Time Between Children

I had my two teenagers 2 years 3 months apart. I found that was a perfect age difference for me. I was a single mom going to school fulltime and working part-time. My oldest loved to help with the baby. He was old enough to understand no and the rules of having a new baby.

I only have one child, he's also one, and my husband and I have been discussing the same thing. I am ready to have more--he would like to wait at least three more years! We both come from oddly spaced families...I am ten years older than my next oldest sibling and he is twelve years younger than his youngest sibling! We both agree that we don't like that sort of spacing at all! I'd love to get some advice on this as well.

Personally I think three years is the best. I was three years older then my brother and we did well. Then my baby brother ten years younger was born. Well that put everything to a stop. My bothers fought all the time. They were 7 years apart. Not the best of ideas.
My kids are 3 years apart and I love it. They play and fight and love one another. It's cool. The oldest helps out and I just need to remember the youngest isn't a baby anymore and can help out just as much. Anyway my vote is for 3 years. I liked it growing up and I like it for raising my kids.

K.,

I think it is when you feel it is right or the Lord makes it so. I am a mom of six kids which of none were planned. We had started to discuss number two when we found out that we were beyond the discussion point. My oldest and second (2000)oldest are four years apart. They have done great together. Our next son is about was born (2001) when the second was 1 1/2. They as well get along and all. Our three girls...#4 is (2003) so they are a little more spread out about a year and a few months. They are all good together. Sure they have their sibling rivary but, they are all sure lost if one is missing for one reason or another. We do almost everything as a family.

I will note that I did have a few preemies as well. I would try to have only two in diapers at a time or just one. Unless you use cloth if can get expense.

So, like I said..it is personal choice. Whatever your heart desires and whatever you decide to do will work. You will learn as you go that is a big part of parenting.

Best of Luck.

A.

I have a 6,5, and a 2 year old. The older two can play excellent together sometimes and at other times they fight constantly. The six year old will play with the two year old for little spells at atime. My five year old is the mother hen and very protective of the two year old. I all depends on the day it is. I had three sisters and we were all three years apart. Me, being the oldest, became the sitter and therefore the outcast. My younger two are inseparable. It all depends on how they are raised I believe. If you raise them to constantly share during playtimes, they will be close no matter what ages they are. I hope this helps.

My first son was 12 months old when I became pregnant with my second son, and my second son was 13 months old when I became pregnant with my daughter. I love it. My children love playing with each other, and they are so close. My sister and I were three years apart and I remeber never wanting her around me when I was with my friends. My husband and I personally love it. It is hard sometimes, like when I take them to the store by myself. It is getting easier as they get older. I am a full time student too and it is nice when I do homework because they help entertain each other. What I suggest is after you have another baby, if you decide, is to make sure you daughter still gets alone time with you and your husband. My husband always takes turns with the kids so they have their own individual time.

Hi K.,
Well, my kids are 17.5 mths apart. It was kinda hard at first because I felt like there were still new things I wanted to do with my first child. I feel like I wanted more time with her before I had another baby. After my second child got a little bit older and was sleeping better, it got a lot easier. Now, they are 3.5 and 2 and it is kinda like having twins. They play well together also. Then there are 4.5 yrs between my brother and I and we are really close now and were when we were little. We had lots of fun playing together and we did fight once and awhile. I think if you get one off to preschool or school it is a little easier. If I could have planned my kids, I would have about 3 yrs apart. I would get my first one potty trained. I don't know, I really like the age they are at now. I think there are pros and cons with both. I just think with your first child it is nice to have more time to do all of the first stuff with them. Everything always seems to work out the way it should.

My Kids are 7 & 5. I love it. They are close in age & I feel we can experience things all together. We all go biking together as well as other fun stuff. I feel they like to do things together, like to play & explore. They also help each other. We didn't plan it but I think it worked out great for our family. they will also be in the same schools for a few years. Which is comforting for my littlest one.

