Why Is It So Hard for Me to Find Friends?

Updated on July 15, 2010
N.A. asks from Palmyra, PA
47 answers

I'm a single mom with a full time job, I haven't dated in over two years because no one takes an interest in me whatsover. Sometimes this hurts being alone, and sometimes it doesn't. Honestly, what I'd rather have more than anything is some girlfriends. I literally have NO friends, haven't for years. I've had acquaintances, small talk with other moms and brief talk of getting together but nothing ever comes of it. Does anyone else have such a hard time finding friends? My life feels very empty and lonely because I don't have anyone in my life aside from my daughter. I just bought my first house but am not really excited because I don't really have anyone to celebrate with.....I would give up everything that I had(except for my girl) for a few close friends to share laughs and tears with. I'm open to whatever anyone has to say...good or bad. I literally do everything by myself, last year I went on vacation by myself. I go to movies by myself, shopping alone, everything I do alone-without companionship. I love my daughter, she is great, I don't know what I'd do without her, but it's different with adults. There are certain things I don't discuss with her...like men...money....being a single parent....stresses on the job ...etc. She's too young to relate. I'm just really sad, people don't know how lucky and blessed they are to have friends in their lives.

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So What Happened?

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that emailed me or posted a response. I was completely overwhelmed by the number of responses I received. A lot of you are right in saying that I need to make the effort which I have not been doing much of because I have a hard time reaching out to people. What a great group of women. :)

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H.H.

answers from Sharon on

Hi N.,

I feel for you.. I am somewhat in the same boat. I lost my best friend 13 years ago due to an illness, it was the hardest thing I had ever delt with next to loosing family and chose not to get close to anyone else... A big mistake I can honestly say now. I am married but I might as well live alone, my husband and I dont talk or spend anytime together..He is always to busy for me. I have an 11 year old daughter though I love her to death it would be nice to have an adult conversation at times. Dont end up like me and feeling like you have no one out there willing to listen or confide in. Its a very lonely life. Seek out others and get out to places to meet new people. Good luck and best wishes.

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P.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I feel for you. Before I stayed home with my kids, I began to feel down because my circle of friends was dwindling as people moved away. I've found the best way to meet other moms/girlfriends was to volunteer in my kids school. I know it's difficult for you because you work, but you might want to try to volunteer for as many after school/weekend activities as you possibly can. Maybe you could work with other moms on a commitee or get on the PTO board. Interacting on a consistant basis with other women is the ideal way to make new friends. I just invited a friend to the pool the other day that I just met 8 months ago because we were on the PTO board together. In just 8 months we've become really good friends.
Good luck! Who ever you become friends with will be lucky to have a friend who values girlfriends as much as you!

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D.H.

answers from Harrisburg on

Hi...I live just outside of Hershey, just off of RT. 39. I am 52, so I am older then you...but, if you are iterested in meeting, e-mail ____@____.com. I an married to my second husband for 7 years, this November. I have three children. son-27, son-22, and a daughter 14, who is still at home. My husband has one son-16, who is with us also. They are great kids, and we are very lucky that they get along so well.

I have no close friends, and I long for a "real" friend.

D.

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M.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

Where are you located? there has to be some moms' groups where you could get together and ACTUALLY PLAN a ladies night out, spearhead it yourself if need be! It is important to have friends, I understand what you mean by empty. How about neighbors at your new house?? Maybe host a small BBQ as a no-gift house warming? That's a great way to meet people, and everyone always wants to meet the new neighbors. Your daughter may actually find some friends in the neighborhood as well. It's the perfect weather for it too!!! My next door neighbor and I have become pretty good friends, as well as another lady who has a grandson my son's age. Just sit outside with your daughter while she plays and most likely there will SOMEONE to strike up a conversation with.
Join a book club (a fun one, with wine and/or food involved!), and have it at your house once or twice. Go to your local park and see if there are any women around to chat with.
Lastly, if you live close enough, come on over to my house! :) I have a 15mo old son, so if your daughter likes to play with little ones she will have a good time too!
Try to stay positive and open to meeting new people (if you're not already). My heart broke a little for you, I can only imagine how lonely it must be for you. Please let us know how you manage after you've had a chance to meet some new people. We're rooting for you! :)

