Mom with Separation Anxiety

Updated on April 21, 2007
A.T. asks from Lake Oswego, OR
17 answers

I am now on the third day back to full time work. I have been with my son nearly every day, hour and minute for his short little 5 months that he has been here. It's not like I have not enjoyed the time he spends with Grandma or my sister sitting for the night. I know it's healthy to do that some times. It's just that right now, I can hardly bare the 8 straight hours that I am at work. We found daycare that I love, I have a great job and it pays wonderful... I should be happy right? I'm not. I feel like I have abandoned my son. My worries are that I won't be able to influence him with my happy, fun vibes and playfulness. I don't know if he even knows who I am when I go to pick him up. Then, he is tired from playing with the kids all day... so I cuddle and feed him, then it's his bedtime. I am so sad! Does he know who I am and can I influence him with what little time I see him each day? :(

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J.G.

answers from Provo on

I know what you are going through. I started back at school in August and it was hard to take my daughter to a sitter. She didn't like it much either, but she is getting better at going. But it's just so hard and now I've started just a seasonal job part-time, but I feel like I don't play with her much even when I'm at home since at home I'm either doing homework, napping, or trying to clean up my place. I think between the two of us (me and my dd), I am the one having the hardest time adjusting not seeing her. I hope that everything gets better for you. It's really hard to do, but I know you will be able to get through this.

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H.J.

answers from Pocatello on

A.- I thought I'd let you see the other side. I am a daycare/preschool owner.
I and my staff truely love the children that are in our care. We encourage parent relations, not hinder. Don't worry-it is you the mommy that the child cries for..substitutes are just that and child care providers will never take your place. I'm sure you checked out your facility completely before placing your child there, right? Well then trust me if you feel comfortable your baby will too...
Child care can provide a lot of support for you. We go on stroller rides, play with messy stuff (you probably don't want in your carpet-haha), we use baby massage, we sing and clap...it can be fun, educational, and engaging. AND when you have questions they can help or tell you where to find help. Enjoy the cuddles and the special times you have- your child will know! Just being involved says you care!
Best wishes-H.

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S.E.

answers from Seattle on

you can always think about working from home. Does your job give you the opportunity to do longer hours like maybe 4 10;s or 3 12's? Or perhaps you can do job share at your company? or if you can bring your work home with you? So that you only have to do 4 hours at the daycare and 4 hours at home? Or perhaps starting up your own work at home business? want info? i did this and I could not be happier!!

email me if you want to learn more about working from home, but check with your HR to see if you have other flexible options and then check with your manager about flexible work schedules because more companies are doing this now for their good mother employees!!!

[email protected]____.com

1 mom found this helpful
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T.M.

answers from Cheyenne on

Hi i know how hard this must be for you my son is now 3 and i had him when i was 17 and not only did i have to go to work but i was also trying to finish my senior year in high school! so I hardly ever saw him and i had a little bit of depression on top of that. But like all the other moms said your son does know who you are he knows your voice your smell and your touch and when you hold him close he knows your heartbeat. Just hang in there it will get eaiser to go to work. Also its not the quanity of time you spend with him its the quality every second you spend with him im sure he is as happy as can be. you just keep up the good work and im sure your a Fantastic mom! good luck.

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L.S.

answers from Yakima on

I know what you are going through. my son is almost 6 and when i had to go back to work when he was a baby, things were tough, at the time, my son's dad and I worked opposite shifts, so we didn't have him in a day care, but I missed him SO much when i was at work. I cried a couple of times.

My husband and I seperated when our son was almost 2 and he had to go to daycare, that was tough, I did some research on the place, and it seemed like a good place to go, even spent a few days there before I went back to work then, to make sure that my son liked the kids and he liked them.

And most recently, I was faced with my son's first day of kindergarten. I was so proud of him, its amazing how fast kids really do grow up... He looked so handsome and so confident standing in line, waiting to go to class. As soon as he walked in the door, I cried, my little baby boy has taken the first steps of growing up! The next few days were also tough. Now, he even walks to the school from the parking lot by himself and wants me to wait in the car for him after school, the first time he has done these, I cried too, its so amazing how fast he has matured. I'm just glad he's not embarassed of me hugging and kissing him goodbye yet.

I'm sure your som knows who you are and is very happy to see you. No need to worry, it will get easier in time...

