How Many Close Friends Do Have?

i have the same issues, when the girls at work get together outside of work, no matter how many times i tell them i'm game and to let me know when i never get an invite or told where they are going, but always new pics of the "hang outs" my step brother and step sister keep in touch with my brother, but i have to hunt them down for any time (but really dont' care for them so that's not a problem)...same with my own family..i have 1 friend who REALLY makes the effort to be a part of my life and me with her, my best child hood friend don't even make an effort...o well, guess it proves who my true friends are, and i guess i meant to solely focus on my family, house and kids

Well, one thing I have really embaced with being a Christian, is that you should not do things for people if you are expecting anyhting back, because the truth is many people will not see what you are doing the way you do, and you will be let down. I have 3 young girls and work full time, I can't have a high maintenance friend. So I focus on family and am close with my sisters and cousins, and have a couple of friends outside of the family. You have to find a relationship that comes naturally, all relationships take work, but it shouldn't be forced!

I only have 1-2 "close" friends too. I have a lot of other people I consider friends, mostly from my daughter's schoolmates. I too am not very close, personally or locationwise, to immediate family. Very few of our neighbors have kids my kids' ages, so we're stuck there too.

I "decided" that I would let my daughter tell me who her best friends were, then I ask her questions over time about those kids, to see if they have similar interests to her and such. Then I work to make friends with those kids' parents, invite them over for playdates, give the other parent a "break" on 1/2 days of school and we go to the movies or do something really fun. I try to make our house "the cool house" to be at, so the kids think to call us when they have time to play. I don't "seek" return playdates, but it usually just happens. I also casually say things like, "What are you guys up to for the winter break" when the parents come to pick up, or I see them at school.

Finally, we do some extra cirriculars like gymnastics and scouts too. That has really helped forge some bonds between small groups of kids and us parents. Once again, I offer to drive, have the kids over to play, etc.

I found that by making friends with the parents of these kids, we already have some common bonds/interests. That helps secure a friendship. Plus, many of us continue classes/scouts for a long time to come so it's usually familiar faces over time.

We talk MOST often at drop off/pick up times when we're waiting for the kids. It's easy to make friends with other people you know you're already going to see time and time again instead of trying to get together with people you wouldn't normally see on a regular basis. Proximity and school schedules help.

I would keep "inviting" your cousins to "join you" at the zoo, park, etc. but don't expect their company. Perhaps you can "invite" them to join you and your kids at a winter break outing like at a pottery place or something where you KNOW the kids will have fun? I know we feel a little isolated when winter's here. So having somewhere to go, to have some fun might work for you - esp if you're OFFERING for them to drop off their kids so they can "Christmas shop" or have a couple of hours to themselves.

Best wishes.

I don't have any 'best' friends and haven't for a long time. I'm close with my sister. I also have a good friend who doesn't live close so I see her a few times a year. I really wish I had a really close friend. I'm friendly but a bit of a homebody so I'm sure if I really 'tried', I could make friends.... maybe eventually when my kids get bigger I'll be around more moms and find someone I click with.

I have plenty of acquaintances, but very few true women friends. My sister is one of them. Another is a gal I've known since 1st grade (we grew up together on the other side of the world) and now we live within 1/2hr of each other, both our sets of parents still live on the other side of the world! The other is my BFF from middle/high school who lives about 2hrs away. I find myself perfectly content with this arrangement. I like my privacy and quiet and am not a social butterfly (I can be if I need to, but I really prefer not to). There are certainly women I've met recently that I'd like to get to know better, but if I don't that's no big deal, and realistically, I won't make the effort anyway. My sis has a whole bunch of friends and goes out on the weekends quite often. When we first moved here, she's invite me to go out with her. In fact, I think she was pretty excited at the idea of me hanging out with her in the various bars and restaurants of Philadelphia. But after a couple times, I started declining her invitations because I REALLY didn't enjoy that scene, I did all that in HS and college. Right now, I prefer to spend quiet evenings with my kids and husband. She totally understood that and has stopped inviting me out with her. Right now, I'm really happy with my social life and (lack of) friends.

In high school I had 2 very best friends, after high school, gradually our lives just went in different directions. However, about 2 years ago they are all married with at least one child now, so we relate a little better. But I hardly ever see them. We still meet for a dinner about every 1-2 months. And we email pretty often, but we just don't see each other enough.

I have 2 siblings I'm very close with. One (a brother) that lives down the street from me. My sister, lives 2 hours away but comes here on weekends and the cool thing about her and I is we have kids the same age....born the same years.

I have a SIL who I do a ton with, probably the person I talk to the most. We do a lot of things together without kids, which is nice. But sometimes with kids.

Then I have a friend I met through my daughter's preschool last year, our daughters were in the same class. Both my husband and I have become good friends with this couple. I talk to his wife 1-2 times a week, and we hang out probably 1-2 times a month. Sometimes with kids, sometimes without.

People come in and out of my life pretty regularly. I've came to terms that I don't really have a "best friend". I've lost friends who've moved, divorced, or we just lost that closeness and/or just went on different paths. I've just come to learn I take one day at a time and to really rely on my husband to always be there for me and my family. But to enjoy what I have right now, for as long as I can.