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

N.,
I'll bet you are a very busy person--with working full time and an 8 year old. You most likely barely have tie to grocery shop, clean your house and do laundry, help with homework, etc. I can't imagine that you have a "lot" of free time, but I can understand your desire to make some friends.
I am in Pittsburgh or you could stop over NOW! LOL
O. thing I might suggest is, at work, is there someone you can start taking a lunchtime walk with? Lots of women would probably be anxious to get out, get some fresh air and exercise for at least part of their lunchtime. Just ask! It's a great opportunity to chit chat & get closer to someone you may feel now is just an aquaintance.
Check your local library for book club meetings.
I've also made some nice friends that are moms of my son's friends.....some click more than others. It's a rare thing to find a "close" friend as we get older, but it DOES happen!
What about friends form your past? Any chance on reconnecting, even if it's long distance, it may be a comfort to you to have an old chum to talk on the phone with or email.
You could take a class through your local Community college in something that you find interesting. Yoga? Photography? Can be credit or non-credit.
Put yourself "back on the list" so to speak and I think if you start doing some things YOU like to do, you will find some like-minded people for friendship.
Good luck and God Bless.

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S.H.

answers from Richmond on

I know I am late on this but I just saw the post. I want to tell you that you aren't alone. I have always had loads of friends UNTIL I had my son. Now all of our friends without kids don't want to be tied down to a 2 year old. Our friends that have kids all have much older children (high school/college age) so they are back to doing their own thing. Our neighbors are complete snobs and the moms snub me b/c I work (they are ALL SAHM). I have started feeling very lonely too. I recently joined 2 local moms groups through www.meetup.org. I met up with one lady and took our sons to the local children's museum. I am hoping to spark a friendship there. I've also tried just being more open and communicating more when, on rare occasion, I do meet people. Between FT work, home life and caring for my children, it's tough b/c there isn't a lot of extra time! I wish you lived here - I'd hang out with ya! Keep smiling - friendship will come your way! P.S. Maybe you will find a friend amongst your new neighbors - don't wait for them to welcome you to the neighborhood. Bake some cookies, go door to door and introduce yourself!!!

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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

DEAR NICOLE: I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU FEEL SO ALONE. WHERE DO YOU LIVE. FIRST MAY I ENCOURAGE YOU TO GET A WOMAN OF FAITH BIBLE AND A DEVOTINAL. START YOUR DAY WITH THE ONE WHO CREATED YOU AND GAVE HIS SON TO DIE FOR YOU. GOD OUR HEAVENLY FATHER DOES NOT WANT YOU TO FEEL ALONE. I FELTED ALONE WHEN I WAS DIVORCE BACK IN 1994. I WAS A SINGLE MOM TO A 4 1/2 YEAR OLD GIRL BUT SHE WAS ALSO THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THE STRENGHT TO GO ON. I SEE AND HEAR YOUR HEART HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER. AND YOUR RIGHT YOU NEED FRIENDS TOO. IF YOU LIVEW ANY WHERE CALVARY CHAPEL, THEIRE IS A SINGLE MOMS GROUP THERE. YOU NEED GODLY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS WHO WILL ENCOURAGE YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND AT THE SAME TIME HELP YOU TO GROW SPIRITUALLY. JESUS LOVES YOU AND HE DESIRES TO HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. THIS IS MY E-MAIL ____@____.com keep in touch. I know that as you beging to search for that intimacy with Jesus he will send you frend as well. He says first seek His kingdom and the other things will be added into you. blessing in Jesus, someone who will be praying for you. C.

