Valentines Day should be about being with the ones you love the most. I was with my husband all day and that was great enough.
My husband knew that it was Valentine's Day and did nothing...this happens year after year. Last year, I bought him a free massage coupon and he did not acknowledge the day. Same thing this year...nothing...I would have been happy with a candy bar. But, I always try to teach my children about giving and making the other person feel special. I wish he would have said to my children.."let's think of Mom and make her a card." I would love to hear about other peoples' experiences and Valentine's Day.
Valentines Day should be about being with the ones you love the most. I was with my husband all day and that was great enough.
Dear H O,
Communicate - and be clear in what you say. Generally men do Not pick up on hints or innuendo. He may not understand the implications of passing on this holiday. I agree Valentine, like so many holidays, has been made into a "commercial money day", but let him know personal efforts - a note, A flower, affectionate something, mean as much or more than $50 worth of roses. Tell him and then reinforce / respond in a big way to whatever he does - ta da, a new tradition. Communicate, it's amazing how wrong we can be when we assume or guess what someone is thinking or why they do something. Good luck.
I laugh at this because I have been married now for 34 years. My husband did sometimes get me cards but for the last 3-4 years not anything. His health has not been good. This last November no gift for my birthday either not even a card. Oh well I went out and bought that ring that I liked for all the holidays of the years missed and gave it to myself. When I had it on I showed it to him and thanked him for the wonderful ring. He laughed about it.
Sorry... This post is going out to everyone who says Valentine's Day is a made up "hallmark" holiday...
Valentine's Day is rooted in a Catholic observance, the Feast for Saint Valentine, although you can also argue that the day is the continuation of a Roman holiday to honor Juno, the Goddess who oversaw women & marriage. (The names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars on the eve of February 15th. Each young man would draw a girl's name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. Sometimes the pairing of the children lasted an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.)
As for St. Valentine: Emperor Claudius II was having difficulty getting soldiers to join this military leagues and believed the reason was because roman men did not want to leave their lovers or families. So he outlawed all marriages and engagements in Rome. Saint Valentine was a priest in Rome in the days of Claudius II and he provided aid to the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples. Saint Valentine was apprehended for his secret marriages and was condemned to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, around year 270 AD.
Men are so much different than women, my friend. I've only been married 3 years, but it has been enough to discover that once your hubby's comfortable around you, he will do things the way he's comfortable doing them...unless you let him know that is would mean something to you to receive a small gift from him. Perhaps giving is your love language! Maybe it's a great way for you to express your care for him. I think that if you told your husband that it would mean something to you to receive a gift (just as he probably enjoys receiving your gifts), that he would begin giving more gifts on V Day to show you his affection. My husband and I make a handmade card (creative and thoughtful ones) and give each other chocolates each year. Gift giving doesn't have to be elaborate...you can tell him that. Don't be afraid to express your feelings, friend. If he loves you, he'll want to be flexible for you. I hope you've gotten some helpful advice. God bless!
For those of you that "Valentines is not big deal", cannot take away from what H O is saying.. It does matter to her. Please understand that this is a day most of us observe. We know our spouses love us and show it everyday, but to those of us that like to celebrate on that day, you will never convince us to change our minds about it. I grew up seeing how "extra" romantic the day seemed to remind all of us that love is the most important thing we have with our spouses and loved ones. Just like Christmas can be turned into a selfish holiday, to most of us we know it has a true meaning.
It means he does not realize how important Valentines Day is to you. Some families just never celebrate Valentines Day.
You do know Valentines Day is mostly an American Celebration?
At some point you will need to tell him how important the day is to you. Explain some examples of what you would like.. Did you purchase Valentines for the children? Did you have him sign the cards?
My father lavished us with candy, cards, and flowers. We loved it and made such a big deal about it, I think it encouraged him to do it every year. When I was a little girl my best friends family never did any of that. They were very conservative and the parents did not show very much open affection. I remember when my friend was 12 she encouraged her father to "buy mom something that shows her you love her". He told her, "I show her that every day." My friend said "well there is nothing wrong with showing all of US too!" What she meant was that the children had not SEEN this love. They felt it, but it was not demonstrated.
Your husband may need to be reminded that parents need to show their love, so that their children can hear the love that the parents are sharing, this will help them have healthy relationships when they grow up.
