Spacing of Children

I had two boys who were 16 months apart. it wasnt so bad because my first son was a very good baby. Sometimes it got a little overwhelming but we got through it. Now they are 6 and 7 and are really good friends. And i am happy they have each other.

From the other side...I have almost three years in between and love it. The time with my oldest was great, and now he is a little more independent, which is easier since the baby needs so much time and attention. It seems like my life is less stressful than some friends with less space--but they'll be out of diapers sooner, too. :) Good luck!

Here is my quick opinion... I have 4 sons, they are 11, 9, 7, and 2. The 1st and 2nd are 19mos apart, 2nd and 3rd are 2.5 years apart, and 3rd and 4th are 4.5 years apart. The easiest spacing I found was the 19 months apart. Change one diaper, change the other, feed one a snack, feed the baby, put one to bed,put the other to bed...etc.. it was easy to have a routine. 4.5 years was easy too, because the older one is so helpful with the newborn phase.

Thats my 2 bits...

S.

I am mystified as to why people want to space their children so close together! Your baby is still so little and needs you so much! I think that you will end up robbing him of his babyhood by forcing him to be a "big kid" before he is ready. Just enjoy your family as it is now! When the time is right you will have another child, but don't force it. Let your body recover valuable nutrient stores and let yourself experience a couple months of uniterupted night's sleep before you jump into the newborn phase all over again. Your children don't have to be spaced really close together for them to be friends, children spaced 3-4 years apart can play really well together and love each other just as much (or even more) than children spaced 1-2 years apart.

Hi. We have two boys, 19 months apart. I absolutely love the age difference. It was planned that way, and actually we lost a baby between the two boys, and that age gap would have been 17 months. I was a nanny for 6 years prior to having my first son, and the 3 kids were 16 months apart, and 20 months. I had the advantage of seeing them/taking care of them when they were young, as well as older. The oldest was 7 when I left to have my baby. It was more challenging when they were younger, but as they grew, I loved that it was this little "pack" of kids. They all had pretty much the same interests, and they were done with naps and diapers soon. It was fun to go do things together, and most of the time everyone was happy. They have family friends with kids 5 years apart in age, and the siblings don't have similar interests at all. One parent is off doing soccer games with the older one, and the other parents is home with the nap schedule. I would encourage you to have another one soon, if that's what you and your partner decide is right for you. My husband and I love the spacing of our boys. It's true that life is hard sometimes with two kids under 2, but we don't know the difference, and parenting is hard no matter what, right? Good luck!

Hi A.. My two kids are one year and eight days apart (by surprise). My daughter was an incredible baby, which we feel made it easier when our son arrived. He was a fussy baby. Gosh, it has been almost eight years now, but I do remember feeling like I didn't get enough of the cuddle time where I could just sit there and hold one or the other. All in all though things went just fine. Potty training seemed to go much easier with my son, maybe because he watched his sister. One of the perks is that you get everything done all at once: potty training, going from the bottle to cups, ect. We have been very blessed to have fabulous kids. They are pretty close and watch out for one another. We would not change a thing! Best of luck, K.

A.,
Hi. I can't belive how many responses you got! I will keep it short :)
I have three kids. The first two are a year and two days apart, very close! Our newest addition is 18 mo apart from our middle child. Very close too! I love having our kids close. They are 3, 2 and 3 months old and at times it can be hard it is also amazing seeing how great they all are with each other. Me and my sibilings are close too as well as my husband and his. We wanted our kids to be the same way.
It is nice going through everything so close diapers, bottles, etc. At the same time it is a challenge. Once your son starts moving around you will be on the move a lot more. Its a lot of work but if you don't know any different then you have nothing to compare it to. I will tell you this 1 is easy, 2 is a little harder, 3 is a challenge.
In the end it is what works best for you. Don't second guess yourself and do what you feel is best for you and your family! I kept mine close and a lot of people told me I was crazy but I wouldn't space them any more apart if I could... so far J/K :)
-A.

Whoa there sweetie. Let that wonderful little baby boy be the baby. If you have another little one this soon, I foresee one of two things happening from watching the unfortunate situation with some of myfriends and my step-children.

The first scenario is that your baby boy will have attention he still needs taken away a you have to care for the new baby. He may become violent and actually hurt the new one, or at a minimum it may adversely affect the bond that he has with his parents.

The second scenario is that the new baby may not receive the attention he or she needs because your baby boy is still requiring so much time and attention.

