Having a Third Child?

I have three kids each two years apart- 6, 8 and 10. They get along great- all of them. (Well not every second, but in terms of their ages, they all have things in common.) I remember new-baby time as being busy, but then again, I already had practice so it was a matter of things like working out who'd ride where in the double stroller and who would walk- eldest was walking! I am so happy to have my youngest. He is such an addition.

We have 3 children and they are 11 (in a couple of weeks),6 and 1 year. The transition for us was fairly easy. But my older ones were so willing to help. I have talked to some other friends of mine who have 4 children (13, 10, 8 and 5) and they have said that after 2, the 3rd and 4th were no big deal. Hope this helps!!

Hello A., I have 3, two girls who are 21 months apart and then my son who is 16 months younger than the middle child. They are all grown and married now. To give you some insight, the middle child suffered the most in my family. She got the sibling rivalry from both ends of the birth order. Not to mention that I just was never able to give her the one on one to the same degree as I was with the first and last. You might want to at least put some space of time in between if you chose to have a third child. It doesn't get easier as time goes on, just different. With each stage of development there are added issues. Good luck.

Pray about it, my husband wanted two and I wanted four, the Lord gave us five. For me I thought it got easier. If you feel the need and your husband is willing, then all your lives will be enriched. What a better way then a child to show God's love for the world. Baby's teach us so much and humble us a individuals. Good Luck!

If you want another baby and you can have one, have it!
I went through infertility for seven years, I now have one beautiful daughter and twin loving boys, and I thank GOD for them everyday. And for the bonus you have your high school sweet heart. You better thank GOD twice everyday! :)
Best of luck to you and you GROWING family.

Hi I have 3 and it was 22 months between the older two and 18 months between the secound two. 18 months apart was a little rough but my middle girl is so easy going that she didn't mind when I had to take care of the baby. My kids are, almost 4yo, just turned 2 and my baby is 7 months.

The hardest thing for me is that I now have very little down time. One gets up then the next does down for a nap then gets up when the other goes for a nap. So I always have 2 to watch. Also finding time to give individual attention to each of them requires a lot of planning. For us it was harder going from one to two then two to three.

So I say if you're up for the baby stage again then go for it, since that is the most stessful because of lack of sleep for you. Whenever someone asks me why I would put myself through the strain of 4 kids I say, they are the light of my life and nothing has happened that was so bad that I wouldn't want another to love.

My husband and I absolutely love having 3 and are still planning on a 4th but definately waiting for the 2 year gap ;)

Good Luck which ever you choose and God Bless
K.

I've enjoyed reading these responses...very interesting. I am a member of another parents network (based in Atlanta) where this question was recently posed, so I'll chime in with what I recently read (it's only what I read...I have no personal experience with 3!). I think the local mom's are a lot more encouraging than the responses I read on that network!! (Kudos to you all for making it work!!)

Most of the people responding said they love their 3 kids but wished they stuck with 2 or went up to 4. Mainly because with three, two would always pair up leaving one out (and requiring more of parents help fixing things as the 1 wouldn't have anyone to go to). It creates a single middle child who can feel lost. Those who had 4 said it was much easier than when there were only 3...as they can pair off in two's (one is rarely left out).

With that being said, the ones whose 3 kids are older said it's great now but definitely more a challenge in the younger years...might have done things differently, but no real regret (because can you really look at your youngest and say that you wouldn't have him/her?!).

Most had no regrets of having a 3rd (although a couple admitted life would've been easier sticking with two) - the majority said they wished they'd gone up to 4 instead of stopping at 3! I was surprised by that!! :) (That thought scares me - in spite of growing up in a family with 4 kids!)

It was split where some said the biggest transition was going from 1 to 2, and others said the biggest transition was going from 2 to 3. Personally, I think that this really depends on the situation with the parents (are they both working, how much do both do, etc) and probably also has a lot to do with the age of the oldest one(s) when the next comes around.

Really, your oldest would be at a prime helping age by the time the baby was born, and your son is at the stage where he's a little more independent and probably want to 'help', too. You're a SAHM, which means you're there with them...so no added day care costs to really consider. My son is also 2 and we've talked about another and both end up feeling the same pros/cons (about wanting another, yet my son is just getting to the point where things are becoming 'normal' and he'll be potty trained sometime soon...do we really want to start over again?!). :) Best wishes in your decision!

Go to the website www.havingthreekids.com and go under surveys...the author of this website does a great job surveying mom's of 3 and I think these questions would likely answer any of yours!
I too am on the fence about a 3rd but am leaning much more at staying with 2. However, both of my children were conceived through grueling fertility treatments because I have PCOS. If this was not an issue, I really might change my mind. I had always wanted 2 but the 2nd pregnancy and delivery was such a good experience it made me want to do it again which I am not sure is the exact right reason for doing it. I have done a lot of research on this issue and the best answer/advice I came up with is to "think long term" in all scenarios. I hope this helps and good luck!!

