7Th Anniversary - Disappointed.

Men do not get hints. If you know what you want tell him. You have to accept who he is and how HIS mind works..

Do not set him up to fail. Men just do not do the same things we do and do not think the way we do.

I usually write important dates on a calendar that we keep in the restroom. I leave post it notes on the bathroom mirror. I then email my husband at work and at his private email..

Include where you want to go for dinner or what you want for dinner. Tell him if you want flowers, but let him decide where and what kind he wants to give..

Continue to send updates and tell him you love him and know he can do this..

Drop the fantasy that he will remember this on his own.. You will just be disappointed..

My husband and I celebrate our relationship almost every single day by letting each other know we are crazy in love. After 28 years, we still do nothing more special on our anniversary than a dinner out, often at a cheap restaurant because we run a tiny and non-profitable non-profit. I don't think he's ever given me a flower – oh, not true, he picked a dandelion for me once on a walk.

One year we both forgot it was our anniversary, until my daughter called with her good wishes. We both laughed, felt sheepish, and were grateful that it was mutual. But even if it wasn't, the calendar doesn't tell us which days are special. They all are, and we find little ways every day to express our high regard for each other, our gratitude to have the other in our lives.

Not trying to scold, here, J., but may I share a snippet of "my stuff" as it relates to your request? I hear that flowers have an emotional significance for you, but apparently they don't mean the same thing to your husband, especially with the dynamic of having to give them or catch a hard time for it. If someone required me to get them flowers, I would not want to do it. Stubborn, I guess. I might do it to keep the peace, but I would not enjoy it, because it would be really hard for me to offer them as a freely-given, heartfelt gift. And I don't think I'd really enjoy receiving a required gift, either. Just an observation.

I'm sorry Jessica, but I/we look at things a little differently.

I think there is WAY too much focus on presents and stuff. Why not focus on gifts? The gift of being a good provider? Wonderful father? My husband and I have been together 24 years and married 22 next month. We rarely give each other 'stuff' especially on "special" days. Just last weekend we were spending time with friends out of town and went to an art exhibit. I found an amazing Santa, which I bought for myself. My husband responded, after he kissed me and told me how unique it was, "happy anniversary."
I've never been one to understand a woman's desire for flowers. My husband used to buy me a rose for every year I was old, until I saw the bill one time. Nice thought honey, but for the money, I'd rather have something I can plant outside not something that's going to die in a few days and end up in the garbage.
For our 20th anniversary we bought land. I could have had a new diamond, but I've never understood that either. Why replace the diamond you committed your life to someone with? I have other pieces of jewelry that I don't wear. We travel a lot anyway and when you come home all you have are memories and pictures.
Do you know what I got last year for Christmas? A new bridge! And I was honestly thrilled! We have some land, and had to rebuild a bridge on the property so we can get trucks and equipment back to where we are going to build.
I hope we are not setting our son up for an unhappy relationship, because he ends up with someone who expects a tangible present for every occasion.

Oh Jessica, I used to play this game, too. He's not going to get you flowers. Stop telling him about the flowers, stop expecting flowers, stop messing with your own head! What does he do that shows you --in his own way-- how much he cares for you? Does he do little things? Celebrate that! Do you know he loves you? Celebrate that!

You're setting yourself up to be disappointed. Flowers aren't love. Flowers aren't committment. Flowers aren't working his butt off for the family.

Stop expecting something trivial and focus on the rich parts of your marriage and you'll be much happier.

I used to do what you're doing. WHen I stopped that, I felt this terrible weight lifted and I'm much happier!

I am probably in the minority on this one.

I don't make a big to do about anniversaries and more often forget about them. (I called him during a girls night out cracking up because we both forgot our 7th anniversaries- we got married twice, on our own for us and the another one for our families).

We do celebrate our time together as a couple and as a family as often as we could. We do the things we like and sometimes it equates to a bag of Dove Chocolates and sometimes it's a four course dinner at a nice restaurant. Sometimes it's waking up extra early to drag the kiddies to our favorite breakfast spot before school starts. It's all about the blissful little moments. He has bought me some nice things through the years but what warmed the coffers of my heart are definitely the little things. Him making me coffee randomly (he does not drink coffee). Him tucking a single rose under my windshield wiper... him making the excuse of celebrating a straight A semester to buy me a little trinket just because I liked it...