Now my husband is ADHD and cannot make a final decision to save his life. I just have to purchase all of the Valentine goodies for both of our families, myself. I have him sit down and sign all of the cards a week before, so he will remember that the day is coming up. I show him all of the boxes of candy we are sending out, or the cookies my daughter and I baked. Then I will email him and remind him to get something for our daughter. This way he has to go and purchase something for her in a timely manner so I figure he will get me something too.
This year I told him I would make the dinner, he said "well I want to take you to a nice breakfast". It was really nice and cozy.
I have had the same problem. Don't let it upset you. Men just have a different way of thinking. My husband and I have been together for 10 yrs. I received a gift our very first Valentine's and then nothing. I cried year after year when he didn't acknowledge the holiday at all and every year I talked to him about it. After a while I just stopped expecting something and just got over it. He did feel bad but said everything is way overpriced and if he wanted to buy me something special he would do it on any day and not a day that he was obligated by society to buy me something. We now have agreed to buy each other a special card and that is expected no matter what and if one of us decides to buy a gift that year then it is a special suprise. He is thoughtful on Mother's day and my birthday so I just started letting Valentine's day go. Just keep talking to him. Remind the kids to remind Daddy.
I apologize for your "Stupid" husband!!
I think that there has to be a reason for his lack of actions and you need to sit him down and ask why?
It could be that in the home (house) where he was raised they had something against Valentine's Day.
Also it could be just pure stupidity due to a lack of understanding how little things mean a lot to women!
Have the talk, there has to be a reason!
One of the most important and useful things I learned about men is that they are direct so you have to be direct with them. We women are more subtle and want our husbands to pick up on everything about us. That takes time. The reality is that if something is important to us we have to tell them. Another thing is that they are usually bad with dates, that is until they have been reminded over the years. My husband once forgot my birthday! Needless to say I was devastated. He never forgot it again though. In your defense, he should have known it was Valentine's Day since we are inundated with T.V. shows, ads, etc. But again, his mind probably doesn't focus on the romantic, you have to push that. Be honest and direct but loving as well, you don't want to start a fight. My husband once told me that he didn't know how to be romantic, so I had to tell him what I responded to and now after almost 23 years of marriage, I received a bouquet of flowers and our daughter got a stuffed bear. We were also treated to a fun family day together, including a movie and dinner. Now, on your husband's behalf, although I think the massage thing was very thoughtful of you, is it something he liked? My husband would have been very uncomfortable with that unless it was me giving the massage! Remember you need to be in tune with him as well. Most men are very simple to please in these areas. For instance, my gift to my husband was sexy lingerie (for me to wear) and he got his gift that night after our daughter went to bed. It sounds to me like your issue can be remedied by simple communication. Also I want to say I'm glad you are teaching your children to be thoughtful. I am trying to do the same. My son is 21 and I am always getting comments on what a sweet guy he is and that he is such a gentleman. One girl even asked me if he was real!!! I'm sure his future wife will appreciate that, right?! Just a final note, I would like to recommend a great relationship book called "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard F. Harley, Jr. It's very enlightening. It will help each of you to understand each other better. It made a HUGE difference for me and my husband. I sure hope this helps you. God bless!
I think if your husband has never done anything for you on Valentine's Day it doesn't mean anything except that he prefers not to support "Hallmark" holidays. If he used to buy you gifts and has stopped I would probably read more into that, but when it's never been something he has celebrated I don't think it's a big deal. If it really means a lot to you then just tell him that it hurts your feelings when he does nothing to acknowledge you on Valentine's Day.
My husband sends me roses every Valentine's Day and makes sure I don't have to cook. That means we either go out to dinner or he makes dinner or orders in. My birthday is a week after Valentine's Day and our anniversary is a month later so to give gifts for Valentine's Day too would just be too much.
Wow, you've received a ton of advice! I didn't even attempt to read them all, I just wanted to say that I've been married 21 years and I think sometimes you just have to set the expectation. I know it isn't romantic and it would sure be nice if they could do something special without having to be told/asked, but after awhile I realized it just doesn't happen that way! Our first year of marriage we were struggling financially so I told my husband 'Let's not do Valentine's gifts.' He said okay...and then on Valentine's Day I got absolutely NOTHING, not even a card or a 'Happy Valentine's Day'! Valentine's Day is also the anniversary of our first date, so that kinda hurt. I had to teach him that 'no gifts' doesn't mean 'nothing,' it just means please don't spend a significant amount of money! A card is always appropriate, even if it is hand-made or produced on the computer. He was quite surprised and really thought that my 'no gifts' suggestion meant that we were pretending the holiday wasn't happening. So, it's all about communication, and really spelling it out for him...if you don't, you can't expect him to know what's going on in your head! And unfortunately, he probably won't even hazard a guess. Good luck for next year!