Personally, my advice is to wait until after your son turns a year to start trying. My children are two years and two weeks apart, and that was plenty close together. One was just getting out of diapers when I got the new one, had just given up the bottle and the crib, and it was a really good way to get my son to transition away from those things. I let him know that he was going to get a baby sister, and that she would need the crib, the bottles, the diaperbag and diapers; he moved immediately to his 'big boy bed', helped me fold all of the laundry getting ready for her arrival, set up everything for her in their room, and even threw his bottle right in the trash when his dad tried to give him one after he quit. His first complete sentence was, "Mommy, my baby is crying, she's stinky."

My boys are almost exactly 2 years apart and I wish I had waited another year. It would have been so much easier. The older one (at 2) still required a lot of help with everything. At 3 he would have been more independent. Good Luck.

This is such a personal decision--it totally has to be yours, and we can all weigh in with opinions, but you're one that has to live with the decision either way! My sister and I are 19 months apart, and we fought constantly growing up. We did not start getting a long until she got married at the age of 23. Until then it was a constant fight. In school, she was always "M.'s little sister" being one grade behind. I got straight A's, and was a good kid, and I think being constantly compared to me made her want to be different--so she rebelled a bit. We were on the same basketball team--but I was varsity and she was JV, in so many areas, we were compared and I feel like she lost out. So, that was tough about being so close together in age.

I watched one SIL have two 13 months apart, and she totally fell apart with that. My sister has 3--all 2 years apart, and it was hard but doable. My cousin has four--all four years apart and she loves how the older ones can be good helpers with the little ones. My other SIL has two 7 years apart--and that seems too far apart in my opinion. They hardly seem to have anything in common now at 10 and 3.

For myself, I did a lot of reading and research while pregnant with #1, and in all kinds of studies, the "experts" found that kids adjusted best to new siblings between the ages of 3 and 5. I think 6-8 years is too far apart, so we plan to aim for 3-4 years between kids. Our daughter is 26 months, so we are going to start trying soon for #2. Also, on a personal note, It took me until my daughter was 18 months to feel like I was mostly "back to normal." I have enjoyed that, and not wanted to change things by getting pregnant again, and having another newborn. (Although--I am still not totally back to normal--I am still nursing, and my dd is still not sleeping through the night--lol. I guess that is another reason I am not super excited about the thought of getting pregnant again!)

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Mine are 2 years apart, which I know isn't super close, but I have liked it a lot. I wouldn't have minded if they were closer together, actually. I know several people with kids 18 months or so apart, and though it seems like a pretty wild time at first, I think in the long run it is great for the siblings--they are great friends, and can enjoy many of the same activities because they are close in age.

Goodness, you are a brave woman. I had a daughter the same age as my husband's son when we got married, and now we have a baby together as well. The older two are 4 and the baby is 19 months. It is so hard. Its nice because they always have someone to play with that has their same interests, however, they also fight like cats and dogs. It was much better that the baby is 3 years younger than them, because they are a huge help with her. It is a joy to see them all play together, but it is SO much more work when they are that close together. If it is what you want to do, go for it, children are a blessing, and us moms are superheros for all we can do at one time!

I have 3 children, 2 are 18 months apart and 2 are 4 years apart. And like Jennifer said, you do what you need to do. Both sets when together, have their fair share of playing really well together and fighting like cats and dogs!! Parenting is hard at times - period. No matter what the age difference is, there are always challenges and joys!! The only major thing was that my oldest was an only for awhile, so I really got to watch and be a part of each milestone, but with the other two, especially the middle one (as I was pregnant and then had his baby sister), I didn't get to dwell on those milestones and truly enjoy them as much.

Mine are three years apart and I love it, one was out of diapers by the time her newborn brother came along and was past needing me so much, not to mention no jealousy as she had three years of all the glory. They are now at an age 4 and 7 they can play games together, enjoy pretend play together and love/hate each other!! :)
I have to say, if you had an easy time getting pregnant you never know, I went off the pill and got pregnant with both of mine within three months!!! If you think it will take a while then go for it!! Good luck.
I have friends that have kids close in age and though those first few years are rough it is a blessing too. I think it is how much of the baby time you want to enjoy with your first one too, it goes by fast!! If you get pregnant in a few months make sure you eat up all that baby stage stuff and early toddlerhood with him. It goes by so fast!! The firstborn I think has a harder time getting it or welcoming a new sibling when they still depend on you so much. With two young ones you need lot's of energy and lot's of diaper changing going on!!! :) When the first one is older it helps too that the younger one becomes more independent sooner too, my son did milestones way quicker trying to be like his big sis!!!! Just enjoy it as much as possible and be prepared to be really tired taking care of a baby while being pregnant again! :)

