How to Tell Older Daughter About Surprise Baby #2 - Chicago,IL

I think that in this situation trying to make it "special" will only backfire and mom will feel even more rejected if her daughter is not appreciative after she went through a lot of trouble in "making it special".
They should just tell her matter of factly.
When my sis's youngest came along her oldest daughter was 10. She was NOT happy. She was not happy about any of her sibs. She gets along "soso" with most of them, she knows not to be disrespectful to her sibs and she will watch them when asked to... but she would never volunteer and she prefers to spend her time not being bugged by them (she is 14 now).
I think that's ok too. I mean we don't get to choose whether to have sibs or not and as long as she is respectful, it's ok not to be all googoogaga about a new baby.
For my niece... she is still young, but I would not be surprised if she chose to remain childless as an adult... little kids is just not "her thing".

I would advise your friend to just keep her expectations in check and who knows... maybe her daughter will come around and be excited eventually.

Good luck.

I think mom should just tell her without trying to make her feel excited. She is probably going to view this as *bad* news regardless of any gift given. In fact, I think maybe mom should acknowledge her 'negative' feelings and not try to push the you will love the baby stuff. That will come with time and trying to force the happy feelings is going to backfire with a tween/teen. Mom should make sure her daughter understands that her love for her daughter will not diminish because of the baby.

Just tell her. Be prepared for the rolling of the eyes, the oh my god, comments. My daughter was 13 when we were pregnant with the last baby. She was horrified. couldn't believe we were still having sex after all we were OLD lol I was 33 hubby was 35 do not so old. But when the baby got here she was mesmerized by him. Carried him around like a toy and when I would pick her up at school I had to get him out of the carseat and bring him in every day. she will be fine.

I guess I got lucky, my step daughter decided a couple months before I found out that I'm pregnant, that she missed having a baby in the house! I just asked her one morning if she would like to go shopping with me that day. When she said, "I guess, what are we looking for?" My response, "Maternity clothes!" She squealed so loud, I don't think I could hear the rest of the day, but I think it was worth it.

Ok, enough about me! I agree with the other mammas that warn to expect a negative response. The best way to tell her would be to just sit down and tell her, "We love being your parents so much, that we thought it would be fun to have another baby. We understand why you might not be happy about this, but we are, and we hope you will try to have an open mind. We always want to hear your opinions and feelings, as long as they are expressed respectfully. Do you have any questions?"

This is the approach we took with our 16 year old boy, who has never made a secret of the fact that he thinks he should have been an only child, and while he isn't happy about the coming baby, he is at least respectful.

Anticipate her getting upset.
My stepdaughter did this & quite vocally UNTIL the baby was born.
Then she was loving & entralled to be the big sister.
I made a shirt w/iron on's that said "Big Sister" .
She's happy to have a little brother now.
There is still normal sibling rivalry but she love sher little brother.
-So I would make her a shirt that says "Big Sister".
- Buy a present FOR her from the baby to give to her the day baby is born
(I did this as well).
-Again, anticipate some hostility until the baby is here.
-I took my stepdaughter for special outings while I was pregnant (just fun
girl time) & when he was little like 2 months old.
-Also, get her a gift now when you tell her "just because". It can help assure her & feel less threatened.
It will be fine!

I distinctly remember being 13 and my mom telling us she was going to have another baby (she'd just had my sister 9 months earlier) and I freaked out and told her she was "a baby making machine" and this was totally embarrassing to me. LOL - my point - 11/12/13 year olds are notoriously self absorbed - so of course she doesn't want a sibling - especially if she's been an only for that long - I don't think there is an easy way to break the news.

I second the idea of a family day of fun and letting her know at the end about the baby. She won't be happy at the time - but on the plus side - they will grow up to be VERY close - especially if she has another girl. My sister that is 13 years younger than me has ALWAYS been my favorite (shh don't tell the others!) but we never had rivalry and by the time she was starting K I was off to college...

Good luck!

In retrospect I feel I didn't do a good enough job with this when I had my third. I thought because my kids were so old I didnt need to worry about jealousy etc. I wish I had convinced them we wanted to have another child because we LOVED being their parents and doing family things. So I think Mom and Dad and 12 yr old should have a fun family day, something they do together regularly watch a movie, go out to eat, and tell her at the end of this day together