Having Discipline and Behavior Issues at School

Does she seem bored at school? Is she having trouble learning? Sometimes kindergarten is an adjustment because they have to sit still and learn which is different from doing center activities in preschool. Is it the same subject or time of day that this happens. I would schedule a confrence with the teacher and see what is going on. Good luck.

I have a daughter that was hard to sit still and didn't like to pay attention she is now 24 and a teacher. When she was I think in 2nd grade We had moved and she had to start in a new school in Jan. When I took her to the class the teacher told her to sit down didn't tellher where to put her coat just kept with what she was doing THEN asked me if I needed anything because I was still standing there looking at my daughter cause she didn't know what to do.I was called the first week and told she was the worst child she had ever had. I unlike you knew my daughter was a little restless and thought it was her. One day not too long after that she came home with a mark on her cheek and I asked her about it. She said the teacher pinched her on the cheek because she was in the lunch line and said "Hey waitress" to the lunch lady to get her attention. To wrap this up, we changed her to another teacher and she was fine. So look at the teacher, sit in a class if you can. She may be too serious for teaching that age. Have any other parents had problems? Change her to another class.
D.

Morning T.;
At 6 years old she knows what she is doing is wrong! But,
the big question is why?
Take all the notes, sit her down and read each note to her
and then "Ask Her Why"!
There may be an unconsious reason or she may actually know
why she is doing it! #1 She may have some reason for not liking the teacher! #2 There maybe some other person in her class she doesn't like.
If the school has more than one class of kids her age you may ask the principal to move her to another class.
Good Luck,
B. C.

Hi! Sorry about the issue-- my son had troubles in Kinder as well, but so much of it is just figuring out the whole process of what is expected at school.

I would suggest that you (or better yet, a family friend or relative) goes into the classroom to observe. Talk to the teacher first, make sure she knows you are doing this to gather information for everyone's benefit and that you are not out to "get" anyone, just to figure out possible solutions you can work on together.

Good luck!

J

My oldest son got lots of those notes in kinder, and had I just seen them every day in his notebook, out of context, I would have thought he was just the worst kid in the class! As it was my great fortune to have it, I spent an hour each week helping the teacher in class with bulletin boards and homework packets, etc. and was able to observe a WIDE variety of behaviors in that classroom. I understood, then, that my kid was just about on track with what the others were going through, maybe a bit more on the impulsive side,(but that's gotten better with each year of maturity). The teacher was saintly in her understanding of kids that age and we talked often and agreed to how things were handled, which is so nice. I hope you can have not just one chat with your daughter's teacher, but many, and can really come to an understanding of what's a real problem and what's just annoying but expected behavior and they deal with it and move on. The more involved you can be with your teacher and school and classroom the easier it can be to work together and be partners in your child's education and development. Good luck!

if possible go by while she is there before your normally go to pick her up and see for your self what is going on. Do not let her see you and when she comes home you can tell her that you saw how she was in school and that it will stop or you will come in to the class the next time in front of her friends. My kids knew that if I held up one finger that they only had two more chances and that I would deal with them right away not matter where we were, you should have seen their reaction when they got to two.

There could be several factors involved. She may be rebelling against the teacher for any number of reasons, usually personality differences. She may be just too distracted socially, which is probably the case (talking too much, wanting other friends' attention). She may be following another who's doing the same. But, no matter what the cause is, you need to sit her down and explain exactly why she's getting in trouble and reemphasize how important it is to please the teacher, even if she doesn't like her (don't say that last part unless you know that's the case). You may want to show up and observe for a day. Don't interfere and be visible, just observe. She has to learn that what the teacher says goes no matter what is happening around her, no matter what her friends are doing, no matter what she wants to do. I'm sure she's just distracted and is not listening to directions nor following them immediately. She needs to follow directions the first time they are given. She is in a wonderfully social place and is probably loving it a little too much. She has to learn the balance. If you will enforce the fact that she has to listen to the teacher first and foremost, and then she will have time to talk and play, that will help a lot. My daughter has an issue of wanting everyone else to do things right and will not obey right away if she's trying to get someone else on task, ha. So, if yours is doing the same, you have to teach her that that's not her job. Just keep talking to her about it and keep disciplining her about it. (I always got into trouble for talking too much during elem school - every single report card!) Just keep dealing with her patiently.

