Help Infant Will Not Stay Asleep When I Lay Her Down.

Updated on April 03, 2006
D. asks from Grapevine, TX
47 answers

Please help my 4 week old will not stay asleep when I lay her down. She sleeps fine as long as we hold her. She will not sit in her bouncer or swing she just screams unless someone is holding her. I sleep holding her. I always try to put her down and there are rare times when she will stay asleep but not often. Going crazy. Will this get better soon? Is this normal?

12 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.

answers from Dallas on

D.,

I know it is frustrating. I have a 15 month old and we had problems for awhile too. I would recommend the Dr. Sears sleep book. it has wonderful advice that has worked for me. you can by it online at www.askdrsears.com or at any bookstore.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.C.

answers from Dallas on

A great book to deal with this situation is....Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo. I read it, followed it, and bed time has been heaven ever since. My three year still goes to bed with out a lot of fuss. Good luck :)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.

answers from Dallas on

I have a son the same age, and he goes through the same thing intermittently, unfortunatly i have no advice for you but to tell you that you are not alone! I sing to him and that works sometimes. This past week I resorted to something i wanted to avoid , a pacifier. Let me know if anyone gives you some advice, i could use some too!

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.

answers from Dallas on

I would recommend two books:

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
by Elizabeth Pantley

The Baby Whisperer
by Tracy Hogg, Melinda Blau

they're both on amazon, but if you want immediate gratification, you might find them at half price books. my little boy also wanted to sleep being held. I know how exhausted you are! it will get better, every day gets easier, just remember that. they become more and more autonomous. you're in the middle of the most difficult time. it will start to get better at around 6 or 8 weeks.

congratulations on your new baby!

K.M.

answers from Dallas on

I am in 100% agreement with swaddling. My baby girl is 12 weeks and this saved us. Get the Harvey Karp book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" as soon as you possibly can...you can also get it in DVD, which is what I did because I could not read the important points fast enough. I am still swaddling my baby, and it makes all the difference. There are many other fabulous calming methods in the book though.

Also I invested in the Miracle Blanket. In my opinion, it is the best thing ever invented. Express ship it if you need to for your sanity. You can get one at www.miracleblanket.com

Hang in there. It definately gets better, I know because this all sounds WAY TOO FAMILIAR! My baby just started taking pretty decent naps in the last few weeks, but she has always slept well at night because of the swaddling. We also used white noise(an air purifier or humidifier w/ or w/out water works great)The kind with the fan, NOT the cool or warm mist ones. I for some crazy reason never swaddled her during the day though.

Take care, and best of luck, I am sure this book will help you!

K.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Dallas on

Maybe check the following points:
1. She may have lots of gas when you laid down her (it causes discomfort!) If the crib allows you to lift a little bit, it may help. (elevate her head by lifting the mattress...email me if you have questions.)
2. Try swaddle her tightly. Newborns need time to adjust the world outside the womb. In your womb, she was kind of warmly swaddled inside. If you laid her down, she may feel insecure so she cried.
3. Try put her on her side position to sleep. My son has the problem that he does not feel secure when being put on his back to sleep. So we tried to put him on his side. Be sure to change sides though.

If you have checked the above points and still she needs your arm to sleep, maybe some techniques from the book I've read may work for you. The book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". Babies need to learn how to stay asleep and return to sleep.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.O.

answers from Dallas on

It will get better! I try not to repeat what so many others have said, but just to add that my 4mo was the same way and she had really bad colic. It's almost like she had some kind of horizontal detector! She would sleep in my arms, but as soon as I would try to lay her down, she would startle awake. We swaddle and that helped a great deal. We didn't have a miracle blanket, but just used the blankets we had - just make sure it's tight and keeps her arms either by her side or crossed on her chest... my daughter's arms would wake her up on the rare times we got her horizontal without waking her up.

I completely agree with the previous advice about not being able to spoil a child at this age. My husband worried I would spoil our daugher because sometimes the only way she would go to sleep was on my chest. At three months old she just started sleeping through the night on her own and, unless do something that over-tires her or over stimulates her in the evening, so goes right down to bed at night. (We're house-hunting right now, so we have kept her out too late some times and then I have to rock her to sleep.)