My kids are almost 3 years apart, and so far that works for us. I'm getting itchy for #3 soon, too, but my daughter is only 8 months old, and I'm not really sure I want them that close. But who knows! I would base the decision on your energy levels. If you feel up to having a two year old and a newborn, by all means go for it! But if you think you'd like your other child to be more independent before you add a baby to the mix, then wait another year or so. My brother and I are 11 years apart, and my mom says she doesn't recommend that! I kinda like it. We're good friends, but I can take care of him too. It's fun to teach him things and tell him about my mistakes at his age so he won't make the same ones. But I'm guessing you don't want to wait that long. :) I think two or three years in between is pretty good. That would be my suggestion, but you gotta do what feels right to you! Good luck!

We planned on having 2 children, we had a girl and when she was 2 we decided to plan on having 1 more well I miscarried and it took my body 2 years to straighten out. So she was 4 when we had our son, and it was awful. She did not let him sleep and when he was sleeping no matter how much we told her to be quiet she would not. Then just last year we had our 3 child and our first son was almost 2 and so far it has been a blast. They play together and laugh together of course they still fight but it is so much easier. Hope this helps.

My husband and I have been debating this issue as well- our daughter is now 10 months old!
Really I think a lot of it just depends on how you feel, particularly whether or not you feel you are ready for two kisd in diapers and 2 kids who are stil fairly needy and dependent. however, I know my husband and I don't want our kids to be any further than 3 years a part- we want them to be able to be friends and be close. While when they are young, it might seem easier if your kids are 4 or five years or more apart, I think they may be a little disconnected. My brother is 5 years older than me, and we never were really close. He still tries to be more like a father-figure at times rather than brother. But, these are just my feelings and experiences.
This might not be the most helpful advice, but I think it really depends on what YOU think YOU are READY for, how much support and help you have, and (in some cases though not all) if you can financially afford to have two kids while you are a student (if you use daycare that is).

There are a lot of factors to weigh, but make a list of the pros and cons for wiating vs. having another child sooner. If you lay out all the facts, your likely to make a much more informed decision!

I personally think that between 2-3 three years is the best. that way each child has a chance to "be the baby" but they will still be close enough to bond. I have two sons 4 years apart because of a miscarrage. They really don't have anything in common the oldest is in school all day and when he gets home he wants to play legos or video games, not baby games. It is kind of sad that they don't really have anything in common. I am hoping that as the little guy gets older this will change more but they are missing a lot of time together now.

well my first two are 17 months apart and the 2nd and 3rd are 26 months apart and they are all really close they love doing things with each other and i think would be lost without each other. Me personally my brother and i are 3 years apart and we really didn't get along all that well and didn't like to do things together because we didn't want people to see us in public togeter you know kid stuff like that..

I have 4 kids (20, 19, 17, and 10 months) The first two were 14 months apart, then 18 months later came number three. It was VERY busy. The first two were like twins. All 3 of them kept each other entertained, but it was also triple trouble. When one decided to get into trouble, they ALL got into trouble (like the time dad fell asleep and they all decided to make a cake on the kitchen floor with flour, eggs, sugar, and milk). Now, I have a new baby 17 years after the last one and I don't know if it's age or because there's only one, but I have more patience and feel I can give him more time and attention than the others had gotten. However, he's also alone, so he has no one to play with except me and dad (and occasionally his older siblings when they're around). All the kids seem happy for the most part. I don't know if this helps, but I always am a fan for going with your gut instinct. It rarely steers you wrong.

Hi K.,
My children are 4 & 2. I love it too, because they play together and we can do similar family functions together. I did hurry up and potty train my son before my daughter was born! I didn't want 2 kids in diapers! :)

K.-
As I am sure you know there is no "right" answer, but I will tell you a little of my story, which may help.

I had my first daughter directly after high school, my next daughter 11 months and 8 days later....no I would not suggest that CLOSE, but they are now 14 and 13 and best friends, just as they have been growing up. They hit their stages different but the younger of the two caught on faster watching her older sister.
It gets better, years later I remarried and now have added a 4 yr old boy and a 10 month old boy to the mix...yeah, four total.