I teach kids this age in public school. I'd say take a half day of vacation and go spend the morning at the school. See for yourself if the teacher's expectations are reasonable. Is she well prepared? Is there something for kids to do if they finish work early? Are transitions short and structured?
Then you should be able to tell if the problem is the situation or truly your daughter's behavior.

Hi T.,

When my children were younger we had a few issues on behavior. I use to ask why is this happening, he is such a good kid, what makes him different at school. The thing is I wasn't asking the right question. I finally went up to the school after all the notes and sat in his class. I didn't let him know I was coming, but I picked a different day once a week. I did that for a few weeks during my lunch break. I sat and watched just observing how the teacher taught and how he responded to her and watched how he interacted with other children. I realized there was something I was missing. I observed his behavior at home and even my own on how I responded to him. Sometimes the answer is right in front of us and we don't realize it. Sometimes we just need to spend quality time with our kids and find out whats going on in their lives no matter their age. Their is a reason for the behavior. We cant help how we feel, but we can change how we think. So maybe that might be something for you. Sometimes we need to stop what were doing and look around and see whats going on. You know your kids better than anyone. There is a reason for whats going on you just have to take the time to find out why. I wish you the best.:)

Hi T.,

Call the teacher ASAP. Get her to tell you specifically what is going on. I'm surprised that she's sending written notes and not calling you.

Good Luck!

D.

Would it be possible to take a half day and go to school to observe her? Then you could see first hand what is going on. Since she is in Kindergarten the teacher might be expecting too much from her or she might be having trouble adjusting to this new phase of life. I am a teacher myself and I know that teacher vary drastically in what they expect from their kids. I would go and see first hand for myself and then have a conference with the teacher to discuss your findings.

Absolutely first step is to talk to teacher. Find out if this is a sudden change, or gradually getting worse, or always been like this.

My youngest child is not a sitter. Even at 15, he fidgets and scoots around in his chair all the time. Something has to be moving at all times! When his first grade teacher observed this, she and I talked. My son and another boy had the same fidgetness. My youngest does not listen well if he has to be still. The pediatrician said no ADHD and deemed his diet very healthy.

Teacher wanted to try having him stand when he needed. She wanted to tell me first and get my permission so my son wouldn't come home and say he had to stand in the back of the room. Here's what she did. She took 2 spare tables, raised them up a little higher than desks (waist height), and placed them in the back row. When my son or the other boy got too fidgety to sit still while doing their work, they could QUIETLY take their paper to the back row and stand and continue to work. She made several ground rules that they had to follow that wouldn't disrupt others. And as long as they followed the rule, they could just get up and stand at a table to work. By the end of the year, they were standing a lot less and able to sit for longer periods of time.

That was Miss Zerby and this was in 1998! She was a first year teacher and got this idea while student teaching the year before.

Another suggestion: pull out sugar and red-dyed foods from her breakfast and lunch. Some kids react to those things in their food.

go to school unannounced and let office know the issues and that you want to see and hear without notifying the teacher or letting your child know you are there. That way you can see for yourself.