Hang in there! Email if you just need an ear to bend. It hasn't been that long ago for me... I still remember how tired and desperate you can feel. It will get better! :-)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.

answers from Dallas on

Hi,
I am a special educator and have found that sensory issues may play a part in a child's temperment. I would try a timer (the noise might soothe),or a weighted blanket. It seems like the baby likes the vestibular input of you holding her, or it could be the sound of your heartbeat.
good luck,
K.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.G.

answers from Dallas on

We had the same problem with our baby girl. We realized that for her, it was all about warmth. She was warm next to our body, but when we put her down in her crib or elsewhere, the surface was cooler. So, in addition to swaddling her, we slid a heating pad set on low underneath the sheet of her crib. We would turn it on and let it heat the sheet for a few minutes. Then we would turn it off and lay her down. This worked for us as she did not experience the "shock" of hitting the cool sheets. The key is turning OFF the heating pad. Hope this helps - good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.G.

answers from Dallas on

This is normal. She will likely grow out of it. I used a baby sling when mine was like that. By the way, I now have a five year old who refuses to sleep alone much the same way as your daughter but he has development issues.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.C.

answers from Dallas on

I completely feel for you, having been through something similar with my daughter.

I'll just echo what others have said. We read Harvey Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block and watched the DVD (we were desperate!!). Swaddling worked wonders for us. Our daughter was 22 inches and 10 lbs at birth, and STRONG, so she was able to get out of regular blankets very easily. I found the Miracle Blanket and it truly was a miracle for us. We bought two because we couldn't live without it. If our daughter spit up, we had a back up while one was in the wash. It was easy to swaddle her too using the Miracle Blanket. We used it for months.

We also couldn't have lived without the Fisher-Price Aquarium swing that swings side to side. Our daughter didn't like front-to-back, so if your swing doesn't go side-to-side, you might try one out and see if it helps. Our daughter slept in the swing for all naps as she wouldn't sleep in her crib. I slept on the couch next to her swing on nights when she wouldn't sleep in her crib. We even swaddled and used the swing simultaneously.

My daughter still wouldn't sleep through the night at eight months, so we bought the Fisher Price flutterbye soother crib toy and it continues to be one of the best things we've bought because she turns it on herself and goes back to sleep and it never seems to get old. You are a ways off before your daughter will be able to turn it on, but something to think about if she continues to have trouble sleeping alone.

Good luck. It DOES get better. I thought I was going to lose it. Now we're talking about having a second child. How soon we forget!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.

answers from Dallas on

D.,

Do you think that your baby might have reflux, babies that have that do not like laying down, they like to be elevated and often insist on being held. If it's not that, I had to eventually let my daughter cry it out, they say it's ok for them to cry for up to 15 minutes, then you need to settle them down and try again later, after a few nights of that, my daughters both have slept through the night from about 8 weeks old. It's awful listening to them cry, but if you time it, they usually will stop by 15 minutes. There is a great book I read and many people have loved it after reading it. It's called "On Becoming BabyWise." I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and it has helped us tremendously. Just some thoughts that might help.

H.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.T.

answers from Allentown on

www.miracleblanket.com

I had the same problem, but got this and it was WONDERFUL!! Good Luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.

answers from Dallas on

Sorry to hear about your situation. Do you sawdle her? Also my little one was like that. So I just slept when she slept. Are you breastfeeding or bottle? I breastfeed and it helped to put a little pillow above her head. Since she liked to sleep with her head near my breast. Also the same thing was going on with my fiend. It turned out that her baby had a dislocated sholder. So maybe take her to the doctor and eliminate any medical problems. Also I would suggest buying a sling so you could function some what. Good luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.

answers from Dallas on

aww... D..
It's so sweat.. your baby just wants to be with you. If the baby won't stop crying at all then something is wrong. It happend to me, i was very concerned that the baby wasn't sleeping enough but he was... not on his crib but on me. It makes sense if you think about him being 10 months inside of you and all the sudden he is out, feeling space and not feeling you. The first 8 weeks was like that with my baby until he started trusting his enviroment and us. Never stop trying to put him down on his crib or the rocker. Don't worry too much, i think it is normal.