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L.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi N.,

First of all: It is REALLY hard to make true, close friends! Plus, it takes time... you might not know if someone is a close friend for years, and people you associate with may not ever move from acquaintance to the friend category. In the last 10 years, I have been blessed to add one really close friend to my life, and 6 or 7 "friends I can talk to." That puts my close friend group to maybe 4.

Having said that, try to get involved in activities you enjoy... maybe one class at a Community College or Recreation Center. Its great to meet people at your daughter's activities, but as you know, they might not be women you "click" with.

Once you are doing some activities, make an extra push to be outgoing. Introduce yourself, try to engage people in converations. I did this consciously when I was getting my MBA... it was way out of my comfort zone. But I made three friends who I am still close to now.

I also agree with the poster who said look around your neighborhood. I was blessed to have a wonderful neighbor who became a close friend... but I had to really cultivate that. I reached out to her every time I saw her, I fed her cat while she was on vacation, etc. You do have to expose yourself to a certain extent, to find out who you will "click" with. If you're not naturally outgoing, this might feel akward.

It sounds like you also just made some "new friends" on the message board... so you're not alone! :) I wish you all the best.

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L.H.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It is very hard for me to make friends also. I have very few close friends.

Some of the places I have made good friends were at things I took my daughter too, like the park. I met one of my best friends there. Her daughter was close in age to one of mine, we started talking and we are still friends even though we live far apart now.

Also I have made friends at my daughter's dance class, library story hour, gymnastics, school functions, etc. I met other kid's moms while waiting for my daughters, we talked, set up play dates talked at those and became friends.

When you have kids who have things in common, it seems easier to become friends.

Also I have made friends at church. Many have groups for moms, single moms, etc.

Some of my best friends are other people like me, who were lonely and had no one else to talk to. I took the time to listen to them, and we became friends as we shared our concerns and problems. Look around at places you go to frequently and you may find other women by themselves who could use a friend.

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R.L.

answers from Charlotte on

Hey, I hope you are doing better.

My situation is a tad different, I moved from Canada to the US when I was pregnant with my now 19 mths old daughter to be with my hubby. I left all my friends and family behind. I moved from a small town where we had public transport and all to the countryside. I was a really independent woman

Because of the availability of the public transport, I never learned how to drive so I am stranded in my house except when my hubby takes us out. I am a member of a Meetup group but I can't attend any meeting cause I don't have a ride. As you guessed I am a SAHM. I go to Church time to time but nobody really pay attention to us, I miss my church/ward in Canada.

Also, my in-law family doesn't really care about my daughter or I cause the baby is not biologically my hubby's. So I am really alone.

Anyway girl hope my little message showed you that you are not as unlucky as you thought...lol there's always worst.

Kisses

R.

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A.R.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi Nicole, I am so sorry to hear how lonely you feel. What area do you live in? Have you tried Mom groups? Have you tried story time at the library? Do you have any hobbies? Does your daughter?
Good luck with your friend-finding endeavor.
A.

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A.F.

answers from Harrisburg on

Hey N., Believe me, you are not alone. I feel the same way sometimes. I chalk it up to me being shy and moving to a new school when I was a teenager. The kids I was friends with in middle school went to a different high school then me so I had to start all over again. I made friends but after high school they dropped off one by one. I went to HACC but I was one of the youngest in my classes and the same at work. I'm also divorced and remarried to a wonderful man but I lost some friends because of the divorce.
My best friend is my sister but she lives in South Carolina.
My boys keep me busy but I never really get alone time. Time just do something for myself.
I have reconnected with some friends thru Facebook. I noticed that you live in Harrisburg, I live in Duncannon. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. My e-mail addresss is ____@____.com.

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I.G.

answers from Medford on

Hi Nicole,
I just read your post, looks like you wrote about a year ago, hope things are lookin up for you. I also moved to a different part of the country & have experienced what you wrote so its comforting to see that I am not alone, along with many others that wrote back. I have a 17 month old daughter. I read the other posts & see that many others are going through similar experiences, its nice to see we are not alone although it still doesn't help the immediate situation.
My email is ____@____.com, your welcome to contact me as I'm in the same boat, maybe we can become online friends, or maybe you live nearby.
Take care & best wishes.