HI T., I have been on every possible side of this issue, so please listen. I have a son who is/ was hyperactive. he was constantly in trouble in school until about the 9th grade when he became interested in joining the basketball and football teams at Bowie High School. he realized that he had to clean up his act, or he would not be allowed to play. The coaches were a great influence too. He is now 31 and vice president of marketing for a computer firm. So, there is hope for behavior problems after all. Now, to your more immediate problem. Your daughter sounds active and intelligent. her teacher may not really like her although she is not ever allowed to say this.First, have a parent teacher meeting to discuss the problem with the teacher. Ask if you can observe the class . If they do not allow this, become a parent volunteer and become very helpful in any way the teacher needs. This is usually appreciated. I am a pre-k teacher in Del-Valle ISD. I am also an inclusion teacher, so I have some very challenging behaviors in my classroom. Several children are on behavior improvement plans and bring home notes to their parents like the notes you are receiving. Try to understand that , from the teacher's perspective, she is trying to run a classroom. She does need to win your child over and offer a reward system for her in which your daughter can work towards specific rewards. I use a system in which the kids need to earn 10 stickers on a chart to get a prize. Stickers are for good behavior as well as for turning in homework and having their parents fill out the chart with the books that have been read to them each night. Your daughter can only be well behaved for part of her day. Discuss with her the fact that you will love her no matter how she acts at home, but it is important for her to behave in school. My son , eventually got this. He was hell on wheels at home, but he generally behaved in school. Of course, there were times ...However, as I said before, he eventually found sports so rewarding that he behaved in class too. Hope this helps.

Sorry this is long, but I hope examples of my "well-behaved-at-home-but-not-always-at-school" son would help you. It looks long and rambling, but I hope it helps someone not feel like their the only ones.

It's easy for me to tell you to check in on your daughter but I know it's not as easy for you to actually be allowed the time off, so I'm not trying to make you feel bad or judge you. I only have one job: Mom. You have two full-time jobs: Mom & outside the home. I stay home because when my kids were little the amount I was making would have just covered day care and no other expenses, so it was less expensive for me to stay home and for my husband to take extra jobs to make ends meet. He could make in 8 hours on his one day off what it took me two weeks at minimum wage to earn and, no, he doesn't do anything illegal :) Now that they're both in school I can go to school to get a good job and help out again.

My son is in Kinder this year as well. He is a well behaved child for the most part and everyone always compliments him on his manners. However, I knew last school year (my daughter was in 2nd grade then and my son went to speech twice a week for 1/2 an hour) that my son had trouble expressing anger, didn't sit still or stay on task with things he didn't like and would throw tantrums (which I deal with quickly - I have no problem problem finding corners in public and only say "2", not "I'm counting to 3", but I was never sure why he threw them because he always got sent to the corner for them and I NEVER give in to tantrums - that's a sure-fire way for me to say No EVERY time) if it was opposite of what he wanted. So I was prepared to see self-discipline problems when he started Kinder. I didn't tell him this because I didn't want him to think he could use it as an excuse to be a "wild child".

My son, as I expected, had about 5 difficult weeks at the beginning. The first two weeks I did not go to his class so he could adjust to minding the teacher. After the first two weeks I would volunteer in his class, but made it clear to him that his teacher was in charge, not me. I was able to observe how he and the teacher interacted, how he interacted with other students, the names of the other students, and how he behaved on his own. He has trouble staying on certain tasks (he hates coloring and has actually spent half a day on one assignment- this was during the week before Christmas and the teacher had planned for a light school work day anyway, but still! even while I was there he didn't want to do it) and has trouble shifting gears from an activity he likes (such as pattern making and building) to activities he calls boring like journal writing. After school every day I would ask the teacher how his day went and she knew I supported her. On days when my son did things that were disrespectful to the teacher (talking in class, being rude) I would make him appologize to the teacher. If it was things like sitting still, staying on task, interrupting or shouting out without raising his hand, losing his temper when other kids would talk to him when the teacher wanted quiet I would explain that he needed to mind the teacher so she could teach and he could learn. One of the self-discipline problems he had in the beginning was when they would be lined up and another child (usually a particular child) would keep calling him or touching him or talking to him. My son would stiffen his arms down at his sides, ball up his fists but not as if he would hit hit anyone and yell "you're gonna get us in trouble if you keep talking!", which would get HIM in trouble. Needless to say since my son was the one yelling, he was the one to get in trouble. My issue was my son's anger management not the reason for the anger or even his being the only one the teacher caught. I would explain that it was okay for him to be frustrated or even angry with the other child, but it was not okay to yell or even growl (that's what I call the "RRRRR!!!!" he does when he gets mad) at anyone. I explained that he had to ignore the other child's behavior. He could once or twice quietly tell the other child not to talk to him, but if the other child kept it up then John was to raise his hand and let the teacher know. It took a while but he finally got it. I did take him to the counselor to see if she could give me advice. She said it looked like he had gotten used to acting out in frustration in that way from before he started taking speech at age three (about 80% of the time he couldn't be understood by people who knew him and spoke to him on a daily basis). With his speech improvement and learning to verbalize his emotions this has gotten rid of a lot of it. For someone who had problems pronouncing words, he has a very large vocabulary (about a second grade vocabulary).

