How Hard Is It to Have Children Close Together?

Have you considered having them three years apart? There is a HUGE difference between three and two. My son is approaching three and he is potty trained, independent and sleeps well. At two he was not.

I don't know how hard it is to have kids close together (mine are two minutes apart!), but when I was debating whether or not to have another child, my mom gave me some great advice: you'll know the time is right when you want that next baby as badly as you wanted the first. I understand the appeal of having kids close together and then being done, but the timing is different for every family, and you will all be glad if you truly choose the "right" time for you.

-B. C.

I will tell you it is tough!!!! My BF has 5 kids under the age of 5. Back to back sets of twins and then a single birth. The kids gang up on the parents because they know that there is only two parents and 5 of them. Also the kids compete for attention in every way possible. They are very competitive with each other also and that makes things even harder. I won't go into the financial side of things or how hard it was on her physically to have three pregnancies that close together. I was a nanny before I became a mom and worked for lots of different families. I learned what worked and what didn't. I would say 3 to 4 years between children is the perfect span. The older one is old enough to be somewhat independant and help with the younger one. Also the older understands that they aren't the baby anymore and that they have new responsibilities. Anything less than 2.5 years apart I have found huge amounts of jealousy, wanting to be the baby still, struggles with potty training, fit throwing and increased problems with the terrible twos. I hope this will help and good luck with whatever you decide.

Besides the fact that I already have two kids, you sound remarkably like me-- I am 28 and want to have lots of kids, but I have also said that I want to have all of my kids before I'm 35. Just like you--how funny! To answer your question, I LOVE having my children close together. It is way easier than I expected, actually.
I have a son who's just over 2 1/2 and a daughter who just turned one. 19 months has been perfect spacing for us--we'd like to keep that up and have all of ours between 18 and 24 months apart. Here are a couple of advantages of having kids close together:
You never get out of "baby mode," so you don't have to get back into it. I have a friend who has a 10-year-old and a 7-year-old and she is expecting--she's trying hard to gear herself up for baby mode again!

Already, my kids are learning to play together, and it is SO cute to watch! The way I see it, I have more time to keep up on all the things I need to do when my kids have someone to play with and interact with. They're still a bit young for that now, but I see that they're starting to learn, which is exciting.

The kids are forced to learn to be unselfish while they're young, before they're old enough to get too used to having all of Mom's attention. When my second was born, my son was a little jealous of my time while I was nursing my little girl, but I was amazed at how quickly he just got used to it and accepted it.

Babies are so fun and cute and adorable! Just as you start to realize that your little baby isn't actually a baby anymore, you have another one!! Then you get to enjoy the precious stage of babyhood and the adorable and hilarious stage of toddlerhood simultaneously. It's the best of both worlds!

Oh, I just thought of another one. If you get really tired when you're pregnant, than it's actually a good move to be pregnant before your toddler grows out of naps, which my 2 1/2-year-old is trying to do now! Then you can nap when your baby/toddler does! For over half of my pregnancy, my son still took two naps a day!

Of course the perfect timing is different for every family, but if you want a big family, I'm here to say that less than two years apart is really not as daunting as you may think. Good luck!

M., as a mother of two wild and crazy 8 and 6 year old girls I can honestly say I would never do it any other way! I got pregnant when my eldest was 18 months old. By then she was just starting to be potty trained. When my youngest was born she was 2 years and 3 months old. I was told she might regrese and revert back to having accidents and well, lo and behold she did! I won't sugar coat anything I was a young mom and it was hard. I am 33 now and think my daughters have the most wonderful relationship...well with the exception of the cat fights here and there that I totally can't understand but that is another blog..lol. Now that they are older it is awesome, they are always with one another and always have someone to have by their side and not be alone. I wish you the best!

I have a 2 1/2 all most 3 yr old, I have a 15 all most 16 month old and one due any day. That's closer than what you would like. But to offer my two cents I was at first leary about it. But the two get along so well, there's a little bit of jealousy occassionally. But like yourself I'm 28 and would like to be done way before I hit 35. Its hard if you don't like changing diapers or want to enjoy all the things your child learns to do. My oldest is very self suffecent for her age. So that's really helped me out. She potty trained before she turned 2. I'm hoping my son does the same, but we'll see. I would do it again. One of the big advantages at least with the first set mine still napped and so I was able to nap when she did to keep up on my sleep. This time its a little harder but she's pretty good if I need a nap and she's not allowed to.

I had my children when I was 19, 20, 24 and 25, I was pregnant with number 2 when my first was only 8 months-I wouldn't change a thing, Then we lost a baby between number 2 and 3 giving me my 3rd baby at 24 years old, and finally pregnant again 8 months later for baby number 4. It was wonderful, not much sleep, but now the kids are 22, 21, 17 and 16. They are close, support each other, double date-you name it they are best friends-I stayed home until a divorce happened and my oldest was 11 at the time-I worked outside of the home for 2 years, then met a wonderful man-
Now I work at home-Selling Arbonne skin care, Real Estate and we own a Professional moving company-But still home for the kids every day-I am thankfull I am young enough to keep up!
I hope you have help and a chance to get out of the house once in a while with out the children-some days get really hard, but in the end-Awsome!

M.,
Just like childbirth - people like to tell you the horror stories...they are much more entertaining. I have two daughters 17 months apart (surprise!), and I was terrified going into it. They are currently almost 2 years old and 5 months old. Is it hard? Yes. It is awesome? ABSOLUTELY!!!
I am not trying to discount the amount of work involved when I say that I would not change a thing, but I wouldn't. It has been great and I love to see how they love each other (hope it lasts!)
I think it is smart of you to be thinking realistically about what your life might look like with kids close in age. I must tell you that am delighted with how it worked out for us and hope to have more kids close together.

I want also to address the comment about the strain on the body - it IS important to take that into account. Post delivery/nursing your supplies of nutrients take time (years) to replenish. Eat well, rest as much as you can, consult your health care provider, consider your lifestyle, and set up a support network for when you ARE at your limit and need to walk away from the kids to collect yourself.

It is all do-able, and in the end goes by so quickly. But it is more difficult for some mommies than others, and more challenging with some kids than others. Consider yourself and your child.

AND - while I appreciate your desire to not have children past the age of 35 - please note that many people DO with great success and health.

Good luck with your decisions and family building!

HI M.,
I have all 5 of my children close together I think it was a great decision. My kids are 7, 5, 3, 2 and #5 is due in 10 days. I know from personal experience, growing up with my brothers and I about 3 years apart that we weren't as close as my kids are being only 2 years apart and there's a 5 year gap between my oldest brother and myself and I know we never played together. Having the children closer together allows them to grow up together going through things more or less together and they get along and play together so well I almost don't have to do anything myself to entertain them. I will admit it was hard chasing a 1 year old around while pregnant but you do what you have to do and you can make it through. The hardest part is the morning sickness and fatigue and you just have to learn to rest when you can, nap when your daughter naps and learn to not be so busy. You can do this. Good luck!

C. C.

The main concern that I would have is that it takes a woman's body 16 months to fully recover from pregnancy and child birth. If you continuously start getting pregnant 15 months after a child is born then your body is not getting the chance to fully recover and therefore your body would not be 100% healthy going into a pregnancy. Much like losing 1 hour of sleep this loss builds up and by your third pregnancy your body is only 87.5% healthy. Would you feel comfortable getting pregnant knowing that?
Good luck with your decision. This is a tough choice.

Hi M.,

I think there are pros and cons to having them close together or spaced further apart. I too wanted my kids spaced about 2 years apart, as my sister and I are 20 months apart and have always been VERY close. I got pregnant with my 2nd when my daughter was 17 months old. I had the same fears as you though.... two kids in diapers, am I crazy??

Well, they are 26 months apart, my oldest daugher just turned 3 and my baby girl is 10 months old. I will not lie and say it's been easy. Going through morning sickness and fatigue during early pregnancy with a very active toddler.... Caring for a baby when that very active toddler is going through the terrible twos (and now threes)... it IS tough. But my oldest is so eager for her baby sister to start walking and REALLY playing with her. They already are so cute together and I know in the long run it will be awesome for them to always have a playmate and friend at their side. Of course there will be arguing (I even see the sharing issues now), but if I were to do it again... yes I would space them exactly as they are now.