Hi A.
I'm Pamela and I have 3 children. They are all grown now and having children of their own. Our 3rd was a BIG surprise....long story. But everyday I am thankful for all 3. 1 girl and 2 boys and all as different as can be. As they grow older they become even closer and that is wonderful to watch. Helping each other in time of need and sharing each others joy. The boys just had babies 1 month apart and were there for each other is was so very special.

They did keep us busy with school activities, sports, band and all. I say if a puppy didn't do the trick...LOL

Good luck in you decision hope you are very happy and enjoy your family which ever decision you make!!!

Pamela S

The current population growth is responsible for diminishing natural resourses, and the USA is far and away leading the pack in the race to exhaust what is remaining. I would take stock of what I had and be grateful for the 2 healthy children and get on with the next phase in your life (school, sports, etc.) because each one is going to be rewarding and as consuming as the last one! I know raising babies is your "comfort zone" right now, but it's time to grow out of it as you will have to do eventually anyway. I know it's scary, but you can do it!

Hi A.,

My husband feels the same way about us and we have 3. I didn't feel that 3 was hard at all. My 3 children are spaced 2 years apart and I thought that was just perfect. My youngest is 23 months and my 4 year old daughter was changing his pee diapers for me when he was 18 months. She is such a big help and my oldest son is now 6 and he would always bring me a diaper or a pair of clothes for his little brother. I am now throwing the idea around about having a fourth. My husband is totally happy with 3, but says he'll support me if I want that 4th one, but wants to warn me that it might get really crazy, but if we wait another year or two it might not be too bad. I like having all our children 2 years apart, but we are gonna wait until next year to start trying for #4 and so the 4th one will be 4 years apart from the 3rd which still won't be too bad not to mention easier. :) Good Luck with your decision!!

I have three and was planning on stopping at two. I found out I was pregnant two weeks before my husband was suppose to get a vasectomy. I'm very glad I had another. I don't really feel like there was a hard transition though my kids are all nicely spaced at 10, almost 5, and 8 months. For me it was another child to love and I'm glad I was given him. I've never heard someone regret having another child but I have heard people say they wish they would have had another.

Things won't be normal till you either have a third or manage to be satisfied with 2. Weigh all the pros and cons. You've got a supportive husband.
On the other hand, the economy stinks right now, so is it a smart idea to put more strain on your finances?
Are you going to pledge that after this 3rd, you're done and THEN things can take on a normal tone?
I admit; I have 3 sons. I tried after #3 to have a girl, unsuccessfully. But I was the one at home, I was the one doing the bulk of raising the kids, so like what would the cost be for hubby? Not much. But with a 2 yo and a 4 yo, is it going to be possible for you to take that power nap when you need to?

For me, two to three was a big transition. You have to develop a parenting style that can handle more kids than you have hands - my first three are all less than two years apart so the first year for me was kind of a trial by fire, however after that, adding extra kids was more about volume and production than technique :) The FARTHEST apart between any two of my children is two days shy of two years. I've found that in my family, younger children are usually happier to have a baby around than older ones, although once they reach 6 or 7ish they seem to be ok with it again :) At least as far as my kids have gone...

I grew up in a family of 3 children (I was the oldest). It seemed like it was never peaceful, it was always the oldest two against the youngest, or the boys against the girls, or the middle one feels left out cuz he's not the baby anymore...or other things like that...but at the same time..it was never boring! There was always someone to play with, if one didn't want to, then the other did! hahaha
At least with your 4 year old...you'll have an older kid that understands things like "bring mommy those wipes" or "go play with your little brother while i get the baby to sleep" you can put the baby with a boppy and the other 2 can "watch" him/her while you cook. It's not as hard to have a baby when there is a house full of helpers.
Economically, it gets a little tricky going from a family of 4 to a family of 5. Since they are all still little and require car seats...its hard to find a vehicle where 3 car seats fit right in the back seat...welcome to the expensive SUV or minivan! But again...that is just a short term problem.
Even though I came from a family of 3 kids, I only have 2 myself, and they are 7 years apart!! One of each though...a boy and a girl, and I love it.

A.,
I have 5 boys and my oldest 2 are 2 years apart, when we had our third baby we gave ourselves an extra year, son #2 and son #3 are 3 years apart. And I have to say that 3 kids didn't seem much harder than 2, but then son #4 came along just 2 years after son #3 and thats when it got challenging for us. I hope this wasn't too confusing to understand : ).
Son #5 was a suprise and came along 3 1/2 years later! But now the oldest kids are able to help and it seems like 5 is very manageable for us.
Good luck whatever you decide, children are such a blessing!