I haven't read the other suggestion, so please forgive me if this is repetitive. But my husband often forgets to give presents or cards, and is often quite innocent -- prsents just aren't his way of saying "I love you." Neither is saying "I love you" that often, but, well, when he does give a present or say it I sure know he means it! Anyway, what I do is make a reservation for dinner out on Valentines Day, and now that our daughter is old enough, set up an overnight at our beloved Discover Gymnastics, which offers overnights for kids on New Years' Eve, Halloween and Valentines Day. This year I also bought some sexy lingerie and lit some candles so that when he got from from dropping off our daughter, I was ready for a romantic evening. The thing is, the money comes out of the same account whether I make the reservation or he does. I enjoy a fancy dinner whether he makes the reservation or I do, and an evening of relaxed sex without worrying about our child over-hearing makes me happy just as much as it does him. Even when I've given him roses, they beautify my house just as much as his. I also buy myself presents that celebrate special days that are just for me -- I bought myself a beautiful locket two years ago for Christmas, for instance. That's what works for me -- that and knowing that my husband DOES love me -- if that weren't clear in my mind and heart, I don't think the rest would work so well.
I did nothing for mine and rarely do on that day. I'd rather give and receive something on an unexpected day. I can't stand making someone feel obligated to get me something or just knowing that they feel obligated to do so. So, maybe look at it from that perspective and hopefully that will ease any future disappointment? I know it's so important to most women and you need to make that known to him. Maybe he feels too pressured and doesn't know what to get you. Maybe he has no idea that a candy bar would suffice. Or, maybe he just doesn't realize how important it really is to you. He might resent the fact he's expected to do something. I don't know. He probably just doesn't realize it is that important. You need to sit down and discuss this later on and find out what's going on in his mind to help ease yours. It's tough living with someone else and their ideas, isn't it? No matter what happens - don't let this affect your relationship. We can't let our own expectations ruin something good even if it isn't exactly what we were expecting.
The writer below me may be correct in her explanation of Valentine's Day and how it started but you will also note that they did not run out and buy flowers or candy. I am sorry but I truly believe we have over commercialized Valentine's Day as well as other "holidays". Sure all woman want to be swept off their feet and told how much they are loved, but men can do it in so many other ways than bringing you a card, candy or flowers. I know when my husband and I were younger he would take me out to dinner and was always so sweet about that day, but as we have gotten older and it is almost impossible to get a reservation for a reasonably priced dinner, we have made the day a focus for our grandchildren only. They are young and they make such a deal of it at school as well so we just figure it is their day. I know how you feel though and I will say that the least your husband could have done, as mine does, is say Happy Valentine's Day dear and give you a kiss. If it means that much to you then you need to tell him how he hurt your feelings and what you expect and stop doing something for him on that day as well until he gets it which he may never, but at least you told him and you aren't going out of your way as well. Good luck to you and if it is flowers, candy, a card etc. that you want, I hope you get it next year.
I think you need to talk to him privately and explain to him that Valentine's Day is important to you. You wouldn't think you'd have to, but most men are obtuse. (For that matter, I had to explain to my own mother why I was upset that she only got me a card for my very first Mother's Day!) Then a couple of weeks ahead of time, you might ask him what he would like for Valentine's Day which should do two things: 1) make sure you get him something he wants (a lot of men aren't interested in a massage) and 2) prompt him to think about getting something for you without being a nag.
More importantly, when faced with disappointment, I have learned to try to focus on the things that my husband does do. He's really great overall even if some of the ridiculously obvious things escape him.
Have you ever told him how you feel? I know you'd much rather have him just do it though, but sometimes men need a push. the first year my husband didn't do anything for valentine's day. I was hurt and i told him, that better never happen again. and it hasn't. And it doesn't take away from what he does knowing that i told him that.
I understand how you feel and I know how it hurts.
