Having to Go Back to Work:(

I'm on maternity leave until the last week of March and I unfortunately don't get the option to quit and stay home. While I will lament not being able to stay home like I was able to with my first baby, I do take comfort in the fact that I like my job and I will get much needed interaction with other adults and that I don't have to leave the majority of finacial responsiblity on my boyfriend.

I will miss being at home, but I know that its important to go back to work for the finacial welfare of the family. Finding the positive about going back to work is key to keeping up morale. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

That is really hard! I hated it too. And I was lucky enough to have an on-site daycare with my oldest. Now I work mostly from home with my youngest. Find someone you trust and get some references. That should help. Make the time you do get to spend together really special! Best of luck!

This is very normal! I was the same way, but I only had 5 wks off of work.

If at all possible, can you go back half days for a while, and work your way back to full time?

When I went back to work, my husband was home with my son until about noon, and only had to go to daycare for about 3-5 hrs tops. It really did help me knowing that I would be with him in just a few short hrs.

I know it is hard, but if you have a great daycare like I do, it does make it easier!

B.,

I felt the same way. THat's why I quit after 6 days being back. I just could not handle it. I worried about my son, knowing he was too little to tell me if he was being ignored. I missed him so much, it was unbearable. So I quit and found a job I could work part time in the evening, so my husband could watch our son at night. Not ideal, but way better! And I took comfort in knowing our son would have special "Daddy time," not something all kids get. When we sat down and looked at what it cost us to put him in daycare, versus a loss of pay by cutting back to part time, it actually worked out to be pretty much the same financially. And one final note, I don't think working outside the home would necessarily make you a better mother; I don't think it makes you worse by any means, but the poster that said it would probably make you a better mother because of the "quality" of time you spend with your duaghter is misguided. I spend all day with my son, and I will often find myself just sitting back, watching him play or dance or learn a new skill and I am overcome with amazment and can't help smiling. I think most mothers do that, whether they work outside the home or not (I say outside the home, because ALL moms work! LOL!). I think it comes down to a few key points: are there any alternatives to working full time day hours (PT or FT at night, working from home), is there a way to get by on 1 salary, and ultimately, how you feel about it. I know I personally could not stand the thought of a virtual stranger spending more time with my son than me, watching him grow and develop, helping him learn new things, comforting him when he's sick, sad or scared. It's a huge sacrifice for me (I definitely get less sleep than I want and my house isn't sparkling clean anymore!), but in may ways, in the most important ways, it's enriched my life in a way that no amount of money ever could. And like I said, by not spending half my paycheck on daycare, it works out pretty much the same! I would advise that you and your husband sit down first of all and decide how important it is for the two of you that you stay home. If you both really want it, then look at your budget and see what can be cut, like cell phone and cable (at least dropping down to cheaper plans), bringing lunch to work, buying less expensive groceries, not going out as much, etc. and see if your budget can be whittled to work on his income alone. If not, see if you can find something part time in the evenings, either with your current employer or with a new company. Many more employers are offering more flexible schedules to accommodate working mothers. Or see if you can find a work from home opportunity. If you go to www.wahm.com there are job postings all the time for telecommuting positions. Or possibly your current employer will have something that you can do from home. If you decide you want to stay home, you can make it work, you just have to look at all the possibilities. Good luck, I know how sad you are right now. Keep us posted!

M.

Hi B.,
I feel your pain. I felt it 17 yrs ago when my middle child was born. So much in fact that I decided to open my own daycare so I wouldn't have to take her to one. My advice is to ask your friends and family about providers they know about or use. Check them out as thoroughly as you can. Visit the home, meet the provider, see how she responds to your child, look around at the home, see what your gut tells you. Ask for references from people she is currently providing care for as well as former ones, they will be more willing to tell you the truth, because they no longer see this person. Drop in unexpectedly with your child during the hours she provides care. Anyone you choose should have a open door policy so that you can pop in unexpectedly. Even at nap time, you can visit quietly. Just don't be afraid or apologetic with the questions you want to ask because if she is any good, she should understand your fear and want to help ease it. If she feels you are interrogating her, and is offended, pass her up. Our children are our most precious things, and a provider should also feel that way towards them. Take some time doing this, don't rush it. Good luck, R.

