Help with a Very Attached 8 Month Old.

my daughter is much the same, and at 3 years old. I learned to embrace it a long time ago and work within her limits. the more you push, the more they want you. the reality is, if you allow a child to let you know when they are ready for distance, separation and some independence from you, they will learn that you are a safe place and will become even more dependent because they know they can rely on you. my "advice" would be to embrace it. . it's likely there will come a time in the future (i usually assume adolescence/teen years) when she won't want you around as much (or might come to you more often BECAUSE you showed her you were always there for her in the way she needed) so eat it up now. . . . it's temporary. it feels like forever and always in the middle of things, but perhaps there are times you can see she is happier or can be more easily distracted and you can leave her with someone like your husband. . . my daughter even cried with him until she was about 2.5, not all the time, but sometimes. good luck. . .

One question: Who else would you want her attached to? A baby belongs "attached" to her mother! That is a great thing. Maybe she is fearful that you go away and leave her so this is her way of saying stay with me, mommy. It's natural. Besides as soon as you know it, she will be off and wandering and discovering her world and then you will wish for these very rare days that you have "an attached" baby...don't wish it away too soon. It's a stage.

Welcome to separation anxiety! this is a normal stage for this age baby. The good news is that this stage will pass, the bad news is that you will have a baby attached to you for some months, and it can last up to age 18 months. You are doing the right things - leave her with dad and grandparents, who will care for her even if she is crying and screaming. Constantly reassure her you will return, and since you do return, she will learn to tolerate your absences. When I had to work, I'd call the daycare mom, and she'd tell me my one year old son was sitting by the front door waiting for me to come back! But the vast majority of babies outgrow this stage with no ill effects. It just puts guilt in our mommy hearts!

I SOOOOOO feel your pain. My attached little one is now 14 months and it has only gotten a tiny bit better. She has been this way since birth!!!
I had to give up the gym, can't do church, babysitters are out, and even grams and gramps aren't welcomed in her eyes.

I am a SAHM and felt like everyone around me blammed me for her behavior. But I didn't hide her away or never go out of the house. We even did play dates and were out among people as much as we could. However she was and is just very shy and loves her mommy... there was even a month where daddy couldn't hold her.
It does get better, but like I said she is now 14 months and I can only kinda see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I just came to realize that this is who she is. We didn't do anything to make them this way, it is just apart of their make up. All we can do it keep on putting them into situations that make them get to that place of feeling those fears and showing them that it will be ok. I think my on going outings and exposure to other kids and adults has helped out. Some days she is braver than I ever thought she would be and others are same old same old :)

One thing I will say is that sometimes WE tend to be the issue. If they see us they tend to melt down a bit more. My little one has been over to my sisters house a few times so my hubby and I can go get a bite to eat. We sit down with her and get her used to the room and the new faces (even if it takes a 1/2 hour) and then we sneak out the door when she isn't looking. My sis tells me while there is a bit of looking around and heavy breathing (sometimes a few tears) she gets over it fast. BUT of course the second I walk back into the room the tears start flying and she runs to me.

So I would suggest finding someone you trust and just asking them to help you with this... Make sure she is happy and ok with the person, in that while you are in the room she goes up to them or is excited about the toys ect. and then make your move. You don't have to be gone long, but give her time to be apart from you. Yes she may melt down, but that is why you have to find the right person. A person that knows the issues and is willing to ride it out while you are gone. If they have kids even better, so she can get even more exposure to others.

Practice practice practice is what we do in this home :)
It isn't an overnight fix, but we keep at it daily and have great people in our life that are willing to deal with her and help us with it. It hasn't been easy and I know I have more work ahead of me, but she is worth it. And I have another one on the way in September so we just hope we don't get another overly attached baby! What fun that will be :)

Good luck...

Mine was like that, and I just had to encourage Daddy and Grandparents to take a more active role with her while I was there in the same area. As she got more comfortable with that, I could leave for longer periods of time. It is hard, but they gradually get more comfortable with others. By two, my DD was fine with many other care providers. It can be a slow, gradual process, and just remember that this is a very short time in your life, and a very important bonding time in her little life. This too shall pass. Parenting is so challenging at times, and so rewarding as well. Good luck!

Thats such a hard age. Just wanted to say don't give up it will get better. She will get the idea that you will always come back. Perhaps at the church and daycare, does she have a favorite lovie that could be brought? I know most places have a 10 minute cry policy, so use dad, grandpa and grandma to go longer times. If you can, have dad take over more of the care when he is home, just to give her the idea that others can help her too. I thankfully never had the separation issue with my daughter ( at least in that way), but I have worked many mom's groups and have worked with many babies and tots with the issue. I have seen a little one take a year to relax and then another six months to crack a smile, but it does get easier on everyone. She will key off you too. So if you are anxious about leaving her she will feel it and go on high alert. Just be happy, kiss and say goodbye and leave. Dad, grandpa and grandma can scoop and distract. If she is really bad, then start of at a 15 20 minute period and increase your time away, but if she has a determined personality know that it could backfire, so play it by ear. My favorite tools of distraction are the little musical books and bubbles. ( I think it is Gymboree that has the best bubbles) I know you can feel trapped so just keep at it and dont feel guilty. Best of luck and wishes.