S.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.

answers from Dallas on

I used the Swaddle Me wrap for my little girl (now five months) and she slept SO much better with it. We went through the same type of phase. Even though it's very difficult you may need to let her cry it out. My daughter cries when she is tired and sometimes just letting her go for a minute would finally do the trick. It defies logic, but it worked for us. Hang in there; it really does get better.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.L.

answers from Richmond on

Hi D.,
There is a silver linning, your daughter will be able to sleep by herself. I had the same problem with my son. He would not stay asleep very long and I felt that he would stay attached to my breast forever! You could try swandling, using a soft infant carrier (baby bjorn), or even resting her on a flat pillow. That is what I did with my son and eventually moved the pillow to his bassinet. He is now sleeping in his crib through the night.
Good Luck! It does get easier!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Dallas on

Yes it is normal, unfortunately, or maybe I should say common. Check out The Miracle Blanket at www.miracleblanket.com. I know you can also buy one locally in Grapevine at The Nesting Place. It IS a miracle and is guaranteed. It saved my life! Have the store owner show you how to wrap it properly (Kay Willis is an RN, parenting educator and lactation consultant.) Good luck! Tell her I sent you if you'd like.

S. Havens

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.

answers from Dallas on

I read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It was very helpful for us in how to approach our daughter's sleeping issues.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.

answers from Dallas on

Hi! Our son (he is now 6mo old) was very similar the first few weeks in that he also wanted to be held constantly. I think we spent the first 3-4 weeks taking turns holding him all night and rocking. So, I think your situation is definitely normal. It will get better. We somehow kept trying to get the baby to sleep in his crib. We ended up nursing him to sleep and then sneaking him into his crib and it finally took. I'm not an advocate of letting him cry to sleep(as opposed to my husband), though that is the other route you will be told, is that the baby will learn to sleep in the crib best if they fall asleep there. I think 4 weeks is too young for that, but others may disagree.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.L.

answers from Dallas on

Hi D.,
My son (now 3) was exactly the same. I promise this will pass. It took a long time for us, I let him sleep with us until he was 18 mos. then when I tried to move him to his own room I slept in there with him until he was 27 mos!!!! This was one of my biggest mistakes I made as a mom.
What helped me was I found a book called "Good night sleep tight" which saved us (and my sanity) This is a wonderful book that explaines sleep,sleep cycles,add alot of great info that I wish I would have had when he was L. like yours.
Get this book, It will help.

H. L.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.K.

answers from Dallas on

I had this same problem when my daughter was a newborn. I stayed up many nights with her, just holding her while she slept. She wouldn't sleep in her basinette. She'd fall asleep in my arms and when I would go to lay her down, she'd wake up and cry. I would fall asleep while nursing her in my bed and just let her sleep that way almost every night until she began to sleep more soundly. It wasn't until I began to supplement her feedings with formula. My pediatrician indicated that perhaps she wasn't getting enough breast milk and therefore wasn't sleeping as deeply as she could. I don't have any special advice accept to ask your pediatrician. I truly know how frustrating this is for you and I hope that she (and you) will be able to sleep comfortably very soon.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter did the same thing. We tried everything....and finally after 8 weeks, we placed her on her stomach and she slept on her own peacefully. She hated being on her back, and still does at 16 months.
Everyone will tell you it's not safe with the infant sleeping on their stomachs, but my husband and I made the best decison for our baby and ourselves. She lifted her head very early, and ultimately you have to make your own judgement call. I do know exactly what you are going through...I slept with my daughter on my chest for two months. It is a wonderful bonding experience, but can be exhausting. Hang in there!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.C.