I am a SAHM of two, a 2 1/2 and a 13 month old and we have another due in January :o). Our kids will all be around 18 months apart (give or take a few days). It can be very challenging in the first months caring for two little ones, but I feel that in the long run it will be worth the effort required. I am the oldest of 4 (my mom has 2, besides me and my dad has 1) There is no less than 9 and up to 11 years between me and my siblings. I have always disliked that I am not close to them, that is why I decided to have my little ones close together. We are more or less letting the Lord decide on when we get pregnant and how many children we have. Other than watching my cycle we don't use birth control.

I am usually pregnant by the time the baby is 9 months old. The one thing you will need to prepare for is how you will do while you are pregnant. My first two pregnancies were really hard, and I wasn't able to care for my oldest very well in the first 1/2 of my pregnancy. That for me was harder than the new born/toddler phase. This go around the Lord has really blessed me with a very easy pregnancy.

Over all a am loving having them close in age and I am looking forward to adding #3 to the dynamic. Having them close in age during the terrible 2 phase can be a challenge but very doable and in the whole scheme of life it is a very short phase.

I found a really good quote on this site a few weeks ago: "2 children are about 10 times the work of 1. It doesn't make sense, but they are. The 3rd is easy, and after that you only notice at the grocery store and the airport." Author unknown I have had it confirmed by several of my friends with larger families :o).

Sorry it so long, hope the advice helps.

-M.

I just had a baby girl and have a little boy - the kids are 20 mths apart. We were shooting for more like 24 - 28...but you get what you get.

My 2 cents--

It's nice that the older child can walk by himself and follow basic directions
They're both in diapers - I wish the older was potty trained!

Good luck!

My kids are 23 months apart, not quite 16 months apart but I feel its close enough. Pro's my kids are the best friends right now, they play so well together. We do get the fighting but for the most part they do extremly well. Con's it made my first grow up a little faster than if he was the only child for longer because mommy had to tend to the other baby. Con you don't have the time to sit and cuddle the second as much as you did the first because you still have the second to deal with. Pro the second becomes a lot more independant because of this. Pro like others have said you are still in babymode the thought of leaving the house without a diaper bag isn't anywhere near the future. Pro you already have the equipment crib (your baby should be old enough to transition to a bed by the time baby gets here) excersaucer and stuff like that. Con having two sick babies (although doesnt happen too often) SUCKS! Pro and Con you go from being the primary playmate to a referee i dont know if that is good or bad, perhaps a little of both. I don't know if I would have had mine any closer than 2 years but I know several people who have and they did just fine. It is very hard but it just gets easier. oh last con... you will crave the 3rd as the two get older since they are both getting so big. I guess that is my personal con but a con none the less or a pro since my kids are adorable and great.

You have a lot of great responses & I think that most of the pros & cons have been covered very well. I will just add one other thought. I have 3 kids - first 2 are 27 mo. apart, second 2 are 19 mo. apart. Looking back, I am SOOO glad I had a few more months of spacing between the first two. When you only have two, the oldest still relies on you A LOT for entertainment, help etc. I was worried throughout my pregnancy until the last few months. The difference between an 18 month old & a 27 month old is HUGE. It was very manageable. That being said, I was scared TO DEATH of the 19 mo. spread (3rd pregnancy wasn't planned to be that close). But I found that it wasn't as big a deal as I thought it would be because I had my oldest to help entertain the 2nd. It took an enormous amount of pressure off of me & made life much more pleasant. Any way you slice it, having kids close is a lot of work, but I wouldn't let that scare you. There is a lot of up side. But like I said, I think that for the first two I would recommend just a little more space in between (maybe closer to 2 years) & after that, as close as your body & spirit can handle - it becomes less of a big deal with subsequent babies.

I have a four year old girl, twin two year old boys, and a one year old girl. My oldest and the twins are 2 years and 20 days apart, and the twins and the one year old are 13 1/2 months apart. They are all REALLY close together. I like it because they play together and can be interested in the same things at the same time. They get along pretty well and are friendly most of the time. It makes it tough to do things by myself with them sometimes, like going to the grocery store or park or other activities I bring them all to, but by now, I'm used to it and can just do it. The other thing I've noticed is that they are all growing up so fast! If we don't have anymore, they are all going to be grown and out of the house in practically no time! They will all be going through all the same stages very quickly, and it will be over before we know it. Also, when they all start having extra curricular activities, we'll be having to pay for four times as many things as a person who spaced their kids out farther than we did. Anyway... There are pros and cons to spacing them out, as well as close together. It all depends on what you want! I personally love having them all so close. It's tough sometimes, but will be a lot of fun in the long run I hope. Good luck!

