Giving up on Potty Training

Potty training is TWO SEPERATE things. They have to learn to go in the potty-- that's EASY-- it's new, it's exciting and it makes everyone HAPPY! Then they have to learn NOT to go in their pants, that's HARD, it's what they've been doing their WHOLE life, and to NOT do it, even if they understand, they have t o either be coordinated enough to get the pants off, or communicate well enough to get you to do it, not to mention holding it until the get to the bathroom....

Personally, my son is "housebroken" he's got the first part down, and when we're at home he runs around half naked, and we bring the potty to whatever room we're in, and he never has an accident (unless you count sitting on it sideways, or trying to take it to the bathroom himself to dump in the big toilet) and on the theory that pee is pee I keep some pet stain remover to deal with those little problems. It just depends on what bothers you more-- a naked booty (and if they're naked they WILL play with Mr Winky) or changing diapers..... We won't even TRY the second part until he's talking more and has better dressing/undressing skills, but I buy about HALF the diapers I used to, since we only use them when sleeping, when leaving the house or when its COLD!

It sounds like he's not ready. Try again in 4-6 months, but remember that many boys aren't ready until they are well past three years old.

I had two kids in cloth diapers for a long time. It's kind of a hassle but less frustrating than what you are experiencing. You can't force potty training if he's not ready.

Our daughter wasn't fully trained till she was almost 3.

I've tried a few times with our son (he's 2 1/2.) But he just doesn't get it yet. He can go and does sometimes. But he is extremely uncomfortable in underwear and constantly thinks he has to go. He cries for his diaper after about 30 minutes of this. So, I gave up for now. We'll try again in a few months.

I wouldn't worry about it for now. You'll know when he's ready.

It sounds like it is way too early for your son. Most boys (even the cloth diapered ones) don't potty train til they are at least 3 and many are much closer to 4. For a variety of reasons, boys tend to potty train or potty learn much later than girls. My advice would be to just forget for the time being and move on to other things. He will let you know when he is ready. Just because he knows when he is wet or dirty does not mean he is ready to put it all together. That will come in time.

You might try some super absorbent cloth training pants if he no longer likes the feel of diapers. That could be a good first start. Happy Heinys makes some.

Don't feel like a failure in potty training. I assume you are already trained so this is all about your son and not you. He isn't a failure, either. He is just not ready. You can push him all you want but until he is ready, you won't get anywhere. Trust me, he will not go to kindergarten not knowing how to use the bathroom.

Good luck

my son didn't learn to go on the potty til he was almost 3. and a friend of mine has a little boy that turned 3 in november and shows no sign of potty training yet. that 3 year old knows when he is wet and when he poops. but will not do anything on the big potty or his potty chair. so dont' feel bad....every child trains different!!!

you can do many different things, and i havent read your responses, but im sure everyone will have info for you.

most importantly though, he will NOT be potty trained until he chooses to be. thats the problem with potty training; we think they are ready, we want them to be ready, but until he chooses to stop what hes doing to go to the potty, he wont be. and the more of a power struggle you make it, the harder its going to be on both of you.

so, what i would suggest is to just go back to the diapers (at least they are cloth!) and just let him see. you can try underwear, but dont punish if he messes up. thats another big mistake; we do not punish for potty mistakes. you dont know if he even is able to feel the urge to go before he goes yet. so its not always true that hes doing it on purpose or anything. you just dont know. you cant make him be aware of it, he has to choose to be aware of it.

so, i have heard people who do it by taking their kid potty every 20 minutes and its worked. i have heard some people train their kid by having them train a doll. i have heard some people train their kids by just letting them go naked (my favorite; though i couldnt quite do it, it was too cold this summer for that! but he was certainly more aware of it when he was naked. if he wore a diaper, forget it whether it was cloth or disposable)

so, its your choice. if diapers dont bother YOU, then use them. it sounds like you are more aggrivated about him not becoming trained right away or at all interested or whatever, so if its causing either of you frustration, stop, back up and wait. he will be trained eventually. my son is 3 and he hardly cared until he was about 34 months old, so dont push it. when hes ready, you wont regret waiting it will seem that easy! :) trust me. just go with the flow. take the time. back off if you have to. it will eventually happen.

