How Do I Stop Comparing My Baby to Others/ Delayed?

All children develop on their own schedule. Some babies never crawl. They roll to where they want to go. Others only crawl enough to get to something to pull themselves up and walk. Some walk at 7 months and other at 16 months. And believe it or not it's got nothing to do with their mom. It's all about them and what they want to do.

That being said, it's hard not to compare your child to others. It's human nature. Just give your daughter enough tummy time and she'll figure it out.

My third child, my daughter, didn't really walk until after her first birthday. Both her older brothers were running by the time they were 1!
The doctor said it was completely fine and she wasn't delayed in any way. She was making an effort to get from here to there somehow and that was all that mattered.
She really just wasn't in any hurry to get anywhere.
She eventually did start walking and now at 4 runs, jumps, rides her bike and everything else.
There's an old wives tale that boys will often walk before girls. Whether it's always true I don't know, but in our house that's exactly what happened.
There is a HUGE span of time when things are still considered "normal", far more than most common advice provides. I think the doctor said not to worry until something like 18 months, though I honestly would not hold me to that age. Just that it was a lot later than we thought at the time.

You just have to understand. Every child is their own person.

They will always be on their own schedule, their own interest.

You CAN introduce new skills, new interest new, abilities to your child, but if she is not interested, not able.. she will let you know. It does not mean there is anything "wrong"..

If you are worried about her walking, stand her up. see if she wants to take steps. See if she wants to stand holding on, she if she will take a step, while you hold on to both of her hands.

My mother was very upset because I was about to turn 1 and could not walk. I was shaky on my legs. She felt like all of the other children she saw walked before or at 1 year old. She mentioned this to my grandfather. He stood me up on my feet and held my hands. and I took 3 steps. I was just ready at that moment. My mother said within a few weeks, I was walking holding onto her finger..

All babies develop at their own pace and I saw a few things that lead me to believe your baby is fine. First of all, crawling backwards is very normal. MANY babies go backwards first. She will start going forward soon enough. And the standing and letting herself fall is the first stage to holding on and cruising around so again, very normal.

The frustration that you see is a good thing. It is exactly that frustration that will get her trying to walk without holding on and all the other things she should and will be doing. Many a things were invented out of frustration. It can, and in this case, is a good thing!

It is hard the first time around! How big is her head? If she has an über noggin, or just a small frame compared to her head, that could be exactly why she is trying but her body just has to get it's proportions sorted out :). Some good friends of mine have four kids and their first didn't walk til 16 months an only ever did this army crawl thing. It was really cute, last time I saw them they were on their way to his soccer game an he was huge! Totally normal, bright kid. I have always heard that as long as their moving you are good to go :). Whatever concerns you do have, just talk the over with your pediatrician and enjoy her, sounds like she is on her own schedule and just fine :)

You are focusing on the things she can't do that others babies can. What about the things she can do?

Give her the opportunities to learn things for herself. Often it's frustration that turns into persistence that turns into a new skill or achievement.

Put toys out of her reach occasionally instead of retrieving them for her. It's not being a mean mommy, it's allowing her the chance to enjoy that sense of accomplishment and success. Look at it as a life skill. No one wants everything handed to them.

If your pediatrician isn't concerned, you needn't be.
"Average" is, well average.
There's always a bell curve with all developmental things. That's a range.
Some are at O. end, done at the other.
You're right, NEVER compare kids.
IME, kids either excel verbally or physically at O. time.
So, late walkers often talk earlier and vice-versa.

I know it is really hard not to compare, but you must try.
She is trying to move around. She is trying to stand and walk. Who cares if she is 11m old and not 5m.

My sister walked at 9m.
My brother walked at 13m.
My son walked at 12m
My daughter walked at 13m.

My daughter wouldn't walk on her own, always had to hold the table or a hand. Hubby came home the day she turned 13m with a pair of mini Nikes, put them on her and she took off! She hasn't stopped 5 years later. :)

Some babies don't crawl. Some babies don't scootch.
Just keeping being their to support her when she does try and when she falls, help her back up.

Hugs.

Try babycenter.com they have a kind of calendar with milestones and developmental calendar. With my son it helped me to calm anxiety and to know that he was doing things in the time that he was supposed.