B.,
Hi my name is A. and I can totally relate to what you are going through! I am a stay at home mom of two girls 16mo and 3mo and when the time came for me to go back to work to get some extra money I was devistated. Needless to say I found something that lets me stay at home with my girls and make money.
I sell The Body Shop at Home, I absolutly love it. I am not your typical direct sales person and to be honest with you I never really saw myself doing direct sales but I love it now! It is a great way to start your own business and you definitly get what you put into it. It is a wonderful opportunity and there are a ton of stay at home moms who are with our company. Let me know if that might be something you would be interested in. I can send you some info or feel free to check out my web site at
www.thebodyshopathome.com/web/aduneman

I wish you all the luck in being able to stay at home I know how amazong it is:) Just a tidbit I usually make $100 a party!
-A.

I had the same problem when I had to go back to work and it is normal.What I did to insure the care of my son was when I found a daycare I thought would be agood place for my son I would ask them lots of questions than I would talk to parents thats children where in the daycare (talk to more than a few).I was lucky tho because my job was not far from the daycare so on my lunch I would go there and check on him.A idea a friend gave me is try and get off work early a few times so you can check up on them dont let them know you are coming either than you can see how they are doing with your child.Once you do this the anixity of leaving her there will go away and you will start to enjoy the break you get from her even if you are working,Goodluck

Is there a way for you to work part-time or do something from home? That way you will be spending more time with you daughter and less time at work. Daycare is also a money and time sucker. You just have to watch where you go and make sure you do not set up an appointment when you check out the daycares. They will set up the place how they will want it to look to get you. Make sure you go in to look at daycares in the morning times between 7-11a.m. would be the best times. After lunch time the kids are napping or resting would not be that great of a time. Also, if they have the lights off in the rooms where they have the kids then it is not a good place. They do this so your child will sleep all the time when they are there and they do not have to do anything. My son used to be in a home day care and when I used to go pick him up the lights in the bedroom they had him they would always be off. No matter if I picked him up in the morning, afternoon, or evening. So just make sure to watch out for this trick. Also, another thing to do is when you find a daycare you really like. Go back in at another time and check it out again. They say to also help you both to get prepared about the day back to work. Is to take your child in the day before he is to start and maybe that will help ease your problems the morning you go back into work. I wish you good luck with whatever you decide to do. Happy holidays!

C.

Hi My name is L. I have a in home childcare I have been working with children since 1993 have had in home childcare in my home since 1995 I have 2 children thay are 3 and 10 love children you can call me and I can help you find the right fit for you you can email me at ____@____.com thank you for your time I will help you find the right fit for you ane your little one.

Do you have any friends and family around that have children? where do they take their kids? I would talk around and get references. I know I'm in a bind also, well I will be once I go back to work. I live in a small town and My four year old has been to a public day care off and on, and I'm happy with him there. But I now have a one year old (on the 21 he will be one) and we are expecting another in march, and my probelm with that daycare for the babies is they keep all the little ones in a little fenced in area. I know just by looking at my one year, that he is use to playing with my older son and him being in that little area, isn't going to work for him. Other than that, i have no idea where else to go. Well where are you located? are you in Iowa? I use to live in Fort dodge and have alot of friends there, so If you live there than i could help you find a place. Or you could ask mamasource about the town you live in and get referals. You need to be comftorable where you take your baby, just keep that in mind. For a baby It would be nice if you had an in-law or parent or family memeber who would watch her. well i hope this has helped. just remember not all people are bad.
good luck, chris

I am working from home, not selling anything. It is a legit thing.
I work for West. I take calls that are routed to my house from people wanting to order stuff of Home Shopping Channels. It is very easy. And I am not away from my Kids. I only work when my husband is home.
I just had a Baby 2 months ago myself. Right now with only working about 2 hours a day and about 6 on weekenddays I make abotu $200 that is pure profit. If you figure what you would pay in Daycare you would have to make more then $350 in order for you to make the same.

Let me know if you want to hear more about it.