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S.I.

answers from Philadelphia on

I would try to find a mom's group, or another group with your interests, in your area. Go to www.meetup.com, put in your zipcode, and you'll get a list of all different types of groups in your area.

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A.M.

answers from Scranton on

Not sure where you are...but I am in Old Forge, you can always message me through here and if you're in the area...we can meet up!
I know how you feel, though. We moved here from NY back in 2003 and I am just NOW starting to connect with people here. All of my closest friends are in NY and I miss them terribly. But I am trying. Once we bought the house in Old Forge 2 years ago, I said I was going to make more of an effort. But it is hard-I work full time (during the school year-I am a teacher) and in the summer I am with my kids.
Is your daughter involved in any extracurricular stuff (dance, etc.)? That's how I started really meeting people and setting stuff up. I enrolled my 4 year old in dance last fall and ended up finding a few moms I connected with. Now that it's summer and dance isn't in session, we're finding time to get the kids together-and while they play, we get to chat.
You are so not alone in this. Parenting, while very rewarding-can be a very isolating job. It's so easy to just get wrapped up in the day to day stuff that you don't get the chance to nurture yourself!

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T.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am the same way. I usually do things myself and rarely do anything with my husband. Luckily I can get my sister to do some things with me. I've always been a loner but there are times I'd like girlfriends to do stuff with. Maybe there is a group you can involve yourself in or a club. Easy for people to say if you know where to find it. If you like scrapbooking, there are stores that have 'crop' nights and a lot of the same ladies go to them. I crop at home and my sister will sometimes come craft too. I would love to help you get started if you have an interest. Email me: ____@____.com

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K.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

Have you ever considered joining one or more groups in your area that appeal to you? Or maybe even starting your own? I like to knit, and posted a request for other knitters in the area to meet once a month at our local starbucks. Or maybe a walking or running club would do the trick? Maybe you're not the type to start your own group so you could take a gardening class at your local home improvement store to plant lots of fun things in your new yard! I know how isolating parenting can be but single parenthood is rough. I was raised by a single mom and saw my bright, vibrant mother lonely on so many occasions, but you can change it! You deserve all the happiness in the world, and you're succeeding in a very difficult situation, so please think of how much you've accomplished and how much YOU have to offer to others.

If you don't see groups that appeal to you, by looking at local gathering places, start one of your own. You can do it, You've come so far already!

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K.V.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi. It is hard to find friends. Maybe some places to look into are interests that you may have: YMCA, church, moms groups, meetup.com (network that connects people by common interests)to find like minded people. I don't know what area you live in, but I wish you luck. You are not alone.

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C.H.

answers from Allentown on

go look at meetup groups in your area and start going out.

Check parents without partners also,

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K.S.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi! I first want to commend you on your bravery - we are so attuned to "popularity" in our society that it is hard to admit we are friendless. I know how you feel, although my biggest issue now is that though I have many great neighbors, acquaintances, etc, I have recently been disappointed by the two women I thought were my best friends, so now I don't feel truly close to any other women. One friend, who I leaned on after my husband left me for another woman & our business went kaput, told her neighbors, who were not people I would have shared with. The other, after I supported her through a nasty divorce and move to a new home w/ her girls, told me I was invaluable to her and she would do anything for me... until I asked her for 2 simple things and she came up with every excuse in the book! I'm not trying to whine; I just wonder how we as adults tell the difference between casual friends and those who can really be trusted, so I have my guard up now. I hope that your situation has improved; this truly is a great community of women!

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A.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi N.,

I just wanted to write to you and say that it is great that you are reaching out and asking for help on this. I have been there too. I know that when you are feeling alone, you may feel like no one wants to spend time with you, or at least that is how i felt. I also know that it is particularly hard to reach out, but that is what you have to do. Make contacts thru your child, school, work, extra curriculars, mamasource and be the initiator. Ask people to go out for coffee, come over for tea, go get a drink, go for a walk, picnic or potluck.