answers from Dallas on

We had problems getting my now 6 month old to stay asleep when he was about that age. The first problem was his startle reflex. As soon as I would put him down, he would startle and wake himself up. The second problem was reflux. Just like us when we have heartburn, if a baby has reflux, it can burn really bad when they are lying down. He was placed on reflux medicine when he was about 6 weeks old and it has helped alot. I would suggest buying the "Amazing Miracle Blanket." It is a specially made swaddling blanket with a money back guarantee if it doesn't work. We tried two other swaddling blankets on our guy, but he could bust out of every one until the Miracle Blanket. I was very skeptical, but it works wonders. Because baby is tucked in tight, he felt secure like the womb. It would calm him down and allow him to sleep. I bought two in case one was dirty. You can use them until the baby is about 4 months old, they are about $30 each, but well worth the money. You can order them online, but I bought mine from a place in Grapevine. If you go the their website, you can get a list of retailers.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.

answers from Dallas on

have you tried swaddling at all? my little guy responded the same way. he liked to feel the weight of arms or warmth next to him. we started to tightly swaddle him for naps and night and it really helped.
it is SO hard at the beginning. you're so tired and just want your child to be happy. it got a ton easier around 5 weeks and then again at about 4 months. my friend's children seemed to follow this same pattern. IT WILL GET BETTER!
M.
p.s. we swaddled our little guy pretty tightly. it sort of scared my husband at first and he called it the baby-straightjacket! they also make special little swaddling blankets (babiesRus) with velcro to help out.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Dallas on

This is totally normal. Your infant spent 9 mos in the comfort of your body - constantly attached. It's totally natural that he/she wants to be as close to you as possible after birth. It took me a while to get that with my first, but by the second, we were totally into "Attachment Parenting" and I have no regrets. We ended up bringing the baby into bed with us at times in order for anyone to get any sleep at all. This is a very personal choice but it worked well for us - I would nurse with the baby in bed and then could sometimes get up and he would remain sound asleep in the little nest - made secure with solid (not fluffy) pillows. Another option is to put the basinett/crib right by your bed so that you can scooch them into that once they fall soundly asleep by you. I also used one of those nursing pillows and could often transfer him on that into the crib and again scooch him off the pillow. But, we always kept the crib in our room - he never would sleep at all in a separate room. And really, 4 weeks is too early to expect any amount of routine or a baby that is happy to be separated from you. It should be tremendously easier by 2 mos - in another 4 weeks - hang in there - you've survived the most difficult part in that respect.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.

answers from Dallas on

D., wrap her like a little burrito in a receiving blanket and lay her on her side. If you don't know what I mean, basically put her arms down to her side and wrap her the way that did in the hospital. A lot of times babies that react that way to laying down just want to feel a little extra security. My daughter was the same way. I could sleep with her in my arms, breast feed her,etc and not open my eyes at night! I feel your frustration but rest assured it will get better. A 4 week old baby is, IN MY OPINION, way too young to be "spoiled", as many will say. She just doesn't feel secure when you lay her down. If you have a boppy, try laying her kind of cradled in that. My neice was that way and would only sleep in the changing table part of her playpen!

Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.

answers from Dallas on

My son (now 12 weeks)was the same way!!! I thought I was going to go crazy! Thank goodnes it didn't last too long, but one thing that did seem to work was putting him in a baby "papasan". I think he felt more snuggled in the papasan than he did in his bouncy. Don't worry though...your little one will soon start sleeping when you put her down. Good Luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.L.

