Work + Clean+ Cook + Care of Child = Headach

Updated on April 21, 2007
K.H. asks from Maquoketa, IA
11 answers

I give lots of props to all the family/moms out their who hold down a full time job and all your house work and caring for childeren who dont end up with headachs or handfulls of hair. I and my hisband both work 60 weeks. I work first shift and my husband works second shift. I wouldnt mind this situation but even though my husband is home durring the day our daughter spends 10 hours at day care 4 days a week. he keeps her home on mandays. but what really drives me crazy is whay he gets all day to sleep in I am working, then come home to clean the house, cook, bathe, and spend quality time with our daughter. Im starting to get frustrated and upset about how much my husband gets aways with. we both work the same amount of hours and for the same company and he thinks he deserves to sleep in and not get up with our child on our off days. how can I get him to understand that I NEED HELP and the EXTRA sleep too.

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So What Happened?

As for telling my husband we go through the same conversation/fight every saturday morning. He helps out for a little bit then he acts like things are just like they were. As for getting new job we live in a tiny town with not very many jobs were lucky to have the ones we do. We work at the same company so were unable to work the same shift. wich makes things the hardest. Were working on tryin to find a happy medium or and easy way to split the chores and caring for our daughter

More Answers

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B.F.

answers from Des Moines on

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years now and we work opposite shifts as you and your husband do. My husband and I take turns doing everything-one day he gets up with the kids, the next day I do-I cooked last night what are you making for dinner tonight-You cooked so I will do the dishes. This in itself helps keep some of the stress from totally being on me. You may suggest this with your husband and see if it helps at all.

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A.D.

answers from Great Falls on

Hi my name is A. and I can totally relate to what you are going through! I am a stay at home mom of two girls 16mo and 3mo and when the time came for me to go back to work to get some extra money I was devistated. Not only with leaving my girls but keeping up on the house work too. Needless to say I found something that lets me stay at home with my girls and make money.
I sell The Body Shop at Home, I absolutly love it. I am not your typical direct sales person and to be honest with you I never really saw myself doing direct sales but I love it now! It is a great way to start your own business and you definitly get what you put into it. It is a wonderful opportunity and there are a ton of stay at home moms who are with our company. Let me know if that might be something you would be interested in. I can send you some info or feel free to check out my web site at
www.thebodyshopathome.com/web/aduneman

I wish you all the luck in being able to stay at home I know how amazong it is:) Just a tidbit I usually make $100 a party!
-A.

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K.B.

answers from Billings on

Be "the man of the House" and flat out tell him that you need help and that you need the rest to and that his daughter needs him just as much as she needs you. And if he don't get up and help give him a choice either be a active part of this family or get out if he really loves you he'll help you should NOT have to do it all your self. Good Luck. and take care of your self your daughter needs you and if he won't help you deserve better. If you need anything else let me know

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A.D.

answers from Great Falls on

K.,
It's not fair, but after talking to several of my working mom friends, it seems us moms carry the burden. Many of us are not only responsible for baby care, house care, but we make the majority of the income as well. Somedays I get so frustrated and ask myself why I wanted to be a "modern" woman, why didn't I go to college and get my MRS degree instead of my MBA. But then I realize things could be worse. I have a faithful husband that loves me. He doesnt gamble or drink, and he works hard at his job. He does love his sleep and I end up getting up on the weekends with our little one, as well as during the night. But I'd rather do that then not have my little girl. One thing that I found does work is every once in a while I tell my husband I'm getting burned out. On Friday night I will say "honey, it has been such a long week, I know we are both tired, but if I don't get some sleep I'm going to lose my mind. Would you mind getting up with baby girl tomorrow morning and letting my sleep until 9? I can do the same for you on Sunday?" He usually always agrees to this arragement. Another option with cooking dinner after work is to get a crock pot. I have about 10 receipes that take little prep and I do them up the night before and put the crock pot on before I leave for work. It's alot easier than aruging or trying to convince my husband to cook. I know it's not a perfect solution, but it does make my life just a bit easier and less stressful. It doesn't change him, but one thing I've learned being with him for almost 7 years, you can't always change them, you just have to compromise. I'll take a guy that likes his slumber and is a bit lazy on the housework over a guy that doesn't care at all about his family. I hope this helps you a bit. Good luck, and hang in there...