My first two are 16 months apart and the middle and youngest are 23 months apart. Three babies in 4 years! I like it that way....like somebody else said, you are already in baby mode.

It makes running errands, trip the to the doctor or even a vacation a lot of work and you can't relax. I had two in diapers and two different times.

If you are the type of person that can handle that, I think it is fine. My SIL's kids....she has 4 and the closest gap is 4 years with the largest being 7. I think that is too far apart and how can the oldest that is already married have a close relationship with her sister that is only 3? But she wanted it that way and felt she couldn't handle having her kids closer. So for her, that worked.

Good Luck!

I agree with the other 2 responses. My kids are 2 yrs. apart. And although it was a lot of work for me, it's been great for them. They didn't always get along when they were little but now as teens they are so close. They really watch out for each other and take care of each other. And it's good to know that when the don't want to ask their parents for advice that they can go to each other.

I have two kids who are almost exactly 2 and a half years apart. I really liked this spacing. They are currently 46 monthes and 16 monthes. Your baby just started solid foods. Still a baby. I wouldn't approach this decision so rashly because you think baby is so easy. Wait 6 monthes and you will be grateful that you didn't decide to have another baby so soon. I personally liked having my kids a little spaced because my daughter was grown up enough that she understood what was going on. I could talk to her about her new brother and she was better able to understand that she was not being replaced. She could be more involved with the baby because she was old enough to play with the baby and get me diapers for him. I have sisters and friends who have kids who are 14 or 15 monthes apart and said that they wouldn't recommend it. Their oldest child didn't get the individual attention that they seem to need and yet weren't old enough to understand what was going on. They also got normal babies the second time around that cry and need lots of attention and realized that their first one was an angel baby who was very easy. Not your typical baby. You should enjoy and savor each child not try to have them as close together as you can. It's not fair to them or you. They don't get the love and attention they need and you don't feel like you can enjoy the ride. instead you feel overwhelmed by the whirlwind of having kids so close together.

My kids are 17 months apart. We didn't plan it that way, but I ended up loving it. It is of course hard at times, but I think as they get a little older it is great. My daughter (the older one) took really well to the baby, she didn't take too long to adjust because she was so young and it just became natural to her that there was a baby in the house. There were of course a few jealousy issues because she was still a baby herself, but it really wasn't too bad. Now that they are 16 months and almost 3, they play SO well together and love each other so much!

My biggest issues were getting my daughter in a bed young because we didn't want to have to buy a second crib, but it worked out okay. And now i'm trying desperately to potty train her because a year and a half of two kids in diapers is a LONG time!! I want another baby soon too, I would have like the next one close again, but my husband decided a bit more of a break this time would be better for my sanity, and maybe he was right, but close is good too! Good luck!

My oldest child is 6 years older than her closest sibling. It was a terrible transition for her - she would say things like, "I know you love the baby more than me." She wasn't whining, just sadly stating facts as she saw them. She had been an only child for so long and she was old enough to have higher functioning thought processes! It broke my heart.

My younger children are two years apart. My son handled his sister's birth wonderfully. They are now 5 & 3 and they are such good friends. They play and play together; although the fighting happens along with that! I think having kids close together is much better than spacing them out. I was 15 months older than my brother and we have been best friends our whole lives. I always wanted that for my kids. I say have another one soon but I warn you - we call them the destructive duo for a good reason!

Not so much worried about the spacing of your children as I am for your body. Most doctors recommend a "healing" period at least 9 months to a year before trying again. You body was depleted of so much while you are pregnant. The closer they are together the higher chance of a pre-mature baby. Listen to your body and see if you think that it is ready to go through it all all over again.
Best of luck in whatever you do.

Something else you may want to consider is your own temperment before you decide how soon is soon enough. For instance, if you have a hard time dealing with the ups and downs of hormone adjustments, you may want to wait a little longer. It seems from the responses that 12 to 18 months has been good, tapers off around the 24-36 month range then picks back up. I would guess that if you have your next baby around the same time your son turns two, it might be more difficult to deal with.

