HELP - 13-Yr Old Son REFUSES to Learn About the "Birds & the Bees"

Seems like he knows enough about it for now and it's not a topic he wants to discuss with family. Quite normal ... it's a bit late for THE TALK at 13 I would have thought, so don;t worry about it now!
Tell him you understand he doesn't want to talk about certain things - but that you are OK with it, you thought he might have questions and you are there if he ever does.

Ask him to explain it to the 11 year old? Then you'll see what he knows too.
Good luck!

He sounds like he's just embarrassed. Are you and his dad comfortable talking about it? I am no expert by any means--my boys are 10 and 8. I've already had the "talk" with them. I feel a little awkward but I don't let it show. I want them to know how natural this whole thing is. I hope I'm not wasting your time. I don't know that I have any good concrete advice for you as it's new territory. The other response sounded good if your son responds well to humor. They are all so different. With your son, I would definitely not have a huge discussion about it. I would slip in little things here and there in casual conversation so he feels more comfortable. But whatever you do, keep trying. Open communication is so important especially nowadays regarding sex. He thinks he knows everything, but he's probably just getting it from friends (and what do they know, really?). I've had several talks with my kids in regards to sex. If something comes up, we address it. But they are a little younger than your son, so maybe they are just not as embarrassed about it yet. Good luck! You're doing a great job. I have friends who are uncomfortable with the whole thing and just choose not to discuss it. Big mistake!! I know you are going through a rough time. Just a thought, is he closing up about anything else? Could he be angry about the divorce so he just doesn't want to talk about anything? Have you talked to any of his friends parents to see how much they know and how accurate their information is? At least that might tell you a little bit about how much he really knows.

Hi Francine,

Maybe try some humor. Tell your son that you are his mom and it's your job to educate him to be certain that he takes steps to always be careful and know about good sex and not so good sex. Tell him that the subjectisn't easy for you to discuss either but you gotta do it. Make him laugh by assuring him you're not going to strip naked and point out the finer points of women's "finer" points, but that if he has any questions or concerns, no matter what that you are there to answer to the best of your ability.

I decided with my son to just make mom statements every now and then, like...do you need a wash cloth when you bathe now that you have hair there? Make sure you brush your teeth as teenage girls pay attention to appearance. You know just little subtle sentences. My son is 14.
I asked him if I had to sign any paperwork for school for his sex classes. I pretend to be an airhead about it sometimes, present it casually to avoid embarrassing him. Best of luck

Hi, Francine. I have 2 kids, ages 5 and 4. I get a lot of my parenting information from a website called www.familylife.com. That subject is so tough, and they tackled this issue with a fun time together for son and father and also for a mother and daughter. I've seen the responses from the kids, and their reaction was more positive with the subject rather than embarassment. You might want to check it out in the Better Parenting section.
- Monica

My son started going through puberty just before he turned 11 but I started talking to him about things when he was much younger too.
Now that he's in full fledge puberty mode, he doesn't want to discuss anything like that with me (although he was okay with it when he was younger)
Did your son participate in SHARE in 4th, 5th and 6th grade? They also really go over the basics a lot.
At this point, I would just casually bring up things here and there. He's going to act embarassed no matter what if he's already going through it but if you keep letting him know that you are here for him to answer questions and to talk to him when he's ready (My mom didn't talk to me about it all right away either and when she did approach the subject, I also felt awkward but she just kept trying... like when I had rubberbands on my braces, she referred to them as rubbers and I about died! But it started a conversation. I was 15...)

I hope you can appreciate a light sense of humor Francine. .....I have two sons. : ) When they approached,their teens,I attempted to sit down with them, and disguss (Sex) Their father should have, but we were also divorced,and he was no where around.I sat them both down,and simply said. "I think its time that we sit down and have a talk.My oldest said (About what? I said (Sex) He responded with(WHAT IS IT YOU WANT TO KNOW? LOL We all began cracking up! Both the boys told me they already knew about sex,and that they had (Sex Ed) They said they knew how to protect themselves,knew all about the difference in sexes,and not to worry, they weren't going to get anyone pregnant...They weren't ready to have any kids!They honestly explained things to me fairly well! Your son knows all the basics, and as he grows, and becomes a little more mature these next few years,he will ask you,those things, he still isn't quite sure about.Thats what my boys did.They became less timid,and they knew I was there to give them honest answers.Just keep that line of communication open,thats most important.Best of luck to you and your son. J. : )

I am the mother of 3 sons all grown now.
My question is why push the issue?

I would let him know that the door is open when and if he ever has a question for you and that you love him and will answer him to the best of your ability.

You may want to lightly touch on the fact (gently) that his body will experience changes and this is part of growing up and everyone goes through it at different times of their lives. He will experience new feelings (without going into detail) in his body and that is part of growing up and hormonal changes. You may even want to say something like. When some people grow up their bones hurt and that's part of the growing process, sometimes people experience a lot of persperation or body odor which can be controlled with anti persperents etc.

I would just keep the door open and provide a safe environment for him to trust to come to you, his father or grandfather.

I wouldn't push it too hard with him, especially if he is trying to deal with your divorce and a father who obviously isn't interested in having this conversation.

If there are things you need to talk to him about like hygeine that he just really isn't getting maybe you can find out if there is a male teacher at his school that he has a good repore with. When my parents were split up and I was in high school I talked to my teachers all the time about stuff my parents should have been talking to me about. My teachers were wonderful.

I am so glad that you have tried. I was a divorced mom of two sons. They are now adults with their own small families but man that was a hard talk. In my opinion you are doing the right thing by trying. I hope you have told him it is really important to you to know he has the right information. To still occasionly bring it up and let him know your thoughts. The sad fact is he does know a lot but the key is letting him know what you expect of him. Remember love, time and consistency does work.