Our life is not perfect, I do get mad at him sometimes as he does at me. Our daily life is challenging as we do have a child with special needs, yet somehow it is blessed.

My advice celebrate each other instead of a "date". Don't wait for him to initiate things. Find out what he likes most and go overboard with it. If he loves dove chocolates (hihihi were back there), get a giant glass container and fill it up with those yummy squares.

Whatever you decide to do to celebrate have fun with it.

=)

Oh my gosh, my husband is your husband! We celebrated our 6th anniversary this year, and he knows I am all about romantic cards. Well, I got a Mickey Mouse giving Minnie Mouse a kiss card, that said nothing romantic. I was like, what is this? And do you know what he said? "I thought the kids would really like this card!" He was all excited to show them the card and everything. Are you kidding me? It's our anniversary, not theirs! LOL But he is who he is, a true family man and wonderful husband and father. I do have to remind myself of these things when I am disappointed, but he shows his love in a lot of other ways. It's nice to know though that my husband isn't the only one... I also have to think, you know our marriage is rock solid, I rather have that any day than flowers :)

Since your husband obviously is not going to be taking the lead in planning an anniversary celebration...I would just quit bugging him and do the planning myself!!
Does he have a restaurant that he is fond of...make reservations...shoot get him a bouquet of flowers...arrange them and put them on the dining room table with a nice card...YOU will be able to enjoy them !!! lol
Do you need something special for the house? That is what my husband and I have started doing for anniversaries and Christmas. Something that you have been needing but just haven't gotten yet...it can be anything from a $20 throw rug to a $1,000 tv...just depends upon your budget.
It isn't the gifts or the things you do that makes your anniversary special...I have celebrated quite a few anniversaries, birthdays, (mine, his and our childrens), Christmas' etc...with him stationed overseas ( My husband is retired military)....what is important is the love and the relationship between the two of you.
I know that you are feeling a little let down....but, you wrote yesterday about needing some adult interaction...so you are easily upset right now. Maybe the best thing you could do is just hire a babysitter when he gets home and spend an evening out together...getting reconnected!!

We've only been married 18 years (together 21), but Peg M. could have written my answer for me. My answer is word-for-word the same as hers except for the part about being business issues. We have forgotten our anniversary, too. Plus, if someone demands a present from me for ANY occasion then I absolutely REFUSE to buy them a gift. If it is handed over to "keep the peace" then it is not a GIFT, it is an ERRAND, and there is no love in that.

The last few years, due to money and kid considerations, we just hung out together. Sent the kids off to grandma for the day and just sat around at home this year. Well, we did some stuff together, but nothing big.
But then, this was our 15th.

If you want to "ramp it up," why don't you make plans? There's nothing to say it must be all the guy (except some silly tradition that it's his job), and then you can be excited AND satisfied afterwards. Just an overnight at a romantic B&B, or dinner at a nice restaurant, or even a day at the park. Again, being together is the most important thing. And if he's gone for the day of (sometimes work can't be gotten around), plan it for as soon as you can after. Nothing says that it has to be the big production on the day of. Same thing for b-day or valentines.
In fact, maybe you can plan something to surprise him with when he gets home from this trip - a belated anniversary celebration.

A few years ago, my husband was on the road for our anniversay, so I know how this feels. I was happy to hear from him and that he remembered.

As far as the flowers, I would relax. The more you bug him the more of an issue it will be. Some guys just aren't flower-givers; it really has nothing to do with his level of affection, it just isn't something he thinks of. Don't let it be a point of contention.... in fact, I've gotten my husband an boquet of flowers before (not roses, but one of the other bunches) and bought myself flowers a couple of times. Every so often he will surprise me, but flowers can be really expensive!

Just remember - it's the people and relationships that matter, the rest is fluff :D

Good luck!

My husband doesn't respond to hints- never has, never will! We had a long talk several years ago and agreed to stop buying gifts b/c it was becoming more stressful than fun b/w work, families and other stuff. In talking with our siblings, they were feeling the same way, so we all stopped exchanging.

Before you get super sad... as siblings, we stopped exchanging gifts and started going out for an all-out fancy dinner twice a year. We get sitters, get dressed up and don't look at the prices on the wine list. So much more fun than a card with a gift card in it! We also "gifted" eachother babysitting- anniversaries, birthdays, whatever. We take their kids, they take ours.

