether they are first born or tenth born. Enjoy your preganancy and family. You can't please everyone so why worry about it.

J.H.

answers from San Antonio on

You have as many as you can afford and love (and mentally handle, lol). I personally would love to have one or two more, which would put us at 5 or 6.

Don't let anyone ruin your excitement!

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M.K.

answers from Columbus on

I'm glad you put in that you are financially able to care for a big family. It's not really anyone's business how many children you have but if you were on public assistance then I'd be pissed! This is exactly what my sister did. She married a man that was a lazy something and he wanted a big family but wouldn't work and provide for them. So my sister was the one that would squirt out a baby and have to go back to work in ADDITION to being on public assistance. Yes, she was/is weak when it comes to saying NO! But that's another whole story. Bottom line... if you can provide for them financially AND emotionally then go for it. I only have two children and absolutely LOVED being pregnant and staying home with them. I'm still only working part-time because I want to be here with them and be part of their lives. As for the family members who say mean things - you need to sit them down and have a straight-forward discussion with them and inform them it's none of their business. They're probably just jealous!! Good Luck!!!

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L.L.

answers from Topeka on

I like your question...I have 3 now I wanted to be done but I procrastinated on getting the copper IUD (used non hormonal BC & charting) & could not come to terms with getting myself permantely fixed i'm only 31 I know for sure that no kids after 34 regardless if I already had mine or not.Now i'm 8 weeks prego I knew that having sex protected or not,natural family planning can make a baby & well here it is mama is prego with my 4th.I'm ok with it i'm excited my kids are excited we haven't told our family yet I know I said I was done 3 was it no more but well that is for me to think about...I do know that after this baby I will not have anymore don't know how soon after delivery my urologist is taking my uterus out,tubes tied or Essure.This is it for me i'll have them all in school next year it will be just me & baby for another 3 yrs.There are so many who would love to be parents but just can't for some reason or another i'm happy to have created all mine with no medical intervention they are healthy.Just be happy for you & your family.Not knowing the future of what our children will go through is scary but look at us we have gone through the recession our granparents the depression were not out of it yet.Having 6 kids is that too many for me it is for you & others it isn't,having 4 is my limit for so many reasons.

K.*.

answers from Los Angeles on

For the sake of my sanity and marriage, 3 would be too many (I have 2)! The thought of having 6 is scary to me.
They are probably just imagining what life would be like in THEIR shoes with 6 kids.
Congrats on your pregnancy, and congrats for not being horrified ;)

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C.B.

answers from Detroit on

No matter how much flak (slack would be easing up on you) you get from your family, it's up to you and your husband only. If you together can live comfortably, you should have as many as you know your incomes will allow.

Keep in mind tho that college isn't getting less expensive. Have you factored in college for 6? I would think about that, encourage scholarships hunting, but avoid financial aid/loans as much as possible. IF college will bring them their individual careers. Maybe it's a matter of a tech school education. Whatever. Think about their future educations.

But otherwise go for it!

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I'd love to have 10. I only have 1, and can't have any more (medical and husband issues). So you can "have" my other 9 ;)

But in actual answer: too many kids is 1 more than you can raise well.

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