I only have a few as well. I am luck to have my sister close by then some friends in the neighborhood. But that's about it. I am the same way with the anxiety thing. I don't like big crowds or places where I don't know people. I feel awkward then I get anxious, then I get migraines. So I tend to avoid it. I used to NEVER be like that. I didn't get like that til I got married and had kids. Weird! Oh well....maybe I will grow out of it??? We'll see....

I have 2 close friends that I talk to on the phone about every other day. I have a couple of friends that I talk to a few times of year. I have 2 women who I am becoming friends with b/c our children are friends.
My sister & brother & I see each other about once a week (at my parent's house). We get along & are friendly, but we are not "friends" we are siblings. We have nothing in common (other than the same parents), so none of the same interests. So we don't hang out or call each other, but our kids will be close.
I am very happy with my life as is. My husband is my best friend & my 2 women friends fill in the gaps. I don't need more than that. (Not that its wrong if you, lots of people do).

Are we related??

You do sound a lot like me. And I have found that I can't MAKE people be friends with me, no matter what I do. To be kind and friendly to folks around you is definitely the right thing. But, as Sarah writes below, don't do it with an ulterior motive.

Every single person has lots of things going on in his/her life that nobody sees; I have learned that if they don't treat me the way I wish they would, it often has nothing to do with me. For some reason, I'm just not the center of their or any other universe... which is rather a relief! I need to be friends with myself, be friendly to others, and not worry too much about whether others like me or not.

Don't let lonely feelings hold you hostage. Don't think too much, if at all, what other people, even relatives, might think of you. The ones who will become your closest, dearest friends will appear in your life at the most unlikely times.

I think it was Lee Iacocca who wrote, "My father told me that if, when you die, you have had one or two very good friends, you've done well."

I don't do well in big women's groups either and I am very choosy about who I spend time with. There are a lot of social butterflies in my community who like to have people over or plan dinners with other couples but I tend to not do that so much. As far as your cousins not getting back to you, it could be that it' just a busy time. I commend you for trying to keep everyone close. Be cool about it, things will fall into place.

I was shy growing up, but somewhere along the line I came out of my shell! I too am a friendly person, somewhat outgoing and bubbly. I have many acquaintances and maybe a couple of close friends. I too enjoy my solitude and privacy - I don't need them knowing ALL my business, that's when troubles can arise in friendships. Maybe I'm a bad friend, I'm not the best at keeping in touch, but when we do catch up it's like where we left off from - that's a true friend. Life is busy! We moved to the USA 5 years ago - I didn't know a single person in our new city - somedays the only people I would "talk" to were the staff in the supermarket or our doorman. I have made lots of "friends" now, and consider Chicago home now because I can go down the street and see people I know and chat. Being an expat and meeting other expats unfortunately families are tending to drift in and out of our lives as they move on, as we probably will too. These days, travel is easy and computers allow us to stay in touch much more, so I look at it as an opportunity to go visit them when we do travel. I was "friendly" with many Moms when we first got here and I have to admit some of them I didn't absolutely warm to ...... but at least I knew someone. Gradually they were weeded out for one reason or another, those left are obviously the ones that matter. If you are looking to forge a life long friendship for you children I would say it's probably a case of them making the friends themselves and then the parents allowing the friendship to continue to grow, rather than the parents trying to make the friendship out of something that isn't there - the kids themselves need some connection that they feel. Just my thoughts.

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I was shy growing up, but somewhere along the line I came out of my shell! I too am a friendly person, somewhat outgoing and bubbly. I have many acquaintances and maybe a couple of close friends. I too enjoy my solitude and privacy - I don't need them knowing ALL my business, that's when troubles can arise in friendships. Maybe I'm a bad friend, I'm not the best at keeping in touch, but when we do catch up it's like where we left off from - that's a true friend. Life is busy! We moved to the USA 5 years ago - I didn't know a single person in our new city - somedays the only people I would "talk" to were the staff in the supermarket or our doorman. I have made lots of "friends" now, and consider Chicago home now because I can go down the street and see people I know and chat. Being an expat and meeting other expats unfortunately families are tending to drift in and out of our lives as they move on, as we probably will too. These days, travel is easy and computers allow us to stay in touch much more, so I look at it as an opportunity to go visit them when we do travel. I was "friendly" with many Moms when we first got here and I have to admit some of them I didn't absolutely warm to ...... but at least I knew someone. Gradually they were weeded out for one reason or another, those left are obviously the ones that matter. If you are looking to forge a life long friendship for you children I would say it's probably a case of them making the friends themselves and then the parents allowing the friendship to continue to grow, rather than the parents trying to make the friendship out of something that isn't there - the kids themselves need some connection that they feel. Just my thoughts.

I'd say I have three 'best' friends. One from HS, one friend I've known about seven years (met when she used to date a guy my husband used to work with and he and my hubby were friends), and my mother. In addition to that, I consider three of my sister in laws as good friends, my sister is my good friend and I have a coworker that I consider a good friend. We all have different things in common and I know I can count on or talk to certain women in certain circumstances. I also had a good friend who just moved home (got here today) so I anticipate us getting closer again.

Of those friends, once a month all those women are invited to a Girls Night Out (other women are invited too) and we go to a bar, to dinner, etc. It's a night once a month that we can all get together. Some of those friends I talk to and email daily, others it's once a week or so.

Good luck!