Our 3 are all spaced about 3 yrs apart... 7, 3 and 11/12ths, and 15 months.
My mom and dad always said not to have more than 2 kids... Because then your out numbered... They had 5...
I found that the hardest was going from One to Two. After you have two your already in the "multiple" mindset.
I think the biggest thing is the spacing. If you have a bunch of kids close together you will be stressed out more than if you have them farther apart. For us, approx 3 yrs apart means that the older one will be potty trained/ or close to training when we have an infant. Able to let you know more of what they need, not so dependant, and able to occupy them selves for some amount of time. Where as if you have an infant and toddler you are going to be pulled in two different directions and have 2 dependant kids hanging on you all the time.
I really have to give kuddos to those moms who havn't lost their sanity and survived kids that are close in age... :-)
Good luck!!

We have 3 children (18, 11 and 5). Now the last 2 weren't supposed to be spaced so far apart, but hey things happen. I don't know - we just didn't feel complete without the 3rd child. Now he's here, and he's 5 - we couldn't see life without him. He is one the the most unique individuals you will ever meet. For us, having a 3rd (but not 4th) was just right for our family.

You do not want to regret not having that third child. I wanted four and I am so glad I had that forth one! I have a 13-year-old, a 5-year-old, a 3-year-old, and a 2-year-old. That last three were close in age, but it all worked out. You want to do it know if your hubby is on board. I know too many people that did not go with their gut and now they have regrets and it is too late.

I am mother of three daughters and I love it! My first two are 19 months apart, and my third was born 2 months before my second turned three, so if you started trying soon, yours would be spaced nearly the same as mine ;) I found that for me personally, the transition from 2-3 was MUCH easier than I expected. The older two (especially my 5yo) were so enchanted with the new baby and very eager to help. I wouldn't change a thing. I really felt that someone was missing from our family before we had our third. If the only thing stopping you is worry about the transition and sleepless nights, I would say go for it ;)

Well I know i did that. and we always said 2 was enough. It just haunted me. So my first two are two years apart and then 4 and half years later. We have another. Now my hubby had a vasectomy so I hope I don't get the urge for the 4th. lol I think 3 is a good number. Good luck.

After I had two I got a divorce and thought I really didnt want anymore but if I got together with someone that didnt have kids, I would be able to give him a third. In the end I had an accident, and the minute I was told I was pregant I was done. You know when your done, if your not sure, hold off. After the first one life changed but adjustments were easy because everyone offered to watch himm he was so cute and a good baby. So I thought lets have another, it didnt come right away took about 8 months but I guess that was my body and God saying it just wasnt time. I became a little more homebound with two, no more free babysitting and cant afford to have one so your stuck with limited activites that you can and want to do with two kids. I have only two eyes for their 4, my life wasnt so perfect anymore, dishes in the sink, needed vacuuming more often and no more time to do it, twice as much cleaning and worrying and scheduling appointments and my time just wasnt my own anymore, finding a few hours here and there to think like an adult and wish to be able to go out like one without kids in tow. Although the third for me was a surprize and a great kid, there is a huge change in dynamics in the home. I no longer have a life, my life is my kids, there is no more time left, if your willing to make that committment your good. Activites you do together as a family become the housework or it doesnt get done. There is not as many "family" outings due to cost, lack of energy, lots more staying at home or free activites. Lots more sibley riverly because they are all fighting for attention. Its worst because I am single so it may not be so bad for you. I love all my children but I am an advocate for giving children quality of life, and when they have to feel like they are starving for attention that can lend to problems. I realize I have rambles a bit but all good information anyway, for you to be able to make an informed decision, those are the best ones. Currently all my boys are 13, 10 and 7, so I am dfinelty out of the baby (dipers, carseats, bottles) stage but as I look ahead life is different but not anymore quiter and not seeing any times of rest in the near future. Just wishing for school to start back again.

Dear A.,
I am a mother of Three! I would not change a thing!! Yes it is challenge, And I can give you a whole list of good and not so good things about having three, But bottom line is every family is different. You have to look into your heart and find out why you want to expand your family and not worry about how hard or easy it will be. Everyone has an opinion But they can only go by what they know, That doesn't mean it will or will not work for you. Go with your heart, You'll Know.
P.S. My kids are 23, 20, & 18 It never gets easier!!! But thats OK. It works for me.

Hi A.,
Having a third child was the frosting on the cake for us!
Our first two (girls) were 18 mos apart and that was close; or third one (boy) came 3.5 years later which was just perfect. They were very close when they were kids, so much so, that Friday was "sleep in the girls room" and my son would drag his blanket and pillow into his sisters room and be a part of all the "chatting" that they did every night and he only got to be a part of on Friday nights. Now as we have launched them into adulthood, I am glad there was three:)
M.