answers from Dallas on

Reading your response has brought tears to my eyes. I can absolutely relate! As weird as it sounds for the first 6 months we blasted White noise in every room of our house, in our car, while we slept, everywhere-it worked. Sometimes right next to her head, not enought to cause damage but loud! Also a product called Gripe Water at many health food stores, all natural (settles their stomachs) great to have on hand.
My daughter had very similar issues, we slept face to face every night until she was 7 months old. She cried from the moment she was born until she was 10 months old and then just stopped like a switch. Everyone had their opinion.."quit breastfeeding it will get better", "you spoil her lay her down and she will LEARN to accept it", "its gas, reflux, milk allergy..." It went on and on. I was unable to leave her b/c all she would do is scream the whole time and refuse feedings etc. She could go all day without a nap and only sleep a total of 8 hours at night (not all the way through).
I share with you these things not to make you fear the possiblities but only to tell you that only you can go with your heart and do what feels right. As a first time mom I know hearing that seems so unhelpful when all you want are answers. Through all of our trials and tribulations I swore I would never wish it on my worst enemy. However, my daughter is now only 14 months and truly I would have 10 more just like her. She is so sensitive, loving, and smart. While my friends babies hardly made a peep as infants, and I sat back and watched them eat meals and have conversation after a good nights sleep, but now I am enjoying the benefits of what you call the high needs infant. Dr. Sears has good literature, however, not many answers to the things you are desparately seeking. It is very tough but it will get better eventually! Hang in there happy to share other helpful tidbits if this is reassuring. I definitely have other things I tried some work some didn't but the White Noise and Gripe Water were the only two things that brought me an ounce of sanity. I have the CD for White Noise you can play on repeat, which is what we did. Happy to send it to you if you would like to have it!
I will keep you in my prayers!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.W.

answers from Dallas on

We got the miracle blanket at The Nesting Place in Grapevine after reading The Happiest Baby on the Block. Like the earlier post said, Kay will help you out and she's a certified educator in the Happiest Baby on the Block methods.

We stopped swaddling early on and then picked it back up at about 2 and half months. My girl started sleeping so much better at that point. It took a few days of swaddling before she was okay with it but she quickly learned the blanket meant nap/bedtime and even just comfort when she was really upset.

Remember it takes a few days for things to change when something new is introduced and at 6 months old we still struggle with naps occasionally. Hang in there and don't give up!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.

answers from Dallas on

My son is 1 month old also. He was born Feb 9. Does your baby sleep during the day ok or is this when you put her down during the night? For us, we figured out it was too quiet at night and so occasionally we turn the TV on loud to help him fall asleep and then I can turn it off. He is also swaddled, that helps him alot I think.
This is my 3rd child, so I have had a little practice, but I still understand what you're going through. Sometimes I just have to put him down to sleep and jump in the shower so I don't hear him cry. I know he's been fed, diaper's dry and he's warm so I just let him cry out his stress until he falls asleep. He's not going to die from crying a little. If he cries more than 15 minutes(my shower), I check his diaper again, try to burp him(crying seems to create bubbles in his stomach) and then put him back down, give him a pacifier and he falls asleep, usually.
Have you read the book called Babywise? That's the one that helped me the most. It puts the baby on a schedule that helps them predict what happens in their life. Basically they eat, play and then sleep; eat, play and sleep every 3 hours. They eat and then I keep my baby up for about 1/2 hour and then put him down to sleep. I don't let him fall asleep during eating or immediately after. At night, I don't play, just eat and sleep.
I hope this helps. Let me know if I need to explain it better.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.

answers from Dallas on

My son had the same problem for his first few months. The way I got it to work for me was to co-sleep.. but with him laying next to me, over time I would get up after he fell asleep... earlier and earlier each time, until eventually he was able so sleep alone on middle of our bed surounded by pillows. As for the swing have you tried putting her in there when she is wide awake? My son didnt like his at first but when we introduced him to the swing when he was awake and happy, eventually he was able to be in it and fall asleep If I haddnt had that swing I would have gone insane. WE had fisher price swing with the rotateing sea animals, if your swing has something of the like if you have her in it when shes wide awake it should capture her attention.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter AND son were both like this.
Swaddling worked WONDERS with my daughter, but not my son (he would just get tooo hot). So we ended up laying him on his tummy to sleep and this did help a bit. I will say we did not start that until he was at least 8 weeks. He was very strong and could hold his head up quite well. Also we made sure NOTHING was in his crib except his sheet (not even a bumper) for safety reasons.
Try swaddling your daughter first. Make sure it is quite snug. When my daughter outgrew the baby recieving blankets I just went to the cloth store and got a HUGE cut of thin flannel and used that till she was almost 6 months old!! Don't worry, this won't last forever!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.

answers from Dallas on

Hi D.,
I have a 13 week old and he had the same problem. He would wake up the minute i put him in the crib. It was wind/gas and when he had it bad he would only sleep lying on my chest with me in an upright position.