Our elementary has a Self-Manager Program. Each child (in Kinder through Fifth) has an Agenda book that comes home every day. In Kinder & First, in their rooms they have a hanging banner with pockets and each child has a Green, Yellow & Red card in their pocket. Every child starts with Green EVERY day, it never carries over. If they are having trouble standing in line without touching others, if they won't be quiet to hear instructions, if they won't sit on the carpet without bugging other students, etc., then they will be told to change their card to the Yellow. If they continue to act up then they will be told to change it to Red. If it is a serious but not a Principal Visit offense, they go directly to red. If it is a Principal Visit offense, then they get sent straight to the office. Kinder and First receive Green Happy Faces, Yellow So-So Faces or Red Sad Faces in their Agendas at the end of the day according to their cards. If they can get 5 Green Faces in a row (can be Monday - Friday, Wednesday of one week through Tuesday of the next week, etc) then they receive a Self-Manager Badge. IF a child has earned the BAdge then they are able to take part in Special Priviledges (one day it was extra recess for Self-Managers only, another day it was kite flying, another it was Blowing Bubbles outside), but only if they have their Badges with them at school. If they took it home and forgot it that day, they can't participate (it's part of Responsibility). My Third Grader has missed out a couple of times for this reason. We have about 600 students in our school and almost ALL of them have earned their badges at one point or another. The greatest sight is a child who has severe behavior issues for whatever reason (be it a difficult home life or developemental issues) who has just earned their badge (the teachers base it on that child's ability to "behave", not on a cookie-cutter "you must be tis good" approach). If they get a Yellow Face they do not lose their badge, but they know they have done wrong and the teacher discusses it with them again when filling out the Agenda at the end of the day. If they earn a Red Face, they lose the Badge and must have 5 Green Days in a row again to earn the badge back. The Agendas started the third week of school. He had more yellows than greens, but no reds. Every morning, I sent him off with a kiss, an I Love You, & a cheerful "have a green (behave well) day!" to start him off. He eventually earned his Badge, he realized that it *is* possible to behave on a daily basis. He is always so excited when he has a Green Day - it's the first thing he tells me after school no matter what color he had. When he gets a Yellow Face he hangs his head as soon as he sees me and he is honest about what he did. We talk about what he did to get the Yellow Face and how to not do it again. He did lose his badge once and have to re-earn it because he earned a Red Face because he and two other students were play fighting (they were doing tage slaps to the face). It took 9 school days to re-earn it because he had 3 Green days, 1 Yellow and the 5 Greens.

He still gets Yellows every now and again, but hey, he's only 5 1/2 and he has the self-discipline of that age. I still volunteer in his class and he has improved so much since the beginning! Don't worry! Your Daughter will to. I think sometimes it's just too exciting for her. Ask her teacher if she should be tested for the Gifted & Talented program, she may be bored.

T.,

Have a sit down discussion with the counselor and principal or assistant principal, and have the child moved to a more structured class. We went through this last year with our son, and were getting the same daily notes and terrible phone calls stating how unruly he was and that he wouldn't be still long enough to do any work. My husband and I were finally fed up, and had a parent/teacher conference and asked for the counselor to be there as well. We all sat there in silence dumbstruck at how the "hatred" just poured from this teacher. We left and then spoke one on one with the councelor who advised that we should consider sending him to a different class. We jumped on that, and he did so well. We found out actually that he was gifted/talented, and then 2 weeks later they moved him again to the above grade level class. He had been bored, and she didn't know how to deal with him.
Anyway, it would be something to look into. You know your child best. Never doubt that. Good luck.