I just had my third child last month and she is almost exactly 2 years younger than her brother. Given the personality and energy level of him, I wish I had waited one more year (although I wouldn't trade her for anything). He's become difficult and since our schedule was turned upside down, I've been having a hard time getting organized again. I also don't deal well with stress when I'm running on no sleep either. The up side is that I also have a 13 year old daughter from my previous marriage and she is a tremendous help in distracting the toddler and I'm going to miss her once school starts on Monday!

Do make sure that you take extra good care of your body and have an okay from your doctor too. No matter what you do, you'll make it work. Good luck!

A.,
I'm just starting this adventure, my sons are 15 months apart and the youngest is 3 months old. Many people ask us if he was an "accident" asuming that it's a bad thing they are so close. We just decided to stay in baby mode a little while longer that's all!
It is hard to handle two little ones that are for the most part immobile on their own, but a schedule and routine really helps. Good luck!

My first two children are 18 months apart and I love it! They are generally playing together and get along fine. The thing that I loved about them being so close together is that my son(the oldest) didn't seem to have issues about seperation or needing individual time when I was holding the baby. My two youngest are 2 years apart and I had a horrible time with the older one when I would sit down to nurse the baby. She was so upset that I wasn't holding her and taking care of her. It was much harder! I wanted to have the next child around March but that wont happen now :(. I am looking at another 2 year gap and I don't like it.

<P>
I love that my kids are close in age too. My brother has three kids with 3 years between each one. I just couldn't do that! Too much gap between their ages it feels like starting over again.

A.,
I have 2 children 16 months apart and I am also a close sibling. My brother and I are 12 months and 20 days apart. Honestly the hardest part of having two little ones is that they will both want to be held or carried at the same time. Right now mine don't really fight alot they are very helpful for each other. The other thing is one is potty trained and the other is showing interest but really just wants to play in the toilet. So we have a fight to keep the bathroom closed and her out especially when he is trying to potty. I look forward to the great things like going to Disney, or Eliches and having them both be able to ride and participate.

Oh yeah one more tough area is airplanes. He has to sit in a seat and she gets to sit on my lap. That makes it really hard but usually once we are in the air all is well because of the portable DVD player.

Other wise I love it and honestly now that my youngest is 11/2 yo we won't have any more because they would be so far apart in age.

Good luck and enjoy.
N.

My oldest 2 are 11 months and 20 days apart, honestly, you do what you need to do, I was already in baby mode and getting no sleep, so I really knew no different, they potty trained at the same time, they stopped bottles at the same time, for me it was like having twins (my oldest is delayed), Irish Twins is what they are called. I have 2 more but not bio, so when our older 4 were 10-8, we decided we wanted more. It was a hard transition, I had been sleeping through the night, no more lugging stuff around etc,.. and since there was an age gap the littlest didn't really have anybody, not like the older 4, who had each other, so we went for one more and he was 3 when she was born, I liked that gap, he was less dependant on me and brought me water when my head was in the toilet, and then we had one more 2 years after that, still a nice gap. I like them close but further apart had some great advantages to.

It's interesting to read these responses....especially from those whose kids are spaced more than two years apart and think yours shouldn't be any closer! lol

I just had my 7th baby 4 weeks ago and my oldest is 9. My kids range from 16 months apart to almost 22 months apart. Yes, it can be chaotic, sure some days are hard, but it is wonderful! And even when we did brave the airport last year with 6 kids and me pregnant, it all worked out. ;) If you are healthy and your last pregnancy/delivery and your recovery have been good, then your body is fine to do it again now. I've had a ton of people bag on me about waiting longer in between "for your body's sake", ironically I was in the best shape I'd ever been in after my sixth baby, and am well enough now that a week ago I (slowly of course) started training for a triathlon. When you know that your body is or may be under more stress than average, you tend to go to more effort to make sure it is well taken care of! We plan to have at least one more baby, and are aiming for the roughly 18mo apart spacing again. We are of the mindset that someone else mentioned-you are already in baby mode, used to hauling all the gear and not sleeping all that well-we may as well get it all done! It does take effort to make sure that each child is getting all of what they need attention-wise, but that is a blessing in a lot of ways that this is more of a concern with kids close together; you make sure it gets done because it really is a priority!

GL with your decision-do what's right for you!