Your email didn't say if your baby will sleep for while in the crib and then wake or if its immediate when you lie her down.

I am not reccomending to do any of these things but I had success with the following:
1. I used grip water it helps soothe his stomach you can get it from The Vitamin shop or mylicon drops (sorry if that isn't the right spelling) from Walmart

2.Burped him everytime he pulled off the breast or made squirmy noises. Sitting on my knee with my hand holding his chin and leaning him slightly forward so that his stomach is contractong seemed to work the best.

3.Although everyone says not to i put a small stiff pillow in his crib. I felt that he liked sleeping on my chest because it made him inclined and put less pressure on his stomach. So i laid him on his back with his shoulders and head on the pillow it worked.

4. Finally around 4 weeks i started to let him sleep on his tummy. Again everyone tells you not to and if you have any of the other things that can cause crib death (sids) you should definitly not do it. But my son was a very big boy born 9lb 6 oz he could lift his head from birth and we dont smoke or have any history of crib death in our family. He liked this as well.
5. He would burp up well but he still had a hard time pooping. he would make squirmy noises and be unsettled and yet he'd already burped. I would lay him on his change table and cycle his legs like he's riding a bike and pulling them back towards his head a few times.He would fluff most times.

Finally if you are bottle feeding try and use one with the plastic sheath inside it seems to lessen the gas the baby gets.

Again, i am not reccommending that you do any of these things its just what worked for me.

Good Luck, the good news is that if it is wind it will usually get better around 3 months of age.

Take Care, feel free to contact me if you would like

Mertees

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Dallas on

Have you tried swaddling her in a blanket and putting her either on one of the womb wedges or putting the bear that has the womb sound in with her?

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.H.

answers from Dallas on

D.--

Hang in there--she will get better and more used to being here and not attached to you! My second daughter, who is 5 months old, would do the same thing. In fact, she still takes her naps in a swing. My suggestion to you is a)make sure she is swaddled during the day for naps and b) get your hands on the Fisher Price cradle swing that moves from side-to-side as well as front-to-back. I borrowed this from a friend of mine and it seemed to solve our napping problems. As for night time, we put her down in her bed and listened to her cry (swaddled of course). The first time we did it she cried for about 45 minutes, which is hard to listen to I know. I assure you though no harm will come to her from crying--she'll still get into a good college! The next night her crying was about 30 minutes and the next night 20 and so on and so forth. She STILL fusses when we put her down for the night (especially if it's light outside) but she eventually drifts to sleep and sleeps until morning (5:30 to 6:30 a.m.). (Obviously, your baby isn't going to sleep through the night at four weeks.) Babies "turn a corner" at three months and then another at four months. Since your baby is 4 weeks I'm sure that seems like an eternity, which is why I hope the swaddling and swing work in the meantime. Good luck and keep repeating to yourself, "This is temporary and will get better."

R.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.

answers from Dallas on

Hi - I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! Hang in there and it will get better. Both of mine had to be held all the time. A book that really helped me is The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp.
I didn't discover it until my second was 4 months old, but it still helped. He advocates swaddling and that really helped for me.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.

answers from Dallas on

Your child's behavior is certainly not "abnormal" although it sure can be frustrating! My son would only sleep for 37 minutes, on the nose, unless I was holding him. And the crying! It didn't fit with what we envisioned as having a baby, and it sounds like it has taken you off guard a bit, too. So what to do? Hold your baby. Get a sling or some other kind of baby carrier. And to maintain your sanity, sleep with the baby. At least that's how I've coped. Now, the downside is that my son, at 29 mnths, is not the greatest sleeper. In part because of who he is, and in part because of all the sleeping I've done with him. But for us it was the right choice. The books I liked are No Cry Sleep Solutions, books by Dr. Sears, and the information on sleep in Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits. (just a note: I like the information on sleep, but did not agree with his strategies of letting a child cry themselves to sleep. That's just my opinion, but I always feel compelled to include it when recommending the book!).
Anyway, best of luck to you guys.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.

