Son STILL Crying at Preschool Dropoff

I think he's adjusting quite well.
The things you describe are very common and I think it would be the same for any school.
Crying for 10 min at drop off happens for some kids into kindergarten and first grade.
It's just part of their transition routine and they do grow out of it eventually.

Since the teacher told you he is fine 10 minutes after drop off and he’s happy when you are picking him up I would leave him where he is. Having slight separation anxiety is totally normal and the chances are he would cry no matter what school you enrolled him in. This will certainly not damage him in any way.

My advice to you is to not prolong the goodbye. Drop him off, say goodbye, tell him he is fine and is going to have a great day and leave quickly. The longer you stay, the more worked up he will be. Keep your drop off short and sweet.

i'm assuming you work so he has to be in some sort of daycare? if not, why not just keep him home for a bit longer? he's so tiny.

but if this is something that has to happen, it doesn't sound to me as if he hates it. he's doing exactly what 3 year olds tend to do when separated from their moms. he cries, then settles in and has a great time. he's happy when you pick him up. that's as much as you can expect from a little fellow who's barely beyond toddlerhood.

i do think your days sound a bit chaotic. why pick him up at noon, when he's settled in and having fun, and take him to a different caregiver? that's a lot to expect him to adjust to. i'd pick one or the other and roll with it.

the only red flag i see in your post is your determination not to 'retreat.' raising children isn't a battle. trying something, seeing it's not working well and revising your stance isn't 'retreating.' a 3 year old should not be expected to tough something out like a boot camp soldier.

he's just a small boy who cries when he has to leave the mommy he loves. is that really something you have to drill him out of?

keep him home more if you can, and if that's not an option, let him settle into one daycare or the other. there's nothing wrong with an in-home sitter with her own babies IF she's taking good care of your son. tiny children don't need structured activities and lessons. but if you want him in the program, let them do their job and keep him where you know for a fact he has a fun time after he gets over his initial tears.
khairete
S.

Well I don't think you're going to damage him :) I know it feels that way, but we've all been there. It's an adjustment period is all. I had 2 who clung and one who cried.

My Mom was a kindergarten teacher for her whole career. In the summers, I helped her with a preschool program like a little morning summer camp. The kids do adjust as soon as their mommies/daddies leave, and you get them involved in an activity like play dough. I was that person who would take them by the hand and distract them while their parents left. The sniffles dried up and they were oblivious that their parents had just left. It's true, they are absolutely fine.

What's hard in your case is there is just one and she probably can't do that. So it just seems worse. I bet when the kids all arrive that she says Ok kiddos, and gets them involved and it's just fine.

Maybe you could time your drop off to be first - so she could have that one on one time just at the beginning? Or time it so he arrives with a new little buddy? Or send him with a toy he loves so he has a comfort object? There are so many ways to help him adjust. There could be a special toy he goes to when he gets there. You could ask her for suggestions. I'm guessing since it's not an issue for her at all - it really isn't an issue once you leave. Trust me, if he was bawling, she'd want to come to a solution with you and be asking you for ideas. So take that as a good sign.

My crier used to cry when it was time to leave, so I knew it was an adjustment thing in the mornings only. He cried all through daycare. It was just the way he was. I had to develop a tough skin. It was hard! You can send him with a little lovey in his pocket (I did that with one of mine) - a tiny little reminder of mom. Whatever works. He will adjust though - it will get easier. My crier eventually just became a sniffler. I found ignoring him and talking to the teacher helped too - instead of focussing on him. I acted like it was the most normal thing in the world and that he was in good hands. I tried to be confident that this was a great thing without making a big deal.

I never did half and half days anywhere. I found just staying at one place best for mine (is that an option?), but never had that option. I did prefer preschool over in-home with babies once they were preschool age for sure so I think right move. He needs to be stimulated and that peer interaction will be great for him :) Stay strong momma!

Since he settles in and is happy there after you leave I think he really does enjoy it. Lots of 3 year olds complain about this and say they want mom. Does he have any buddies at the school? Invite his buddy over for a playdate regularly so they can bond outside of school. I did this with my kids when they started preschool and then they really looked forward to going and playing with their friend. What activities does he love at preschool? Remind him how much fun he has doing x, y and z. Our kids LOVED the sand table, playing with shaving cream, the big outside playground, the water play in the summer, and the fun hands on projects. I think preschool is great for socialization and getting ready for kindergarten.

He's not really ready. What's the rush. He just turned three so he will be in preschool 2 1/2 years. He wants to stay home or with sitter let him. Start him next year. I know I'm in the minority's but I never did mind having my kids home. Next sept he will e ready for the 3s program. Remember you put him in during the school year so it's harder on him.