I have been married for 19 years and we dated four years before getting married. My husband is a wonderful man and the hardest working man I have ever met. When we dated he never got me anything for my birthday, Valentine's or Christmas.
Even now, I do not get anything for those days plus Anniversary or Mother's Day. I've just learned to except it because when I did bring it up all's we did is fight and I don't want that. We do go out to eat regularly at very nice restaurant's and when I ask for something that I may have been wanting he will buy it for me, just not on those particular days. Just recently he bought me a pair of full quill ostrich boots. I have been wanting them for some time and he knew it, they had them on sale and that is when he bought them for me. So when he does stuff like that, it makes the other special days that come around not so bad to deal with, because I know I will get something in the end.
It could be that your husband expresses his love differently. There's a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. My husband and I discovered that we show our love in completely different ways. I like to give little gifts to show someone that I care about him. My husband thinks if he's given me a hug, that he's told me that he loves me. This book showed us that we were just speaking two different languages. We loved each other, we just had to learn to show it in ways that the other person understood.
I think you should be teaching your children its not about that one day, but, being special for each other all the time. Remember, this is just a commercialized day, not really a true holiday. That should make you feel better about it. I know most men that I know, don't do anything on that day, because it is just a commercialized day. As my hubby puts it, a day for men who are "still in the chase" and not for the men who already have someone.
Have you ever told your husband how you feel? If it is something that is important to you, you need to speak up. Maybe your husband does'nt think that it really matters, if you never mention it. I have been with my husband almost 18 years, married almost 4. My husband and I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day, we just kind of feel that we don't need a specific day to show each other we care. Maybe your husband feels the same.
Don't make it seem like Valentines Day is a holiday. It's too commercial. Your husband can do something special for you any time of the year (and I'm sure he does). So what; he didn't give you anything. But he was THERE. I got the most beautiful tropical red roses. And they came from someone who I can never and would not want to be with. I took each of the red roses and gave to some of the special people in my life. Now that made me feel great.
I am embarrassed to tell you that I am a loving wife (most of the time) and I did nothing for my husband this Valentine's day. That night he asked me ,"Why didn't you get me a Valentine's card?". I felt awful. He had gotten me beautiful flowers, a balloon, and a card. I have been very distracted with my brother in law being in the hospital having just undergone a double lung transplant. But that's really not a good excuse. Tonight I'm going to give him a Valentine's card, some chocolates and a back rub. We all get so busy and sometimes take our partners for granted.
Maybe you could tell your husband how much you love him and appreciate him. Also show him your post to Mamasource and see if he'll read some of the responses you received.
After reading these responses I must say there sure are a lot of women that really don't "care" about the most Romantic Holiday of the year. (Your anniversary isn't a holiday.)
H O, these ladies are kidding themselves when they say it's just a "Hallmark" day. It is the most highly celebrated romantic day of the year!!!! As I already told you the problem probably stems from his raising. But that's not an excuse. Don't give up.....don't mark Valentine's Day off your calander as so many are suggesting....if he won't celebrate the day....celebrate the day FOR YOURSELF, he'll catch on.
Any idea how many women received a marriage proposal on Feb. 14th? Or how many couples were joined in marriage on Feb. 14th?
It means he's a man!My husband is of the same breed! Now to be fair he did buy a bath set a week ago for me, and gave it to me last week, no wrap or anything just came in and here for you. But I had wanted to do something with him like go out to eat with the kids and go to a park just be a family, but we cleaned the house on Sat so I thought we would go out on Sun.
But of course his sister calls, and I said I just want to be us not have everyone, so we spent the day fighting and then going our own ways alone!Well he went with his sister and dad, me I went with our 2 girls, he had our son. I would say this holiday is just great for those who make some money off it, I think it sucks,, every year it sucks, I've been married 9 years and each one has sucked! Next year I'm just taking myself to a spa day and thats that!
Stand up for yourself go buy what you would want then show him hey check out my new ______ You got it for me! (well I got it with your money)Or take your self out to your fav restraunt (thats what I did yesterday- by myself) and get the biggest steak or shrimp plate you can!
I agree with the "Hallmark holiday" line of thinking. We are a very happy, very romanitc couple, yet really don't do anything for V-Day. He tried one year and it really turned out bad.
We don't try to force these things anymore. It puts too much pressure on everyone.