The older girls are wonderful with their brothers, and even they joke about how wonderful birth control it is having to help or listen to a crying baby at 2 am!
The boys are close, and although we were only planning on having the one, I am glad for my lil' Jack who will be one in June...but honestly, if I had it to do over again, I would have had my boys closer together.
The girls were always busy together and even tho, like all kids, they had their "times", they are each other's best friends and will be for life. The bond they have with their brothers is a little different in that the boys look up to them for help or assistance, but also an automatic playmate! Maybe in a few more years when the girls get more involved with boys they are NOT related to it will be different, but that relationship is solid.
I sometimes feel bad for my baby because he gets left out a little, being a crawler he can't not keep up, no matter how fast he goes! But if I knew he was in my future I would have had him closer to my 4 yr old...

Hope that helps...I think closer is better, but love the bond that I see with my 14 yr old and my 10 month old....

Kim

for me my plan was to have them about 18-24 mo apart. and i wanted three.
what happened was i got pregnant when my son(first) was 3 months old. they were to be exactly a year apart. then the second one, my daughter, came 3 months early.. leaving them at 9 1/2 months apart. and the same age for 70 days. do i recomend this? NO..lol and plenty of people i have met who have had preemies, their kids are close in age like mine. i've never met anyone with kids as close as mine,yet. but i'm sure there is someone out there. my sister and i were 26 mo apart. and we fought like crazy till our early twenties. we still don't get along. i don't think age has anything to do with not getting along.
it's nice my two are so close because one is going thru the same stuff the other one just got done learning. they are only 2 and 3 right now.. it's like having a daily playdate ..lol
the only bad thing is if you get one of them something you have to get the other one the same. they are still learning sharing at this age..
good thing... hoping to get them both pottied trained this summer:-)) and both out of diapers at the same time!!!

good luck..as already said, there's not right or wrong time.. just what's 'your' time..

probably at 21 you won't have this problem.. but you just never know how long it will take to get pregnant once you start trying..or if any problems will arise.. so it's hard to plan on these things sometimes:-))

T.

We have 2 boys, 17 months apart, the second being a pleasant surprise. The first year of my youngest son's life was very difficult. We did almost nothing but take care of the kids. It took a real toll on us and I feel like I missed out on so much of both of their lives because each was very demanding. We had two in diapers, two who sometimes got up in the night, two who fight naps, two that wanted to be carried, two who might run off in a store. There were wonderful moments too, like seeing our 17 mo old meet his baby brother for the first time, seeing him try to comfort his baby brother when he was crying. Now that our youngest is 16 months, they've started playing together, they give hugs and the older tries to teach the younger, it's so sweet. Of course someday we're going to have two teenagers, two kids in college, etc. If I had it to do over again, I'd wait a little longer between kids... but not too much longer. At such a young age, every month that your older one matures brings leaps and bounds in maturity and things they can do themselves and makes it easier to have another little one around.

hi K., my name is T.. im 32 years old and have 2 little girls. my first is 3 and my youngest is 2. they are about 18 months apart. whats great right now is that they are playmates, share clothes, and are best friends. im expecting our 3rd and final baby this sept. mckenzie will be 4 and joslyn will be 3 in jan. it depends on the person how far they want there kids. with us, we wanted them about 18 months apart. my hubby and his brother are 18 months apart. i myself, an only child. so, yes everyday is a challege, but a good one for sure. :) i also stay at home with my girls. whatever decision you make, you will be happy with. good luck! T. and fam.

Hi K.,

My three girls are almost exactly two years apart. The nice thing about it when they were little was that they make terrific playmates as they were close in age and had similar interests. The really awesome thing about it is that I have had at least two in high school at the same time and many times, their friends were the same kids. Again, their interests were the same and so they did many things together. Our son was born when the youngest was 6 and that too, has been a blessing. I had three little mommies for our son!

I have to tell you, it doesn't matter how far apart your kids are...if you nuture them to be caring souls, they will find common interests in any age sibling they have. My four are 20,18,16 and 10 and all of them are as close as they can be. I will say this though and this is something to think about; next year we will have two in college and that is causing us a little concern over how we will pay for two. Thank goodness they are both on scholarship but there are still costs involved.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It never hurts to pray when you are looking for an answer.

C.

p.s. In an earlier post a reader mentioned that she didn't agree with her doctor when they advised her not to give baby food to an infant under 6 months. I couldn't agree more with the doctor. Their little bodies can't absorb any nutrients from it until about 6 months and so while their little tummies might be full of cereal, they are not getting the nutrition they need to allow their optimal normal development. There is all kinds of research on the internet on this topic.

