How Do I Get Him to Be More Romantic?

hi V., some men just arn't romantic at all. sometimes they don't think about the little things making a woman happy. have you ever asked him if he likes doing things, and being a little romantic? you can always just ask him if he likes the little things you do? and say you know hun, you don't really do these things for me, i don't mind that you don't, but it would be nice occasionally. if you have a really good relationship, be open and let him know how you feel. i know what you mean because my husband does really small things and it means so much to have that. to me its like a little special i love you than just him saying it. be open to him, eventually it might really bother you that he doesn't do things. so you need to say something before it gets to be a major thing.

Hi V.,

I understand your not wanting to demand flowers, but I recommend just telling him you would love them--we all flunked mind-reading and he probably just doesn't have a clue. It is always a good idea to start out with praising him for what he has done right--which was to take you out for a nice dinner. And when he does get you flowers, go bananas expressing your appreciation, both verbally and physically (not just a hug, in bed--do something special for him in the sack, it will engrave the flowers in his brain forever!) flowers = booty.

My husband is very romantic, but he still asks me to give him hints about what I would like for gifts for Christmas, etc. because he really does want to please me and sometimes just doesn't know what I want--and he drops hints to me when he sees something he really likes. I find it doesn't spoil the romance at all, we still surprise each other. There are just a lot of things we have found we need to communicate directly about, like sex and gifts and daily habits--as long as it's done politely and in a loving manner it is really helpful, because nobody is a mind reader. I also really recommend "rewarding" your man with sex, not just affection when they "get it right" because for most men sex is what makes them feel loved and appreciated, it really makes an impression on him and it's fun for you too!

Best of luck--

C. :-)

the same thing happened to me!!!! i had a birthday last week and nothing but i need your money so i can get gas and breakfast at work. and i cooked my own dinner. made my own cake. cleaned the whole house. took care of the kids and not one minute alone. yet i cater to the stupid husband of mine. what i have done is spoil myself. men are weird i have learned and no youre not being unrealistic. we need our husbands to pamper us every now and then. and if they cant or act like its hard work.......then dont pamper him. i learned not to go out of my way to throw parties for him which this last planning was spoiled by an enemy of mine.....so no party there. but i have learned that my kids make me happy. not my husband.

Hey V., I've done the send yourself flowers before. And, I agree, it does work and it feels nice to get flowers. He will get the hint!

Sometimes men feel in last place especially after having a new baby. When he comes home from work, engage the kids in an activity by themselves and let them know that this is mommy and daddy time. It can be just 15 minutes to reconnect or help him relax. Putting him first may be just what he needs to start thinking about being romantic with you. This will also be a good marriage model for your children.

Hi V., I have the same issue. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and I always find little ways to add some sauciness to the relationship. I send him kinky text messages, but he always responds back like hes texting a friend instead of his wife. I have sent him articles I have found on the internet hoping he would get the hint, but nothing yet. Not sure what to say, but letting you know you are not alone! :)

Hi V.!
You sound secure in your relationship and you know he adores and loves you. If you are concerned about affection then I really suggest telling him. One mistake we women often make is assuming that the man in our life KNOWS exactly what we want ALL the time. Yes, it would be nice to have a mind reader as a husband, but they are not. If you want something, ask for it without "beating around the bush". Be specific, too. If you would like to spend an evening out with your husband don't just say "I'd like to go out, sometime." He may think you are referring to going out by yourself or with girlfriends. I plan "date nights" with my Husband and I write them on the calendar and remind him the day before. We take turns on where to have it. We always have a great time and no one is ever left feeling unsatisfied. Another example is when he is "running" to the store for something. I'll say, "chocolate sounds REALLY good right now! You decide what kind!" He always comes back with something he chose but it's Chocolate, which I wanted!
No. It's not worth getting upset over. And let him bring things "because you say so." He just may not know what things you would really love to have, right now. Over time, he'll know what things you want/like by you telling him and he will eventually start bringing them on his own.
I know we all want the Fairy Tale but once you have children and work and the every day life struggles, focus shifts from being only on each other to "everything else." It's ok.
Take Care!
D.

Welcome to reality! It's time to abandon the Barbie and Ken fantasy relationship and check in to the real world.

My dh is very much the same way. everyonce in a while i will get a little glimmer of romance from him but they are few and far between.
Go out and get The book, "The five love languages" by gary chapman.
the book talks about the 5 different ways people show love. examples: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of service, physical touch.
It helps you understand what are your "love languages" how you show love and how your dh shows love. For instance, i realized that my husband values acts of service, so he shows me that he loves me by doing things around the house without having to be asked. He has never been a PDA kind of guy so I know that kissing him in public is not a way to show him that i love him. S.W.I.M.?
The book is great, i highly reccomend it.
It has helped our marriage tremendously!

You have to talk to him...since y'all are both so busy guys tend to forget what we like. Schedule some alone time with him...yes I said schedule lol Sometimes things can be spur of the moment but with kids especially one so little it can't be all the time.

My husband and I go through slow spells too but after we talk he usually puts in the extra effort into being romantic (might take a week or so since he wants it to be his idea lol).

Talk to him! Everytime I feel my husband isn't being romantic enough I tell him. Not in a yell at him type way I just say Hey honey, I feel like the romance is dying and I don't want that to happen. What can we do to fix that? Usually he says really huh I must have gotten wrapped up in work and we sit down and talk about it. Sometimes he gets mad because he feels like I'm putting him down but I quickly tell him no. My husband and I talk about everything on a regular basis because sometimes something might be going on in the other persons head that you don't know about and your only wrapped up in your own head. Like right now my husband is kind of snappy and I said Hey what the deal, come to find out He was worried about leaving me for school. Just talk to him!

Hi V.. I can empathize. I will have been married for 28 years this December to the same man. He is NOT romantic in the typical fashion of what we women think of as 'romance'. In fact, he sounds a lot like your husband and, indeed, most husbands that I know of. Over the years I have come to realize that men are 'programmed' differently than women in many ways. Men are more reality-based - women are more fanciful. The way many men demonstrate affection and love is by meeting the obvious needs for the family. Their jobs are a major source of pride for them; also their ability to fix things and get things done around the house. While we pine about not getting flowers for example, your husband may wonder if you notice and appreciate all of the everday 'things' he is doing. And he does appreciate the gestures you make toward him, but his natural inclination is to respond in the way of a man. I've received so many knives of all things as gifts from my husband that it is now a family joke! He really thought knives were a great gift! Now we rarely buy gifts for each other. For birthdays and Valentines Day, we give each other cards and we go out to eat. The thing I've learned to do is to stop making myself miserable over something that just isn't my husband's nature - it was MY idea of romance, not his. So, I began to make myself realize that mowing the lawn, changing the oil in my car, fixing the dishwasher, being responsible in his job, being faithful to me - all of those mundane things that he does - is HIS idea of romance. Now I make it a point to tell him the yard looks good after he mows it, to thank him for changing the oil in my car, to thank him for waking my son for school so I sleep an extra 30 minutes. Adjusting my way of looking at the situation has made all the difference, and thats how I stopped obsessing about not getting flowers, having him light candles in the bedroom, etc. Its being openminded enough to see that their are as many different ways that men show they care as there are men. The important thing is that he does care and he does show it. Hope that helps.

hey V.! i understand what you are going through! me and my husband lost those feeling a couple of years ago, but we spice it up now! we go out with the kids, you should buy grown up toys! i know what your thinking but it really turns most men on. talk to him about the flower thing, men cant read mind very well! lol i hope we get to talk soon! N. B

Send yourself a big beautiful bouquet of flowers to your house with a card Telling yourself how beautiful and lovely you are and sign it thinking of you. Make sure when you get it make a big deal of how beautiful the flowers and and how it makes you smile... maybe he'll get the hint. I've done it and it works
Good luck

If you have let him know what you would like from him....and he still doesn't do it....there isn't much hope for him to change. It's my opinion that men do all that romantic stuff when they are dating you because you aren't theirs yet. Its the thrill of the hunt...they do what they have to do to win you. Once you have fallen for them...you can kiss all that romance goodbye. Now I'm not going to say there aren't a few men out there that continue the romance...those ladies are the lucky few. My husband tells me he isn't the romantic type. Whatever. He sure knew how to romance me when we were dating. He would do anything and everything to make me happy. When I ask him where that guy went? He says..."that guy realized nothing makes you happy." I told him I was going to sue him for misrepresentation....hahaha

Girl after 6 wonderful, yes I said wonderful, years of marriage I have come to realize that men and women do not think alike. I used to shower my husband with gifts for his birthday thinking he would do the same and of course he would not! I have learned that everything in marriage is a compromise. There are areas where I am strong and my husband is weak and vise versa. We over compensate in the areas where the other is weak. In the romance department, my husband is a slacker. So I must over compensate for him. In the birthday department, I shower myself with gifts, on his expense of course and it is okay with him and it is definately ok with me. For him to go out and find something I like is a difficult task for him. It seems to work out. It is like we compliment one another. You have to talk your issues through other wise they will continue to be unresolved issues and they will continue to bother you. Communication is an important part of a relationship.

Well, my husband is like this also. But I came to realize that some men just aren't romantic, and mine is one of them. He never has been from day one, so why should I expect him to change. We have had discussions about the whole flower thing... I've even told mine that a picture of a flower would make my day, even if he can't afford the darn things, yet I've never gotten that either, haha. He tells me he'd rather spend money on real things I could use rather than flowers. The next time a holiday is approaching you should give him some ideas of gifts you would like. I've done that with my hubby and it works SOMETIMES. But overall you may just have to accept this is the way he is and it just might not change. It doesn't mean you should stop doing all the sweet stuff for him though.

V.,

I had the same problem with my husband. What I did was when we went out shopping. I'd walk over to the flowers and just look, he would naturally walk over and ask what I was doing. I would tell him "oh, just looking there's so many pretty flowers" and walk on. He didn't catch it at first, but he caught on pretty quickly. I'd do that with little things like chocolate candies, I'd look n make a comment. (Makeing sure he was in hearing range) Before I started that tatic, I tried to discuss it with him. It usually led into big fights! It might of been the way I approached it though. Good Luck to you and I hope all goes well. Many blessings to you!

Hugs
A.