As for my husband and I- we have agreed to a card and a dinner date. I don't need anymore "things" and flowers die, but an amazing night out with the hubs is great!

**If you want him to send you flowers once-in-a-while, tell him that. Tell him that you don't expect flowers for special occassions, but sometimes a little reminder that you mean something! I had this conversation with my husband, but instead of flowers he brings home sushi as a treat "just 'cause"!

You don't "hint," you "give him a hard time." I'm actually not surprised he's not responding to that. That's not much of a motivator. "Well, my wife berated my into buying her flowers for our anniversary, so it's a really meaningful gift."

If flowers is what you really want, all throughout the year show him pictures of pretty flowers you like. Do it with sweetness and humor. Don't forget the humor - it's very important. Then, the week and days before, say everyday, excitedly - Oh I can't wait for my beautiful flowers! You are so great to be getting me flowers! Keep it light and ;playful, and then he'll comply.

Order yourself a big beautiful arrangement of flowers online and have them delivered when he's there. Sign the card, "Happy Anniversary. Love, (your hubby's name). Then thank him profusely for the flowers! He'll get the hint and you'll get your flowers!

Do we celebrate anniversaries? Yep... absolutely. Even over the past few years when we've be going rounds on whether or not to get divorced. Even down to following "themes", because it's fun. My parents on the other hand (married 40 years) have NEVER celebrated their anniversary. It's just not a big deal to them.

I agree... next year... about a week before your anniversary flutter your eyes, look all sexy and ASK for flowers. "Baby, will you get me flowers this year for our anniversary?" About a WEEK beforehand. Not sooner. ALSO get specific. "A whole armful, like 2 dozen roses!" or "A big orchid in a pot" or "A dozen tulips!" OTW you may well end up with what HE finds romantic/affordable/pretty and end up being disappointed and trying to hide it so he doesn't get hurt. Trust me. Most men NEED those kinds of details like type and quantity and feel like knights in shining armor with them (hint: only give him one to two options MAX, most men also get confused)... while for WOMEN it takes the joy/fun out of the "surprise" and picking them out.

If there is *anything* else you want (a surprise, a dinner, a gift, etc.) ASK him for those things. Most men want to make their wives happy, but they don't take hints. Some do, but you've got yours pegged as one who doesn't. So instead of hinting, ask him. :D Work with what you've got.

I'm not sure how direct you have been with him about what you want him to do for your anniversary. I have found with my husband, that hints are never the best way to go. Always just be straightforward. THIS is how I'd like to spend our anniversary. THIS is what I would like for my birthday. THIS is what I want for Christmas. etc etc etc

If you only hint, you leave a LOT of room for him to make mistakes, including the mistake of thinking it doesn't require a big deal being made. I agree with the post that said to go ahead and make reservations for the two of you, since he won't. Obviously he was out of town, so that wouldn't work for the day of, but you could plan something for when he gets back. Call it your belated anniversary dinner. :)

My husband used to send me flowers for everything and it actually got annoying... because I balance the checkbook and see exactly how much they cost. There are a lot of things I could have spent that $$ on that I would have enjoyed just as much and would have lasted longer. Maybe he is the practical type and just doesn't buy into flowers. Have you "hinted" about other items to celebrate the day? Dinner out? A pair of earrings? A charm bracelet? Did his parents give gifts for anniversaries? Have you bought him anything? You know... that awkward moment when you spring the present on him, and he doesn't have anything to reciprocate with.. ??? Maybe that's what you need to do... he might never be caught empty handed again! lol

Men... do NOT think like us, about anniversaries or special occasions.... my husband is the SAME.

We have been married for 13 years.. .and this, as you described it, is like my Husband.
NO flowers, NO gift, NO card, NO nothing... for our anniversary. But I did get him something.

I even tell him, head's up, what is coming up... and what I would like.... which I usually tell him flowers. Nope, nada, nothing.
even my daughter, tells him.

real irritating... but that is him.
Kinda dense.
I just don't expect anything, anymore.
I guess... it is the everyday that counts.

My Dad on the other hand, was a real prince about things... to my Mom.
So I guess, not all men are that way.