Good luck with whatever you decide! I don't believe there is any wrong or right way. Just make sure it is a decision YOU are comfortable with. Don't make an already big decision more stressful by feeling pressured by some sort of arbitrary time constraint. When you have a 2nd child, your life will change dramatically regardless!! :)

Hi M. I am now 52 and a mother of seven. I was raised in a big family and loved it. To this day I am still very clsoe to my brothers and sisters. We are of the same generation so we will always understand each other and that is cool. Our children, though they may always love us, will not always have the experience to truely understand what we are going through as we grow older, but our siblings do. I had my first baby at age 21 and had my kids all two years apart with the exception of two of my daughters who are 18 month apart. I had my last child when I was 35. Anyway to get to the point...I loved it. Yes it was a full time job and it is demanding and expensive but it is what my husband and I chose to do with our time and money. As it worked out they always had a sibling in thier Junior High and School with them. It was a comfort to go to their first day of school as a sophomore or seventh grader and know that you had a sibling who was a senior or 9th grader to watch out for you and to show you the ropes. This helped a great deal because they always had each other and a broad range of friends. They had their own circle of friends and then they were friends with their siblings friends as well. We always taught our children that when it was all said and done your family will always be there and that they needed to respect each other and and watch out for each other. They did fight some when they were little but by the time they became young teenagers they were good friends and got along very well. Our youngest child is a senior in high school now but our life continues to be full and wonderful. I don't think we will ever suffer the empty nest thing because most of our children live very close and we see them at least weekly. Now we have 8 (almost 9) grandchildren to add to the fun. Family is where it is at. I can't tell you how many kids to have because that depends on your physical and emotional health but I can tell you that having children 2 years apart has been good for our family. I wish you the best. Debby T

I have 3 kids age 3 and under. I am always loosing my mind and have no time for myself. I love them and it is fun for them to play together, but just have another kid when you feel ready. Good heavens! The worst is when they all want me at once and I rarely if ever get alone time with any of them. All 3 shove each other trying to get on my lap and or going grocery shopping, everything is extra hard, your house is way extra messy. It is a lot of work. Not trying to be negative, but that is how it is. I love them all very, very much and I have absolutely no time for hobbies, volunteering, have to lose precious sleep to exercise.

Marci

My son was just over 2 1/2 yrs old when our second was born. I wish I could have done it sooner. He'd made it to the stage of being very strong willed, so the first couple months with our addition were absolutely miserable. For me, the second time around was so much harder at first. I was so overwhelmed with an almost 3yr old demanding and throwing tantrums, while trying to take care of, let's face it, a very demanding and screaming newborn. I do think my own hormones had some to do with it though. Anyway, just go with your gut feeling. And even if it turns out to be overwhelming for you, like it was with me, it does get better. He's adjusted, and back to his sweet, sharing, helping self... and my baby isn't so newborn anymore.

Dear M.,

It's no wonder you are overwhelmed, because you are! Too much on your plate. If you can manage it, that's fine, but children need to come first. I know, because I have made myself too busy my whole life and had to chose to let some things go....for a time!

You asked if I would do it over again...YES OF COURSE! Looking back, I started at 25 and could do it then and managed, I am sure with the grace of God. I had my second child @23 months, third @ 21 months and fourth @18 months. I then waited for 3 years and had my fifth. From then on I waited about 2.5 years- yes I have a lot of children and I am so glad! I had my last, ninth at almost 43 years of age. My health just got better. I had all my children at home with midwives. I took really great prenatal vitamins, the kind from the Health food store, and I used Polly Block's five week formula before deliveries.

I have learned to put my children first. I have managed to keep my other interests- I am a musician too, but have had to let some things go for a while. Believe me, you will be blessed for putting your priorities in order.

Take really good care of yourself. Most of us (Midwives) feel that the 35 year cut off is a MISNOMER! The physician based AMA made the decision that post 35 you are a Geriatric mom-(how insulting! and it's stuck.

I have met several moms of "Downs" children, many had their first child with "Downs" when they were teenagers. Some I know were older moms, but as you look at the nutritional background many of the women that don't take great care of themselves before conception have problems overall. So nourish yourself well in preparation no matter how old you are.

Now matter how you slice it, it's work to be a parent. It really doesn't matter if you have two or seven, I found that having more just made it easier. The first few years are tough, but as you train your children to "pitch in" you will be amazed at what you can accomplish together!

Best Wishes to you and your little ones to come!
H. B. MOM (mother of many-9)

My husband and I have two boys and I am pregnant with with our third baby, a girl this time. The first two are 21 months apart, and the second two will also be 21 months apart, so our oldest will be three and a half when this baby is born. So far, it's been great. I nursed my first two for a year and plan to the the same with the third. I am a teacher so I work full time for much of the year, but have summers and breaks to be a stay at home mom too. Our two boys entertain each other pretty well when we need to them to. My husband is a very hand on father, so that makes a huge difference when things start to get crazy. Routines that took some reinforcing and struggle to institute with our first seem to fall in place with the second because he's seen them from the day he was born. Let's hope the same is true with the third! It seems to be the trend to wait for first children to be 3 or 4 years old before having a second, but I was 32 when I had my first and am 36 now. I think it's been a blessing to have the kids so close together. I think they will grow up knowing each other well.

All 3 of my children are 18 months apart and although it can be VERY difficult, I wouldn't change a thing. They are SO close and play together very well. I also notice that there is much less jealousy and sibling rivalry since they have almost always known having a sibling and can't remember a time without a sibling. I am so happy I had my kids 18 months apart and would do it again in a heartbeat.

Hi M.,

I have 3 kids that are all 20 months a part and pregnant with my 4th, who will also be 20 months apart. I believe the pros out weigh the cons. It is hard, but I believe that it is hard no matter how far apart they are in age. My kids are play mates and best friends. They help each other learn and take care of each other. They also fight sometimes, but I also think that it teaches them how to work together and gets them ready for school. Anyways, I recommend having them close together. Good luck.

My first 2 are 20 months apart and I think it was one of the best decisions I ever made. They are the best sisters. Don't get me wrong, they have their moments...but all in all, they LOVE eachother. There were some tough days, but the good ones far out weigh the bad. I think it was all worth it to see the bond they are developing. My oldest turned 3 last month and my youngest is almost 17 months old. We are now trying for our third. Good luck!

Hi M.!
I only have 2 boys but they are 18 months apart. I have to say that it was not an easy thing when I was pregnant, especially heavily pregnant with a child under 18 months, since I was working full time as a teacher. The first year was also difficult to a certain extend- I was on a part-time schedule for 6 months. I was nursing and doing everything else we women do. But I would totally do it again!!!! Now my boys are 6 and 4 1/2 and are best friends!
Now I only have 2. I have no idea what it is like to have more than that!! Hope this helps you a little!
A.

I have a three year old daughter and a 21 month old son - they are 15 months apart! I did not plan to have children that close together, but sometimes these things happen! My kdis are extremely close and exhibit twin-like behaviors a lot. They are very protective of each other even though they will be the first to pick on each other! My daughter had been walking and talking already when my son was born so that was a huge help! And there wasn't a lot of jealousy because she helped me with the baby and I think because she was younger she didn't fully get the concept of jealousy. My son has learned a lot from my daughter, for instance, he started walking early because he wanted to keep up with his sister. And he started talking early because she talks! The down side would be that they were both in diapers for a period of time, which can be expensive, but my son shows a lot of interest in the potty because his big sister uses the potty! (I keep my fingers crossed that he will be easy to potty train)

Of course, the best part is that there are even more hugs and kisses in our house!!!

My two boys are just over 2 years apart. It's tough, I won't lie to you. I really think that part of it is the fact that I have two boys, although I realize that little girls can be just as rambunctious. My boys really love each other, and they're getting to where they can play together now that the oldest just turned 4 and the youngest is 21 months. They will be great friends when they're growing up, I know. And that's a great thing for them and for me. I know they'll watch out for each other, even through high school. At first, it was tough to keep the little one safe from his adoring older brother, who used to lay on top of him and say he was giving him a hug!
I was sooo ready for another baby when I got pregnant with #2. And really, 2 year olds can be really sweet about new babies. Mine was. My niece, on the other hand, has started acting like a baby to get back some of the spotlight her 2 month old baby brother has stolen. There's no way of knowing how your daughter will react. I wouldnt' jump into a new baby unless you think it's the right thing to do. And it's not like you have to have their birthdays exactly two years apart--in fact, I would recommend you try not to have them in the same month. that way you won't go crazy with birthday parties. I got pregnant when my oldest was 18 months. So you have a few more months to decide. And believe me, there's a HUGE difference between a 10 month old and a 15 month old. They can walk and are so much more independent. You may feel like you can handle pregnancy again by summer.
I used to think that I wanted to have a new baby every two years. But after having two little ones at home, I think that it would be better to wait until my oldest goes off to kindergarten in a year and a half! My mom's credo was "only two at home at a time."