I feel your love/pain... My daughter was exactly the same. It's tough but just keep asking others to help with watching her - it can be very exhausting as the sole person who can soothe this little person. I worked h*** o* building her self confidence and trying to find ways for her to soothe herself. I also agree with Michelle, get others involved while you are in the same room. Another thing I did was to always tell her what was happening - I'm going to pilates class and will come back to get you, then we will go home together. She still needs to know the plan anytime we head out. We also developed a goodbye routine - hug & kiss and reassurance I'll be back. good luck! Hang in there - it won't always be this way,

Hi T.--
My eldest was exactly the same way....he loved Mommy and no one else. I, too, am a SAHM, so I understand. Like others said, separation anxiety is normal at this age and means she is developing right on target. There isn't much you can do at this age to ease it except give it time. She's too little to understand why her comfort is gone. It helps if you stay right next to say Grandma and help her ease into it. After a lot of time my son went to Grandma and one of my girlfriends....still wouldn't stay with anyone else, but it was a start. If you push her it will actually cause her to become more, not less, clingy. Allow her to work through this in her own time and relish the idea that your daughter LOVES you. If she sees that you will stay with her and she feels secure she will venture out on her own knowing she is secure. If you push her she will continue to feel insecure and it will actually take longer for her to separate. My son is now incredibly independent and friendly with everyone. And take heart....this won't last forever. Right now it is difficult, but time goes swiftly and soon you'll be wondering what happened to your baby.
Good luck,
J.

Hi! I hear you--it's frustrating. My daughter, now 3 1/2 was the same, and I heard from everyone how I just needed to leave her with someone and let her deal with it. I didn't, and instead respected her feelings, tough as it was sometimes. The result is that she is now pretty sure of herself, and when we went to look at preschools together this year, she wanted me to leave! If they feel loved and secure, they have it easier later on. Don't give up, just try little bits at a time, but listen to what she needs and it'll all work out. Hang in there, I understand the feeling of being trapped. Try to find a playgroup for your sanity and her well-being. Good luck!!

Honey, why are you staying home all the time? You need play groups and time with other moms where wee one can see you're there.

It is ok for your baby to be attached to you, it really is. It's ok for you to want a break now and again, too, it really is.

Sounds like she needs a smoother transition. So, get yourself over to friends' houses with their wee ones, get involved with mom's groups, and the like so you can get the adult interaction with baby, and she can become interested in other babies in "safety".

Anyway, this is very normal at this time of life. I will say again, get into groups, allow her to be with you so she's not picking up on a rejection vibe (which you're not meaning to send), and allow her to prove you a steady parent. Freedom will agian come, I Promise, I promise, I promise.

She is right at the age when separation anxiety sets in. I know it's trying, but she really does want only you right now. Here's some things you can do to ease the situation:
- play permanence object games (peek-a-boo, hide the block/toy under a blanket, etc) to help teach her that just because she can't see something it is still there.
- give her lots of attention and touch, but then take a break from it at a specific point every day. Set her down to play on her own and then go to the other side of the room. If she starts to cry, whine, or look around for you, then assure her that you are there and with enthusiasm encourage her to play on her own. This may start out as just a couple minutes, but you can add time gradually.
- make a deal with your husband that he will take the baby for a few minutes each night when he gets home (or after dinner, or another time that fits best with your schedule) Then you and your older daughter go for a walk (some good one-on-one time for you and her too). Make sure you say goodbye to your daughter and tell her you'll be back in a few minutes. The first few times you may only be gone for a minute or two, but gradually increase the time. This teaches her that you will come back to her.
Remember that separation anxiety is a phase and it too will pass. Hang in there!

Just keep doing what you are doing and she will eventually get used to it. I too am a SAHM/WAHM and my youngest is very attached to me. She has issues with anyone she is not around on a daily basis and that even includes her dad when he goes out of town for a week at a time.

It is typical for a child around that age to go through a major separation anxiety stage, but the way you handle it will either eliminate it or cause it to get worse.

Check out this link for more info and advice:
http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-9-month-old-week-1_1145....

Make it a GREAT day!

S.

let dad and gma& gpa feed her while you're out of the room. The best way: You put her down and walk out the front door...she's crying and someone else scoops her up and rescues her.

It's natural to have stranger anxiety at this age....she wants to be with someone she knows will take care of her...and right now she thinks that's just you. If they feed her...and just hold her while you're not there, she'll learn that they're OK, too.

It also will help for her to see you and (especially) her sister having fun with dad and gparents.