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R.B.

answers from Bismarck on

A.

i went back to work when my son was 3 months old, but only parttime. i work 4 days a week, and only 3-5 hours a day. its not much, but it gives me a break to be around other "big people." at first it was hard but now, the look on his face when i get home is the best, i know i was missed!
good luck!!
R.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.A.

answers from Rapid City on

I think you are an awesome Mommy! I felt the same way going back to work with each of my children. First of all, you are the very first person that your sweet baby boy met in this world. He listened to your heart beating and your voice as you talked to him before he was born. He squirmed as you nudged him and he definately knows you are his mommy and recognizes you first in a crowd!! A few things to try. I am not sure how far away your job is from daycare but you could try stopping by at lunch time and rocking him before naptime, feed him, read him a short story. I did this last year when I returned back to work. My daughter was a little younger than you sonat the time. If that isn't an option you can really make the most of your routine at home at night. Make it MOMMY TIME! I am mommy to 3 girls and 1 boy and not that I don't adore my girls I absolutely do but my son really needed Mommy a lot and now that he's 6 he still does! Your boy will always always love his mommy to pieces too!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.A.

answers from Seattle on

I just went back to work three days ago also. I feel the same way and can't really give you any advise because I'm going through the same emotions so I can just give you support! Good luck and I'll be thinking of you.
J.

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J.S.

answers from Spokane on

You poor thing. The first week is definitely the hardest. I went back to work when my son was 3 and 1/2 months old, and I think I cried every day the first week. I did visit him every day at lunch to nurse him, and treasured our days off together. After the first week, things got much easier for both of us. He never forgot who his Mommy was, and now he is 5, and we still have a very close bond. Hang in there.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.F.

answers from Portland on

I won't worry because your son dose know who you are. The funny thing is I went through the same thing when my husband and I moved out of my in-laws house and into our own place. The reason I say that is because we had to leave my son at my in-laws house because we didn't want state to take him from us. So now I feel like he dosen't know me as well as he should. But to tell you the truth he dose know me and my husband as mommy anf daddy.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from Provo on

The pay might be good, but do you "have" to work? If you dont or if you can arrange your finances so you dont then quit! If you dont want to be away from your baby then he needs you and you need him and no day care no matter how good can be as good for your baby as you!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.W.

answers from Boise on

Wow, I hear you! I had to do daycare with my first and it killed me! And he was even in my building... Of course your baby knows you! And he won't be traumatized. I know that mine benefits from the social aspect. But I hated it just the same as you! With my second, I have been blessed with a new career that I can work around my husband and frankly make more money in less time! If you ever feel like a change, let me know! And don't fret too much! It does get better!

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T.M.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Hi A.,
I feel for you and I've been there and I still have days that I wish I had more time with my daughter. My daughter is 22 months and I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old. There were some nights that I would pick her up when she was very young that she would eat and go straight to bed. I'd just spend my night watching her sleep. I was a very sad mommy too, because I didn't get to play with my baby. My sister was the one watching her, she had an at home daycare and so I knew absolutely that she was in great care, but I still pouted. Having a close relationship with my sister, I was able to talk to her about it and she made me realize that Reeanna, my daughter, absolutely knew her mommy, because that was when she was finally able to relax and rest. When mommy came to pick her up, she knew that all was well and she was with mommy and even though I just watched her sleep some nights, I knew that it was because I was with her that she felt comfortable and calm.
It is difficult to know sometimes when your child is so young and isn't able to communicate in the manner that we are used to, but watch the little signs and talk to your daycare provider, because sometime they are the ones that notice the absolute change in your child when you are present.
You are the greatest person of influence in your sons life, and even though he doesn't absolutely voice it, he knows his mommy every little inflection in your voice, and tender touch of your hands.
Good Luck, you are a great mommy.
Trudi

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A.H.

answers from Phoenix on

A., Don't be sad. You made me tear up. I know how that is leaving them for the first time for hours I had to do it with my daughter when she was 1 but then my son was born and ever since he was 2 months old he's been in day care. Just think of it as a part of there life like school. If you think about it, this will help him develop an awareness of other people. and he'll start to make friends at an early age. that's good for him. I know it's hard to let go of somone so young but it's for the better. Plus think of all the things he'll learn. My daughter learned her ABC's Fast. She was 18 months old saying them the first time and about 2 saying them perfect. It's all because the day care taught her. You will be happier when you realize how much better early education is for the kids.
Also to the question you had about him missing you. He is just too young to show it but he does. and when they get to that age where they can walk and run it's the best thing for you to come pick them up and they're little faces light up when they see you in the door. Thats the best thing, to me, about being a singe mom.
Smile:)