Call the teacher AND the counselor and discuss your concerns with them. Let them know that you are on board with trying to get your daughter to follow the rules. I am having lots of issues with my daughter in kinder also and its getting to where she hates school, doesn't like her teacher, etc. There has to be a better, more effective way to get her to do what she is supposed to do. See what kind of programs they offer and let them know what you think will work with your daughter. Kids will do these things to get attention, even if its negative attention! And, so much negative attention is not good for the child. Its tough, I just had to call the counselor this morning. Talking to them will help you feel better and also help you to know what to do with her. Best of luck to you!! =)

Hello, do a surprise visit to the school and look in without the teacher or your child knowing. This way you'll have a birdseye view at what really goes on in there.

If you haven't already, it's time to go see that teacher! My daughter is in second grade and has a teacher like this too. Every little thing is an infraction to write home about. I would definitely visit with the teacher, with and without your daughter, and ask when a good time to drop by during the day is, so that you can observe your daughter.
Good luck!

Hello there,
I'm a pre-k teacher myself, and it sounds like your daughter and her teacher aren't a good fit. Don't think it's a problem with your child. Sometimes this happens. It's sad that it happened in kinder. I don't know if you could request to move her to another classroom or even if you would want to. It just sounds like a personality conflict. Good luck!!

Hi T.,
Sorry you are having this issue with your little daughter.
Have you had conersation with the teacher. Perhaps there is something in her personality that is clashing with your daughter. this sometimes happens- and if possible you can request she be moved to another teacher.
Then the other thing I would consider is what is going on in that room. Have you gove for a visit, just sitting and taking notes yourself about the classroom admosphere? Are other mothers having any issues? these things I would check out first before I started to disipline my daughter, especially if she if otherwise a well behaved child.. If she is 6 and in kindergarten she may feel "older" than most kindergartners- maybe she needs some extra attention from the teacher- like giving her a few more responsibilities= like helping the teacher put away books- handing out papers- more one on one from the teacher............ more praise from the teacher- etc
just a few suggestions- I am sure she will adjust soon.
Good luck and
Blessings

I have had a similar situation with my daughter. I had a meeting with the teacher and decided that the teacher and my daughter's personalities just clashed. I ended up moving her out of that class into another one and it made all the difference.

I know each case is different, so you just have to go with your gut feeling about your own child. Like you, I didn't want my child to dispise going to school and now she loves school and wants to go everyday.

Sometimes your child and teacher just dont get along. I suggest moving her to a different class. Before doing that go observe her threw a classroom door window so she dosent know your there or just listen outside her room. When you here her act up or her name gets called bust into the room and remove her and have a serious talk about behavior at school. Best of luck.

First, sometimes parents and teachers have 2 very different ideas of what is acceptable behavior. Not wrong, just different. Your little girl is an only child. How much time have you spent with her when she's around other children and she doesn't know you are there? I have two kids and when they are seperate, they are angels, but when they're together, they are hell-on-wheels. Consider that when she is in school, she has other children to talk to and play with, in situations that she doesn't experience when you are present.
1. Don't be too quick to take the advice of those who blame the educator. Trust her teacher and administrators to do what's best. Don't automatically assume that it's the teacher's problem with your child. Although I'm sure they exist, I have personally never seen a Kinder teacher from hell..........
2. Do make a bee-line for a conference. Listen to what is being said. Be open. Try to seperate the little girl you have at home from the little girl in school. They are rarely the same child!
3. Moving your child into another classroom should be a last resort. She's been there for about 100 days now and has established friends and is familiar with her surroundings. If you move her, know that she will have to start over building relationships with other children and adults in the classroom as well as new rules and proceedures.
4. If she's finishing early, it may be that she doesn't have anything better to do and needs something to occupy her time until everyone else is done.
5. In regards to her teacher. Make sure that everyone is on the same page when it comes to expectations. It's okay to disagree with the system used in her classroom. I requested that my son have more rewards and a more structured environment.
6. Find out if there is a specific time of day her behavior seems to peak. Is it before or after snack-time or lunch or does it go on all day?
7. Get her teacher to be specific about the behavior. Is it talking, disrespect, etc. Ask her to give several examples of the behavior in question.
When I put my son in pre-school, he put us all through hell. He didn't want to stand up for the pledge of allegiance, wanted to stay in the sandbox all day and was generally a pain in the tail for the first 7 months of the 9 month school year. I got notes home nearly every day and had so many conferences I new every principal, counselor and assistant principal by sight.
Don't feel like you're alone!
Good luck!