Hello I am a mother of 3 children 10,6 and 3 and I have an in home licenced daycare. I have 3 daycare children now and they are great. I know how you feel I am greatful that I get to be at home with my children. I have 2 openings M-F 6-5 $100 a week. Every child is very loved here and gets alot of attention. The daycare children that I have now are 3,1 and 7mo. If interested please contact me.

B.,

I have been through the same thing. I have a 5 year old and an almost 2 year old. I work full time. I cried the ENTIRE night the night before I sent my 5 year old to daycare (when he was 8 weeks old) and I cried most of the day after I dropped him off. I cried with the 2 year old too, but it was not nearly as hard as the first child. It is still difficult though, 5 years later (mostly on Mondays after a nice weekend with my kids).

You probably already have selected a daycare since you are about to return to work? Visit the daycare at odd times, not always when you drop your daughter off and pick her up. Sometimes visit over your lunch break, drop in or pick her up early once in awhile if you can. This will help you feel better because you will know how she is cared for all day, not just when they have an expected "audience".

Also, talk to the owner or manager of the center. They have a lot of experience with this and can be great sources of support.

In my experience, it takes a child about 2 months or so to get used to a center. After you are sure you have found the best place, and if you or your daughter just can't get used to it, you need to make a change. I remember the day I sent my 5 year old to daycare for the first time. Another mother was crying too. I asked her how long she had been sending her son there and she said 6 months. She just couldn't adjust. And guess what, she eventually quit working. But she gave herself a chance to adjust and I'll bet she'll never look back.

You will also be able to tell from your daughter if she being taken care of. The daycare where I send my children is wonderful!

There are benefits to working, as others have alluded to. I would hate for you to quit before you have had a chance to adjust to it. Take 6 months to work and see how you feel. Re-evaluate at that point. I am fortunate to work at a place which gives me some flexibility--I worked part-time for a few months--but I returned to full-time.

The women you work with at work will also be a HUGE source of support. Most of us have been through it and know exactly how you are feeling.

Also, talk to your friends who stay home. This is always helpful to me. I realize that they struggle too. Each woman has to make her own decision based on what is best for her family. For some families, it is to work (as hard as that is to do!!)

Give yourself a hug! This is the hardest part about being a mother. But you can do it! And you might even find it is a good thing for you and your daughter. It will make you stronger and you will definitely appreciate your time with her more!

I am a mom of three children and I always worked outside the home when the two oldest were little. I missed out on so much of their lives and I highly regret it. I decided I didn't want to do that with our third one. I've been home with her for the past two, almost three years. But we still needed for me to bring in an income so I started looking for something to do from home and I found the Stayin Home and Lovin It team. It's given me the freedom to stay home with my children AND bring in an income. I no longer have to worry about the daycare scene. Well, I just put my daughter in preschool. But it's only because it's good for her. I wanted her to be able to have time with other children and it's on my terms, not a bosses terms.
Now, what I do is my own business. I don't work for anyone else. But there are SOOOO many people your age with children that HATE going out and working and this is A FANTASTIC alternative. It might be for you, it might not. But it's definitely worth checking into.
Here's my website: http://tinamccomb.stayinhomeandlovinit.com go to "get more info" and it will send the info directly to me, no one else. You and I can talk more about what I do and how I'm able to stay home with my children. It's been so awesome and I thank God everyday for the opportunity for me to be in charge of my life, not some boss that doesn't have love for my family like I do.
Hope this is something that will work for you!!
T.

B.: Count your blessings you could spend that long with your baby. I went back to work with my first only 4 weeks after I had her. I actually think being away from your baby makes you a better mom... let me explain: you look at each picture she draws longer, you listen to each story closer, you appreciate the little things more. Your patience may be greater and your participation may be more.

Research and pick the best child care facility you can afford and cherish the time you have together.

Enjoy! H.

It might help to interview the different day cares that you are considering. Drop in during the day, when you can see what it is really like. Have a list of questions ready. If they answer your questions in a way that makes you feel even a little off, you should move on to the next one. But if you feel they have answered your questions to your liking, then you have found the next best person to take care of your baby besides you.
I know what you are going through. I have been there.
Hugs,
G.

