This is my dilemma....My son only goes to school for 3 hours 2 days a week. Hes 3 and he ALWAYS cries when I take him. Its only right when I take him and I have to leave him crying. Hes been going for a while now and he just wont get used to it. Today he was saying "help me help me" crying crying and kicking trying to run out. After I leave (him still crying and freaking out) he settles down and by the time I go pick him up he is fine and playing like normal. Grrrrrrr! After school I always praise him and we talk about his day and what they did and things. Even telling him he will get a present if he doesnt cry wont work. Well it will till we get close to the classroom then he will NOT let me go. The teacher doesnt seem too keen on holding him so he doesnt run after me. I dont know if this is too much to ask of a teacher. I dont want to pull him out of school and just not re enroll him again. I believe he needs to get used to it but its been like 6 weeks or so and hes still not used to it. Eeeeeek!
This is obviously NOT resolved. But I did talk to his teacher and told her I need her to just pick him up and I go. We then started doing that. She says he is doing GREAT. That he only cries for a minute then hes normal. She says its just separation anxiety. It is definately not a problem with her my daughter goes to the same class and she LOVES it. I am going to enroll him again in hopes that he will eventually get used to it more and more as he is improving. Thank You EVERYONE for your input. I appreciate it. :o) I will eventually post when he completely STOPS crying to let you guys know if in the end it all worked out for those that have/had the same problem. Again Thanks a BUNCH!
I work with 3 yr olds...this is very normal. It could also last the entire year...or not, they all vary. If the teacher has any experience with this age she has seen it before. My only recomendation it to NOT bribe him. That does not teach him to calm himself down...it teaches him to keep his feelings inside. I know this may not help, but this is harder on you than him.
Hi E.!
It is call drop and run, honey!! My son began going at 6 months of age (1 day) and it wasn't unitl about 1 year ago, (he goes for 2 days now) that he quit crying and wanting me to hold him. For some kids it just takes longer and others it doesn't. He really needs that time away from you and you do from him. Don't pull him out over this, it will have to run its course!
I have my son in an ALL-YEAR AROUND MDO Program and don't go around like every other parent going crazy trying to find something for him during the summer, Spring and Fall Breaks! It is awesome!
Good Luck!
G. B.
Boys are needy is all I have to say. My son did that from the time he was two until right after he turned 4 over the summer. His teacher also let him run after me which was a little annoying. I started walking in, going directly to the teacher, peeled him off me to her, and quickly walked away. When I picked hime up I would try to stay a few minutes, look what he did for the day, talk to teacher, etc. I think it just takes some kids longer to adjust. Now my son has to be told not to run when he is going to his class. Stick it out, it will get better eventually.
I am so sorry to hear of your situation, and as a mom and childcare provider, I feel for both sides here. I hate to say it, but I have never had my child, nor any other children that I have cared for react this way( in 10 years), so my advice is more of an idea, not a proven strategy. Could you try leaving him at a friends for a playdate. Or someones house for some babysitting. The main reason is to see if he is reacting to you leaving him all the time, or just in this particular situation. That could help you handle the specific problem, and for sure if it is the center, stop going. I am sure that you could find something else in your area that would help you both if needed. For me, an in home situation is great because it is a smaller group, with a comfort level similar to their own home,so even if eventually you wanted to send him back to a preschool, he could get used to you leaving him first. Obviously the best thing to do is trust yourself, and do what is best for you and him. He will have many years of school ahead of him, so if he is not ready right now, maybe you could let it go, and try something else to stimulate him. However,if you feel this is a contol thing/battle of wills, try giving him control over other things in his life and see if that helps. I sincerely hope you find something that makes you both happy!! Best of luck
my daughter did the same thing when i first started taking her to daycare. it only lasted about a week, then calmed down. i know you may not want to take him out, but kids know things we dont. i had to take my daughter out after a year and a half because she refused to go. same school, same kids, but different class and teachers. she would make up things just not to go to sleep and not go at all. she would start crying as soon as we turned the corner. to me it was more important to have her comfortable then miserable. i knew something was not right. hope this helps.
Can you get your husband/son's father to drop-off? Both my boys had the same problem - it was worse with the younger one. I couldn't leave him easily until he was over 6, so our solution was that my husband always did the drop-off and I would always pickup. Part of the problem may be that your son is picking up on your own hesitancy at leaving him - I know that was so difficult for me to do and kids know these things. They sense your anxiety, so they get anxious (i.e., if Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy!).
I put my daughter in a Mothers Day Out program 2 days a week for 5 hours each day. She had a loving teacher who not only held her when she arrived but throughout the day as she needed it. By the end of the 9 month program, she was still didn't like being dropped off and she didn't interact much with her teachers. Then we took a break over the summer (the program runs with the school year) and when we went back this year, it has been a very different story. She's fine now.
I think it's going to take some kids longer than others and depending on personality it may take a really long time for them to feel secure about being dropped off somewhere. I don't think it necessarily means the teacher or the program is a bad one. On the other hand, if I had had a teacher that wouldn't hold my daughter when we arrived last year, I probably would not have continued to take her to that program.
My advice would be to do everything you can to determine if the facility and/or the teacher is a good fit. Talk to the teacher and the director about ways to help your son adjust.
If they won't do much to help, I might look for a different program. But if they will talk to you and work with you on this, I might just give it some time. Maybe alot of time.
Good luck. I hate leaving my kids somewhere if they're not happy to be there. It's the hardest thing. I hope it works out quickly for your sake.
E.
Bless your heart.
First in my opinion you need to talk to the director about his teacher, that is her job to take of your child and if that means comforting him than so be it, that is what you pay for. He needs to feel safe and secure and if she's not making him feel that way, why would he want to stay.
My daughter was in a in home daycare until we moved to Texas and then home with me for six months before I went back to work. I ended up taking a position in a daycare office because I was so worried about leaving her. Because of my husband's work schedule she only had to attend daycare for two days a week and it was horrible at first, I would sit up in the front and cry. She would cry the night before thinking about it, then it got to be she would cry in the morning, and then she would cry when we drove in the parking lot, and in time I was able to leave her without crying. But, it did take about three months. But my steps each week got better and she had a very warm teacher who held her when I left and comforted her.
E., I believe you have to go with your mommy gut. Talk with the director, see if she can help, if the teacher is too busy when you drop off there should be someone who can at least go in and help for awhile, if that doesn't work then you may think about a diffrent center or an in home which would allow a little more attention.
My best wishes I know it is tough.
I don't have any advice YET because I was at the daycare for over an hour this morning trying to get my son to calm down. He stood in front of the door and spread out his arms so I couldn't leave. Some of these responses really have me worried because I know I can't handle weeks of him crying like this. I did decide after this morning that either my husband will drop him off or the teacher will come up to the front and escort him to his class. I'm hoping maybe if it's him leaving me at the front instead of me leaving him in a classroom maybe he'll do better. I just can't take what happened this morning again. But, I did want you to know that you're not alone. I can definitely empathize.
I would definitely talk with the teacher or director to enlist their help in drop-off. If things are fine at the daycare and it's just the initial separation that is his problem, make sure you are saying a quick and CONFIDENT good-bye. If you're sad or anxious about drop-off, he will pick up the sad "vibe" and play off of that emotion. Get the teacher to help by takng him from you. Try keeping your words short, and repeat them every day, "Have a great day, Mommy loves you! I'll see you this afternoon!"
Good luck.