H.,

My second son turned 3 in the beginning of Dec. He started pooping on the potty before bed when he was 18 months (unless he had pooped in his diaper that day). He would poop and pee in his diaper most of the time, but he would pee on the potty before bed, bath, or when changing his diaper from that age until really recently (like last week) when we finally moved on to underwear most of the time. I figured, any practice at age 2 is progress (his brother was almost 3 before we started potty training).

Right now my recently turned 3 year old wears a pullup in public, underwear at home, and has about 1 accident a day. BUT - he had 3 accidents on Monday.

He is just starting to tell me if he has to go, I am still usually reminding him that he needs to try. He is also just starting to notice or care if he is wet. Before this week, I'd find him wet and he was totally oblivious to the fact. Silly boy :)

SO, I think you are doing just fine to practice at age 2. Keep it up, but don't expect him to be trained, and maybe he will surprise you.

Something that works for my 3 year old is to tell him I DON'T want him to go potty. :) He likes that game. "Oh no Joey, don't go in and go potty" and he laughs hysterically and runs to the bathroom.

Good luck!
Jessica

PS - Our son is not in cloth diapers - so I'm not sure about how that factors in.

Relax. Age 2 is pretty young. Give yourself and him a break. If he doesn't like the diapers any more, that will be the motivation. Sounds like too much tension for all involved. Good Luck!

I know you probably are tired of having two boys in cloth diapers but if he's not ready, he's not ready. We also have two boys in cloth diapers, one 2 years and one 6 months. I've been trying to potty train our son too (but probably not as actively as you) but he seems to not mind being poopy...I said to him one day, "don't you hate being poopy and wearing gross diapers, it feels yucky, right?" and he said, "warm." Argh. Anyways, some of the signs of readiness are that they can take their pants off themselves, show an interest in using the potty, dislike being poopy or wet and ask to be changed, and recognize the urge to go before it actually happens....among others probably. If he isn't showing most of those signs of readiness then trying to force the issue could have a negative affect possibly. However, one of the best things I did and suggest to get him aware of it is to have them go around without a diaper or pants (maybe leg warmers and socks if needed) and anytime they start to go, rush them to the potty seat and tell them "pee pee (or poo poo) goes in the potty..." It seems like that helped him... Potty training is different for every kid and so don't think you're a failure just because your second isnt getting it as easy as your first. He'll get it in his own time. In the meantime, keep doin loads of diapers and looking for the right timing...

I do not have a son just one daughter and she is a little over 3 years and is still not fully potty trained, we can go all morning using the potty but soon after lunch (even after her sitting on the potty for 10 mins) she will have an accident. Frustrating, but something is not clicking in her mind maybe because she is getting tired. So for now we do underware in the morning and pull-ups in the afternoon, it is what works for us and my fingures are crossed that one of the weeks we try underwear all the time it will just click.

As the other mom's have stated ever child is different, not super helpful but keep trying different tatics or take a break.

In General boys take a little longer than girls. Your son probably knows you are feeling frustrated as well. That being said I have been in your shoes. My son would always tell me after the fact that he needed to go potty. I said my son was going to go to kindergarten in diapers. What finally worked with my son is he wanted to go spend the night at his godmothers house. I told him she doesn't change diapers so he couldn't go until he wore big boy underware. Sure Enough within a week he had trained himself and got to spend the night He was then 35 months I think it came down to a power struggle and he wanted to do it all in his own time. Don't get frustrated. He will learn and it will take time just like everything else. Good luck

I didn't start potty training until my son was 3 and then it wasn't until he was 3 1/2 was he ready to go on his own. you also have to limit his liquid intake to help out with this process. It just takes time. he is now 4 and we are finally out of pull-up even at night time. they just have to do it when they are ready. But when he goes make a BIG deal about it call dad at work call grandma. Then he will understand that he did a good thing. Just let it roll of your back this is the small stuff.

My daughter wasn't trained until a little after her 3rd birthday. Our pediatrician said the average age for boys is around 3 1/2 and that he's never seen a child go to kindergarten in diapers.

Kids need to have both the desire and the physical maturity (be able to "hold it" and stay dry for at least a couple of hours) to be ready to successfully train.

It goes so much more smoothly and quickly when the child is ready and willing.