You have gotten alot of advice on having the kids close together and I agree with most of it. I too have children who are close and then some that are far. The closest that I have them is 14 months and the farthest is 6 yrs. I agree that having them close means a built in friend, but you also have to do a lot more time management things. You have to learn to juggle the needs of a toddler and a newborn. If you aren't a very patient person then I would rethink having them close as it can put some stress on even the most patient person. I know that my life saver was a gift of a double stroller after my DDs were born 14 months apart. It allowed me to get out of the house with the 4 kids and not have to depend on anyone else for help with the 2 youngest ones. After they get older is when the fun starts, because like another post said they are into all the same stuff and wear each other's clothes. But don't let my seemingly negative comments deter you from a very personal decision. Some would like to have made me think twice about my family's decision for 6 kids. This is something that you and your husband need to discuss and think about and then once you make that decision, not to let others sway you from it. Good luck.
J.

I have five children and they are all 18 months apart, except my second and third daughters. They are all great friends and love having sisters they can play with. They care for each other and make sure everyone is involved. You need to start early to kept them together, allow the older children to help with the younger ones so they feel important and love and everything will be great. As long as they know each of them are loved by you and they have each other they will get along. Good luck.

have have 5 daughters 9,8,4,2,1.5yers. I am a teacher and student.

My boys are 3 1/2, 2, and 4 months. There's 3 1/2 years between the three of them and although it IS difficult and exhausting at times, it's wonderful to see my older two becoming SUCH close friends and I know the baby won't be far behind. I recommend having them close together. Of course, it might help that they are all boys. I don't know what would happen if you threw a girl into the mix! I love having three "babies" all at the same time. They enjoy many of the same activities and sleeping schedules are similar.

One woman said that outings are more difficult with young ones all close together, which is true, but she also said you get used to it, which is true also. When we go to the grocery store, I get one of the carts that have a car for the older two to sit in and then I put the babies car seat ACROSS the basket part and I can still stick groceries underneath him, or I put him in a snuggly. And yes, it's tough on your body, but I had my first at 29 and my 3rd at 32 and I'm holding up better than I expected. You can go to my MySpace page and see my three!

http://www.myspace.com/mindykate75

Hi A.,

My kids are 18 months apart and I LOVE it! It was slightly challanging in the beginning but my older daughter was great so it was never too difficult. They are the best of friends now. They are 4 and 2 1/2. I wanted to have my third almost as close by my husband wasn't ready. I would recommend anyone to have their kids close. And even at 18 months my daughter was able to help out. She listened pretty well and she could get me diapers and stuff. Now, they of course fight like siblings do, but they can't live without each other now. I just see them growing up and being the best of friends too when they are my age. So that is my experience. Good luck!

Hi A.,

My two children are 18 months apart by one day.

Somethings are easier with them closer together. However be forewarned that life will take a twist you would never imagine with 2 'babies.'

For instance:
I could not bring my oldest to the park for months after my youngest started walking. Why you may ask? Because I had 2 children running opposite directions both of whom had little fear and still needed almost constant attention.

To walk down to the garage and get in the car (we lived in a townhome (the garage is on the bottom floor). I had to carry the infant and put the 1 1/2 year old in a child backpack with attached leash....Plus carry anything else I needed. yes it worked unless my 1 1/2 year old didn't want to walk a flight of stairs, or wanted to play outside, or.......

We had two highchairs and 2 playpens.

Oh did I mention what I needed to leave the house for a couple of hours (you don't want to know).

My husband and I were in bed by 8ish everynight for a very long time. I was exhausted. I couldn't do anything for longer than 10 minutes for over 2 years.

I essentially had a schedule for everything.

My son didn't get enough verbal interactions with me, due to me being overly-responsive. Being super responsive was very time efficient but didn't stimulate him to work on his speech development. Ex. for water he would point and I would just hand it to him, instead of saying "do you want your water?" "say water please"

Pros:

I did dual diaper changing, bathing, and diaper changing

I could give the constantly eating 18 month old snacks while sister nursed, while reading them both a book.

Both kids took naps.

I could put both down at 6:30/7 pm at night

They learn a lot from one another

Sharing is not much of an issue since they can't remember ever really having something of their own.

They go to the same preschool.

They have summer camp together

They are much closer than I ever was with my siblings.

If I did it again I would: Do yoga and core strengthening exercises everyday for a couple months before concieving the 2nd time.

I would have a sitter for 2 hours 2x a week and a maid once a week for the first 6 months.

Things that really helped my husband and I were:

We always had date night at least once a month (and now every 2 weeks minimum)

We have that hour or so after the kids went to bed just for us!

I had a gym/spa membership with fantastic child care!

My playgroup helped me watch the 2 kids once my youngest started walking otherwise I wouldn't have been able to go to park day.

It is tough on your relationship with your husband in that you are tired and need time to yourself just when he needs you.

Overall though I am very happy!

R.