As for physical concerns, doctors say to space kids at least two years apart. I had no problems with my second pregnancy. My friend has 5 kids 6 and under. She said that her third pregnancy was harder than the first two, and they each got harder after that because her body didn't have time to recover. She has been pregnant or nursing for 6 years straight! It's not like she's unhealthy, but I'm glad she's taking a break to let her body restore essential elements and vitamins that can't be replaced instantly.

My children are 14 months apart and I love it! I would do it again in a heartbeat. They are best friends...of course they fight and bicker occasionally but what siblings don't? It is hard I am not going to lie but the fun outweighs that for sure!

My kids are two years and 9 days apart. Too close in my opnion. If I had to do it all over again I would have them at least 2 1/2 yrs apart up to 4 years apart. If I hadn't video taped or written stuff down I wouldn't be able to remember much of my daughter's first year (she's my second child). A toddler and a baby is a lot to handle. All spare time goes out the window. But there are some cool parts too. They play together now really well and once you are done with one stage your second one is just coming into it. There are pros and cons to all age differences between children don't just think about now but think ahead to the school years too. Mine will be in elementary school together for 3 years and junior high for one and high school for 2. I like that idea.

A little about me:
I'm a SAHM with a 6 yr old son and a 4 yr old daughter. My hubby and I have been married for 12 yrs.

Hi M.. My name is D. and I have 3 kids ages 8, 7 and 6. My oldest 2 are 14 months apart and my youngest is 12 months and 4 days younger than my middle child. It was hard when they were little, with all 3 in diapers, but now that they are older it is a lot easier. I know that they will always have some one to play with and walk home from school with. They are very protective of and look out for each other. But they do fight as well. I did not plan to have my children this close but having now experienced it, I would not have had it any other way.

You need to do what is right for YOU. We always make plans, but life doesn't always work out that way. It took me 3 months to get pregnant the first time and over a year the second time. My children are 3 1/2 years apart. When I was in your situation I was not ready to get pregnant, yet. People say that when the kids are two years apart, the children have better relationships. But it's a lot of hard work for the mom when they're little. But, you'll be done parenting sooner when they leave the nest. With my situation, it was nice to have one out of diapers and in preschool when the second one came. Plus, the first one was able to help out. The first one could communicate and understand and was more independent. I like that. As far as my children's relationship --- I think it's something the parents nuture and encourage. My kids get along fine. But I will be a stay-at-home-mom longer than if my children were closer together. There are pros and cons with every situation. You've got to determine what's best for you. If you're ready to be pregnant again, go for it! If you're not ready, it's ok to change your original plans.

Timing isn't everything. If your heart isn't in to this now, then it si not the time. I always wanted mine close together too. But secodary infertility delayed getting pregnant with #2. My first 2 are 3 years apart and then there are 2 year between #2 and #3. I think this is a better spacing for us than having them close. I have a friend with 8 kids and has them stacked which works great for her.

My advice would be to wait until your heart is in it. You will feel that urge for another baby.

Good luck

I just had #2 my first is 3.5 years. So they weren't close but I have heard from my friends who have 4-6 kids (with all sorts of spacing differences) that going from 1 child to 2 is a huge adjustment but from there on out it was no big deal. So say from 2 to three and so on. I guess you learn to juggle? So maybe wait a little on number 2 but have the rest closer.

Though we didn't plan for our first two to be so far apart it has been a really good thing for me. If you haven't found your balance yet,(where nothing is perfect, but you are happy and managing fine) maybe wait a few months but sometimes when you want to get pregnant it takes that long anyway. We'd planned on going for #2 a year and a half before we had success... so keep that in mind.

The changes your first will make in the next 5 months will be significant. And if you decide to go for #2 prep your #1 for a sibling. Talk about it and how great it will be for her to be a big sister. Take lots of quality time with her and involve her in things planning for the baby (decorating room etc)

Good luck.

I have 2 children 5 years apart. I knew when I had my first son that I wanted to wait at least 3 years (I was 20) but it ended up being 5 years due to personal and health issues. The truth is, whatever the age difference, it's perfect for your family. There are pros and cons to both spacing and having them close together. I would say, however, if the idea of getting pregnant so soon gives you stress, hold off. You are young and perhaps your next two will be closer together. Pregnancy and bringing life into this world is something you should cherish and look foward to, not get stressed about. Good luck!

I am a big fan of it. I have an 8 yr. old girl, 6 yr. old girl, 5 yr. old boy and 2 yr. old boy and a girl due in 3 months. The early years have been difficult but now that 2 are in school, the time flies and we are so busy that I don't have time to wonder or come up with fun things to do all the time. It is just a constant party here. It is hectic when I want to help at school or do my hobbies but my spouse is a huge help and works closeby so he can come home if I need to run somewhere. The best thing is, the kids are great friends and play together all the time. That is rewarding and fun to watch. Saying all that, I think it is still depends on the couples personalities and the temprament of your children. It is good to just take it one at a time and decide how you are doing. You may not feel like getting pregnant now but that can always change within a month. I know it has for me sometimes.
Good luck!

M.,

Our children are 19 months aprat. Our son was a little bit of a surprise. We wanted to start trying again when our daughter was a year old. God had other plans. I love the fact that my children are close in age. Our daughter adores our son and thinsk she is the "Little Mommy." We have had some jealousy issues, but nothing that we didn't expect and were warned about. We were still adjust to being parents. Then I was reminded by my Mom, you are always adjusting one way or another to being a paretns , even when you are a grandparent. We have had some struggles, but I wouldn't change it for the world. If I had to do it over, I would do it exactly the same. We had the benefits of still being in "baby mode" with feedings and diapers. So, while I have no advice for you, know many mothers have done it the same way and we, my husband and I, love their closeness in age and think it is such a blessing.

I have three children. The first two are 27 months apart and the last two are 19 months apart. The oldest is a girl who is currently 4 yrs. & 3 mo. old. The second two are boys - 2 yrs. old and 5 months old. I think that there are a lot of factors that go into how difficult it is, the biggest of which for me has been maturity & disposition of the older child. My daughter developed verbally very quickly which has helped to limit her frustration & acting out because of not being understood. It has enabled her to be a big helper also. She also was to a place where she didn't have need to be held all the time, so she didn't act out over being jealous of the attention given the baby. Adding the 3rd child was a lot harder because by son was not in the same place as my daughter was when he was born. He has had a more difficult time sharing mommy & he I am not able to reason with him much yet which makes my world pretty physically demanding. It also depends on your disposition. Having children close tries your patience and is physically exhausting. If you are pretty easy going and can handle doing a lot of things at once without getting too frazzled, it's manageable. If not, it could make you crazy.

I had my first child when I was 31 & I didn't want to have kids past 35 either, so I can understand your feeling of wanting them close together. It has turned out okay for me. The up side is that my kids will grow up with built-in playmates and I haven't had time in between kids to get used to them being independent and then been sucked back in to the baby phase. I never left the baby phase, so it's not such a rude awakening when the next comes along.

Another thing to consider is how you feel physically. Babies are very physically demanding & if you are fit & feel healthy, it is much easier to handle. You want to feel physically good before you head into another pregnancy. To be honest, the hardest part about kids close together for me was dealing with the other kids during my pregnancy. That was so hard for me that by the time the baby was there, I was so grateful to not be pregnant and feel well again, I felt as though I could handle anything.

Finally - I also noticed that when my first was 10 months old, I was still nursing and the thought of getting pregnant for me was completely overwhelming. I stopped nursing when she was about 12 months old & felt like I had my body back to myself for about 6 months before I got pregnant again. Those 6 months were very important for me. I loved nursing, don't get me wrong. But I felt like myself and had some independence. After a few months of that, I felt rested & ready to share my body again. Unfortunately, the timing of my 3rd was a complete surprise & I did not get that break which made it much more difficult for me.