All,the kids are different and they do things different and at different times, my son started walking after he turned 1, before walking he was a very very good and fast crawler, my daughter was just ok crawler, not very interested on it but started walking at 10 months (way too fast)

Don't worry and do not compare your baby but by all means look for information about milestones, buy the book "what to expect the first year" from the writers af what to expect when you are expecting or places like baby center just to help you keep peace of mind.

Good luck!

What is it about us that we always seem to compare and then worry when things don't match? I have to watch myself on this, too. :)

As far as children are concerned, I really started understanding this after having my second child. My son (oldest) was fully walking (let's face it, RUNNING) by 11 months of age. My daughter did not fully walk on her own until 16-17 months. I was totally freaking out. I think I even have a question here on Mamapedia about being worried that my daughter wasn't walking yet.

I think that to an extent, if something were truly wrong with your daughter, you'd probably have a feeling that something wasn't right. In the case of my daughter, I could look at her little face and KNOW that she was comprehending things. She understood things. She was bright and happy....but by golly, she wasn't interested in walking. Of course, now you wouldn't know that! She is a rambunctious 3 yr old!

On the flip side of this, I remember worrying about our boy, because he would not sit to read books with me. We'd get about 2 pages in, and he was done. I was a first time mommy with tons and tons of books, and my son could care less about the books! For this reason, I didn't even spend much time trying to read books to our daughter until she was closer to 9 mo - a yr in age....we'd sing and talk (jabber) at one another. Low and behold, we started reading books and she would sit there patiently, turning the pages with me and studying the pictures, etc. I remember thinking that I was so stupid for assuming that she wouldn't sit still for books just because her brother wouldn't.

Part of the beauty of those gazillion trips to the pediatrician in the first 2 years is that you can ask the doc about these things. If they are truly worried, they'll tell you. They know enough about kids to be able to say if something needs further observation.

Get yourself a book on childhood development (I also have the What to Expect Book the First Year book that another mom mentioned) or subscribe to a website like babycenter.com, where they send out weekly development newsletters. I think you'll start to see that 'normal' can mean so many different things. Love your daughter...it sounds to me like she's doing fine. Enjoy this time and let things happen when they will. Talk with the doc on any major concerns (but write them down, because I promise you'll forget when you get to that appointment). :)

I work with kids ages 12 months to 18 months with "gymnastics" (Which at that age is just gross motor development) and let me tell you that there is a BROAD range of what kids can do at what age. I'd say you have NO WORRIES!!!

Kids will all develop at their own pace. We have 12 month olds that can't walk, and some that can run. We have 18 months that can sort of run and 18 months that can jump. Really, it doesn't start to even out until age 3-4. Some kids at age 3 can't jump yet.

Don't worry mama, your little one will do her thing in her own time.

My baby sister didn't walk until she was 2. Last year she ran the Boston Marathon and she is starting med school next month. So sure, talk to your pediatrician, but don't panic :)

My Son, My first kid. walked at 10.5 months. Talked full sentences at 2 years old. My daughter, my second kid. Did not walk until 16 months and at 2 she talks, but nothing like my son. My son has ADHD which is part of the difference. No two kids are alike, unless your doc says something... I would not worry. :)

All children progress at their OWN pace and in their own time. She is fine. You did say she is scooting around backwards and in circles. That is the beginning. Hey, she may not crawl, she may take off and walk.

I have a coworker/friend whose child will be a year in August and she is just starting to crawl in her own weird way. She just started sitting up a good two months back.

Just know that what your child is doing is the right thing for her at this time. When she does start running full blast, you will wish she was not. So be careful of what you wish. I know it is hard but just know your baby book has milestones in it for a reason - so that you can reflect back on her progress when she is older. There is no race or competition. You learned things at a different pace than your siblings or friends. The same holds true for babies.

Enjoy your little one. Soon this moments will be history. Take pictures and put them in the book.

the other S.

PS I am waiting on more grandbabies so that I can watch and love on them. Have a good weekend.

All of my boys walked at over 12 months- my youngest son was 15 mos before he walked. They all talked relatively early. My daughter (one in July) is walking very well now, but she grunts- no talking :) All babies are different, even within the same family. It is super hard not to compare your baby to others- its even hard for me the 5th time around!- its just human nature! If you are truly concerned, talk to your pediatrician at her next well visit. However, I suspect that your doc will tell you the same thing that you're getting here- she'll walk/talk/develop at her own pace.