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J.M.

answers from Des Moines on

Be sure to tell him. Men don't always get it right away. we put up dry erase board and we list the things that need to get done each day. As much as guys insist they don't like the honey-do list, the really like it because they can pace themselves and they can concentrate on one thing at a time. We as females, it comes more naturally to because i think historically we were the ones around the home and dad was out working.

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A.B.

answers from Lincoln on

Have you told your husband how frusterated you are?? Mine does the same thing just because he can and when I am to a point, we talk and things change. I am not sur your husband knows how upset you are...so tell him don't hold back anything

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M.W.

answers from Boise on

Have you ever thought about changing jobs to something that requires less hours? I work two nights days week and make as much as I did working full time. I could help you get started too, if you are interested. Just email me!

I'd love to help you out!
It's a fun night out and great extra money for the holidays!
M.

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###-###-####
[email protected]____.com

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J.H.

answers from Boise on

K., HI. are you still struggling with this problem? It just about broke my heart when I read it, really. I have an option for you. I started to work from home a few months ago and this is something i'm offering to send you if you'd like to simply check it out. IF you worked a 5 hour day Mon-Fri, you could make $5,000 a month. You won't get rich nor am I trying to sugggest you'll get rich but you'll at least be able to pay the bills and have a few extra hours at home and not have to carry on with such a killer schedule with no help! I'll send good thoughts your way. Read on and see if you want to email me. I'm offering this for free because it's the right thing to do for others who are struggling also!
Hi everyone! Long time no hear! I don’t know if ANYONE remembers me but I was a fairly regular commenter and even posted my own problems back in November and December. My name is J. and I’m from Idaho. I want to tell you the reason I haven’t been signed on to MamaSource.com for all of these months. I am newly widowed; just lost my husband not too long ago. Due to the manner in which he passed (suicide) there was no life insurance for me and my two daughters. This was doubly bad because not only do I not work outside of the home due to the fact that I have a pancreatic disease I was born with and it causes several serious problems which make it necessary for me to be at home, but both of our daughters have the disease also. They were both born with it and are also very ill. Things were not looking good for us. My monthly income was not even enough to cover our house let alone the car payment, orthodontist payment, regular utilities and all of the other “normal” things it takes to live. I was worried. I had no idea of what I was going to do. I sold one of our vehicles, sold my husband’s tools and then I had nothing more to sell.
I muddled around looking through the thousands of web pages that promised me “thousands in your first month” and I was never really impressed. Either it was way over my head or it sounded like a scam and usually it was. I knew one thing; I had to find something FAST! Then I heard about surveys. I heard from a few people who were making a lot of money doing surveys. So I thought well I could do that. I have opinions and I am at least a bit literate on the computer. So did some research and got registered with about 150+ survey companies most of them promised $25 - $50 to even $75 per survey. I waited and waited for those surveys to start pouring in and I was just calculating in my head how much money I was going to rake in.
Problem was the surveys came but not the surveys for $75, $50 or even $25. I got a couple worth $3 but I was getting hundreds a week that were worth “points”. Oh, I know with enough points you can trade them in for wonderful little prizes and even some you can trade for cash. Where were all of these surveys everyone was talking about I wondered. I was told to continue registering with more and more companies. I even found some “secret” companies who don’t advertise but I found out that it can take several months of completing the “points” surveys before you even qualify for the money ones, that’s IF you qualify.
I cried again for a couple of days and then told myself that there HAD to be something out there. I knew there was. I had heard so many wonderful success stories. I thought perhaps EBay or Google were my answers but after ordering the kits to get you started on those businesses, I found that I just didn’t know enough to start those. It would take some extra computer classes just to learn the “lingo”.
I was just about ready to give it up. I was about ready to attempt to open a daycare or something. Bring in just enough kids to make a living but not too many so that it would disrupt the lives of my children who were trying to get their school work done here everyday.
Then one day I was reading my email and I received the piece of mail I’d been waiting for. It was from a lady who had heard I’d been looking for a way to earn a living online. I wasn’t out to get rich but just earn a living. She gave me the opportunity to purchase from her a manual she had put together about a new form of “trading” on the internet that people are making anywhere from $500 a month to $5000 a month, depending how much time you want to spend. Spend a couple hours a day a couple days a week and you can make $1,000 a month. Spend about 5-6 hours a day a few days a week and you can earn $5,000 a month. This is no joke and it’s no scam. I’ve been doing it for a few months now and I’m here to tell you IT DOES WORK. It is legal, it is actually fun, you meet a lot of people and best of all, people come to you, willing to pay you to do something for them! They offer anywhere from $20 per job to $75 per job. A single job can be finished in 20-30 minutes. They usually pay you immediately through your paypal account, which if you don’t know what that is, it’s sort of like a bank account online.
For the remainder of the story, email me and I will forward it to your email! Trust me, you won’t regret this. I bought the manual, you don’t have to, I will send it to you free of charge! Email me now!!! [email protected]____.com