1 mom found this helpful
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H.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

working from home is always a great option too. It can take a while to earn the same income you were at your current job because you are going to be building a home business from scratch, but in the end it's worth it.. I walked out on my job when my daughter was 6 months, and decided I knew that there were other moms working at home earning a legitamate income, why shouldn't I be one of them? After over a year of searching and two failed attempts at home businesses I finally found one I could manage and earn a real income at, while still giveing my kids all the time I want... I have never missed a first step, first word, and I am the one who taught my son his alphabet and numbers... I love that!! If it interests you at all you can contact me through

http://wisemommy.fourpointmoms.com
http://wisemommy.fourpointconsultants.com

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A.T.

answers from Portland on

Hello

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J.H.

answers from Boise on

Hi A., I am responding a bit late but I wanted to check with you to see if things are going a little better for you now that you've got a few months under your belt? If there is any way you might be interested in earning a descent living from home, working the hours you choose, please read the note I have for you and my sisters here at Mama Source. I hope it can possiblly benefit you and yours. If you request that I send you my email I've prepared, please try to remember to type Mama Source in the subject line. Thanks A.!
Hi everyone! Long time no hear! I don’t know if ANYONE remembers me but I was a fairly regular commenter and even posted my own problems back in November and December. My name is J. and I’m from Idaho. I want to tell you the reason I haven’t been signed on to MamaSource.com for all of these months. I am newly widowed; just lost my husband not too long ago. Due to the manner in which he passed (suicide) there was no life insurance for me and my two daughters. This was doubly bad because not only do I not work outside of the home due to the fact that I have a pancreatic disease I was born with and it causes several serious problems which make it necessary for me to be at home, but both of our daughters have the disease also. They were both born with it and are also very ill. Things were not looking good for us. My monthly income was not even enough to cover our house let alone the car payment, orthodontist payment, regular utilities and all of the other “normal” things it takes to live. I was worried. I had no idea of what I was going to do. I sold one of our vehicles, sold my husband’s tools and then I had nothing more to sell.
I muddled around looking through the thousands of web pages that promised me “thousands in your first month” and I was never really impressed. Either it was way over my head or it sounded like a scam and usually it was. I knew one thing; I had to find something FAST! Then I heard about surveys. I heard from a few people who were making a lot of money doing surveys. So I thought well I could do that. I have opinions and I am at least a bit literate on the computer. So did some research and got registered with about 150+ survey companies most of them promised $25 - $50 to even $75 per survey. I waited and waited for those surveys to start pouring in and I was just calculating in my head how much money I was going to rake in.
Problem was the surveys came but not the surveys for $75, $50 or even $25. I got a couple worth $3 but I was getting hundreds a week that were worth “points”. Oh, I know with enough points you can trade them in for wonderful little prizes and even some you can trade for cash. Where were all of these surveys everyone was talking about I wondered. I was told to continue registering with more and more companies. I even found some “secret” companies who don’t advertise but I found out that it can take several months of completing the “points” surveys before you even qualify for the money ones, that’s IF you qualify.
I cried again for a couple of days and then told myself that there HAD to be something out there. I knew there was. I had heard so many wonderful success stories. I thought perhaps EBay or Google were my answers but after ordering the kits to get you started on those businesses, I found that I just didn’t know enough to start those. It would take some extra computer classes just to learn the “lingo”.
I was just about ready to give it up. I was about ready to attempt to open a daycare or something. Bring in just enough kids to make a living but not too many so that it would disrupt the lives of my children who were trying to get their school work done here everyday.
Then one day I was reading my email and I received the piece of mail I’d been waiting for. It was from a lady who had heard I’d been looking for a way to earn a living online. I wasn’t out to get rich but just earn a living. She gave me the opportunity to purchase from her a manual she had put together about a new form of “trading” on the internet that people are making anywhere from $500 a month to $5000 a month, depending how much time you want to spend. Spend a couple hours a day a couple days a week and you can make $1,000 a month. Spend about 5-6 hours a day a few days a week and you can earn $5,000 a month. This is no joke and it’s no scam. I’ve been doing it for a few months now and I’m here to tell you IT DOES WORK. It is legal, it is actually fun, you meet a lot of people and best of all, people come to you, willing to pay you to do something for them! They offer anywhere from $20 per job to $75 per job. A single job can be finished in 20-30 minutes. They usually pay you immediately through your paypal account, which if you don’t know what that is, it’s sort of like a bank account online.
For the remainder of the story, email me and I will forward it to your email! Trust me, you won’t regret this. I bought the manual, you don’t have to, I will send it to you free of charge! Email me now!!! [email protected]____.com

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