Your kid is your kid. Talk to her pediatrician if you are worried. My DD got teeth at 6 mo, but my nephew was more like 11. My DD walked at 15 months, but her friend walked at 10. Etc. There's a wide range of normal. Look more at when you should be worried a milestone isn't reached (like not walking by 18 months) vs when she actually gets there. My DD said her first word at 8 months but is slower on all physical abilities. Guess what? She takes after me. Your baby is probably fine.

If these people are negative when you want to share something about your DD like it's old hat to them so it no longer matters, find better friends to talk to.

You've gotten great answers. I think the most important thing I saw in your post is that your daughter is making advances, "she just started", "she is trying", those things are very important. She is advancing at her own pace, but she is advancing.

Keep up with what you are doing, she is just fine.

M

It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with her or that she has a motor delay. Not all kids crawl and I know kids who started walking anywhere between 9 - 18 months that were all considered to be developing typically. She is working on moving, by trying to crawl and by scooting when she realizes that crawling isn't going to work.

I assume she'll have a 12 month checkup within the next few weeks, so you should definitely address your concerns with her pediatrician. It's probably nothing to worry about, but you should always mention it just in case.

My daughter who just turned 6 never crawled. She didn't try to walk until she was 14 months. She is now on par physically with her peers and advanced intellectually. She isn't the most graceful child and she isn't a natural at physical activities but she is completely normal.

My second born, who is 3, is very physical by nature and, though very bright, she isn't as bookish, shall we say, as her sister. Flips, somersaults, climbing, jumping, sports, etc. She just developed differently (as all children do).

It sounds like your daughter is doing just fine. She just happens to be on farther end of what is considered normal. She will catch up with the others before you know it.

You have very valid concerns. What is her pediatrician saying?
Each time I have taken one of my infants in for checkups, we go over milestones. What they should be doing, and what is ok to not be grasping yet.
How is she with other things? Talking, communication? Does she seem like she understands what you are saying?
If your pediatrician has not gone over These things with you, either ruled out a problem, or made you feel at ease on her development, it's time to find a new doctor.

Both my kids crawled and walked late. My son was about 10 months when he crawled, and I think my daughter was 11 months (I'm sure it's awful that I can't remember off the top of my head). They were 14 and 15 months, respectively, when they walked. They are both in perfect health and actually quite precocious intellectually. I know it's super hard not to compare. I was totally worried too when my kids seemed to be so behind in the gross motor milestones. My advice to you would be to keep an eye on it, but know that it's probably ok. Odds are that your child is perfectly normal. Keep your pediatrician in the loop, but otherwise, don't worry unless s/he tells you there is a reason to do so. And honestly, enjoy the lack of mobility. Once they start moving, it's a whole new world.

We all compare things whether it is our kids or how we live our lives. Sometimes bad, sometimes good. As a mother of two now, I realized that I over-analyzed many things about parenthood - still do. It shows how much you care. Just don't drive yourself crazy over it.

I hate all the "milestones" that are out there. Obviously there are certain things to look for in development but so many of them just cause more stress for the parent. My pediatrician for months had me stressed out because my first wasn't saying enough words at a certain point. Well guess what - I can't get her to be quiet now. Lifestyle is a huge factor in those developments. Using my previous example, my first daughter didn't go to pre-school until she was one. Her father and I are very quiet people for the most part. I seriously had to force myself into talking out loud more when I had her because I read somewhere that it helps with their speech. I'm not a huge talker. So I seriously think that is why it took her longer to talk. Her little sister started babbling right away. I think that's because I can't get her older sister to be quiet =)

Both started almost skipped crawling, started walking at different times, potty training at different times, sleeping patterns different, etc. If I still read all the "milestone" charts I definitely would have worried far more about my second child - but you know what? She's perfect - just like her sister =)

"Comparisons are odious." Choose to be selective in whom you talk to and whom you listen to. When mine were babies, our doctor said, "People will always tell you what's wrong with your child. Smile and say thank you and then call me up." If your doctor says your baby is doing fine, then if anyone else asks or implies, "What's wrong with your child? Why can't she...?" you can answer, "She's doing things on her own schedule"... and then move away if you must.

Sometimes it seems as if there's a competition among mothers about whose child is doing best! I think it stems from the simple fact that mothers - like everyone else - want to feel they're succeeding at what they do. But it can go amiss when the "competitors" are too serious about where they and others should rank in the pecking order. Such is life.

My oldest was like your daughter, he didn't walk until he was 16 months old. My daughter on the other hand was walking by 10 months. Your baby is normal:)