Issues with Daycare....should We Go to a New One?

I would switch. It is the job of the teachers to keep all the kids safe, and teaching a 2 year old to defend himself physically is unacceptable. I would make sure you would ask other centers what they would do in a similar situation, and keep looking for a place until you get answers you like. You should not be worrying about your kid being hurt when you're not there.

I think, to a certain point, that you should let your son defend himself. Pushing and hitting not the answer, Teach your son to stand up for himself with his words and actions. I am currently reading a book "Raising a Self-confident child" by Magda Gerber. It goes over this topic. First it suggests speaking to the aggressor say thinks like: you cannot hit/bite, doing so hurts, that upset so and so, see how that made so and so feel, you don't want so and so to feel that way do you... The book goes into more detail. It also suggest a "shadow" person to keep an eye on the aggressor at all times to stop the behavior before it starts. However, it does suggest letting the problems to occur only to the point that it becomes dangerous. Meaning that children have to be given a chance to have a certain amount of conflict to learn problem-solving skills. Social skills, interacting with peers, and standing up for oneself. Secondly, the book suggests validating the feelings of the "victim"... without making them a victim. It says not to go as far as one might be made to feel like a true victim but just validate. Saying things like: I know that hurt, I am sorry that you got hit/bit, ending it quickly. Overreacting vs. Under-reacting or what she calls "doing less." Work with your Day Care provider. What are their policies, how do they act/re-act, what do they say to the children. Suggest a "shadow," someone to watch over this child and intervene minimally (only to offer suggestions to the children involved on how to act appropriately in this situation. Such as: To the aggressor: We do not hit/bite, if you are upset you could ...fill in the blank... To the "victim:" Hopefully before the actions occur: Johnny doesn't feel like sharing/playing right now maybe we could go over here and... Re-directing attention elsewhere.) Ask if they have talked to this child's parents (are they working on it at home, are they going about it the right way, or is he just getting yelled at,) see if they would be willing to try some techniques such as tying a plastic doughnut (the kind from the plastic stacking toys) around his neck/wrist for bitting... teaching the child to use this during aggressive behaviors. Nobody wants their child to be the one who is getting bit. Teach your son to stand up for himself. Not by bitting or hitting but by expressing his feelings. I don't like when you bite/hit. I will not play with you. Walk away. Maybe if more of the children begin to do this this other child will realize if he wants to play, if he wants friends, he will have to behave in a certain manor, or have no playmates. I get that this child's actions are bothersome to say the least. But keep in mind that children learn socially acceptable behaviors at different ages. It is normal. If all else fails I would first conclude that this child's parents are not teaching their child socially acceptable behavior. Secondly, I would not consider, necessarily, switching Day Cares. You like it, your son likes iit. This Day Care has an obligation to you, to keep your son safe. He is not the problem. The other child should be asked to leave. Ask for a meeting with the family and the Day Care.
On another note, keep in mind that this child may have older siblings that are modeling this behavior. Maybe he is the one being picked on at home. You do not know what's going on at home. It could be much worse. Do you know this family? Maybe you could make an effort, if for no other reason than to just get a feel for what's going on and/or how they are parenting.... before you demand a meeting with them and the Day Care. Maybe it is a young or single mother who does not know what or how to stop the behavior. See if you can find out more. Maybe you could share your knowledge, maybe you could help them help their child.

I would suggest scheduling one more meeting with the daycare administrators and making it clear that you are uncomfortable with the idea of encouraging your son to push and hit back to defend himself. Can you come in and observe for a while one day to get a better idea of what's going on? (Especially if you can somehow "spy?" on the situation)

If you let them know that you are willing to pull your child out, then it might put more pressure on them (the daycare) to try harder to resolve the issue with the bullying child's parents- for fear that they might be losing more clients.

The fact that the daycare is promoting hitting and pushing back is reason enough to me to leave. I wouldn't stay there. They are condoning that type of behavior.

It sounds like you have already talked to the daycare and explained your concerns... if they are not going to make efforts to fix the situation, there's not much more you can do.

Hello
I have worked at a daycare before, and I have dealt many times with this situation. I would not pull him out of that school. that might be a little to much, however, try and get him into a different classroom. this will only work if this is a school-like daycare. if this is an at home or one classroom daycare, you might have to consider taking your child out. I would do it gradually though, a day or two at the old daycare and a day or two at the new one and then limit the old one more and more.
Good Luck!

WHAT?! I am shocked!! I have worked at many daycares for many years and never seen a rule such as defending himself-your right it will teach him to hit or push other people! I will say some kids do bite and they bite a lot, they bite hard, and they bite for a long time-typically until they can communicate whats going on in their heads! If I were you I would ask to have a meeting with the teachers, supervisors and/or other parents. We always used the anonymous rule-if someone was bit we told the parent but didnt tell them who bit but we also told the parents of the biter! Kind of confusing I know but it protected families who were going through a hard time whcih could be a reason the child lashes out. Most daycares also have a "biting rule" so to say-three times in one day and go home type of thing. This child really needs someone to spend time with him and figure out what is going on. I worked in the 1.5-2.5 room and had a child like this we did journals home every day to moment by moment his day to see where thebiting occured most-if it was when he was tired, hungry, ect ect. For now I Would tell your son to stay away from him-play with the other kids and def talk to the teachers and/or the director to figure out what is going on! Hope this helped!