I Am an Adult Daughter of Narcissistic Mother!

Updated on March 21, 2015
A.M. asks from Jonesboro, AR
12 answers

I am an adult daughter of a narcissistic mother. Ihave my first and last child - an 19 monthold girl named Sophie. My mother has been driving me to the point of insanity off and on throughout my life and all I could come up with was that she was just crazy UNTIL I FINALLY STARTED DOING SOME RESEARCH. I feel so at peace now to realize she is a narcissistic mother. the website is : daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com. It's like I wrote the website. Under one of the categories it has the narcissistic mothers dictionry (one column has "What she says" and the other column has "What she really means". It is my mother to a tee!! I can accept this. She made me feel like I was going insane but I'm not. She really has a disorder. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and printed all the topics and inform. to give to my siblings whether or not they read it is up to them. She trys to make me always second guess what she says to the point that I actually believe I may have heard her wrong but I know in my heart I didn't. She twist and turns things around to where she looks good and is the center of attention, loves drama and chaos, and control over me, and my daughter, interferes in my marriage, and then tells everyone her "victim" side of the story. God brought me to this website. Check it out if you feel your mother is driving you insane and interfering, lieing, or twisting words and statements around that she says to you (in private) and then flips it on you. I feel relieved! I am not going to let someone like her control my tlife ANYMORE! Has anyone been through this?

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answers from Cleveland on

WOW! We should all unite here and form a support group lol!! I actually have a 3 paged letter in my purse that I am waiting to give to my mom. My whole life she has made one HORRIBLE mistake after another, but it's never her fault. She was an awful mom to me, continues to be as an adult, tries to control my life, and bring me down. I hate to say that it's nice to know that I'm not alone, but it is!!! I have often struggled with the "maybe it's me" thoughts, because it's sooooo exhausting!! And she will never admit ANY fault, and she's very good at manipulating everyone around her! Thanks for posting this, I can't wait to check out the site!! I have often said that she's really is mentally ill. But that doesnt make it any easier!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

There are a couple of other good sites out there. (Sorry I'm late to the party on this post... just found it tonight.)
"Luke 17:3" (the website) which addresses the problem from a Christian perspective - not at all the *forgive and forget* you typically hear. Very well thought out and Biblically researched. Very helpful if your narcissistic relative has a propensity for weaponizing the Bible.
"Narcissists suck" (blog) A little more on the recovering victim side but still very informative.
I just found out on Mother's Day this year what I was dealing with. Like others have said, it's a relief to know what I'm up against but a tragedy to realize there is little if any hope for a change. Am planning most effective means to a *No contact* solution as soon as feasible. Good luck with your situations. Certainly is no easy row to hoe.

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answers from Santa Fe on

Hi, yes I have been going through this exact same thing bc my mother is the same way. She loves being the center of attention, she loves drama, etc. I found that website this year and it was eye opening for me. However, things have gotten worse. I wanted to share my true thoughts with her recently and sent her an email letting her know my feelings were hurt about something. She completely cut me out of her life saying it's not worth it to have a relationship with me. I did a lot more reading and I have learned that people that have NPD cannot take criticism and to her my email was an attack. I guess it is very common for people with NPD to cut off relationships when they feel attacked. I wish I had known or I would have just not said anything...the whole thing was such a shock to me. I'm very sad about it.

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answers from Philadelphia on

I actually recently went to a therapist regarding my mother and her negative, selfish, "victim" and dramatic behaviour. I told the therapist all of the reasons that my mother drives me insane and why I can't seem to find the time to deal with someone like her in my life. The therapists exacts words to me were "well, sounds to me like your mother is a narcissist." I'd never heard of it before and I had to have her explain to me what that meant. Once she explained what narcissistic behaviour was, I realized that that was my mother completely. I too felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders with that understanding. I realized that it wasn't my fault that my mother was this way and that there is nothing I can do to change her. I was able to come to acceptence with who my mother is, and not have such high expectations of her as well.
Thanks for sharing the website you came across. I'm going to look it up now. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is dealing with this in life.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

i only had to read through 5 examples to know for sure that my mother is narcissistic!
my sister is like that too.
i always joked about them being like that but now i know its a real problem. im going to send this to my siblings too, so they can tell me if they think its accurate.
im actually in the process of writing a book about how a young girls life is affected by her mothers narcissism. we should keep in contact and i can send it to you when im done!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Tyler on