Good luck with your decision. Trust yourself & your instincts. You will know when you are ready! Just don't push it just to get the kids in on a strict timeline. Better to have maybe one less child ultimately and to enjoy the ones you have & your life along the way!

my first 2 are 14 months apart. I wouldn't change it if I could. Although it was hard for the first year, it is AWESOME. So many things make is easier. They are 13 and 14 now and can be on the same team in many sports. They have some of the same friends and clothes are easy. Don't worry. Have fun. After the first 2 boys, there is a 4 year gap and although they all get along great, I would have loved to have another one super close to the last one.

I have five kids and they are all 2 1/2 years apart-which was perfect for us-at age 2 1/2 they seem to grow out of the baby stage and can handle a new intrusion (cause that is what it is to them) much better. I know a lady who has four kids age 5 and under and they are happy, well-adjusted kids. She even goes to school and seems to handle everything well. The first kid is usually the biggest adjustment, the second is hard because the first kid still needs lots of attention, the third is a little easier cause the first two kids now have each other to play with, the fourth and fifth are awesome cause now there are kids old enough to help a little (bring you a diaper, find the pacifier, etc) have fun!

I am a SAHM with two boys, they are 21 months apart. It was really hard at first. It is wonderful now,and has been once I got past the first few weeks, the youngest is nearly a year. These are some of the problems I had: The older one would get jealous and ask me to put the baby down and hold him, the older one would be TOO excited about the baby and wouldn't be soft enough. It is hard having them so close together,but in my opinion it is totally worth it. My boys are very loving to one another and each lights up when the other comes in the room. I love it so much in fact that we are planning another pregnancy as soon as possible. best advice I can give you is to wait until you feel it is time, and you feel ready, no one knows you and your situation better than you do and you have to make the best decision for you and your family. good luck!

First of all, relax about your biological clock :0) If you are stressed out about running out of time to have all the babies you want to have you can actually hinder your ability to get pregnant. Believe me, you have TONS of time. I had my daughter when I was 35 years old; she was 2 and 4 months when our son was born. Because you had your girl first I'd say you could happily have your next right away or wait a while like we did and enjoy her a bit longer on her own before adding a new baby into the mix. Girls make THE BEST older siblings at any age... Our son is only 6 months old now, but I can already tell our two will be the best of friends. No jealousy -- my daughter adores her baby brother and he lights up every time he sees her. Good luck!

I have 2 boys that are 19 months apart, (3 1/2,2) I am a personal banker that works full time. I won't lie, its tough to juggle both kids and a career. But having those boys that close together is also tough but i wouldn't change it for the world. The hardest part was when the baby was a newborn and about up to a 1 year. My oldest went through a time where he was a little jealous but i make sure I give my boys one on one time with lots of family time too. My boys have such a bond that they look out for each other and i see that growing stronger as they get older. and yes i would do it again... Good luck

M.,
While I haven't had children (I can't), my mother had seven of us with five in quick succession. I have spoken to her and she said she'd do it again in a heartbeat. She had a child born almost every year during the first seven years of their marriage: 1980, 81, 82, 83, & 85. The last two were surprises and came much later. As someone who has siblings so close in age, it was wonderful growing up and we're still very close. Hope that helps.
E.

Hello! :) I see that you already have a lot of responses and I only glanced through them but thought I would add my two cents. Mine are 3 years apart which I love! My first was old enough to "help" with her baby brother when he was born - which helped her not go into regression, or feel jealous. Plus it was long enough that I was ready to go through the pregnancy and all that again. And now that they are 12 and 9 they still are a great age difference. They are close enough in age to do things together and share similar interests, they get along really well. Of course they do the sibling rivalry thing too.. but overall I am sooo glad for there age diffrence.

I have three children that are around two years apart and then two more that are two and a half apart. I think the hardest time was when I had three under the age of four. They are pretty demanding. And then there is that whole thing of adjusting to being a full time mom, and not feeling like you have time for anything else. It looks like you have a lot of talents and hobby. Sometimes those are the things that go by the way side when you become a mom. But that is probably true no matter when you have them. I am glad my kids are close in age. My girls have been best friends to each other for years. When they are not fighting, they have a lot of fun, which is most of the time. It is hard to imagine them further apart. It was hard to have active little ones when I was pregnant the second and third time. But if you have your kids taking naps, you will survive. I had my last two when my oldest was 9 and 11. That was quite a bit easier, because my older girls were able to help out with the baby, the house work and the little ones. But I still think it is nice that my older girls are so close.

I have five children from the ages of 10 to 1. Our first two were 21 months apart, and our last two were exactly 2 years apart. I don't think there is any perfect spacing for your children. It wasn't easy having them close together for the obvious reasons of diapers, night waking, etc. But many things were easier, they played with many of the same toys and could participate in the same activities. Now that our first two are older they are great friends with similar interests so they have a built in, always there friend and it's wonderful to see them together. I would definently do it again!

I only have 2 close together..can't even imagine 3. My son and daughter are 17 mos apart and at times it's like having twins. I'm lucky because as a boy and a girl they haven't been in competition much with each other and for the most part they've always loved each other's company and playing together.

However, it's a lot of teething, diapers, and developmental stuff one after another. In my case, I did it close so we'd be "over it". I can see having more than 2 close together would get very very tiring very quicky, and really an issue if you throw in colic, asthma (my son has it) croupe or any other dramatic issues.

I have thre children each are 2 years apart and I love it. The begining is hard the first year or so but then as they begin to play together it just gets easier. They will entertian eachother for hours at a time. Sure they fight but I know some people who have kids further apart and they never play together and are always looking to their parents for entertainment and fighting more then my kids do because they younger one won't leave the older one alone or the older one won't play with the younger one. It just seems they have more issues. Hope this helps.

My oldest two are 13 1/2 months apart - age 7 and 6. My youngest is three years apart - age 3. I will admit the first few years were hard looking back on it. All my kids are close. My oldest two don't remember a world with out the other in it. I wouldn't change it.

I had 3 kids under 2 and a half, yes i have twins. I say do it. It is unbeleivably hard until your youngest kid is 4, but it is then easier for the rest of your life. One preschool to drive to, you never have to put away the clothes you pass down, one grade school to drive to, you know all the teachers, never store the carseats just pass them down, less toys in the house (they like all the same toys) and my kids are still close enough that they all learn from each other (teach them all at once), and they play with each other and not you, and you get more time, they can look out for each other in school, help each other. Need i go on?

i will tell you that i am a mom of seven kids. my first two were 4 days shy of a year apart. it was hard at first but it worked itself out in the end. they are very close and he does not remember being the "only child". they were never lonely because they always had their best bud to hang out with. they were partners in crime. if one was into something, they both were. it had good and bad points but i do not regret having them so close.

My first two are about 16 months apart, and 2nd to 3rd is going to be about 20 months. I have found, yes there are sometimes problems but overall I don't mind having them that close. It is not that hard to add another. I don't think you ever get used to being a mom. My mom says she used to think, "When are these childrens mother going to come get them" In the end you have to be ready and decide that it is right for you.

Good luck

Hi-

I always knew I wanted ours close together, about 2 years apart. We thought it would take a while to get pregnant so we started trying when our son was 6 months old, and we ended up pregnant on the first try. A little closer than expected, but it has worked out great. They are the best of friends. Mine are 15 months apart. They are 6 and 7 now.

Just expect to spend a lot on having 2 in diapers. Good luck!

My oldest 2 are only 11 month and 22 days apart, Irish twins, I then have 2 "step" children (all are my husband from brief seperation.....we were very young) and #2 & #3 are only 2 months and the 1 year apart in age but they didn't come to me until 3 and 4. It is hard in the beginnig when they are close in age, but you will find your routine and things get easier.

LEt me tell my kids ages cause this will help when I say more :). They are B-16, D-15, B-15, D-14, S-6, D-3, and lastly a 18 month old son. You can see some are VERY close and then the final 3 are spaced, each side came with good and bad, with the older 4 it was done and over within a few hectic years, where the younger three tend to drag on and on, it seems never ending, the one thing I learnes early on is to find a routine, keep a schedule,and be organized, and no matter what stick to it, in the long run it really does make a difference, it won't be forever, my older ones still follow the same routine except know they do it for themselves...thankfully. You can do it, it is possible, good luck on your desicion!