It is really important that you reach out if this is what you need now. It may be hard at first, but tell yourself that anyone would lucky to be your friend and make the effort.

good luck!

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C.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I don't have any easy answers for you, because I too, struggle with this. I seem to have a knack for making friends who live at the opposite ends of the city, so seeing them means that one of us is going to be in the car for an hour each way.

I am a single mom, too, and spend much of my time with my parents.

Where do you live?

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L.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi N.,
I am always looking for a new freind. Where do you live?
L.

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M.N.

answers from Philadelphia on

I'm so sorry you are feeling alone. I have been there so many times and am fortunate to have my husband. I commend you for raising your daughter alone because I can't imagine the pressure you encounter.

One place you may not think to look for friends, is with people who are not your age. I have moved a lot in the past 7 years and making friends makes or breaks a new place for me. One of my closest friends in the place my husband and I moved two years ago is a woman who is my mom's age. She has the time to be friends and a lot of wisdom to share about raising my young kids that people my age can't possess and although it was a little different when we became friends, I love having her nearby.

Another thing I had to realize is although most people like new friends, if they are content with their lives they won't reach out to new people to do anything. You have to be the initiator and sooner or later many of them will reciprocate and then you have friends. Some of the cities/states I have lived in I did that more than others, and it really shows in who I know and care about where we live. One place I lived I hated with such a vengeance after awhile because it seemed no one was interested in making a new friend. They were friendly, but most people were from around the area and just as content to not meet anyone new.

Seek out places where people meet like churches and schools. Take a baking class, art class or exercise class and you may start forming friendships with people who are enjoying the same things you like.

Best of luck! I know it can be discouraging and hard, but it is so worth the effort just to have someone to share everyday ups and downs with and celebrate or be sad as life happens.

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K.S.

answers from Scranton on

Hi N.,

My name is Kim, I am 33 and also have a daughter that will turn 8 this weekend. If you'd like to see if we are at all local to one another. Email me at ____@____.com

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S.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi N.!!
i was a single mom for i guess it was about 7 years total... i had friends but didn't do much than hang out with my son. everything then was so much simpler, b4 marriage i mean ... i wish sometimes i was back in my apartment, just me and my son, but i wouldn't trade what i have now for that... i guess all i'm saying is that you should try to see what you have now as a blessing... the things you want will come to you if you stay positive... then once you have what you want, you might look back on this time and miss it... not that you'll want it back, but just miss it :-)
i'll say a prayer for your situation... good luck.
feel free to email me if you want to talk girl stuff. i'm not the greatest girly girl, but as a former single mom, i know the loneliness you speak of!
have a great night,
S.
ps... i know it's hard to do group outings as a single mom with out taking your child, but... i had luck meeting new people at different parks whether it was to watch a baseball game or let my son play on the playground??? just a suggestion :-)

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M.M.

answers from Pittsburgh on

aww where do you live?

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T.L.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I am so sorry you feel so alone. I am a single mother also and It is so hard to meet friends because we are soooooo busy. I have been attending a non denominational church and they actually have a womens group. We meet once a week a panera and hang out. It is a great way to meet friends. Also to celebrate your new home you should have a mother daughter party and invite your daughters friends over along with their mothers that way you already have something in common with these women. Another way I get out and meet friend some of the people from my office started meeting for dinner once a month. I hope some of these ideas work. If you ever need someone to talk to about being a single parent you are always more than welcome to email me. I am going thru the same thing no one seems to understand the stresses.

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T.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

Are you still in Harrisburg? That is so far from me :( You are my age exactly. I am so sorry that you are hurting. I am sending positive thoughts your way!