If it is important to you, then ask him. I wouldn't read too much into this though. If this is your biggest worry, then you have a fantastic marriage.
How do you react? If you do not let him know that it bothers you, he probably figures it is no big deal and he (is off the hook and lucky him). Tell him how it makes you feel and do not mince words. Men, through no fault of thier own, do not get subtleties, so you must specifically say what you feel and what they need to do to change it. If he then refuses to give a gift or small token of love, you may need to look further into the issue.
You know I was a bit dissapointed this year as well. My husband and I have been together nearly 3 years, only married for less than a year though. He is always making the excuse: but we're married..we have a baby and we're not dating anymore" I hate those excuses-I think thats all they are are just lazy excuses for not being romantic. I think one of the keys to a happy and fulfilling marriage is to never stop the romance or dating. Even if it's only every few months that we get to go out on a "date" I think those times are important. And if recieving even a thoughful card is what you want-then you should be very opne with him and express your needs in order for you to feel cherished and loved and just to know he is putting the thought into it. Don't settle for nothing on Valentines!
Valentine's Day has never been special to me because I don't like the pressure that it puts on people. My rule is "Treat me special all year long--especially on my birthday--and don't get caught up in the days that other people assign." If he sees a Valentine's Day card that he wants to get, fine, and vice versa. We even say "Happy Valentine's Day" to each other; but I cherish the acknowledgment on the anniversary of our wedding...of our engagement...of my father's passing and of my father's birthday, etc. We treat each other special every day. He just sent me an e-mail telling me how wonderful it is to have me as his wife. I don't want anybody to have to force my husband to think about his love for me and what my marriage means to him. That detracts from anything that he does, if someone has to put it on his mind. Focusing on Valentine's Day reminds me of the people who only go to church on Christmas and Easter.
I guess the point is--how does he treat you during the rest of the year? Does he normally do something special for this day? If not, why did you expect it this year? Oftentimes, we place so much emphasis on these "excuses to do something special for others" because we feel unfilled otherwise. I think that you should focus on making the most of every day that you two have together. Take your eyes off of what he's not doing, and look at what he is doing. Try not to look at him through the eyes of your expectations but instead of his capabilities and thinking. Example: I give my husband a big party for his birthday every year. I would love for him to turn around and make that kind of a deal for my birthday, but he's not made that way. He's not a party-planner, and I would end up doing all the organizing for it. Instead, I make the most of his birthday party (really my party with him as the guest of honor), and I enjoy dinner and celebration that he organizes for my birthday.
A gift is only a gift when you release it. If there are any strings/expectations attached, then it's not a gift but an attempt at manipulation. Learn to ask for what you need and to give people what they need. Instead, we tend to give what we need and expect them to read our minds. If it's something special to you, then sit him down and tell him that, and make sure that he hears you. Keep in mind, though, that when you force him to place emphasis on this one day, then the other days will diminish in value. A show of love isn't something that you can dictate to someone. He can buy you a card or chocolates, but if it's a mere obligation, do you really want it?
(To the women who think that this day is the "most romantic" and who are jealous of the women who receive flowers at work for this occasion, you'd be surprised to learn how many women force their husbands/significant others to send these--or even send them to themselves--just to make you jealous...and you're playing right into it. It's expected that flowers will be floating around on that day. Imagine getting flowers because you spent the weekend in bed with your husband...fixed his favorite meal just because...encouraged and inspired him in a special way...made him want to do something special for you.... Wouldn't that mean more to you? Doesn't that say something more about your relationship? It sounds like you are looking to impress others with your husband's displays of affection. Be careful not to get caught up in that. When we were dating, I came home to my apartment on Valentine's Day to a new waste bin in my kitchen. I was thrilled! I don't eat chocolate, and flowers are way traditional. He knows that I get excited about trash disposal--lol. Don't let outsiders dictate to you what your marriage should look like.)
Wow, I know that was tough. Have you ever sat down and just told him that Valentine's is important to you? I know lame! But, guys don't get it sometimes. Maybe even after these years of marriage he just hasn't had the revelation that you are a person that really feels loved by being thought of on special days. I have some dear friends and they are a really great couple but for some reason he had never bought her a diamond ring. She had a band and would say all the time that one day she would get her diamond. But he would always say that a diamond was a waste of money. But girl, she said it long enough and FINALLY after like 25yrs of marriage he got her one. He is a great guy, just plain and simple could not get his mind around how much that meant to her. So if you talk to him and he still thinks valentine's is silly or something, if your man is great in many other ways, just focus on that and keep on letting him know how much it means to you! Happy Belated Valentines!!