Do not 'hint' at your husband... you need to be DIRECT. Men, as MY Husband tells it... do NOT catch on to 'hinting' from women. My Husband says to say it directly.... because he cannot read between the lines... or won't because he does not want to misinterpret... me, and then get me irked. Just TELL your Husband... directly. In a nice way... and talk about it.

all the best,
Susan

My 7 yr anniversay was monday too. How funny is that! Anyway my husband is not one for giving flowers. An occasional single rose on valentine's day or when he ticks me off but other then that I never got flowers. He feels they are a waste of money. But this year for my birthday he sent me 18 red roses and then for our anniversary (9/13) he sent me a dozen red roses, a box of chocolates and took me out to dinner. Then when we got home he had a bottle of champagne. I was in total shock. I jokingly asked him if I was dying or something. He never did that stuff. I mean we would go out for dinner but that was the extent of it. I never get a card and that is ok with me. He just doesn't buy them. Not for me or anyone. So that is not an issue.
I do feel bad for you that you are left alone on your anniversary. Maybe you should be the one to act it out. When he is home if you had a wedding video done take it out and watch it with him there. Buy a bottle of champagne make a nice dinner and watch the video. Show him that you want to celebrate such a great milestone in your life. I know that you said he is busy with his job but that is no excuse not to celebrate even if it means staying home.

My ex was the same way haha I bugged him about giving me flowers, which he never did. He did get me a little penguin when I had my daughter (I love penguins) but never flowers :( One of our anniversaries we went to San Diego and went to this nice restaurant that overlooked the city at night then went to the zoo, silly for typical anniversaries but it was FUN and those are the best dates. Why don't you just tell him nicely that you would really love flowers and something special from his heart for yall's anniversary? You know since hints don't work lol. I'm not a huge expectation person with anniversaries because I think he should be lovey to me everyday, but a voicemail would be kind of a letdown because most women are romantic saps like me :)

My husband and I never go all out for our anniversary either. He is very sweet and romantic, but now that I am a stay-at-home mom, we've decided to cut back anniversary spending to just cards and a dinner out. I actually like our new minimalist anniversary. It allows us to focus on what's important. But you shouldn't feel bad for feeling let down. Just talk to you husband about it. He probably always thought you were kidding about the flowers. Just tell him honestly that you would like him to get you flowers at some point in the future. I bet he'll do it.

If flowers mean so much to you, let him know once again!

Yes, it can be frustrating. Guys just don't always get the idea, bless 'em. Sometimes you have to apply a two-by-four to their heads! No, don't hurt him. But be very clear - don't hint around.

You can say something like, "I would NEVER want you to think I love you only because of the flowers you bring me once in a while, but that's what makes a special occasion special to me. Some women love candy - I love flowers! And I'm sure you're glad it's flowers and not diamonds or trips to Hawaii!"

While you're at it, ask him what makes a special occasion special to him, so you'll know (if HE knows).

Some husbands just don't get the hints. You have to come right out and tell them exactly what you want. So if its flowers, you need to say "I want you to buy me flowers for our aniversery".

I know you can't help but feel disappointed, but at least he didn't forget.

about the flowers - i used to hint as well, and then realized, if I want flowers, i should buy them! so i told my husband years ago that he doesn't ever have to buy me flowers for our big events, i'll do it when i want flowers. this way, i don't feel guilty for buying them, don't feel disappointed when he doesn't, and also don't feel bad when he does buy flowers but buys ones that are way overpriced!!! (like, i NEVER need a dozen long stemmed roses on valentines day... the prices are just crazy)

about our anniversaries - sorry, i'm the non-romantic in our relationship... i usually forget the anniversary, and i usually opt for no gifts, so we can use our spending money on things throughout the year that we really want (we bought a boat last summer on a whim, but no birthday gifts)...

take care!

When I want flowers, I buy them and stick them in a vase and set them on the table. When my husband comes home, he very surprisingly asks, "Who got you flowers?" I just giggle at him and tell him I did and then he knows they should have been from him. He will get them every once in a while, I guess they come by his store and sell them or he buys them on the side of the freeway. I am certain the light doesn't go off and he picks up the phone and orders them or walks in a shop. The idea has to hit him over the head.

I was really disappointed last year... it was our 3rd anniversary but it was the 1st we were able to spend together! He didn't do anything special and I was pretty bummed out, and I told him so. I also told him to do better next time! And he did!

I'm sorry you feel bummed out about your anniversary. One of the things that helped me early on in our relationship was to read the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It really helped us both see what is important to each other.