Thank you for sharing! I had no idea there was a dedicated site for this issue between mothers and daughters. My mom is the same way and it bothers me so bad. Maybe I can get some tips to live with it.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Oh most definitely! I only figured out she was a narcissist a few years ago, I just never knew how to deal with her. It doesn't stop me from wanting her to be my mom, you know? My way of dealing is to just avoid contact with her as much as possible, pretty much holidays and birthdays, that's it. You are not alone. It's really hard. 40 years later it still hurts sometimes, especially when I am around my MIL, who is and was a fantastic mother.

Thanks for the website link!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

Wow. I looked at this website and I am amazed. I just cannot believe that what I have gone through in my life has so much more to do with my mother and her narcissistic mannerisms than I ever realized. I just thought it was abusive and I would have to "get over it" and I've been going to therapy for alot of the issues with my mother.

Now, I'm seeing that perhaps I'm seeking more approval than I thought with women, especially the women in my husband's family (because I'm so far from my own) and why I'm not seeing them accept me and really that I need to stop caring so much. I'm going to investigate this further. There has to be some help for me in this and then maybe I can let alot of this go even more than I thought I had.

Thanks for sharing the site with us.



answers from Eau Claire on

Thank you for this website. I think I might find some answers there myself.



answers from Cleveland on

I have lived with a mother like this for 53 years and now, she is living with me in my house and I hate being home and pray to die before I wake up. I have been praying to God that I could find help somewhere. The door has been shut lately everywhere that I look for help. I want to deal with the situation as biblically as I can.

Thank you for validating that I am not crazy; and that she does twist words around from what she tells me in private. I truly thought I was NUTS! Since I read your article and researching medical sites, I will no longer allow her to make me feel guilty, ashamed, ugly, etc. I have spent 36 years (off an on) in counseling to help myself not become like her. I finally thought I was "healed" and even though she is living with me now, I have learned methods to not "take the bait". Unfortunately, after one and one half years of her living in my house, I broke down and cried my eyes out. In one of the medical websites I found that that is something good to do. Thank God!

Her behavior is working on my marriage. I am fortunate to have a wonderful man as a husband who has known my mother for 34 years. He has seen her in action which helps me realize that I am not NUTS! I don't want to go to him to discuss her anymore because he has so much on his plate with illnesses in his family, working away from home, etc

Through the years, I had a counselor tell me (after hearing my mother's rampage over the phone when I felt the need to call her) "Get out of the house before she kills you". I decided to take her to meet my current counselor. About a month later, I remembered to ask her what she thought of my mother; her comment was, "It's quite evident that she is a pro manipulator. It's not that I want to bad mouth my mother or have other people not like her, I need to know that I am not insane.

Now all the websites suggest ways to deal with this problem like use the correct language, etc., but they don't give me the appropriate language to use. I know I have tried to do what the Bible says, "To honor thy mother and father" but I can't distinguish the fine line between honoring and driving myself crazy.

Is there any way we can talk more privately? I would love to give you my e-mail.



answers from Las Vegas on

Yes! ;) I lived with a narcissistic mother my whole life. Everything you described about your mother, I totally relate with. :( My mother--- suppose to be my best friend, someone I can feel safe and secure with is really not a mother to me. She has been an enemy. Almost like a jealous person wanting to cause pain and hurt me. She is very crazy making and lies all the time! She will tell me something in private over the phone but then lie to everyone else and say--- she never did or said any such thing! She is so sick! My father is her best friends husband! Well they are not best friends no-more! However, I believe my mother resented my father and took it out on me my whole life! She is a very manipulative woman and will play the victim and tell people I am bi-polar and really sick and I believe things I say! Oh yes, really! She will do anything to manipulate and lie and look like a victim, when really she is a very sick woman! To answer your question--- ;) Yes, I know all about this and I suffered my whole life with a mother lime this. My prayers go out to you! And good for you to realize it's not you, it's her. She is the crazy one. Amen. ;))



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