answers from Dallas on

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, this is quite normal. Please remember, though, at this point, you cannot spoil a baby. Your child is still a newborn, and still needs you, your touch, your scent to be comfortable. I spent many, many hours holding my daughter at that age. We did eventually have some luck with the Fisher Price Pappasan swing, as I think it cradled her better than any other swing did. You might try that one (I actually saw one for sale on craigslist.com for just $50, which is a great deal!). I promise, though, they grow out of it. Too quickly, in some ways! In no time, your baby will be squirming to get out of your arms, and you'll long for the cuddly moments you once shared.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter had similiar sleeping patterns (if you can call it that!!) at that age. She was diagnosed with acid reflux. Does she spit up often, too, or have trouble eating or lying down? You may want to talk to your ped. about it.

Good luck!!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.D.

answers from Dallas on

She could be having reflux. If you are nursing her, try avoiding spicy foods, eggs, dairy, nuts for a week and see if that makes a difference.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.L.

answers from Dallas on

All I can say is: swaddle, swaddle, swaddle!!! It worked wonders with baby #2 for me---wish I would've known about it with baby #1!!!!

The book "Happiest Baby On The Block" by Harvey Karp tells you exactly how to do it. This book is a must-read!!

:-) H.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.C.

answers from Dallas on

First.. hang in there. It is tough for the parents and the baby as you figure out how to relate to each other outside of the womb.

Have you checked her for burps? if not, have you considered Mylocon? She is young but it is safe. Does she have reflux?

Is she cold? Is she wearing a baby-cap? Does she like being swaddled? Are you swaddling her per her liking? One baby may prefer to be tightly wrapped while another wants her hands free, for example.

Try soothing her with music. First while you hold her then while you lay her down and sign to her. Pat her but do not pick her up.

She is pretty young and some kids just like being held. They do grow out of it. Hang in there.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.

answers from Dallas on

My son was very much that way when he was an infant. I slept with him on the couch for his first four months of life! We kept him in bed with us for another 3 years after that. He was 3 1/2 when we got him his "big-boy bed". He has been in his own bed for a little over a year now. I would not do it any differently if I had the chance. I hope this helps you!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.

answers from Dallas on

TRY LYING AN ITEM OF YOURS DOWN THAT YOU HAVE WORN. THAT WAY THE CHILD WILL BE ABLE TO SMELL YOUR SCENT. MY DAUGHTERE WAS THE SAME WAY I DON'T THINK SHE EVER ACTUALLY"BROKE" OUT OF IT.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.S.

answers from Dallas on

Yes, it's normal and will get better soon. She's young enough that she might need to be swaddled tightly. You know how to do that??

If you're in the room with her....go ahead and lay her on her tummy to sleep, if swaddling her doesn't help.

Remember how it feels when you are nearly asleep and suddenly feel like you are falling? That's the way a baby feels sometimes...especially in the first few weeks after birth.

I know that your doctor has told you no cereal until four or five months old. But, if the baby is always hungry and fussy....cereal might help. Let me know if you'd like some guidance about getting her started on it.

This is a very frustrating time....magnified by lack of rest for you. They do begin to sleep better and for as much as five hours at a time around 6/8 weeks...especially after they start cereal and their feedings become spread out more. Just email me if you want more info. I've been a professional child care provider in my home for over 20 years. I've raised two daughters of my own and now have 4 grandchildren. So, you can trust me.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.W.

answers from Kansas City on

I sympathize with you, D.. Yes, some infants do act this way. My son was one of them and we were thought for sure that something was wrong with him. Our ped told us that it is perfectly normal and some babies just need that extra support. His advice to us was to hold him throughout naps during the day. I cried when he told me this. I was not only thinking of the drain on myself but would my son learn to only fall asleep if I hold him. My son is now 16 months now and he learned at about 4 months to sleep on his own. Do whatever you have to do the first 3 months to get some sleep. It can be rough but I promise you it will get better!! Good luck!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions