Going Back to Work After Having First child...Need Advice

Honestly G., if you can afford to be a STAH most do it, I was/am and it's the most rewarding Job i ever had, I am a Home day care provider, babies/children bond the most with the one they spend the most time with, and that's not going to be you. J.

I am just writing to give you a hug. What a tough decision to be making. I am so glad your Mom can help!!!

Have you thought about working from home?
I am a stay at home mom of a 2 year old little boy and a 3 month old baby girl! Not too long ago, I searched for what seemed like forever to find the perfect way to be home with my kids, without sacrificing my income! I finally found an amazing company that has been such a blessing! If you want to work at home and be with your kids like I am at the same time, request more info. at www.mommyworkingathome.net I want to help other moms raise their own kids and keep them happier & healthier!!!

Hi G.:
Your baby is still so young.I would imagine it tough for you,to go back to work,after months of loving and bonding with your darlin girl. You are fortunate to have A mother who would so graciously offer to take care of her.It's so scarey,now adays simply relying on screening and first impressions.It makes all the difference in the world,when you can go to work feeling confident that the person caring for your baby,can be trusted to provide them with loving care.If your able to alter your hours,while she is so young,I think that would be to your liking,as well as your daughters. You don't want to miss out on alot of her (Firsts)and even if its only three days a week,she will still miss being in her mommy's arms.You can always change your hours latter on.I wish you and your sweet girl the very best.J.

Congratulations on your first baby G.! It sounds like you already have your answer from your question. That is, the 8 hour days would allow you some feeding and quality time with your daughter everyday. As you remember, 12 hour shifts are grueling, and a steady daily routine tends to be better for babies and their mamas. God bless you in your decision-making process!

I would personally prefer the three days to five days- you would still see your child (while she is sleeping- not the same, I know), but you would get a lot more time with her per week. And do you have to work three days in a row? I babysit for a mom who's a nurse and works a similar schedule, and she seldom even works two days in a row, let alone three- she tries to do Monday Wednesday Saturday (her husband doesn't work weekends, so her MIL watches the little girl two days during the week and dad gets time with her on Sat). This doesn't always work out perfectly, but that's why they have me:) If you only work three days, though, that gives you four whole days with your child, as opposed to only two (and if you add those few hours you would get with her each evening on a 5 day a week job they wouldn't make up the difference, not to mention, who actually gets home from work on time on a regular basis?). However, you can still look for other jobs- depending on your position and your needs you may be able to find something more flexible or otherwise more desireable- one of my friends who is a nurse found a job for First Five San Bernardino that allowed her to work three days a week AND bring her baby to work with her- since he's bigger now she has someone watch him, but when he was tiny it worked out well for both of them.

It seems as though the three days a week would still give you the evenings with your daughter and 4 full days with her. I think the three days a week will actually give you more time with your daughter if you change her bedtime. I think 7:30 is a little early, maybe 8 or 8:30? (my own daughter goes to sleep at 9pm and wakes up at 7:30am)
My mom was an RN, graduated nursing school while she was still pregnant with me. My father was a stay at home dad. As a child growing up with her workload, I can tell you that even though she worked a lot of 8 hour shifts, I didn't really feel like I got a lot of quality time with her on the days she worked. I remember her days off more where I could spend all day with her the most. So from my perspective as well, I think that having 4 full days with her would have been wonderful. On the other hand, my dad and I were extremely close until he passed...After he was gone, and my mom was a single parent, I actually spent a lot of time with her at work too but I was older by then.

Hi G.,

This is a tough decision you are facing - I'm sure one that feels like there is no good answer to. I work full time as well, but I was able to "rethink" my career and reinvent it into a job I could do at home with my kids - let's think outside the box here for a minute and see if we can come up with some ideas for how you can use your education, keep a career you enjoy, contribute financially to your family, and be with your baby more. For example - have you researched if there are different ways to use your nursing education, like say in some sort of a consulting role, where you wouldn't actually need to be in the hospital/doctor's office to use your expertise? There may be companies out there that could uses your perspective as a nurse in product development, etc. Or, if something like this isn't possible, could you do part-time for a bit, or job-share?

I know these may not feel like viable options right now, but sometimes if you allow youself to think about what would be the perfect job for your situation, instead of simply the career path you are currently on, new doors and windows open.

Nursing is an ideal career - you are in high-demand - so if you were to take a risk and try something different for a bit, I bet you could land another nursing job in a heartbeat.

I hope this helps, hang in there and just know that I completely understand what you are going through, and it will be OK, whatever you decide to do. Your baby will be in good hands, and you will give her everything she needs.

Hi G..

My sympathies regarding your situation...

I just recently returned to work myself. After many sleepless nights (and not just because of a wakeful baby), I decided to take a paycut and take a job that met the needs of my child.

I am sure that it would be an adjustment for you, and hopefull there are nurse positions that are during the day (maybe in a medical office?) that may work better for you.

You are right that your Mom babysitting is lucky. I also have the luxury of my Mom and Sister babysitting for me one day a week, and my sweetheart babysitting the other two days a week that I work. Although my son is somewhat shuffled between people, at least they are family! :)

Best of luck in making a difficult decision and congratulations on your new baby!

Do you get a lunch break? If so, could your mom bring the baby to you so you could see her for a little bit at lunch time? I worked for a short time when my oldest was a baby, Daddy stayed home with him. I only saw him for about 1/2 hour to an hour a day, 5 days a week. When I found another job closer to home, I got an extra 1/2 hour with him, plus I was able to see him at lunch time, and that was wonderful. I would think it would be better to stick to working 3 days a week, that way you have 2 extra entire days to be with her. But you have do decide which you prefer and that's what will be best for both of you.

Hi G.! I'm an RN who works 12 hour shifts too, when I went back to work I changed to PT so I only work 2 days a week which seemed to work out better for me, and I felt less "guilt" about leaving my baby for such a long stretch of time. I know it sounds horrible, but my baby would literally not lay eyes on me for those 2 days, and the next day after I work, he would be so clingy. But believe me, it gets better over time and your baby, and you, will accept it as a regular part of life. I know moms whose babies acted totally normal the next day like usual, so it's probably the baby's temprament. My reason for staying with the 12 hr shift vs 8 hr was because I felt I had more quality time with my baby, I had the whole day to be with him vs an hr in the am before work and a couple hrs in the evening after work. My preference was to split my work days but I know other nurses who feel combining the days gives them more family time. If you can afford to do it, you can consider working PD until you feel more comfortable leaving your baby and then change back to FT, if you want. Another option I've heard other nurses do is to work night shift, that way you'll see your baby in the morning after you come home and see her again in the evening. And your mom can watch her while you sleep during the day. I hope some of this helped and good luck!