When I grew up, my bother and I were only 18 months apart and were always so competitive with each other that MY husband and I decided to space ours out more. We decided when the older son was off exploring on his own (around age 3) we'd try for our next and they are practically 4 years apart and the best of friends. They didn't fight for lap time or attention as the baby attendion is diffeent from toddler attention and now it is elementary attention vs jr high school attention so you get a mixture of fun! The only drawback is now they are in 2 different schools with 2 different start times and we are out of bounds and need to drive...but we are carpooling so it helps! Good luck....

Mine are 16 months apart. When they were babies it was a bit hard at times, but I think in the long run it was easier since I just went from one baby to the next and they both kinda 'grew up' together, I didn't have to start all over again. Now as they are getting older I am loving it. It all depends on you as a person whether you can handle two close together or if you want to space them more. Hopefully this helps ;-) Good luck on your choice.

I have three under three and when the thrid one was born the first was only 26 months! The first two are 12 months and 14 days and the senond two are just over 14 months apart. I love it!!!! They are the best of friends! Make sure your body is okay with it(I have had a lot of problems) but I love it! Of course it has it's days but I wouldn't have it any other way. We are even talking about trying for another one soon. They weren't planed this way but I am so glad it happened the way it did! Good luck with your decision!

A.,

There are ups and downs to every spacing, but there are a couple things you might want to consider. First, six months post-partum, you body is likely not ready for another baby. Pregnancy and childbirth take quite a toll on your body; they require a lot of energy, and a lot of nutrients. My midwife's rule of thumb is 9 months up, 9 months down. In other words, it took your body nine months to get at it's current state at birth, it will take at least nine months for it to get back to normal. Second, if you are breastfeeding you might want to think hard about closely spaced children. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that baby's primary source for food be breastmilk for AT LEAST the first year. During pregnancy, many mothers find that they either lose their milk, or that nursing becomes too uncomfortable to bear. I weaned my daughter at 12 weeks of pregnancy, because I simply couldn't stand to nurse her. I got a horribly crawly feeling down my spine (like nails on a chalkboard) every time she nursed. Finally, you mentioned your son is an easy baby. There is no guarantee that your next child will be an easy baby. My first was terribly fussy, and I have to say that it would have been even harder caring for her when I had another baby in the house. On the other hand, you do what you need to to get through each day, and that doesn't change no matter how many kids you have!

One last thought - many moms have mentioned not getting cuddle time with their second baby. This is an issue no matter how old your oldest is (unless they're in junior high, I guess!) We have some nice slings, which were total life-savers. The baby lived her first five or six months in the sling. It gave us quality physical contact, with lots of spontaneous kisses and hugs as I glanced down at her. It made it super easy to nurse her, since I didn't always have to sit down to nurse. It also kept her off the floor from being run over by her sister. (My girls are 27 months apart, but that baby still gets knocked over now that her sister is almost 4.) Most helpfully, it let me get some things done because I had two hands free. I could help my toddler, fix lunch or just play with my older daughter.

In the end, you and your husband have to do what you feel is right. If you feel like this is the right thing to do, than go for it.

Best of luck,
S.

Hi A.. You have been inundated with advice and information....I thought I would add one more person who supports having them close together. My first was 18 months when my second was born and my second was 18 months old when I had twins. So, I had 4 kids under 3 years old. My oldest is now only 4 so I am still in the midst of it. I have loved it. I think it is a lot of work to be a Mom no matter what you have or when you have them so if you are ready and want #2 go for it. I will say that I strongly disagree with those who told you to "let your baby boy be a baby for a while". This suggests that you are somehow damaging him by giving him a sibling so close in age. They all adjust and will only know what they live....there is no damage to be done. Go for it if you are ready :-) Good luck.

T.

My children are 21-months apart. The hard part was taking care of an infant with a toddler who still wanted a lot of mom's attention and didn't understand why he all of the sudden had to wait for things. It was hard to all of the sudden having to split my time between two kids and make sure we spent time together as a family. Plus two in diapers was not fun or cheap.

What I love about it is you're still in "baby mode" so the whole baby stage is easier. Getting them both out of diapers within 9-months. Watching my toddler give his baby sister hugs and kisses and having him learn to be more self-sufficent and helpful to his family (getting diapers, entertaining the baby for a few minutes). Now that they are older, they play together all of the time. I mean ALL OF THE TIME! They have their own friends, too, but they get along fairly well on their own. They are interested in the same things, so that makes it easy to plan activites and purchase toys that are appropriate for both of them.