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T.J.

answers from Waterloo on

I feel for ya girl! I'd make your dh a deal. Have him trade places with you for one week. I don't think that he'd like to admit that he can't do what you do, and so he won't have to be reminded, he should start doing more. Isn't one of the reasons for working different shifts, to save money on childcare, and to have your daughter not be raised by a third party? Maybe you could get him to agree that he only takes her to childcare 2 days per week, and that you get the same type of break on his days off. Why is it that because we are women, that men seem to think that this is "our job", and that when they spend time with their children, that they are "babysitting". You both should be working together to raise your daughter, and she will remember someday, that her Mommy took care of her, but her Dad took her to childcare. The time that you spend together as a family should be quality time. You don't get much time with your husband as it is, so maybe you should tell him that as long as you're paying for childcare anyway, that he should work the day shift as well, and then you could share in the responsibilites. So many have to work, and have to take their children to daycare, but wish they had that time with their children. Evidentally, he doesn't realize what he's giving up. I've worked hard to have a home based business, because I want to be here when Hannah goes to school, and when she comes home, etc. When my oldest daughters were young, I worked about 70 hours per week, trying to keep them in the lifestyle that they were used to, after my divorce. I missed so much, and I swore that this wasn't going to happen with Hannah. He needs a reality check, and what better way than to have him be you for a week.

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K.B.

answers from Iowa City on

Being a mom means that you are nuturing by nature, sometimes. Tell your husband exactly what you need and maybe make a schedule to put on the fridge that outlines shifts in responsibility...He does bath time, dishes, cooking two-three days a week.

Good luck!

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H.J.

answers from Pocatello on

Well, K....join the "wife w/children group" Men do not understand this situation at all. (they say they do) I too work(50 hours week running my own business), I have two children, and I do all of the housework. My husband and I have been in counceling for years discussing this but, the councelors all say I'm just mean and I allow him to be that way. Other than that we get along great. We have been married for 7 years and he too works crazy shifts (4 on, 4 off) on his days off he doesn't usually keep our children so...on my Sat and Sun I do everything (errands) with both children. I always complain to him that I have to clean and I don't get to play "polly pockets" like he does. It makes me so jealous and mad! To this day, I just don't have an answer. I throw alot of his stuff away(if that helps)If he leaves it on the floor or on a table..it's gone in onw week. I simply tell him that I take care of two kids I don't want a third.
Good luck... my mom tells me they mature around 50 years old.
H.

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