Just my humble opinion...

K.,
I think that it's great that you want to have children. I was 25 when I had my first. We figured that about two to three years apart was perfect (for us). Close enough to where they can be close sibilings and far enough apart that they can grow at their own pace. My son(19mo) is learning so much from his sister(almost4). It's amazing how fast they are growing. My sister and I are four year's apart and we did nothing together till we got older, but that does not stand ture for everyone I'm sure. Another good thing about having kids close in age is when they get older they head out the door faster. I hope that this help's you.
Good Luck...

K.-
My children are 23 months apart and at first it was very hard. When I was pregnant it was very tiring dealing with an active toddler who was starting to go through the terrible twos. I think it made potty-training take longer since we started after the baby was born. He was constantly nursing after he was born and she would climb into cupboards and get into any trouble she could. It was kind of like a momma bird trying to feed one baby and trying to prevent the other from falling out of the nest. I think it was the worst the first 6 months after he was born. I felt like my first did not get enough baby time. On the other hand though they are such close friends now and I can see it will always be like that because of their age and similar interests. I think it helped my oldest mature more quickly too. They love playing together, I think if I had to do it again and I could plan the perfect amount of time 30 months apart would be it for me. But it got much easier after he was about 6 months old.
Brekka

I think it's totally up to you. I have two boys and they are 2 years and 18 days apart. They are mortal enemies and the best of friends. They will say very mean things to each other only to follow that up with the bestest buddiest activities (I'm an only myself, so this is all new). But, even with that being said, they always have their best friend in each other. They take care of each other in ways I am amazed with every day! My husband and his brother are 4 years apart, and my husband hated his little brother, until my husband left for college, that was the first time they really were on (something that resembles) equal ground in terms of maturity. Now they're best friends.

But like other wise moms have said, it's what you want for your own sanity, and for the kids. Best of Luck to you!

My oldest son just had a phycological exam, it took all day and the doc said that my kids were exactly the right age apart. Three years. Not that we didn't try hard to have more before then. LOL
I don't know. My sister's kids are four years apart and my other sister's girls are only 2 years apart. They get along pretty good.

My sisters and I are a lot of years apart. The next one to me is four and a half years and the one after that was born when I was ten. We're very close.

Some people like their kids closer together but I didn't like having two in diapers at the same time.

It's up to you. You have to decide. Good luck!!

I dont know if I will be much help, but I will put my two cents in anyways! My husband is the youngest of four and they were close in age. I am the youngest of seven and my siblings range from 5-11 years older than me. They were all close in age and I was the last "oops". We pretty much had the same experiences of being the baby of the family and being spoiled or picked on. We have two children that are four years apart. They fight constantly since my daughter wants her older brothers attention. However, they will unite if they feel the other is in trouble. I applaud anyone who can handle carrying a baby around and chasing after a toddler at the same time, I wasnt one of those people. I think it really comes down to what you and your husband wants. Do you think it will be easier to get the child rearing done early in your life and juggle school in there at the same time or have a few years in between for more one on one time? It was nice to have an older child help with the baby too. I also will get to do thru two different phases while they are growing up and dont have the empty nest syndrome hit me at once. So just follow your hearts and it all will work out whichever way you two decide. Good Luck, T.

For me, I was one of 3 all four years apart. That was nice because we each got to go thru HS separately. But as far as family vacations it was harder because there was such varying degrees of interests. The youngest was no where interested in many of the things that myself (the oldest preferred).

Fast forward to now. My kids are not quite 2 years apart. Things I've read says that when kids are less than 2 yrs apart in age, they tend to give you a little more of a run the same as twins would. I don't know if that's totally truek, but I've read several articles that compared them that way.

And with my kids, they are pretty much that way. the younger wants to do what the older one is doing. With both close if you need to totally focus on one, then you almost need to have the other parent available to occupy the other unless they are sleeping. Because they aren't quite self sufficient yet to completely entertain themselves or manage their time. We have found that family vacations can be somewhat easier, because their likes are much the same. it can be more cumbersome presently due to all the extra stuff (diapers, etc.) you have to drag along.

College expenses can get spread out if they are farther apart. But if their close you may have more options for financial aid.