Honey, number one - HE IS A BOY! number two - each child is different and he certainly won't train like his big sister! Boys tend to train later. Your son is only two. If he is out of diapers before 3 - BRAVO! I have had the priviledge of "training" four sons - and not one experience was like the other. Don't force the issue. WATCH him and let him take the lead. If not, it is only a power stuggle - and you want HIM trained, not the other way 'round.

I agree with many of the other comments. Give it time. Don't rush it. 2-1/2 is early for most kids. My daughter is 2-1/2 and is slowly progessing but in small improvements. We're ok with that. We definately don't push it too fast. It may take longer but once she get's the hang of it she probably won't have the regression many other parents deal with. If they aren't ready than they just aren't ready. It requires physical ability and mental understanding. My mother told me recently that parents need to quit thinking that a 2 yr who's not potty trained is NOT "behind" the other kids. She told me to not worry unless she's not potty trained at her senior prom. :) My parents say they took their time with my two sisters and I. None of us were trained before 3 yrs old but once we were ready we were trained over night and never had regression. My pediatrician told me that an accident in underwear at 2-3 yrs is a sign that they are physically not ready. It's not a sign that they are being naughty. My daughter is also a HUGE copy cat. Make sure your son is in the restroom with you or your husband or even your daughter every time you go. If he's a copy cat like my daughter (most 2 yr olds are, it's how they learn), he'll want to do it like everyone else. Since your son apparently doesn't go to a daycare, he probably doesn't see a lot of other kids his age using the restroom. My daughter had NO interest in potty training until she saw other kids her age getting stickers for going potty at school. Now she can't wait to show us her earned stickers after school. She's so proud and is pleased that she's like the "big kids". Good luck!

H.-
I started training my 5yo when he was 18 mos. He got the potty thing right away. But he was not poopy trained until just after he turned four years old. It was so frustrating because he would be fine for me at home but at his daycare he would poop his pants everyday. They even had to start having him wear diapers again and he definitely did not like that when his friends were wearing big boy underwear! You are definitely not a failure! I think some kids just take a little more time to warm up to the idea. You could keep working on it or you could wait a few months and talk it over with him and see if he wants to try again. He might just not quite be ready. Hope this helps-
J.

My main advice is don't let it get to you -- you're not a failure! You can't make them do something they're not ready to do. I too tried to start training my son around the age of 2 because he seemed to understand everything and would tell me when he had wet or dirty diapers. I laid off for a while when it became obvious that it wasn't going well and we tried again right around his 3rd birthday with much greater success. But, I wouldn't say he was fully trained until about 6 months after that, which apparently is the average age for boys to be trained. 2 is a lot younger than 3.5, so don't beat yourself up about it, keep talking to him about it, giving him options, but don't push it and then try again in a few months. I wish there were better cloth training pant options, but they all just make a huge mess. I found that frustrating too and ended up going with disposables while we trained. 7th generation and maybe a couple others make some that are supposed to be more environmentally friendly. Good luck!

It's not you. It's your boy. He's just too young. Don't worry though, once it happens, it will fall into place. There just seems to be a huge difference in motivation levels between girls and boys (based upon my experience). My boy just didn't care. It finally all fell into place when he was 2 months shy of his 4 yr old birthday. That's when he stopped having accidents and wanted to really be without diapers/pull ups/etc. Once it happens, and a few months have passed, the frustration and agony of the whole experience does fade so that you just have this memory of it and realize that in the whole scheme of things, it really was just such a short amount of time in their lives. It's rather like when you first bring them home and you are feeding and changing them round the clock, then by the time they are 2, it's just a memory.

how old is your son?

we asked our pediatrician at our son's 3rd birthday well-baby visit about potty training because he had NO interest. The advice of the pediatrician (who has 3 sons 4 and younger) was that boys tend not to have the physical sensitivity of needing to go to the bathroom that girls do at the same time. So, girls tend to potty train much earlier.

His advice to us was to watch for signs (such as being interested and going extended hours without wetting his diaper) and then working on it.

The normal "rewards" (stickers, candy) didn't work for our son. We had to buy Cars cars and set milestones for which he could receive them. It took about 3 weeks (increasing milestones every few days like going potty 3 times/day and then moving it to 5 times/day), but he got it and has only occasional accidents.