My children are 23 months apart. When I got pregnant with my second I was feeling just like you-- not ready for it (even though it was 100% planned). My little girl still seemed so little! Everything turned out wonderfully though. Honestly, there is such a big difference between an 18mo old and a 24mo old. They grow up fast. My daughter and son are the best of friends and have gotten along terrifically from day one. I think at two years my daughter was old enough to enjoy taking care of the baby but still young enough that she didn't feel threatened he was taking her parents away. I didn't feel like it was terribly hard. You have to balance life a little differently, but you'd do that no matter how old your first is. And yes, I am doing it again. My second and third children will be 27 months apart.

hey M..
I have three kids two girls and a boy, my boys in the middle. there's two years, nearly to the day, between my first and second, and about eleven and a half months between my second and third(all born in october!). it's hard having three children ages three, one, and three and a half months old, but very rewarding. I love my kids to pieces, as i'm sure you do. but make sure your ready as it is difficult, though my husband and i do work full time jobs, somehow we manage. we have very little time with eachother, but connect over lunch dates at work and a few moments before bed. i hope this helps.

My kids are 20 months apart. My youngest is now 2 months old. To be honest, the early days were rough, especially since my husband isn't around very often to help out(due to work and school).
I'm now getting used to caring for both children and things are getting much easier. Both babies in diapers isn't really as difficult as I thought it would be. My daughter just adores her baby brother and is constantly looking for ways to help out. She will take the dirty diapers away from me and put them in the garbage. She loves to give him a binki and she shares her toys with him. Even though he's too young to enjoy the toys, it warms my heart to see how close they already are.

It is hard to go places, that is the down side. If I need to go grocery shopping, a shopping cart doesn't really accommodate a toddler, a car seat, and groceries. I've had to start shopping late at night when the kids are in bed and my husband is home.

Would I do it again? Yes!

My children are 22 months apart and yes it was hard in the beginning but you get used to it quickly and then it's just like second nature. Whatever the circumstances are you will adapt quickly. Now I can't imagine having only one child. I, like you was 29 with my first child. I plan on having my third when my daughter (now 8 months) turns 3. I think that as long as I don't have three in a stroller then I will be ok. Good luck!

I had my kids at 35 and 39, they are three years apart and it was really a great spacing! My daughter was the oldest and by the time her brother came along was 3 and potty trained, in her own bed and eager to help me with the new baby. There was no jealousy either as she had three years of being an only child and was so ready for a sibling I think it is purely a personal choice, however it shouldn't cause you stress and though you want to be pregnant at a certain time, technically it could take a lot longer then you think sometimes. It is up to God and a lot of factors if it happens. You are NOT running out of time, relax, you are only 29 years old. My pregnancies were great and I had my kids in my mid 30's, majority rules this age group these days.

I could tell you all about my experiences, but it seems like you got LOTS of stories already. I just want to recommend not to be too attached to preconceived ideas. I always wanted lots of kids too. After giving birth the first time, I told myself, one at a time. I don't know how many we will have all together. I take many aspects into account, such as my energy level, my husband's energy level, and are we both able to give as much as we want to each child? Are we both happy and fulfilled and do we have time to do what we love? We weigh all of our priorities, and we really LISTEN TO OUR HEARTS. We ask ourselves, are we happy? My first is just over 2-yr-old and my second is almost 1-yr-old. It's been intense. This past week they both had ear infections, and high fevers, and wanted to be held all the time. My husband was extremely busy and frustrated he couldn't help more than he did. We are both totally exhausted. I gotta go because my daughter is crying. Just listen to your heart and balance that with being practical. Be realistic, not just ideal. -Rachel Sacks

My girls are 25 months apart. I think the first three months are the hardest and looking back, I realize I missed a little of the second one's infancy, being so busy caring for two. My oldest got my undivided attention when she was an infant, and obviously i couldn't do that with the youngest. My girls are very good friends and playmates at this point (they are 5 and 7 now), and I wouldn't change their age difference for anything! If you want lots of kids and don't want to be pregnant at 40, I say go for it! If we all waited until the "perfect" time to get pregnant, there would be a lot fewer kids in the world! It'll be a challenge, but you'll figure it out with help from friends and family.

I have two children just shy of seventeen months apart. My son is now 28 mos. and my daughter is just two weeks shy of her first birthday. In the beginning it is an adjustment but really it was no different than the adjustment to your first child. You are going through all the new experiences and until you get in the groove it is all about figuring out what works. I always tell people when they say, "How do you do it?" I don't know any other way so you just do what you have to do until it becomes second nature. I will say that my kids most of the time get along very well and I hope they will continue that pattern in the future. I wouldn't change a thing!

Girl, its work! I have five kids. my first two are 18 months apart. My second two are only 13 months apart. When they are little, its exhausting... So take all the help offered and get your breaks and naps in when they do! But when they are older, they are best friends :) Its really neat :) I miss them being little. My oldest is now 16 and my youngest and only boy is 7...

We brought our daughter home on our sons 2nd birthday. She was a HUGE surprise all the way around, my husband had been "fixed" while I was pregnant with our son. When Preston (our son) was 15 mos old I found out that I was pregnant again. I was devastated!!!I think it was too close. Having two in diapers was terrible and I felt very guilty for taking that time from Preston he was still a baby himself he needed me and I could not be my best being spread so thin. Besides the fact that I was physically and emotionally exhausted. It wore on my marriage, my job, my other kids, it was tough!! They are now 8 and 6 and are very close (although they fight sometimes like all siblings) I am glad now that we did have her because the age difference between him and his brother (9 yrs) is too far they do not have anything in common. He needed a playmate. And as a bonus I finally got a girl after 3 boys. While I would not trade her for anything I would recommend at least having only one at a time in diapers.

Ha! I giggled just a little when I read your question. Not because it's a bad question, but because I have 4 kids really close together, and I definitely have an opinion on the subject. Originally, when my husband and I got married, we decided we wanted to have our kids 18 months to 2 years apart. We wanted at least 4. Our first was born in June 2004, and by the time she was 9 months, we had decided we liked 18 months and got pregnant again. Unfortunately, we lost that one, and when we did get pregnant again, it was twins. They were born 2 years and 20 days after our first. When they were 5 months old, I got pregnant again (surprise!) and had my fourth one 13 months after my twins. She is 6 months old now. So...as far as having a bunch close together: It's good and bad. The hardest part for me was being pregnant and uncomfortable when my twins were so young. It was really hard to bend down and pick them up or pick up toys from the floor. After I had that baby, though, it was SO much nicer. However, my fourth has been an absolute angel. She was sleeping through the night at about 2 1/2 months, and has continued regularly ever since. She is perfectly content lying around and observing things going on around her and requires very little attention. Had she been anything like my first one, I don't know if I would like it so much. Another nice thing about all of them being close is that I don't have to drag out the pregnancy times. (I'm not a big fan of being pregnant, just having kids) Plus, they all seem to like to play together right now, and have instant friends in their own house.

So...That all said: You really have to evaluate your own personality and emotional health before deciding when you want to have another baby. I have been blessed with a LOT of patience and a nurturing nature. I didn't used to, but I absolutely LOVE children now. If I had a shorter fuse, or different priorities in life, having all mine so close together would not have been such a good idea. As for whether I would do it again: Absolutely. I may have waited just a smidge longer before having my fourth so they were at least 18 months apart, but 13's close enough, right?

My advice to you would be to have them when you know you are ready. If you're having a hard time handling the transition to mom now, re-evaluate when your little girl is 15 months. You may be surprised how well you're doing by then. You may be totally ready, or you may know for sure that you want to wait. Also, if you decide you aren't ready or don't want to have kids close together, you can always try adoption after 35 to avoid having pregnancies at a later age. Good luck!

My two oldest children are a little over two years apart. I think it was really great. They play together so well and my body had enough time to recover in between pregnancies. Remember that 5 months is a long time when you have a little one and that you have 9 more months after that to get ready. However, if you don't feel like your ready in 5 months, don't stress about getting pregnant right then.

I had spring babies every other year (total of three). It was not too difficult for me, except when they argued. We did a lot of camping and skiing. It seemed to me that they had more of a relationship than they would have had if they were spaced further apart. They are all grown now. They are all close and close with us, though one lives on the east coast, one on the west coast and one here in Denver. It helps that we have a family cell phone plan, so calls among us are facilitated

Hi, I felt the exact same way. My daughters are 2years and 1 week apart! It is a little tough in the begining, at the time I had my new baby my oldest wasn't potty trained yet. That changed really fast, I was able to get her trained while on maternity leave. I can say for me it's a huge jump from 1 to 2 kids. Takes twice as long to get anywhere and twice as much work to manage. I love it though. My oldest daughter just loves being a big sis! I honestly wouldn't change a thing,they are very close and are beginning to play together. Right now they are 2 and 16 months it gets easier everyday. Just be prepared for it to be hectic at the begining. I too want to have a large family I am going to space the next one 3years just becasue of the whole terrible two's thing ;)I plan to try again at 32 or 33, since I also want to be done at 35. Best of luck to you ;)

About me: 30 year old married mother of 2 girls. I work and love free time with my family and exercising :)

It's hard to have several close together. Emotionally, mentally and physically. Pregnancy uses up a lot of your body's nutrient stores, especially vitamin A. If you don't get plenty of vit A and D in your diet (as well as other basic nutrients), you are more likely to suffer from morning sickness and other problems. And insufficient vitamin A can affect the health of your child for the rest of their life. If you do plan to have children close together, I wouldn't go closer than 2 years and plan on eating a very high quality diet throughout all of your childbearing years. You can find more info on how your diet affects your developing baby at westonaprice.org under Children's Health. These are things I wish I had known about before having my four children. Ultimately, I think you have to take it one pregnancy at a time and evaluate where you're at each time. Good luck!

I had always thought I would just have my oldest daughter as and only child. Then when she was 10 I got pregnant at the age of 32. When my second daughter was born she was diagnosed with down syndromes. And we where quite busy with heart surgery and other complacations.. Anyway little brother snuck in there when she was just 5 mo old. So I have an only child and the "TWINS". This has made for some intresting times. I think at times how easy it was with just the one. I had all the time in the world for her. But with the little ones it is somewhat nice that they have a special bond from being so close in age. They even have some twin talk and brother is always checking on sissy. This is such the cutest thing. Also you are in the diaper and sippy cup mode... Just get really nice double stroller and get ready to run.... I wouldnt change a thing.

Mine are 8 months old and 22 months old. Sometimes, I wish I could give each more attention. Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to change all those diapers. Sometimes, I wish that they would BOTH sleep through the SAME night. But mostly, I look at them and am so excited that they will have best friends for life, and are already starting to play together. It is REALLY hard for the first couple of months, when you are so exhausted after the second baby, but still have to pay attention to the first. But every day it gets easier, and every day I am happier that I had them both so close, and I would never do it any other way.

I have two kids. One born on February 10th and one on February 7th, two years apart. I was so ready for the second one, as was my daughter. I wouldn't change a thing. However, as we are thinking about having a third, I don't feel quite ready yet. So, I'll be waiting until they are around 2 1/2 years apart for the third. I'm 33 and had my first at 30. So...my two POV's. 1. It's not a big deal to have them so close together. 2. You have to be ready for it, because you are changing two sets of diapers and dealing with a two year old who needs you in addition to a newborn. But, it's been great for us. Good luck. E.

I have 4 children that are 18 months apart. The oldest is just now over 5. Sometimes it has been hard, but it is definately paying off. The oldest two are boys and they play together so well. I figured that I might as well get it all done around the same time. I think it is hard at first, but I think it is always that way with a new baby. It gets easier and I think if you do it you wont know any different. You just have to be very unselfish (as is the case even if you have one:)) I love it though and it has made me tough! Good luck.

Hi M.. My name is L.. I have 3 kids (6,4,2) and I am two months pregnant. My oldest two children are 17 months apart and the second two are 22 months. These last two are going to be 3 1/2 years.

I too want to have my children close together in age though I want to be done by the time I'm 30 (just 3 years away).

There are times that it can be very difficult to have them close together. But it has worked out very well for us. They have no cousins so it is really nice that they have each other. I honestly think the hardest thing can be the comments from others; having a lot of kids, and close together, isn't the norm and can trigger heartless words from strangers.

It can be difficult when they all need your undivided attention. It's hard but very important that they each get some one on one time. Going to the store can be challenging to carry two babies and drag a toddler along. Lots of messes at the dining table, having more than one in diapers, the baby being woke up too early by noisy toddlers... There are these challenges and more BUT (that's a BIG BUT!) it is so worth it!

I also teach piano lessons and it is actually really nice that they have each other to play with while I'm teaching. My oldest is in Kindergarten and she loves to teach the 4 year old all that she's been learning; which will help him when he goes! They both encourage the youngest while we struggle with potty training. They watch out for each other, play together, work together and yes they fight (quite a bit actually).

I wouldn't tell everyone that it's the way they all should go but it definately was the right choice for us. Good luck!

My kids are 2 1/2 years and 1 1/2 years apart. With 4 years between the oldest and youngest. 2 1/2 was the perfect spacing where as 1 1/2 is at times too close. I had planned on 2 years apart but it took us almost 1 year to get pregnant following the depo-shot. Keep in mind what if any birth control you are currently using.

Good luck

M., to raise children close together is much easier than apart. U know there are families where kids fight, but when they are very little you need to work h*** o* making them friends. I have a re=ally good experience on it as I have 2 sons 2 years apart, and now they are 25 and 23. You know, there has never EVER been a situation for them in all their life to have problems. Not a fight, not a battle, no tears, no arguments. there were VERY few moments when I heard that the voices in the room got louder, their talking was a little ...say, not agressinve, but elevated, excited more than usually... so I came in and sometimes asked, are you all happy? and they ALWAYS smiled and said YES, and once I heard this louder talk, and I asked them: Is everything OKAY? And they jumped both up from the carpet where they were playing, and hugged each other by the shoulder, (you know this boys hug, standing next to each other facing you, throwing one arm around the other's shoulders :) - and they looked at each other, and said: we're fine. They were 6 and 4 then, I remember it so well, as it was obvious they had some kind of disagreement, yet they did not allow me to interfere, they sorted it out on their own and in peace. Now when you have a girsl older, your bigger task will be to make sure for her not to become jealous in the very beginning as the little baby will require more of your time and care, and she might feel left out. To avoid it, make her proud, IMPORTANT and responsible for little things that she can already do. Carry the laundry into another room, give the baby a pacifier, hug the baby, make sure the baby has a blankie on, such little thingies, you know. I told my elder boy from the start that this is his friend growing, and i need his help to raise him a good friend. So, my elder boy got so serious about it, that when the younger one stated saying his tiny babytalk words, the older was fixing all the words, not allowing to speak it wrong, very politely explaining the situation: the younger says "tla-bla-gla" through the pacifier, and the older took the pacifier out of his mouth, and told him dead seriously:"Ivan, this is no "bla-gla-tla" you see here, this is "THE CEILING" that you see. And indeed,. with such a guide, the younger one learned perfect language very soon, in about 3 years old speaking like the older one who was already 5 :). You know what I say?
Tghis is not a question: when, for you! It is definitely good to go for it, and remember, in the beginning of pregnant, once you get over this first adjustment of being dizzy and such, there will be good 3-4 months that it won't bother you at all, so it will also give you time to adjust and _ be a happy many-kids'es Mom!!! Happy Valentine to all of You! M.

I had my kids about 3 years apart and that was close enough for me. If the kids are to close together you will be stressed because you won't have time to spend with each one by themselves, not to mention having more than one it diapers at the same time. You really don't want to feel like you are cheating the kids out of your attention. Having kids about every two years may make them feel closer to each other but if they have to struggle for your attention it can cause them to be jealous of each other.
I wish you luck.
J.

I wanted my kids two years apart. We started trying when my first was 13 months. It took longer to get pregnant with our second baby so our boys are 28 months apart. It has been great! The second baby is a lot easier than the first because you know what you are doing. So I wouldn't worry about that you adjust really fast to the routine. My sister in law is pregnant with her 4th and their oldest is only 5. Anoter of my good friends has 3 kids from two years to five years. Both of them love having their kids so close together. It really will just depend on when you feel ready, just make sure to budget for lots of diapers.

Quite honestly - I waited until my daughter was 2.5 before we got pregnant again - and I have found it to be a great spacing! My older daughter (who is now almost 4) adores being a big sister and revels in all the "big" things she gets to do. She is a huge help = playing with the baby, running to get diapers, she likes to help feed the baby and change her. I know she would not have been as flexible to the change at 2 as she was at 3... at 2 she still wanted to be my baby, and I know I would have found it very challenging to balance her and a newborn.

Now my daughter goes to a little preschool 2 mornings a week - which is her special activity - and it give me a little one-on-one time with my new daughter. I was very anxious about adding a new babe to the family, and waffled on it for a long time - but it has been way smoother and better than I anticipated - and I am really glad I took the time and waited until it felt right for us!

I can tell you from the other side, as my kids are almost 4yrs apart. I often wish we'd have had them closer together. Every day! The biggest downside is they are too far apart to be close, it seems. They argue and bicker 95% of the time. Also, with every stage we get the older one through, it seem then we start over again with the younger one. We were through with all the baby stuff- crib, diapers, toys, ect and then had to start all over again. When our oldest graduates high school, the younger will start the following year. Our oldest is a freshman now and they will never again be in the same school together.

The upside was I really loved those first years with just our daughter.

However, I think had we had our son sooner, she'd have accepted him earlier. If you have a 2nd chilkd, it'd going to totally change everything, no matter how far apart they are. But, if you want to have a second child, you should keep them within 2 yrs apart, in my opinion.
:-)

Hi M., I also have 5 kids, the oldest is 9, then 7, then almost 6 (they are 15 months apart) then 3 then 15 months. It ebbs and flows. When the boys (the ones 15 months apart) were under 3 it was tough to keep up. Little people are just needy. I think though the greatest indicator is if you are feeling ready. If you are still feeling like you are adjusting, or just not ready for the next one, then trust that and just enjoy your time with your the one you have. When you are ready for the next one you will know. Don't try to force yourself to keep an image of your family you had from "before" - that was before you knew what it meant to have a little person running your life for you!!!
I have to say I love having all these kids... but I have an army of babysitters and family helping me with meeting the needs that go with different age groups. I would not do it without that help.
Best of luck!

It is very doable! My first eight children are all 2 years apart (give or take a couple of months). My ninth is 5 years from my eighth. (Surprise! I was 39 when I had that one.) I think it's important to have a good mind set. If this is something that you want to do, don't let others make you think you are "crazy" for having them when you have them. (Or how many you have!)It will be work, but it doesn't last forever. They really grow up fast! It sounds like you enjoy staying busy, just remember to keep things simple and make sure you keep up with vitamins and good nutrition. Pray a lot! Enjoy them... they are gifts from God! (My M. had 10 children in 13 years. She is still alive and doesn't regret one moment. I'm her ninth, so I'm really glad she had us all!)

I love having my children between 17 months and 27 months apart. I have seven children, I am a stay at home Mom/ Homemaker, and I simply love having them close together. They love each other (most of the time) so much that they forget to ask friends to play because they have each other. No matter how far apart or close together you have them, you will have struggles, so you have to decide what the pros and cons are for you and what your goals are. My goal was to have all of my children by the time I was 35 and I had my last one at 35! It was truly worth it for me!
I am also glad that my youngest will only be "home alone" with me for a couple of years while he brother just older than her will be in school. The children miss their siblings so much when they are gone.
Other moms love having their children spread out, but it doesn't sound like you have that much time. Whatever you decide, don't stress out about it. Even if you want them closer together, it may not happen right away. You will enjoy the experience so much more if you just take the sweet little ones as they come! My husband and I never planned any of our children and we couldn't be happier:)
Whatever you decide will be perfect for you!

I've got 3 kids and a 4th on the way...they are all spaced 2 years apart. I think it's better than waiting longer, because if I was able to see how life could be with no diaper changing or kids demanding every second of my life...I might not want to go back to it! I mean that in the best, most loving, motherly way, of course! It is hard at times...but you get used to it. I am like you and am 32 and don't want to be prego past the age of 34. Another good thing is that my kids can all play together and are all basically in the same stage of life so have similar interests.

I think it depends a lot on your temperament. I have a sister-in-law who is a super laid back person who doesn't get ruffled when things don't go just right. She has 7 children and the oldest is 9. She loves it and the kids are the sweetest bunch. This is one extreme and can work for a really easy going person.

On the other hand, I have a girlfriend who has four children and the oldest is 3. She tends to be the sort of person who wants things to go just right. She can be critical of people who don't do things her way. Her personality is quite different from my sister-in-law. She spends a lot of time yelling at her kids and doesn't enjoy them at all as far as I can tell. There are occasional moments of enjoyment, but this seems to be more the exception than the rule.

I'm 37. My first is 18 months. I always wanted a few kids and thought I'd like them spaced closely. (My older brother and I are 1 1/2 yrs apart and were best friends growing up.) However, having seen these two examples, and knowing myself to not be a super easy-going personality type, I'm adjusting my ideal. I'll have fewer children than I'd like, and I'll space them out further than I think is ideal, but I'll enjoy them along the way.

I guess I'm saying, you have to know yourself. What can you handle?

I have a son and daughter who are 19 months apart. It can be challenging at times, but for us, we wouldn't change a thing. They are 3 1/2 and almost 2, and though they fight like all siblings do from time to time, they are very close and love each other very much. It takes time to get into a new routine and adjust, but you figure it out as you go. Some days are harder than others. I draw strength from my faith in Christ, and rely on him on a daily basis - never fails!
Good luck!

My girls are 16mos apart and in the beginning it was tough. If you have good support from friends and family you will survive (j/k). Now they are 3-4 and cannot live life without each other. I wouldn't do it again. I would have let my body adjust to not nursing for a year and then got pregnant. Life gives us just what we need though.

The first 4 of my 5 children were under 2 years apart. I remember having trouble getting my act together when my first one was born (like still in my jammies at 3pm!). Then along came #2 and things just seemed to click. After that maybe things are such a blur I can't remember! #4 was my suprise baby. I remember crying to my friend that I really didn't want another baby right now. We were going to wait 3 years between #3 and #4 and instead I got 16 mo.,but it all worked out and I wouldn't have traded the experience for the world. I know good friends that also have little ones are a blessing. You can lean on each other for support. Now that my kids are grown 19-28 yrs. I don't regret it for a minute. They are all very good friends and we love to do things as a family. Cruises are the best fun! I am young enough at 50 to really enjoy my kids and grandkids for lots of years.

I have 2 children that are 14 1/2 months apart. Basically, I have 2 babies right now because they are still so young. My youngest is about to turn 6 months old. It is a very busy time for me but my kids already care for each other and love each other. My oldest (daughter) tries to take care of my son (youngest). While it is very busy right now in the baby stage, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I know people that have children 12 months apart and they tell me that I will love it when the kids get older. I already do and they're still babies. It was a good decision for me.

I have 6 children. The first 2 are 6 yrs apart and then it goes down from there. The closest I have had them is 14 months and the longest is 2 yrs. But, I wouldn't change it for the world. I echo what has been said that they always have a friend. It is hard at first when you are all adjusting to a new baby, but once you get the routine down then it becomes easier. My thoughts are that once you know how to handle the needs of 2 kids at the same time, you can handle any number of kids. Some days are more stressful than others, but I wouldn't trade it. Good luck.

Hi! My name is T., I have 3 children, 5,4, and 6 months. I too wanted my kids close in age, so we started trying to conceive when my first baby was 5 months old. It took us 6 months to get pregnant the first time, so we thought we had better start trying. 2 weeks later, I missed my period, didn't think much of it (I was still nursing, and had heard irregularity was normal). Then I felt like I had morning sickness--sure enough, I was pregnant!! My boys are 13 months apart, and I love it!!! It has its moments, but all in all, its great. When they were 1 & 2 it was challenging, but not too bad. My oldest never had any jealousy issues, or anything like that. They are best friends, keep each other busy, feel lost with out each other. We actually wanted all our kids close in age, but it didn't work out that way. It took us almost 2 years to conceive the 3rd time! Now that my daughter is 6 months old, we're thinking its probably a good time to shoot for # 4, so they are close too!
So I guess I really recommend having kids close, based on my own experiences. Good luck!

M.,
It is a hard choice, but I have a two year old boy and just had a little girl two weeks after his birthday. I was worried about them being to close, but i would not trade it for the world. My son was old enough to do many things independantly but not to old to have jealousy issues. Balancing two close together isn't that bad, you just have to pick your battles with the oldest one. Honestly, I have considered having my next two even closer together just because it would have been even easier for me to adjust to two if I was still in baby mode and not so much into toddler mode.
I hope this helps some....

I am a SAHM with 4 boys 6 years old & under. I have really enjoyed having my kids close in age. The oldest 2 are 14 months apart & they are best buddies. The others are spaced out at 2 1/2 years & 2 years. It is a lot of work when they are little, just because they all still need your help with most things, but I would imagine it will get a lot easier when they are a little more independent. I have a friend who has 4 boys but they are spread out quite a bit more, so the older ones are doing sports & she's having to take the baby along & keep him busy & out of trouble while trying to watch the older ones compete. That's something I probably won't have to deal with because they will be hitting those milestone a lot closer to each other. I may have changed diapers for 6 years straight, but when the youngest is done I won't ever have to go back!! Anyway, those are some of the reasons I enjoy having my kids close in age. I hope that helps.

Hi Marin, My girls are 19 1/2 months apart and I think it works great. We actually found out we were expecting our 2nd as we were preparing for our first's one year birthday party. I don't know any other way other than having them this close but I had my first at 34 so also had that biological clock ticking. I think having two kids is going to be an adjustment no matter when you do it. I do sometimes wonder if I should have given my oldest more time by herself but she and her sister are such good friends already that I think this was a good decision for us. Good luck! Andee

My children are 25 months apart and I think it has been a real challenge so far. I know when they get a little older it will be good that they will be so close. The problem right now is that my 4 1/2 year old imitates my 2 1/2 year old and my 2 1/2 year old thinks he is 4 1/2! It is quite frustrating at times! They play together very well and are definitely best friends. I had wanted them to be a little CLOSER, but I was nursing my first one until she was 18 months and that was more effective birth control than I wanted! Kids will have more in common SOONER if they are close together. I think in another year, mine will be easier to manage because they will have more in common.

I think you'll be fine if you expect to have some challenges up front, but it will be worth it in the end. Good luck!

I had two kid that are 15 month apart they are close together a now the are doing just fine i hope you know there are just like twin that is good for them they will play together get older

Deciding to have kids shouldn't stress you out like that or make you feel like your on a time limit. What if it takes you a long to get pregnant in the first place?
All my kids are spaced 3 1/2 to 4 years apart and I feel that is perfect because they each go through their own things at different times and not together--look at it when they are older--once they reach the middleschool/highschool years, it becomes very very expensive, their wants and needs,sports etc and then driving! With me, I only have to do it one at a time. Have two drivers at home at the same time could be very expensive and frustrating, and trust me, it comes much faster than you could ever imagine.
I also think you get to enjoy your kids individually longer as babies than throwing another one into the mix right on top of each other.
My kids get along really good, they look out for each other and we have great family times. My two youngest are like best friends, it's really cute to watch.
Basically, don't feel like you have to have another baby right now just because, wait until you feel ready, there's no time limit. I myself didn't want to be older than 30 with kids, I just didn't want to be an 'old' M..

I am writing because my daughters are 16 years apart. It was definately a surprise and I would have prefered my children closer together, but we take what we get. I majored in sociology and psychology and have lots of experience in social/psychological issues. I think18 months apart is thre optimal spacing. The older child is walking and eating solids and maybe even potty training by then. Also they are so young they will not remeber being the only child. They will be used to siblings right from the start. If you wait until the older child is 2 to 3 years old they get jealous and it may cause lifelong sibling problems. This is only my opinion.

M.,
I had 6 in 10 years. Some were 16 months apart in age. We had a blast. A friend always around. My children love eachother and keep in close touch even with two in the military. The holidays are always full of life and family. I would not change that time for anything.
It is a lot of work and alot of money to raise a large family. I did daycare in my home so I could be there for my kids. It is always an adventure but if you want to put the energy into it, they are worth it.
All 6 were or are honor students. They are normal kids, but learned what hard work is because everyone did there share of the work. They weren't handed everything. They did not have a TV in their room or video games to play all the time. We do have a computer that everyone shared. They all wore hand me downs, but were clean and nicely dressed.
I always laughed at the boxes the claimed they were family sized because I sometimes had to buy 3 to feed my family once. I didn't buy hamburger helper or a lot of boxed meals. Almost everything was made from stratch.
You don't have invite friends for a birthday they are already there.
I enjoyed haveing them close in age. You need time and energy to make a large family. I love them all and miss them being around but now most of them have their own life and that is what we raise them to do.
You should do what is best for you. I am 47 and my kids are almost all grown. So now, when my kids are ready I can hardly wait to be a grandma!
C. B
P.S. I was 19 when my first one was born. (By the way after number three it gets easier.)

My children are just under 22 months apart. I was like you - I didn't want to have kids in my mid-30's. Looking back on it I sometimes wonder, "What was I thinking?!" But now that they are older (almost 3 and 5) I am glad that they were close because they play together all the time. Plus our son doesn't remember a time when his little sister wasn't around. It did take a few weeks for him to adjust to her, but after that, everything was fine. Sure they fight because they are interested in similar things, but I think the good outweighs the bad.

First of all, I was pretty much still in "baby" mode, so the second baby just seemed to fit right in. It is so much easier the second time around! My son was pretty good about staying busy while I fed or changed the baby and old enough to stay out of trouble and to have some patience. I got both of them potty trained in the same year, so I went from diapering two kids to out of diapers in about 6 months!

I have a friend who's kids are 3 1/2 years apart and they are just a bit too far apart to have similar interests or playing together. She now says she should've had them closer together.

I worried about all the things I'm sure all second-time moms worry about - will I love them the same, how will I handle the guilt of less time with the first and not enough one-on-one with the second, how will I handle two, etc. Somehow it all works.

Now I think of all the benefits such as they are both interested in going to the zoo and Disneyland, etc. Travelling is easier because they have a built-in friend. Personally, I wouldn't want to start all over again with an infant once my child got to be 3 or 4, just when they become pretty self-sufficient.

I don't plan on having any more kids, but I think around 2-years is ideal spacing for siblings. So if that's what you want, just go for it. Like I said, somehow it all works out. :-)

Hi M.,
I had the same idea as you of having my babies before I turned 35. Unfortunately, things didn't go as I planned; since I lost my first baby and then couldn't get pregnant until 2005 and already in my 30s. I had my wonderful and precious baby and now I'm pregnant with my second child. I will deliver her one month before I turn 36. Everything has been fine. I did want my kids to be close in age; but I had a lot of doubts when we started planning our second pregnancy, since we as a couple went through a lot of adjustments. I am glad to say things are better for us now; but I did have to put some effort in getting our marriage and my life, back on track. Babies are a huge gift, but they also change your life forever; and it is a big adjustment for everyone. In my case, I saw that there was still love in my husband's eyes; and that we were blessed with all the things we had. So I chose to keep going and things are a lot better. I also started my new pregnancy with some extra weight, but I have a strong commitment with myself to get back to my weight.
My point is, don't feel so rushed. Enjoy what's going on in your life right now. Your kid is growing too fast for you to pass that opportunity. Think of everything, not just the age. Remember you want the best for your kids. Take things easy and take good care of yourself, and you'll be able to get what you want.
Enjoy!
A..

Hello M.,

No one can answer this question for you! There are pluses and minuses to having children close together and far apart. My children are four years and four months apart, and it has been perfect for us.

The personal timing of your family will be perfect. I would not push yourself to meet an idea you have in your head if your body and heart do not feel ready yet. Children come in their perfect time. Relax and let go of this decision.

Do you have the patience
to wait
'til your mud settles and
the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
'til the right action
arises by itself?

Tao Te Ching

I have a 6 year old and 7 year old. They are 13 months apart. The only time it is tough is when they are little. You tend to be home a lot. Many of my friends have done the 2 year gap and it seems a little bit easier. Whether 13 months or 2 years. I believe you will just adjust to the situation. It's not that bad. I think it's better to have them all little, go through the baby stages and your done. If you let 5 years pass... it's like going through the baby stuff all over again. I love having my girls close together now. They are able to play sports, go to school together and just hang out together. It's great. Good Luck! L.

I've got two boys who are a year and a week apart (now 3 and 2). They're best friends now. Sure, there have been some difficulties, but I think most of those were just a result of having 2 kids, not necessarily that they're so close in age. We didn't plan it this way, but we've liked it so much that we're going to wait a bit and then have our next two close together (maybe about 18 months apart)