Overall you, parenting time will be over quicker with them closer together rather than stretched out.

just my thoughts. I am sure there are many more that I haven't even thought about.

I waited until my first son was out of diapers before I had another baby and that helped a lot.

I grew up with 5 brothers and sisters..One sister was 2 years older and my little brother was a little over a year behind me. I was the best of friends with one, and the other, at the time, was the bain of my existance. That said, it was nice to know there was always someone close to know exactly what I was going through and why. Now that we're all grown up, its still really nice to have them to talk to and know what I'm going through, as they are pretty much going through the same things. All our children together form a kind of step ladder in age starting with age 8, 7, 6, ect. It took adult hood to really know my older siblings, but we're close now.
My own children are 2 years apart, and I love seeing their relationship develop in its stages. They are one anothers protector, friend and best enemy. Thats the way siblings work. Personally, I wanted my kids close in age, so they could grow together, help each other out and all that. Hope that helps you out.

I have three boys. My first two are eighteen months apart. That was pretty easy and they were buddies. Now...they are typical boys and siblings. They fight but then play together too. My third son was just recently born. We tried for three years! I didn't think I would have a problem since my first two weren't planned at all! So between the second and the third is about 5 and a half years!

We started trying for our fourth and ran into problems. When we went to the doctor she shook her finger at us! You are suppose to wait eighteen months I guess. Then again these are the same doctors that tell me I should not feed my children baby food until they are six months! YEAH RIGHT!

I don't buy into the whole thing about checkups and getting onto vitamins when you want to start trying. The doctors are just looking for money. You go for it when you want to go for it! If your body isn't ready then it won't conceive. (In my personally opinion.)

Do you think that lady with 16 kids waited? NO! And has she had any problems? No!

I have two girls 23 months apart in age. The first year was difficult, as they were both pretty needy (pre-potty training). Today, they are 4 and 6 and TOTALLY love to play together. It is cool that they are still mostly interested in the same stuff, and it gives them a great (daily) opportunity to learn negotiating skills.

My kids are 4 years apart and I LOVE it! We did start trying when my son was 18months old but we had trouble conceiving. (The first time it only took 1 try!) Anyway :) my kids play together and absolutely love each other... here is a picture of them together :)
http://wdmmommy.blogspot.com/2007/02/how-much-tv-is-to-mu...

Hi K.:

My kids are all 4 years apart (I have three) and I am so glad they're that far apart. There tends to be a lot less fighting. I am the oldest of four children. My brothers were all close in age and they fought all the time. I just think it's nice to have that distance in age.
On a different note, your body needs a couple years to recuperate before it gets pregnant again. It's very h*** o* a body to be pregnant. Ideally they say to wait a full 2 years before getting pregnant again.
It's great having more than one child and you're going to love having more than one when you do decide it's time. It's wonderful seeing the love between the children.
God bless you!!!
T.
http://tinamccomb.stayinhomeandlovinit.com

My children are spaced farther apart. I have a 17 year old daughter, and 11 year old daughter, and a 6 year old son. I like the fact that they were so spaced out because I felt it gave me more time to spend with each of them one on one. The older ones were in school during the school year, so I had the one on one time with them. Other things that I liked about it: I only had one in diapers at a time, I only had to carry enough stuff in the diaper bag for 1, there seemed to be less fighting amongst each other, I only had to have 1 car seat at a time, I wasn't chasing after one while carrying one...I could probably go on and on with the little things, but what meant the most to me was the individual time with each of them.

Hi K.,
I wanted to respond to your question about time between children. My children are 18 months apart and I enjoy it. They are young so they aren't interacting yet, but my niece and nephew are also 18 months apart and play very well together. They a the best of friends.

A friend of mine have hers 3-4 years a part, she said when they were young it was fine, but mainly for her. Now that they are older she finds that it is more difficult to keep the young two young.

From my experience my sisters and I are nine years apart, and six years apart. I did not enjoy it at all growing up. I was the oldest so I was "mom" most of the time. I never got to share clothes or have sports activities together, or even go to college together. So I choose to have my children close together. I do believe it is what ever works best for you. My mom liked having us all that far apart. I hope that gives a little help.