Hi B.! I may be responding a little late, but better late than never, right? Are you still working outside of the home? Are things any better? I remember when my children were that age and it was the hardest part of my day when I had to walk out of that door (daycare) and hear them crying and calling my name. :( wow. So, the reason I'm writing is that for the last few months I've been working at home and I promised myself that if I found a ligitimate way to earn a living (because I've tried everything, believe me) I would share it with others who might also benefit. If you are willing to take 5 minutes and read what I've written especially for my sister mama sourcers I feel it could benefit you. Go ahead and check out some of the responses I've given here and if you feel that i'm the type of person who would scam you or try to get you to do something that would NOT benefit you and yours then click me off right now, but I would like to say that I am a caring person who feels it is simply the right thing to do to pass on anything that benefited me. I want others to have the opportunity. So email me and I will send you everything free! I paid for it once so I'm willing to share :)
Hi everyone! Long time no hear! I don’t know if ANYONE remembers me but I was a fairly regular commenter and even posted my own problems back in November and December. My name is J. and I’m from Idaho. I want to tell you the reason I haven’t been signed on to MamaSource.com for all of these months. I am newly widowed; just lost my husband not too long ago. Due to the manner in which he passed (suicide) there was no life insurance for me and my two daughters. This was doubly bad because not only do I not work outside of the home due to the fact that I have a pancreatic disease I was born with and it causes several serious problems which make it necessary for me to be at home, but both of our daughters have the disease also. They were both born with it and are also very ill. Things were not looking good for us. My monthly income was not even enough to cover our house let alone the car payment, orthodontist payment, regular utilities and all of the other “normal” things it takes to live. I was worried. I had no idea of what I was going to do. I sold one of our vehicles, sold my husband’s tools and then I had nothing more to sell.
I muddled around looking through the thousands of web pages that promised me “thousands in your first month” and I was never really impressed. Either it was way over my head or it sounded like a scam and usually it was. I knew one thing; I had to find something FAST! Then I heard about surveys. I heard from a few people who were making a lot of money doing surveys. So I thought well I could do that. I have opinions and I am at least a bit literate on the computer. So did some research and got registered with about 150+ survey companies most of them promised $25 - $50 to even $75 per survey. I waited and waited for those surveys to start pouring in and I was just calculating in my head how much money I was going to rake in.
Problem was the surveys came but not the surveys for $75, $50 or even $25. I got a couple worth $3 but I was getting hundreds a week that were worth “points”. Oh, I know with enough points you can trade them in for wonderful little prizes and even some you can trade for cash. Where were all of these surveys everyone was talking about I wondered. I was told to continue registering with more and more companies. I even found some “secret” companies who don’t advertise but I found out that it can take several months of completing the “points” surveys before you even qualify for the money ones, that’s IF you qualify.
I cried again for a couple of days and then told myself that there HAD to be something out there. I knew there was. I had heard so many wonderful success stories. I thought perhaps EBay or Google were my answers but after ordering the kits to get you started on those businesses, I found that I just didn’t know enough to start those. It would take some extra computer classes just to learn the “lingo”.
I was just about ready to give it up. I was about ready to attempt to open a daycare or something. Bring in just enough kids to make a living but not too many so that it would disrupt the lives of my children who were trying to get their school work done here everyday.
Then one day I was reading my email and I received the piece of mail I’d been waiting for. It was from a lady who had heard I’d been looking for a way to earn a living online. I wasn’t out to get rich but just earn a living. She gave me the opportunity to purchase from her a manual she had put together about a new form of “trading” on the internet that people are making anywhere from $500 a month to $5000 a month, depending how much time you want to spend. Spend a couple hours a day a couple days a week and you can make $1,000 a month. Spend about 5-6 hours a day a few days a week and you can earn $5,000 a month. This is no joke and it’s no scam. I’ve been doing it for a few months now and I’m here to tell you IT DOES WORK. It is legal, it is actually fun, you meet a lot of people and best of all, people come to you, willing to pay you to do something for them! They offer anywhere from $20 per job to $75 per job. A single job can be finished in 20-30 minutes. They usually pay you immediately through your paypal account, which if you don’t know what that is, it’s sort of like a bank account online.
For the remainder of the story, email me and I will forward it to your email! Trust me, you won’t regret this. I bought the manual, you don’t have to, I will send it to you free of charge! Email me now!!! ____@____.com