Looking back, it was hard, especially the first year, but now that they are older, I wouldn't have planned it any other way.

Hi A.,

I have 2 kids that are 16 months apart and it was planned that way. My daughter is 2 and my son will be one in September. It's been difficult this past year with 2 under 2 (Well, my daughter turned 2 at the end of April) but my husband and I knew that going in. We kept telling ourselves that the 1st year would be the hardest and we're almost through it. Not that I expect it to get any easier. Anyway, I'm happy with our spacing! It IS difficult with them so close in age and both in diapers but they love each other (although for the first 8 months of my son's life my daughter just sort of ignored him :) ) and I'm so looking forward to them having a close relationship as they get older! It's great to have a built in playmate. Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide!

my two older ones are 20 months apart. We didnt plan to have them that close together, but I am glad that they are close in age. My younger one learns so much from the older one and developmentally, I found that he seemed to do things earlier than most kids( walked at 10 months, potty trained at 2, etc) Now at 5 and 7 they do fight a lot but as they get older I think that they are going to be great friends. Their baby brother is 8 months old and I think he is going to have a hard time when he is older because of the age gap- he is going to want to do things with them, and either wont be old enough or they wont want him tagging along- I think closer is better- good luck!

I had a really hard time that first year with my two kids (22m apart). But as my baby grew older and could play with her brother it's been great. They are a "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em" kind of couple. But it was hard for the first two years or so. I have loved the space between my two youngest (3 years) because it gave me time to enjoy her stages of life instead of waiting for the oldest to get older and missing the younger child's benchmarks and stages because I was too busy. Bottom line: there are ups and downs for both, just be prepared, when your baby starts moving and going, parenting is a whole different story.
Good luck,
N.

My children are spaced 2-3 years apart (except for the twins that a 1 min. apart). It is fun to have them be friends and like to play with the same toys. My life is very busy, but fun. I guess it would be nice to have a little more one on one with them, which I might get if they weren't so close together.

My older 2 are 19 months apart and then there is a 4 year gap before my third. While the 1st year of having such little ones is a huge blur, it has been fabulous since! They are so close even being boy/girl. We breezed through babyhood with our 3rd, but now experience some frustrations over the age gap as our youngest often feels left out. She is also not as close to her siblings. I wish I had had her sooner in some ways (except it wouldn't be 'HER'!) No matter what you do, there will be pluses and minuses. Just do what you feel is best for your family!

Our girls are 17 months apart and I love it now, they are 9 1/2 and 11. It was very hard though for the first two years, especially if you are nursing the baby. You have to be in mom alert gear 24/7 for the first couple of years - just because neither of them are old enough to have any common sense. Also, my oldest didn't potty train until she was 3 1/2 so we had double diapers. The great things- my girls are absolutley the best of friends now (of course they fight here and there). Since they are so close in age we have been able to enjoy amusement parks and different activities that might be difficult with wide age gaps. Clothes pass down quickly rather than having to store them - actually now they both wear the same size so they borrow each others stuff. My youngest potty trained just a few months after the oldest since she was a bit late doing that and then NO MORE DIAPERS! Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I am sure there are several moms out there that loved having their children further apart, benefits and drawbacks to everything.
If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask.
tam

My first two kids are 21 months apart and the second and third children are 23 months apart. I absulutely love having them close. They play together and will grow up together. They will always have each other and not feel like they grew up alone. I would have had them closer but I couldn't get pregnant while nursing and I wanted to do that until they were each 12 months old. Then I had a 15 pound cyst removed when my son(second child) was 10 months old so I had to wait a while for my stomach to heal to start trying for another baby. It makes me sad that baby #4 isn't coming as quick as the rest of them so if I do have another one it won't be as close as the other ones are. It is not as bad as some people say. You have two arms that you can control them with and once the third one comes you have your legs to hold them down with, it all works out good! :) My kids will all be 2 years apart in school, which is great so you don't feel like you are starting all over with the spread out children. Double diaper duty isn't all that great but I usually try to have one potty trained pretty close after baby comes. All of them have been potty trained at there two year birthday mark. Being close teaches them to share, play along with eachother and get along with others, always having a friend to play with, etc. The sad thing is when they start going to school the other ones at home have lost a home buddy they have always been used to, hard for them great for mom, but they get used to it real quick, but glad to see them when they get home. All around I totally reccommend it. Both my husband and I have a youngest sibling that came straggling along years after the rest and they HATE growing up alone. They are stuck alone with old parents. It wasn't by choice they came late, it just happened. Good luck and I hope I this helps!