My Son Is Almost 10 & We Have Not Had the Sex talk.Any Advice or Books?

doesn't matter whether you believe in abstinence or wild promiscuity. kids need accurate information. i'm betting your 10 year old knows more than 'sex is kissing', at least if he's in public school.

there's not A Sex Talk from sensible parents. there's a long series of ongoing discussions that should have started years ago, beginning with the correct names for body parts.

if you've been silent on the subject for all this time, it'll probably be awkward to begin. i don't think handing a kid a book is an appropriate coping technique. books are great as backup to an ongoing discussion. but having set yourself up for awkwardness, you'll probably need the help of a good book. ask your librarian.

an informed child is not a sexually active child. studies show that children who have access to information about sex are more likely to abstain for longer.

arm your child with accurate information. you can do that while imparting your family's beliefs and values.
khairete
S.

Wow, the sex talk is not s one time talk. It's something that is a continued conversation that starts young with basic body anatomy.

Your child is 10? He likely has a very skewed view of sex because it is something children talk about at school. He probably tells you it's just kissing but I'd bet $$$ he's been educated by his peers which is sad.

Why would you rather he learn incorrect info from peers vs communicating with him?

So you believe in abstinence? That's great but you don't control his beliefs.

You may end up having a kid who is a father at 16 if you don't communicate and educate him on sex, consequences of sex which are becoming a parent or carrier of an STD the rest of his life.

Don't stick your head in the sand and see what happens. If you're embarrassed, talk while you're driving, on a walk etc.

No communication or education on sex can make you a young grandmother!

Believing in abstinence is great and all but teens still need medically accurate education about sexual health and reproduction. This should be a long conversation that starts early by using the correct names for body parts and gets more into depth as they age. If there are things you do not know or that they would not feel comfortable asking you about give them time with their doctor to ask private questions. I have always had an open dialogue with my boys about sex and because of that when my older son recently had some questions he knew not to just trust what his friends said and he came to me and felt comfortable doing so. When my boys started hitting early puberty I bought the book "Its Perfectly Normal" and we read it out loud together stopping if they had questions or needed clarification. I hope my boys wait until they find love to have sex but I can not make their choices for them and so I have given them the tools they need to be safe should they make a different choice.

What does "we believe in abstinence" mean? Was your son made from Legos?

If you mean "we believe that our son should not have intercourse before marriage" or "we believe that our son should not have intercourse before age 18", you need to clarify that - to *yourselves* and to your son.

And if you want him to know that kissing is different so that he knows you will be accepting of his going buckwild in the kissing department, you need to clarify that, too.

It sounds like talking to your son about "how intercourse works" is not the most pressing need on your list of things to be sorted out in this area.

Talk to the librarian in a good children's/teen library. You can borrow books from other libraries in the network and have them delivered to your local branch. You can find books that align with your values.

My guess is, he's heard a lot more than you think he's heard. If he's on a school bus or a soccer team, kids talk.

Moreover, this is not A talk. It's a series of talks over the years. The content will change as his level of interest and maturity increase. Be sure your talk is not just about mechanics, but about respect (no means no), valuing his own body as well as someone else's, and about how you are a non-judgmental resource for him. You hope for one course for him, but you have to be his go-to people even if his path diverges. He has to rely on you.

With both my kids I just sort of told them the details first. My daughter has the American Girl book but I'm not sure she spends a lot of time looking at it. Some friends recently recommended these three books: It's so Amazing, What Makes A Baby, and Sex is a Funny Word. I believe the last two are a series.

I just want to say that believing in and advocating for abstinence is great but he still needs to know all the facts. He needs to know how sex works and bodies work, which is why you're asking the question, I know, but since you added that part I feel the need to address it in my answer. Kids don't always abide by our wishes or hopes and kids who don't know the facts are going to have a much harder time understanding their feelings, urges, and choices if they don't know exactly how and when babies are made.

Someone on here recently suggested It's Not The Stork (I think it is called). I would recommend also. It's for ages 4 and up.

We just talked about how it takes a woman and a man. Women have some of the parts required, as do men. We started there. Our kids weren't interested in the 'mechanics' behind it to begin with. We waited until they showed interest.

I also just give the most basic amount of info. If they listen, but wander off, I stop there.

It's been an ongoing conversation that evolves over time as they mature, combined with books they can refer to. That's worked for us. Stork one has the basics covered, and we had the Where did I come from (I think that's what it was called, with cartoon type pictures)

YOU might believe in abstinence...your son might not. He might now...cuz he knows no different...but as he gets older he will know what sex really is and he might want to have it.
Your job, as parents, is to give them the information! Sure, explain what abstinence is and how important you believe it to be. And then tell him what condoms are and how they can protect him if he decides to have sex.
Look around at a nearby hospital and see if they have a "sex and your pre-teen" talk or something like it. If you are too nervous to have the actual conversation (and it's not just ONE conversation...it's 100's!) then you could go to that class. It's usually parents and youth and VERY informative!

Please check this link, you can find some good book for you and your son
http://media.focusonthefamily.com/topicinfo/sex_education...