My husband and I call it a "Hallmark holiday" and choose not to spend money. When I see all those dudes at the store with big vases of flowers I think they must be in trouble and owe the lady something nice! How jaded am I? :)
I would judge your husband on how he treats you every day of the year. If your feelings aren't being tended to carefully, time to have a talk. Not just over the missed Valentine's Day, but for how you are feeling in general. Start gently! He can't read your mind and may just be one of those dudes who's not very intuitive about this kind of thing but loves you dearly in his own clumsy way! (we hope for you!)
I would have to ask you--has he bben this way since you got married?? 23 years and I spent the first 10 getting mad because he did nothing--when it finally dawned on me that he was not raised to think any more of Valentines day than any other day. He could not do what he never saw his Dad do--I do not know your situation--just a thought.
Finally, after sitting down with him and sharing my feelings, he has come around. It is still very small but really had meaning.
Personally, I love getting pampered and romanced any time and especially on Valentine's Day and the kids love seeing it too. I say this after receiving the obligatory roses and chocolate that he ran out that morning trying to sneek out before I woke up and bought half wilted from the only place open because once again he didn't plan ahead. I smiled and said thank you, because he did make the effort, and thankfully those flowers have perked up. The rest of the day we spent going to our kids basketball games and doing housework. Not romantic. I must say though that the past few months have been rough around here. We've been griping and grumping, so his real present to me was sitting down the night before and beginning a DVD series called "I Promise" by Dr. Gary Smalley. We sent the kids to neighbors and my husband grabbed some Chinese take out (he ordered food for one and we split it, but he did get an extra egg roll :) which we ate while our youngest child who had a stomach virus was entertained so he wouldn't be tempted to eat. We gave him a pedialyte pop and had a pretty good discussion until the child needed to go to bed and husband cut out to watch a show with the children at the neighbors, and I watched the Nanny. This is the real version of how the day went for us, BUT it doesn't really show the state of our relationship. The truth is I deeply love my husband as he does me. We are working on things and I am happier today than I have been in a long time...not because he gave me roses and chocolate (though I'd take them any day) but because he really made an effort to spend time with me, and hear me, and bit his tongue when he wanted to say something critical to me, and I hope that my happiness helps him be happy too.
It's hard not to be disappointed when what you really want is some expression of his love from his heart. I always have comforted myself by looking at his strengths and trying to comunicate clearly what I want, so he knows that I do have some expectations for a special day. Try telling him next year. "I will be really disappointed if you don't surprise me with something on Valentine's day" or ask him how he'd like to make the day special, or tell him what you think a sample special day might be...maybe you'd just like him to make you a card...or go to the store together and look through the cards swap and put them back after reading them to each other...or maybe you want dinner out. Tell him...help him to know what you want and give him ideas. Try using The Five Love Languages book to help you understand his "love language" and help him understand yours.
After 20 years of marriage we've had some wonderful days...and some not so wonderful days...but as much as romance is something we desire, the reality is that love is not always so pretty. Go for the real stuff and set aside the stereotypes that days like Valentine's Day try to promote (mostly so that we can buy something red :) Keep loving him deeply and...hopefully he'll get a clue next year :)
Same thing here girl. No card, handmade or otherwise. Just a smart response when we were at Walmart the next day - ooh I could get mom a valentines' gift today for half off! I told him a month ago I wanted to go to Red Lobster. Needless to say I went to HEB and bought lobster and had them steam it. I plan every other meal so why would I think that on valentine's day he could do something romantic? His birthday is the 24th, i think I am going to do the same thing and let him see how it feels. Maybe that will get through to him. I feel your frustration and thanks for letting me vent!
I feel your disappointment.............My hubby never does anything either- Ihave always made sure my kids and grand kids get valentines and I make sure to mention it several times during the week- and he sees all the advertisements- but just another day around our house- but after 43 years of marriage- it just does not matter to me anymore- I know he loves me anyway-
Don't worry about it but do let him know it bothers you. My husband and I don't believe in V day because we think it's WAY overrated and a marketing ploy. Sure we made dinner at home, had a nice evening and invited our single friend over but never do we make a big deal about it. However, I have a 2yr old and we made dad a valentine which was nice but i wasn't upset because he didn't do the same. As i said, V day is overrated. You should celebrate love everyday and be spontaneous. You don't need a designated day to do so.
My husband was like that for many years, but little by little he has been changing. This year he gave me a big flower arrangment. He said he was going to the store to buy parts for his machines and he came back with the flowers. I don't know exactly what has changed him or what has happened to him, but he has changed a lot. I wish I could tell you what to do, but I don't even know what happenned here with my husband. Have you told him how you feel? Have you expressed to him that little things like showing you that he cares for you mean a lot to you? Maybe you should tell him that it made you sad that he did not think of you for Valentine's. Maybe if you have not told him how you feel, than he thinks you don't really care for such occassions. Men are very strange. You basically have to tell them what to do for them to do it. Most men don't have common sense and you have to kind of teach them so they can learn about it. I hope this helps you a bit. Do you argue with your husband a lot? Do you have disagreements often? If you do, a lot of the times that can cause him to be like that. I have learn that the more I disagree with him the less he was nice to me, so now I try not to argue back and maybe that has helped. I don't really know what happened, but I am not complaining. That's for sure. I wish you luck and for your husband to change and be more lovable. Best of luck to you and many blessings to you and your marriage.
First of all, that was very thoughtful of you to buy him the massage last year....that is something that I have asked for repeatedly for myself on birthdays and Valentine's day for about 5 years now!!! This is the same thing that irritates me!! I did, however, get flowers this year. This was AFTER I raised #@#* after watching my friends at work recieve their flowers year after year, going home and waiting - NEVER to get them!! I was heartbroken! Of course when we were dating / before marriage, flowers were semi-often - bithdays, etc. My husband's theory is that Valentine's is JUST another day. My arguement is that we do not exchange gifts at Christmas, nor do I ask for much at any other time. I don't consider myself "high maintenance" - yes, I buy good makeup and go to a great salon, but I don't live at the mall - I spend much of my time taking care of HIM and 3 kids!! I figure 1 or 2 times a year, I deserve a little TLC.
So, my advice would be to make sure he knows you expect and deserve something nice - even if it is a homemade card - it is most definitely the thought that counts! Sometimes just a single rose says more than a dozen...or simple thoughtfulness can go a long way when you are a stressed and tired Mom! Take care!
Well that his just horrible. I am so sorry to hear that your husband wasn't considerate enough to acknowledge you. Maybe you should sit him down and have a talk with him to see why he responds that way and also express to him your feelings and expectations.
You don't mention how he does or doesn't do your birthday, anniversary or Christmas so I have to go on just Valentine's Day. My husband feels it is just a holiday pushed by the card, flower and candy lobbies. I always give him a small remembrance of my love on that day, but get nothing in return, except his love for another year. He did say "let's go and you can pick out something for Valentine's Day", but that is not what I wanted - me getting my own gift - so didn't do it. Maybe as your kids get older they can help him see the error of his ways. But if you are like me and have a loving husband/father and good provider, we really can't complain about this one day a year.
I am sorry your hubby did not acknowledge it in any sort of way. Perhaps next year you shouldn't either. The only participation I involve myself in, is my boys schools and doing all the silly things the classes do. I don't even give my boys a special valentines treat.. My older son asked me the other day if I liked Valentines and I said not really, it is another one of those over commercialized holiday that makes everyone spend money that they don't need, there is this pressure as kids get older to have to have a Valentine and for those who don't have one, feel left out. One should always treat the ones they love the same way every day and should express their love everyday, not just once a year... That is my take on Valentines..... Just a silly Hallmark day that leaves people disappointed,... why bother?
I too did not receive anything this year, and I feel much like you. I have been married 10 years, and am currently pregnant, and this is the first year I've received nothing. Regardless of it being a "Halmark" holiday or not, taking the time to remember someone you share your life with (without having to be reminded) is just not that much to ask for. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling forgotten.
My husband doesn't do anything for valentines day either. This year I bought myself something. My kids never give me something for valentines day either but I know they love me.
They do other things to show me.
There is something deeper going on, but it may be really basic to correct. Children repeat what their parents do. Maybe his mother and father did nothing, and that's what he sees. You need to educate him. You need to take the initiative. Tell him next year that y'all are going out during Valentine's week, alone. Do it yourself. Don't wait for him to agree. He may have gotten burned on another woman before you in dealing with Valentine's Day.
Some men just don't get "into" this sort of thing. I have a dear friend whose husband often forgets her birthday--and they have been happily married for over 30 years! She used to complain that he didn't even bother Christmas shopping for her until Christmas Eve--he was ever the procrastinator!
What I'm trying to say is: maybe your husband wasn't raised to observe these kinds of holidays. If it means a lot to you, you should tell him that it hurts your feelings not to be remembered, especially because you feel Valentine's Day is special. Men can be quite dense, you know. They are not the romantic creatures that we women are.
Just remember to teach your little ones to express their love for you and each other--and when they grow up, their "significant others" won't have the same problem that you do!
I had the same thing, this happened to me this year. I bought a card and two things of candy. He did not do one thing! He did not even say he was sorry he had not done anything. He was like what is the big deal about this day,we celebrate every day. The man should know I like to make a deal about it,we have been married almost nine years together 10. What a cave man!!! C
Boy, do I know how you feel. Now, my hubby has actually given me things on Vday twice, and this is our 5th valentine's day together. The 2 times he didn't get me anything was when he was out of country or state (for the military). 1 time he gave me a cheesy heart shaped box, but at least it was something. And the other time he actually did something pretty cool. He and our son wrote down things they loved about me (and made up a couple things from our 3 year old), attached each note to a rose, and had each rose laying on a step leading downstairs. So far, he has done nothing today except say 'Happy Valentine's Day.' I even left him a small gift on the seat of the car, and he didn't mention anything about it! BUT, the years he has done something, I could tell it was forced...like he was doing it because he thought he HAD to do something, not that he wanted to. It does hurt a little. It's not about not receiving something...it's about not feeling acknowledged in some fashion on a day that is supposed to be about nothing but love....which is the one thing that husbands and wives share with each other. My parents always made a big deal out of V-day for us. Mom would leave us gifts on our pillow for us to open when we woke up, or she would send us flowers at school. I loved it. Not wanting to celebrate V-day, to me, is the same as not celebrating a birthday, an anniversary, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving....any holiday or special day. Oh, he doesn't really care about celebrating birthdays either,. Oy! He could have fooled me the first couple years we were together. It's not about a tangible item so much as it is just making a day more special than an ordinary day. Any excuse to celebrate! So, I have no idea what to do. Do I just forget about it and not expect him to do anything that day? Best of luck to you...and I wish men would stop being so hard headed about a day that is as simple as just making your woman feel super super special.
My husband and I think V-Day is overrated. Also, we are very frugal, okay, darn cheap people and think the money spent could cover much more important things in our household. We celebrate it the day after because the candy is on sale and they don't charge so much money at restaurants. He does get me a card on V-Day just to say, I know it's that day. I agree with everyone that you should talk to him about it because he might not take it too seriously and thinks you don't either. But it's hard to say on my side of the fence because I am not sure how he is the rest of the year. If he is a warm, wonderful husband and father, then he will want to do something that he knows you would appreciate. If he is cold and thoughtless then you shouldn't expect much on Valentine's or any other day of the year.
What does he do on other gift giving days...birthday, anniversary, Christmas? If he ignores them also, then he probably was reared in a family that did not celebrate special days, so he's just not geared to it. If he remembers you on those other days, then maybe he had a bad experience regarding Valentine's Day and just chooses to ignore it. Have a serious talk with him and get his feelings on the subject(s. If he does not respond, then just go out yourself and buy yourself something that you really want. When he complains, then tell him if he doesn't do it, you will. Buying your own flowers or gift isn't quite the same as getting it from him, but it'll sure get his attention. How old are your children? If they're very young then this is a good time for you to begin teaching them to remember important dates. Since you have gifted him and he has not responded, just go out and have yourself a good shopping spree.
hello, men dont think they just do. alot of men think that valentine is a waste of money. i have had my share with my own husband. just tell him how you feel, be open and honest with him. i did and things are better. also we watched the fireproof movie on marriage and it opened his eyes on some things, so this valentine i recieved a big bear, card, candy, and flowers which he got with my kids! i hope things get better, try the movie and just be honest.