Have you tried to invite your daughters friends moms over? You may meet some that you really like. I am fortunate that i have my sisters and a friend i have had for 20 years. Although they were all pregnant recently and i felt a little left out:( I wish you the best of luck. If you are ever in the area you are very welcome at our girl nights :)

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A.G.

answers from Reading on

I can relate to your situation 100%! Althought I am married, I have 0 friends. I have people I chat with occassionally but no one to hang out with let alone go out with. It can be depressing. If you ever want to chat feel free to email me.

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A.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi Nicole,
I totally understand what you are going through. I have many acquaintances and neighbors that I am friendly with but not many that I would consider a close friend. I am friendly with many people at work but none that I really go to lunch with or anything like that. Ever since I had a falling out with my friends from high school I've never had a close friendship with anybody like I had with them. We have since been in contact again but after about 15 years of not talking it's hard to get that comfort level back that we had.

So maybe we can become friends because I really understand where you're coming from. Where do you live? I live in the Phoenixville area and am married with two kids (boys). We also have my mother and mother in-law living with us so our house is a zoo. I am 38 years old and work full time as well as sell Tastefully Simple on the side although I'm not sure I will be doing that much longer. I have actually started with Fortune Hi-Tech Marketing that I am still learning about but seems to be a really good opportunity. My husband and I are also thinking about starting a catering business. So I have a lot going on but I would really like to have a close friend other than my husband so I hope to hear from you.

Take care,
A.

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J.Y.

answers from Pittsburgh on

1st, don't take it personally. Its most likely that, like you, everyone is very busy and forget about forging personal relationships with people other than long time friends and their spouse. Have you tried a support group for single parents? or a church that has fellowship activities?
I was a single parent for many years, and felt most women around me were in a different boat than I was and/or did not have time for new friends. But don't feel alone. God loves you and is with you.

B.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi N., I know what you are going through. We moved to Pa almost 10 yrs ago and I have one good friend that is so busy with her two girls that we rarely see/talk to one another...and usually I have to call her. Sure, I have three daughters and a hubby, but it really isn't the same! I miss being able to meet for lunch at the mall, shop, see a movie (with or without kids) or just sit over iced tea and talk. I do work part-time and have lots of "work" friends, but that's not the same either. I've slowly lost touch with many of my friends from home because I'm tired of doing all the calling/planning and seeking people out. I can't give you advice...but I can tell you that you are not alone! Reaching out like this is a big first step in finding new friends! Best wishes.

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B.W.

answers from Erie on

I had this problem, too, when I was a single mom. I felt very tied to my own 4 walls . . .

I am thinking it might be good to check out some churches -- because you meet people on a different level there. And definately take your daughter. Find one where you both enjoy the people, and feel comfortable and get involved. Heck, if you just visited our church, one of our members would show up with a plate of brownies the next week !!! And don't be afraid to be involved with married folk -- you probably have more in common with them than with "singles" because you have a daughter and a home, i.e., responsibilities. I'm married, and have been for 20 years now, and my favorite bud at my church is a single mom. We don't shop together, or go to movies, but we do kayak together, and ski together.

Also get involved in things that your daughter is doing -- and be inviting. If you connect with a parent of a child your child is friends with, invite them over for supper, or a cook-out. Or, we're going to the beach (for example) on _________, would you guys like to join us ?

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L.J.

answers from Johnstown on

Hi N.. I'm sorry things have been so tough for you lately. I can't imagine how you must feel with doing all you do on your own. Especially going on vacation alone--that broke my heart. We have things in common ~ too bad we don't live closer...

I think all the moms have given great advice and I have a little of my own. Join a social networking site, preferably Facebook. I have reconnected with so many of my high school classmates. We may not have been the closest of friends then, but now that we are Moms, we have connected in different ways! Even if we don't get toggether on a regular basis, it is nice to have the support of other moms, and even those friends you lose touch with who aren't moms :) So maybe give this a try.

I also wanted to mention, as others have said, you may feel terrible alone, but you are not alone. My friend circle has sure gotten alot smaller as I've gotten older. If I go shopping or anything, it's alone or with my Mom :)

So, for the time being, please try to count your blessings. That always helps for me when I'm feeling bummed about life, and try social networking to meet some new people. Good luck!

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R.L.

answers from Reading on

I agree with the posts about joining some sort of club or volunteer group to make friends. If you have an interest in something and there is a club or group for it, it's a great way to meet people with similar interests as yours. Are there any single mothers where you work? You might be able to swap babysitting or better yet, get together with your children. Your time is limited, but if you reach out to something, your life will feel more complete and you will be setting a good example for your daughter.

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C.H.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi N.,
I would definitely be in the same boat as you if I didn't have my church "family". I've met so many people through church who have become a wonderful support system for me. I don't know what your beliefs are, but church is a wonderful way to start connecting with people. If you'd like a church recommendation, I *love* mine. Send me a message and I can tell you which one I go to.

Blessings,
C.
http://daisyandpear.blogspot.com

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J.K.

answers from Reading on

I do know what you mean. It was hard for me, too. Since you're working, it's even harder bcs you probably don't have the option of joining a MOMS Club or just meeting other moms at school/pta & such.

How about church? Do you have one you attend regularly & could get more involved in? Even if you don't, I know a terrific nondenominational evening Bible Study you could get involved in--no church membership required. It's in Wernersville on Monday nights, starting in September. There's even a children's class that teaches your child the same thing you're learning, but on her level. Homework, yes (but it's worth it), and lots of opportunities to make meaningful, lasting relationships. It's a big group of women, but we break up into groups of 15 or less for discussion time.

The first class is a ways off, but add it to your calendar, if you're interested: There's an intro class on Monday, September 11th at 6:55pm at the Calvary Bible Fellowship Church on Penn Ave. in Wernersville. No children can attend the intro class (they have to make sure they can place them first), but if you can arrange child care for that one night, I have a feeling you'd find exactly what you're looking for.

The 2009-2010 study is John. You can get more info about BSF here: www.bsfinternational.org--the info about the Reading Women's Evening class is inaccurate at the moment bcs it's in transition from a day class (previous years) to an evening class (upcoming).

If I can answer any questions, feel free to email me: ____@____.com [that goes for any of you onlookers out there, too!]

An after-posting edit: I was reading what some of the other moms wrote (funny how we're often on the same wavelength!), and somehow they could tell that you were from Harrisburg. I have NO idea how to tell such a thing, BUT having said that, the Reading class may not be the closest for you. We do have a lady who commuted from Hershey, and others who drive more than an hour to get to class once a week, but... There is also an evening Women's class in Allentown. Again, not in your immediate community, but if there were someone else commuting from your area, you could carpool--an excellent way to develop an even deeper relationship. The class administrator (contact thru website) would be able to tell you if that were possible.

Good luck to you!
J.

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B.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Do you attend church. You maybe able to find friends there.
Once you move into the new house you may find some neighbors.

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T.M.

answers from Allentown on

N.,
your generation is not a slow down and let's have friends society ... No time for that ... You [generation] pushed the limits ...[ thanks to the rules change'n]
your 'support'system is daycare , summer camp for the kids , baseball, soccer, dvd, cell phones, texting ....
Your generation was tought to ' run' through life ? Why ? Do not know ?
It will be up to you . Yes N. you . To look for someone who has a free ' tuesday' a free wednesday , and so on ..[ most moms walk around w/ a planner , keeping track of kids, activities/ dr/ etc] why ? Do not know?
Great to hear you are looking for a 'real' friend , not a cyber friend ... Please teach this skill to your child . Personal care, touch, sounds , laughter is priceless and missed by sooo many people .
Friends can be ' any' age ... My friends are in the ages 30's, 80's, 60's and of course all little children ....
- look in your neighborhood [ an elderly person puttering in yard] they will befriend you and feed you good stuff too.
- dog walkers [ they are fun people]
- mommy pushing a stroller [ she has x tra time to actually use her stroller]
- someone w/ the same car as you ... Start talking to them
- school groups [ drama, band, ] non =competitive parents !!!!
Simply start to talk and smile at people ... You may be snobbed .or....you may find a best friend
ps= peoples w/ family in trauma need friends .a good friend . Trauma can be anything .
Divorce, death, hospital stay, broken leg, flat tire, etc ....can bond a person for life .
A grammy with 'real' friends

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L.S.

answers from Lancaster on

N.,

I understand you completely! I have one close friend and we communicate mostly by instant messaging and text messaging because we live 2hours apart. We only became really close friends in the fall/winter of 2007.