If you believe the teacher, that he settles in after 10 minutes and does fine, socializing and participating in activities, and he's happy when you pick him up, I don't understand exactly where your question's title, "Son hates preschool," comes from. What may be happening is that he's having more trouble with the transition from School to Babysitting. I'm not sure about the flexibility issue - school is, by definition, not just about free play but about some structure. If your son just does his own thing during babysitting because the sitter is preoccupied with babies, he may still be getting used to the school pattern of circle time, snack, gross motor play, story time, art, and so no. But the truth is, any child takes time to get used to these schedules. If there were 2 teachers, it's not like there's one available in case a kid doesn't want to do circle time, you know? I don't see this as damage, since he's really fine during the school day. I'd stick it out for now, to see how he gets used to it. I'd also ask them how they prepare him for transitions - do they give kids a head's up that "We're going to clean up in a few minutes and then go to circle"? Or do they just say, "Stop what you're doing and come sit over here?" They should be doing the first one, and if they aren't, see if they can implement that for the very young children who are just getting used to this. Yes, he's young, but you haven't done this for that long either.

If I'm reading this correctly - you are worried and upset because your son has some tears at drop-off but is happy otherwise...? It sounds like no problem! But maybe consider leaving him in one place all day rather than breaking up his day at lunchtime.

It might be confusing still for him to go from prek to his babysitter. And it's only been a few weeks. It will take time for him to adjust.

have a sit down chat with the teacher, and then with the in home sitter, get their opinions on the matter since the decision involves them both.
i would be inclined to make my daughter stick it out, but my son i would pull, based on their individual personalities. and i don't know your child so i cannot make the call on him.
if he is only upset till you leave and is not upset for the rest of the time you are probably ok to stick it out. one of the boys in my sons class still threw the occasional crying episode at dropoff in the mornings for second grade.. it did taper off. if that gives you an idea of how long this could go on for.

He's used to you leaving him. He doesn't cry when you leave him other places. But he doesn't want to go to this particular place. To me, this is a red flag. I think this might not be the right place for him. I also don't think that you are setting some lifelong negative lesson about him being in charge if you take him out of the school and spend a few more months with the in-home sitter.

This was my experience, which you might (or might not) relate to: my kid went to daycare starting at 12 weeks old. It was a big center, so they moved to a new classroom every year. He was fine in the infant room. He was fine in the toddler room. He was fine in the 2 year old room. In the 3 year old room, he started crying at dropoff, saying he didn't want to go, etc. The teacher said he was fine in the class all day. But I knew my kid and I knew this wasn't typical of him. After a month, I talked to the director and had him moved to a different classroom. He immediately stopped crying at dropoff, and was happy to go again.

I don't think there was anything "wrong" with the teacher in that particular room. My older son had the same teacher with no issues. But she wasn't the right care provider for my younger son and even though he was only 3, I'm glad I listened to what he was trying to tell me. YMMV

The whole thread is condensed to ONE point.

His teacher says he settles into the classroom activities and socializes with everyone {{once I leave}}.

You are causing the problem. You need to bring him to his class, give him one short hug, say love you, have a great day, see you in a bit, then turn around and walk out. Do not look back, do not pause, to not turn around a peek once you have left the room.

You are causing the problem. Sorry...I have a lot of years in child care and I guarantee you the kids whose mom's linger and try to console their child and make it all better are the kids that continue to cry, and whine, and don't settle in. Until mom gets tired of it and just turns around and walks out one day. Then kiddo loses his/her power.

They train you to do what they want, with their tears. He is keeping you there because you'll stay

If you can't do it, then have someone else take him for a week. They cannot do anything except take him to class then leave. Hard break, just leave. He'll try to run after and cry and even scream but the fact is it's a test. If you cave you fail.

That transition can be so very hard on some kids. Grandson#2 had a hard time so I suggested giving him a special thing he could keep in his pocket that only he and his mom knew about. Sometimes it would be a lego person, sometimes a small pebble or a bottle top. Just something that could stay in his pocket that would remind him of his mom. My daughter didn't think it would work but tried it anyways. Worked like a charm. Just that physical thing that he could carry through the transition and be able to touch during the day put him at ease.

Whatever you do DON'T LET YOUR SON MAKE THIS DECISION. You are the grown up and you decide what happens. Don't make it based on what he's saying to you.Take in all the information from the teachers and how his days goes. Change is harder on some kids than others but since life is full of changes its important to let him see that things change but its all a part of life. Don't make him fearful of change.