I have similar issues with my son. He is in second grade now and it seems to be getting better but has been happening since kindergarten.

What I would suggest is to set up a conference with her teacher to find out exactly what the issues are.

Observing her class is a good idea in theory, but if she knows you are there she will most certainly act better or worse so you will never really know what is going on.

The teacher has a responsibility to communicate the issues to you and help you figure out how to deal with them. After all you are not and can not be there during the day and I know how frustrating that is. You also may want to get the school counselor involved. The counselor may be able to suggest things that will help, or if she is gifted some testing, or if there is another issue she can point you in the right direction. They are supposed to get the counselor involved with behavioral issues before they progress, but they often do not.

Don't wait until she gets sent to the principal and gets suspended because the teacher just can't take it anymore like my son. Be proactive and show her teacher that you are there and are willing to do whatever you can to help the situation.

Hang in there, this too will pass!

Good morning - you are NOT alone! My son, also in Kinder, has received his fair share of notes this year!

At the very beginning, a few weeks into the year, I set up a meeting w/ the teacher to request certain disciplinary actions, as she doesn't believe in discipline charts and was allowing my son many warnings before a consequence (ie) interupting story time multiple times before being asked to go back to his desk). Together we made a plan that he can have 2 warnings and then the note.

I'd recommend multiple things, at least what I am finding that works for us ...

1.) Remove sugar foods, especially from breakfast. If the notes are coming home saying 'not sitting still' and 'talking', etc - check the diet. Make sure she is getting protein for breakfast and lunch and refrain from sending in sugar snacks.

2.) If she is having a hard time staying focused, try a supplement. We have both of our children on Omega 3 and DHA vitamins (called Omegalicious - whole foods). They help w/ brain development and concentration.. maybe I should take them too!

3.) Make a plan with the teacher. Let the teacher know you want to have a united front, but need to understand her discipline system & what behavior deserves a note home? Sitting still and talking (to me) are normal trouble areas for kinder and should be dealt with in the classroom. Notes home to me usually mean the behavior was disrespectful, constant interruption that needs to have consquences at home.

4.) And wake up every day and let her know that today is a NEW day and give her one thing to really work on that day. ie) Active Listening (eyes & ear open / mouth shut) and if she does well w/ that one goal - applaud her, even if she fails in other areas. So many rules in Kinder are overwhelming - take it slow - and give her small goals & share w/ the teacher what you want her to work on that day.

Good luck - feel free to email me if you want to chat more, I'm the last of 6 kids and 4 of my siblings have 3 kids each ... so I've had a whole parent panel to ask advice to - I'd be happy to share!

Go sit in on a class - clear it with the principle and the teacher - you've gotta see what's going on first hand. It's really the only way to deal with it - knowing EXACTLY what the problem is!!! If there's anyway to "sneak" in or watch from a window that your daughter won't see you would even be better. My son started having "tummy aches" and not wanting to go to school, after I stood out in the hall, I found out WHY!!

ask the school to do a behavior intervention plan. the school should have a behaviorist. if they say no and she gets more notes, push them. they seem to want to do the least amount of work possible.

We are having the same problems with our 6 yr. old son. He attends school, where my husband works at. We've discussed possible alternatives and have even taken our son to see a child psychiatrist. Our son has a possible anxiety/mood disorder. Nothing was definite.

Our son has talked to his counselor, was put on a behavior contract, privileges taken away, etc. His behavior seems to be getting worse. He has confessed to us, that he is getting bullied at school. He's misbehaving to get sent to another class room.

We are thinking of placing him in another kinder class.

Good Luck and wish us luck.