For me going from 2 to 3 was really really easy. Going from 1-2 was a nightmare!!!!!

My first 2 are 21 months apart and that gap was very difficult. My third was born when my middle guy was 4 so bringing in the third was an easier transition. Everyone wanted to help. Now the biggest difficulty is doing things that the older two want to do and trying to schedule around naptime. (We didn't go camping as a family because I didn't want to mess with the baby's sleep. We need to find a sitter if we take the kids to Michigan's Adventure, etc.)

I am so incredibly happy with the third added in. The kids love her so much and dote on her like you wouldn't believe. I think it is much easier from 2-3 rather than 1-2 kids.

C.

I have three girls and wouldn't change a thing. I didn't think that the transition between 2 & 3 would be any harder then 1 & 2. Boy I was so wrong. It was extremely hard for me. my girls are 5, 2.5 and 7 months. I found the first couple of months to be the hardest. It was just to much chaos for me to handle. I always felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown at any given moment. I soon figured out that if I would take at least an hour or so to be by myself (out of the house) in the evenings I would be able to keep my sanity. That has helped me out so much to this day. Life is different for everyone. As long as you remember to take at least an hour a day to be by yourslef, having three is wonderful. I love all three of my girls and wouldn't change it for the world!!

I have three boys. ages 10, 7, and 3. I thought adding the third was much easier than adding number two. You are already use to juggling things between two kids so juggling between three kids was a breeze for me. What I do notice now that they are older and in sports is that It is getting hard because of the age difference they can not play on the same teams. So we seam to running every night of the week. baseball season one kid had games on Monday & Wednesday. they other kid had games on Tuesday & Thursday and Practice on Monday. My husband sometimes work evenings or late and that left me trying to get to kids in to different places at same time all while dragging my little three yr old around. I wonder what is going to happen when he is old enough to join sports. That will put a third child into the mix. (But it has not stopped me from wanting a 4th.) So good luck with your decision.

You didn't say how old you are.i am 58, have a woderful husband, have two beautiful daughters 33 and 30, three perfect g-sons, ages 8, 6 and 4 and we also have 4 adopted daughters, ages 13,14, 16 and going to be 17.. My husband and i were foster parents foe 4 yrs.maybe this is your calling????

Dear A. K.,

First, pray and ask God if He wants your family to expand one more child. He just loves babies and almost always says yes, but sometimes no for a good reason, like the timing is not right this moment.

Secondly, if you attend church regularly and people know you well enough to trust you, ask to keep a very young baby for the night. It would give the mom a wonderful and much-needed break. That would also remind you of what it's like to be so busy again. If that doesn't take the need away it worth considering more, but don't rush into it.

You can also volunteer in the young baby nursery at church. You can get in lots of cuddling there. I found that that was actually what I was needing when I thought I wanted another baby. I used to take my pastor's son home after church on Sundays and love on him. The only problem was that he liked men more than women and my husband would have to play with him and hold him and he did not want him to come home with us in the first place. We would take him back to church with us for evening service and then he would go home with his parents.

L. C.

Hi A.,

I say go for three!! Don't get me wrong though, it's lots of work and it makes life a bit harder but I think that it adds so much more to your childrens lives to have two other siblings and not just one. Everybody has one sibling and that's just not enough fun. I have three mine are 9,6,and 5. Needless to say the third one came faster than we had planned, they are 13 months apart and the first year was a nightmare and a blur, but now they love each other so much and I think that if I hadn't have had my youngest the other two, being both boys would have fought over everything. With three there isn't enough money to buy one for everybody so we always share and I think that my children are better because of it. They take turns well and share well compared to my friends kids who only have a family of two children. And, if I only had two it would be easier to buy one of whatever for each of them but they understand and for us it works. They hard part is rental cars, cars in general, airline seats, and restaurants. No more renting the "small car" at Avis when you travel. You can't fit two car seats next to each other and you really can't even fit three boasters next to each other and often the middle seat only has a lap belt unless it's a new car and you're lucky. Airline seats are often in sets of three so we always have to divide and conquer, 2 in one row and 3 in the other. And now that my kids are a little older we have almost out grown a booth except for Buffalo Wild Wings. So, those things are more difficult and when I see my friends with only two kids their life seems like "cake" compared to mine. However, there children don't really get a lone with each other either and I must say mine get a long pretty well. The older two are boys and they stick together because they have that connection but the two that are 13 months apart stick together because they're almost like twins even though the youngest is a girl. Anyway, no matter what anyone else tells you, you have to decide for your self. My advise is that if you are going to go for the 3rd, do it now, don't wait for 13 years like my parents did. It was just my brother and I for 13 years and then along came my sister whom I cared for pretty much until she was 5 and I left for college and she and I do not always get along because she says I am her mother more than a sister to her and it's no fun at all. So do it now! Good luck!
A.