Other than her I really have no close friends. I chat with my neighbors and have email friends and other parents from school but no friends to do things with. I am 39 and have a 9 year old daughter and her dad has another family that he is with so she doesn't have much contact with him so it's just her and I. I live in Lancaster County, PA. You can email me privately if you would like.

It's hard to find friends especially when your older because we don't trust people as easily as when we were in school/college.

L.

D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi Nicole,

It is difficult to be without friends. You will make friends in time. Go to a support group in your area such as Al-Anon or AA or co-dependents anonymous. Find a church in your area. The Moravian churches are friendly. Find one that you feel accepted by the people.

Get involved with your daughter's life, dance lessons, gymnastics, or playing ball. Get in touch with your higher self and your feelings and see how to be alone and be a mother to your daughter. In 10 years she will be gone. Time will fly by.

Hope this helps. Good luck. D.

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B.K.

answers from York on

I just read your email and it really got to me. I am divorced and have 2 children. My 10 year old daughter lives with me and my 15 year old son lives with his dad now. I have been divorced for 3 years and if it wasn't for friends (I don't have any family close by) I don't know how I would have made it. From friends physically helping me move and helping me get my new place set up to being their for morale support, etc. I can't imagine you doing it all on your own!!! I feel for you!

I am not sure where you live but I am in Lewisberry. Feel free to email me: ____@____.com and maybe we can meet up with you and your daughter some time!

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F.H.

answers from Sharon on

Could you join a volunteer group or church? For me my lifeline is my church. They have a well organized womens group made up of all sorts of women and they have programs that run on a monthly basis. This gives me the option to go hang out with other women, do service projects and grow and contribute my talents. They assign two women to look after a few women each in the church so everyone can have someone they can go to if they need something. Most churches I know of are open to everyone and you don't have to be a member to get involved.

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L.V.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Not sure where you are located. I am in Ellwood City/ New Castle area. Would love someone to hang out with. My son is almost 2. We do a lot of fun stuff together, but some adult interaction would be nice. My boyfriend works midnight shifts and so we don't get to spend much time together either. So mostly it is me and my little one as well. You can e-mail me if you like ____@____.com.

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P.M.

answers from Harrisburg on

N.,

I don't have any answers for you, but wanted to echo what some others are saying. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I'm a CPA...working part-time and I miss the camraderie of the friends I had before my kids were born. For years my husband worked insane hours and travelled so much that I told him I felt like a single mom (with a trust fund though b/c the $$ was good when he did that.) I never planned anything for myself because I never knew if he would be home or not to take care of the kids. Over the years, I became more isolated without even realizing it.

I wonder...are those of us who choose to become accountants more introverted than most? I know I am. It is a struggle for me to seek out friendships, but I've come to the conclusion that I must. It's not enough to just have my husband and my kids. My husband has other friends and the kids will eventually grow up and move away. I've started to get more involved in my kids' school. I have to force myself because some nights I would rather sit home and read a book...but I know I have to put forth the effort if I want to develop the relationships. Is there some committee you could serve on at your child's school? Our PTO is always looking for volunteers. Yours probably is as well. It gets you out...networking with other parents, and eventually, relationships develop.

Good luck.

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A.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

i to am a single mom and i would love to have time to talk to anothe adult i have 3 of my own 1 who is 9 3 and 1 so u can see where i am coming from i live in gloucester county NJ here is my e-mail address ____@____.com so e-mail me some time and we can talk and depends onwhere u live possible get together.

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